Zion
The doctor looked at me with pity that night. As I had been visiting my Dad more often than usual. Spending crazy numbers of hours with him as if I was about to lose him. It must have been odd seeing a guy my age, who could be doing anything on a Friday evening reading poems to my dad.
Yet he'd never understand. Why? Oh simply because he had friends. He had family and he had people in his corner to love and lift him up. I on the other hand had no one. I was alone in this season of my life.
I had pushed the only girl who ever cared to listen and see beyond my flaws away.
Ashlin hadn't texted me back since Saturday. She had clearly gotten tired of my bullshit and one word responses. My distance had shut her out.
It wasn't that I wanted to keep her at bay. Truly if I was honest with myself I wanted her closer to me than ever. I wanted to grab her face and stare into her soul for an eternity. I had clearly fallen for her mind, body and soul.
Which was the reason I had to keep my distance. As much as I wanted her, I was a danger to her and myself. I needed help and I was grateful for her help but it wasn't enough.
It was enough to find something in her to live for but now I needed to get professional help. I needed to properly heal from my past and my trauma. It was the only way I could possibly pursue something more with her.
Until then, I had to be fair with her. I didn't want to hurt her in the future because of any unresolved past issues. It would be unfair to bleed on her when she didn't cut me.
So for now I preferred staying by my father's side. As I couldn't hurt him anymore than I already did. Being with him made me realize that I should do it more often. As it could somehow help him to pull through and get better.
Yet the doctor's stares and whispers everytime they saw me made me feel terrible.
"Mr Atkins, we love that you're interacting with your Dad but please go home. Take a bath and get some rest." The man advised to my embarrassment.
How bad did I smell?
I had only missed 2 days of showering. Which wasn't that terrible to me. However based on the way the doctor spoke, it made me feel as if I reeked. So I gave him a nod of agreement and got ready to leave.
Kissing my old man on his forehead, I left the room with my head down. I was really falling into a depressed state. I needed to get back up and reclaim my life.
If not for myself, at least for my friends. For the two people that would blame themselves if I went under. I had to do it for Ashlin and Taylor. Especially Ashlin who had crossed the country just to save me.
After leaving the hospital, I drove to the grocery store to pick up some food. My fridge was empty and so I had resorted to pizza and take out for the past few days. I felt it was time I got my act together. Plus finals were starting soon.
If I was going to work on healing and getting better. I could start by doing my best in the exams. Then I'd search for a great therapist and begin therapy sessions. Which would help me in my journey to heal.
I could also visit the Church my aunt went to again. As it had been good for me before she had passed. It was really time I let her go in peace and got my self back.
For the longest while I had no idea who I was or should be.
Now I was going to be the best version of myself. Then when it was all good, I could be around Ashlin again.
I soon pulled up to the supermarket and got out of my car. After locking the doors I briskly walked to the entrance of the building. I just needed to grab the things I need then leave. I was praying no one I knew was around as I wasn't really in the mood to interact.
Especially after a doctor insinuated I smelt horrible. I wouldn't want anyone to put that in an article. That would be the embarrassment of the century. Which I'm sure Gabe and Holden would find joy in.
As soon as I entered the supermarket, I got a shopping cart. Then I made my way to the frozen produce section. As I wanted some chicken and beef. After finding the right sizes and weights I desired, I placed them in the small area of the cart. Then I made my way to the fruits and vegetables section where I got myself some tomatoes, carrots, peppers, lettuce etc. As well as some apples, lemons and mangoes.
The last section I visited was the snack aisle. Where I got Doritos, Cheetos and Ritz crackers. I could taste the Cheetos already by just looking at the huge bag I got.
After checking out the items, I had 3 bags to carry to the car. Which wasn't a lot but it was enough to last me for a week at least. So I was content with that, as I just wanted to get home and shower. Then watch some YouTube videos while I ate Cheetos.
I wanted a simple night.
Lately that felt like too much to ask but I was going to get it tonight. I was going to get a peaceful night. I was going to shut all the bad thoughts out.
