Eric
Monday I train her on the fear simulation program. We gather the initiates and tell them the situation once. I take her into the first testing room while Four uses the other. I guide her on how to inject the initiates and the computer program. She's read the training but in practice, some people have trouble. She's fine though, and I leave her to it after the first few initiates. I tell her she can ask Four or call me with problems. She nods. Sadly, I've got work to catch up on. I've been spending too much time with her and I saw the mountain of work in my inbox on Saturday. I check on her periodically throughout the week. We have fights scheduled in the late afternoon on Tuesday and Thursday. Those with less points gain some on Tuesday. She's also encouraging them to hit the gym when not in training.
On Wednesday, I observe her talking quietly in the hallway with one of the transfers. She sees me and dismisses her. She smiles at me but looks worried.
"Is everything alright?" I ask.
"Those simulations are disturbing," she admits.
"Yeah," I agree nodding. "Do you want to join me for lunch?"
"Sure," she shrugs walking with me to the cafeteria. She's in a bit of a daze. I rub her back. I know the sims are bad. I don't enjoy viewing them either but I have seen them all up until today. I watch them every night. We step into the cafeteria and Four eyes us. I lead her to the line and we grab our lunch. We leave the line and I hold her firmly.
"Eric?" she asks me.
"Oh, I thought you understood. Leadership wants to speak with you," I tell her.
She pales.
"It's nothing to be worried about," I tell her gently, caressing her cheek.
She meets my eyes but still looks concerned.
"Come on," I insist. "Worry won't solve anything."
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own," she says to me.
"Exactly," I grin.
"That's scriptural, Eric," she tells me. "The words of Jesus."
"Smart guy," I grin.
She stares at me and I chuckle lightly ushering her to the leadership table.
Lydia smiles and welcomes her.
"We're so glad you could join us," she says happily.
Tris forces a smile.
Everyone chats with her a bit. She's pleasant in conversation. By the time lunch is almost over, she glances at me confused.
"We'll have a meeting after this," I whisper to her rubbing her back soothingly.
"Alright," she replies.
All of leadership rises and I escort Tris. Four sees us walking toward the exit with her. He gets up and comes over to her.
"What's wrong?" he asks her worriedly.
"Everything is fine, Four," I respond rolling my eyes.
He leans in and whispers something to her. She shakes her head at him. He steps back but still watches us leave. I take her up to leadership's conference room. I sit with her because she's trembling.
"It's alright. Why are you so worried?" I ask her rubbing her back again.
She doesn't respond.
"We'll just get to the point," Max starts. "We're all impressed with you. Your techniques have resulted in substantial improvement across the board. Jude is looking to retire in the near future and we're searching for a replacement."
She blinks in surprise and looks to me.
"I agree. I'd love for you to work beside me," I tell her.
"I don't understand. Why me?" she whispers.
I chuckle at that. He just explained in detail.
"We've seen what you can do with children. You're incredible with initiates. We're curious to see what you could implement with the faction," I tell her gently. She looks in my eyes searching. "Let me put it this way, at the Choosing Ceremony, Jeanine found out what you do and thought we should create a position for you. She's insulting, yes, but she thinks you're capable and she likes you."
"I'm here because Jeanine wants me here?" she questions with her brows furrowed.
I laugh lightly.
"No, sweetheart. She was just as impressed with you as we are. I was trying to make a point—we all see your potential," I explain.
She nods in understanding.
"So, what do you say?" Lydia questions.
She looks to them all and back to me.
"That's a serious life change," she admits. "I'll have to think it over."
"Alright. Take some time. But get back to us. Jude's not getting any younger," Max comments.
Ryan laughs, "That's on par with something I'd say."
Tris smiles at that. I walk her down the hall to my office and we sit on my sofa.
"See? There was nothing to fear," I tell her softly.
She looks away from me.
"What has you so worried?" I question. I turn her face to mine. "Is it something Four has said?"
"Maybe," she admits.
"Four's a fool. He's turned us down so many times. I wouldn't listen to him," I tell her moving a stray hair out of her face.
She nods but remains quiet.
"You'll really think about it?" I ask. If she takes it, it would be like a dream come true for me.
She nods again.
I smile at her.
"I should probably go and make sure they're not all wallowing in pity," she tells me softly.
"Go," I grin. "You see? You're constantly thinking of others. You'd be perfect here."
"Thank you," she says softly before leaving.
I sigh shakily. I really hope she says yes.
*****
Monday, we take the whole group of initiates up to the Fear Landscape room at once. We explain what's expected of them this week and give them the rest of the day to think over their fears. On Tuesday, we take them into Lauren's fear landscape just like last year. I honestly wonder if Four is still in Tris's. I'm curious if I would be in there instead of him. I would be flattered if she thought about me like that. I know it's touch based and she's not used to physical contact but I'd be gentle. Maybe someday things will change between us.
Wednesday we have our last fights. I'm impressed at the success of our initiates. The fights were close—both sides earned substantial points, even the ones who lost. I'd be proud to have any of them as my soldiers. We've got to work on bravery, though. They have to face their fears.
The Fear Landscape final arrives and I'm constantly in and out of observing them. In between, I focus on Tris. She's readying syringes, escorting initiates, operating the equipment. She's a workhorse. I feel like we go through these much quicker than I'm accustomed to. By the end, I have her hang back and wait for me.