When I arrived at my house, I took minute to just breathe. I sat in the parked car with the engine off and just took a deep breath. Then I continued to inhale and exhale, slowly. It felt so therapeutic.
It was in that moment, I had a vision. An epiphany that I could not ignore. I realized that if I wanted to get help and do things the right way, I'd have to start now. I needed to have a serious conversation with the only person that would travel across the country to help me.
I had to let her in again and get her to understand what I planned on doing. As the time was winding down and we wouldn't be able to see each other again for a long long time. She was the reason I still had hope, she was an angel without knowing. She was my angel from God himself and she deserved a proper goodbye.
So once again, I started up my engine and backed out of the driveway. I didn't care that I hadn't showered in a while. If I didn't do it now I would easily back out. It would take longer to get to St Valdire by driving my van. Yet I didn't want to be huddled up with people on a train.
It took hours up on hours to get to my desired destination. At one point I had to stop for gas and munch on some of my Cheetos. Then it was back to driving with only one aim and one person in mind.
So when I finally pulled into the upscale neighborhood, a sigh of victory left me. The huge houses and clean lawns greeted my eyes as if it was the first I was here. Yet it wasn't, that was just the thing with beautiful communities. They never failed to make you feel like you were visiting for the first, even when it was the 3rd in my case.
I didn't know which house exactly I was heading towards. Yet I remembered Ashlin mentioning something about her neighbors. Who I was pretty sure, threw the huge party or barbeque.
Soon enough I found the house I had gone to for the barbeque. So I figured her house would be the one facing it. So I looked to my right and was greeted by the sight of a mansion. It was modern and beautiful.
My house would look like a garage next to it. Which made me feel a bit intimidated. I'd always heard Rich parents aren't too kind to their children mixing with the middle class. I hoped the rumors were just that and nothing more. Plus I'd already met her mother. I never got to meet her father.
Deciding overthinking would get me nowhere, I unbuckled my seatbelt and exited the vehicle. I walked around the front briskly, then I headed up the driveway. As I drew closer and closer to the front door, I realized I didn't even figure out what to say.
Yet it didn't matter because I was here and the words would surely flow out.
When I got to the front door, I knocked twice then pressed the button. So if no one heard the knocking, they'd surely hear the bell. At first it seemed no one would answer the door but I waited. Soon enough a guy opened it with a look of annoyance on his face.
Then when our eyes met, he did a double take. As if something unreal had happened. I guess no one would expect to see me in this area considering how far away I lived. However this was important so here I was at the King's house, well more like mansion.
"I'm guessing you're here for Ashlin" the guy spoke as he observed me keenly.
It was a bit nerve-wracking to be under his scrutinizing gaze. Yet I stood straight and faced him. Observing him as well.
He was definitely the brother Ashlin had mentioned. They looked so much alike, yet still different. Which was pretty cool. Genetics was intriguing.
"Yes, I'd like to speak with Ashlin" I spoke up and the guy gestured me into the house at that.
As I entered the massive house, I found myself in the living room. Which was a big space with modern white couches, glass tables and abstract paintings. A huge flat screen tv was on the wall facing the couches and there was even a chandelier hanging from the ceiling.
"Make yourself at home, I'll go call her" the guy informed me and I thanked him and took a seat in one of the couches.
The living room was super clean, except for the lone Pringles tin on the table. It was open and a few of the crumbs sat on the table next to the container. Which I figured was the guy's doing as he seemed to have been watching the tv before I came.
In observing the place, I didn't realize Ashlin had entered. Not until I turned around to find her standing awkwardly near the doorway. Silently watching my every move.
"Ashlin" I voiced, standing to face her.
She seemed a bit taken aback, as I had barely call her by her name since we met.
"What happened to Lin?" She joked, trying to alleviate the stiff atmosphere.
I smiled at her words, at least she wasn't mad at me.
"Maybe this is so serious, I have to put away nicknames" I replied, looking her dead in the eyes.
"Ok, In that case... let's talk out back" she suggested and I agreed.
Then she went off in the direction of the backyard and I followed her strides.
When we made it out back she gestured me to sit in a chair under some trees. After I sat down, she sat in the one next to me. Then she swung one leg over the other and faced me expectantly.
She was ready to listen.
Yet I wasn't ready to talk.
I knew I had to though, so I began as best as I could.
"Lin I'm sorry, I'm sorry I pushed you away when all you ever did was help."
She seemed surprised by my apology, as if she had expected me to show up with terrible news.
"You're forgiven" she voiced, a small smile now on her face.
Which was my cue to continue.
"There's something else, I know I just apologized but things can't go back to how they were" I blurted and I saw the confusion clear in her face.
"Ashlin, I'm not saying I'm going to be distant again. What I'm saying is I'm going to seek help. I'm going to try therapy." I explained and her eyes widened.
Next thing I knew she was hugging me tightly over the arm of the chairs.
"Zion, this is great news! I'm so happy for you" she spoke, genuinely happy for my decision.
However things were about to get sour.
As I slowly drew myself from her embrace. I sighed heavily, to prepare myself for her hatred. For her lecture after what I would reveal.
"Ashlin, I've decided to do this right. I'm going to be moving far away for university and I'll be getting help wherever I go. However, I will not contact or communicate with you until I'm done. Not until I'm able to control my reaction to things. Not until I'm the best I can be." I spoke up, trying to get her to understand.
"What do you mean by you won't contact me?" She asked, her voice cracking.
"I'm going to let you move on to Harvard happily. You don't need distractions Ash. I promise that when I get the help I need... I'll contact you and we can go forward from there. " I told her, even though it pained me to say it.
Yet the truth was that I needed to do this on my own. I had to be independent and do what was necessary. So when we see each other again, I'll be a Zion without baggage. The truth was I was bleeding and Ashlin hadn't cut me. So it was unfair to her for me to bleed on her.
"You can't do this to me, Zion how am I to sleep at night not knowing if you're ok? " She asked, a lone tear sliding down her right cheek.
"You'll be fine. Just go get Harvard by a storm. Don't let me hold you back from new experiences, new people and new opportunities. I'm going to better myself, I won't disappear forever." I encouraged her, placing my palm atop her hand.
"Why are you doing this?" She asked, her voice groggy, as she tried to hold in her tears.
"I have something to live for Ashlin, I have someone who makes me want to stay alive." I began, looking into her glossy dark eyes.
Her hair was in a curly high puff and her skin glowed. Her lips were quivering and her nose had a little sweat on it. She was beautiful, so beautiful in her natural, healthy form.
It was no doubt I was in love.
God had sent me an angel to love. If I was going to love her... the way she deserved. I'd have to first learn to love myself.
"I'm doing it for you Lin, For you I will do anything" I ended and she burst into tears.
I immediately hugged her, slowly drawing her from her chair to mine.
As her face hit my chest softly, I played with the curls from the puff while assuring her it would be ok.
"I love you Lin"
I couldn't hold it in, like word vomit... It just fell out.
At first she went stiff and quiet, then she lifted her head to look up on me.
I love you too
That was what her tear stained eyes were saying but I placed a finger on her lips to stop her from saying it.
"Tell me when you see me again" I advised and gave her a smile.
I could see the tears welling up again. So I leaned down and slowly touched our noses. She closed her eyes and we both enjoyed the feeling of being so close.
Then I leaned in further and kissed her, with as much passion as I could muster.
She was still for just 2 seconds before she kissed me back just as passionately.
It was bliss, her soft lips against mine.
It was heaven on earth.
A goodbye so sad, yet it wasn't forever.
Heyyy Everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter... It's the longest one I've written so far! Remember to vote and leave a comment ‼️. As well as share to get the book out there.
I love you guys✨
See ya in the next bit;)
~Axela❤️