"I have a meeting but I'd like to talk to you before dinner," I tell her.
"Alright," she replies softly. She meets my eyes.
"Wait here for me?" I ask.
"Okay," she nods. "I've got to shut down the computers and then the clean up to handle."
I smile at her as we separate. I follow the others up the stairs to the conference room. The computer posts the ranks in order and I'm satisfied. They're excellent times and their ranks are earned.
"What do you think, Eric?" Jude asks.
"I'm pleased," I admit.
"That's a hard thing to do," Ryan teases.
I smirk and nod.
"I am, too," Max agrees. "So... has she said anything yet?"
I turn my gaze from the list to Max.
"Not yet," I admit.
He sighs, "Let's just hope she gives us a response."
"I'm sure she will," I say confidently.
We go over the job offers and I keep my promise by adding another nursery worker to the list. We get the positions set and I'm glad when we're done so quickly.
We separate and I go straight back down to the Fear Landscape room. I see Tris by herself performing the shut down. I tap on her shoulder as I stand on the opposite side. She looks again and slaps me playfully when she sees I'm not there.
"I'm almost done," she tells me.
I hum a reply.
"What did you want to talk about?" she asks.
"Nothing in particular," I shrug. "I just wanted to spend time with you... unless you're busy."
"No. I'm not busy," she replies.
She finishes up and I escort her back to my apartment so we can be alone. I let her in and we lounge around on my sofa. We talk and joke around. I feel like I always have a smile on my face when I'm with her.
We go down to dinner together. "Please don't tell me you're reaching for the chicken," I say disbelievingly.
"What? It was good last year," she defends.
"No," I shake my head firmly at her. I select a filet and put it on her plate. I grab myself a porterhouse and a ribeye.
"How can you eat all of that?" she asks dumbfounded.
"The amount?" I verify.
She nods.
"These are the best. They only serve them once a year," I tell her.
I grab a baker with everything for each of us. "Broccoli or salad?" I ask.
"I'm getting the salad," she announces choosing it for herself.
I grasp the same. As we exit the line, I can't help but think about what it'd be like if she were to join me permanently up there. As we separate, I call out to her.
"Can we talk later?" I ask. I forgot what I wanted to discuss earlier. I get near her and just stop thinking about anything but her... spending time together and enjoying the moment.
"Christina wanted us to get ready for the party in a group. I'll see you there, though," she tells me.
"Alright," I nod.
Four's staring at me with a hard expression. I roll my eyes and walk away. Jealous much?
I sit up with the leaders but I can't stop watching her. She's laughing and smiling. She finally tries her steak and looks up to me giving me a thumbs up.
I smirk in reply. Chicken... what was she thinking? I thoroughly enjoy my heap of the best meat in Dauntless. I glance back over to her. She meets my eyes and smiles at me. My heart clenches. I'm a goner. I'm hoping she'll come around. Maybe tonight is the night...
Leadership finishes their dinner and we mount the stairs. The room gets quiet in anticipation. I raise my hands and make the speech. It's on par with every year but I have Tris rise, along with Lauren and Four. I acknowledge them on their success this year but I'm looking at her the whole time. It was all her and she knows it. And I'm sure the faction does as well. I announce that there were no cuts this year thanks to their hard work. The faction cheers and I see several people patting Tris on the back—even the initiates. When they quiet, we post the ranks. The initiates are lifted up and we all celebrate their success. When it starts to calm a bit, I see Tris and Christina leave. Tris looks up to me... and waves. I nod to her but I'm smiling. Yeah, I'm in love... and I'm honestly hoping she feels it, too.
*****
I wait at a bar in the Pit set up near where I'm hoping she's coming from. I keep an eye out and sip my first beer of the night. Everyone is celebrating and I'm unusually happy, too. I wait and wait. I search the crowd in case I missed her and my eyes land back at the hallway I'm expecting her to arrive through. That's when I when I see her, along with Christina and some of her other friends step in. She looks like how she dresses for church—gorgeous and formal, except her hair is down and it's curled. She scans the crowd and her eyes meet mine. She says something to Christina and heads straight for me.
"Hi," she smiles.
"Hey," I reply. "Can I buy you a drink?" I offer.
"I'm not much of a drinker," she admits.
"Non-alcoholic?" I suggest.
"What are my options?" she asks taking the seat beside me.
We look through their menu and she selects a frozen drink. I swipe my point card as she reaches out for the beverage.
"Thank you," she says.
I smile in reply. I notice the tattoo on her arm for the first time. I trace my fingers along the ink. She looks to me and smiles. It's the helping hands of Abnegation.
"I've got the Dauntless flames, too," she tells me turning around in her seat to show me.
I caress that arm as well because she's letting me.
"And the ravens," I point out grazing those as well.
She never dresses like this. I wouldn't say her dress is revealing. On the contrary, it's exceptionally modest but she rarely ever shows so much skin—no tank tops or anything usually.
"You look beautiful," I tell her.
She meets my eyes blushing. "Thank you," she replies softly. "You look nice in your suit."
I smirk at her. I push a random curl behind her ear and graze her cheek with the back of my hand. I'm absolutely, hopelessly enamored with her.
We drink and talk. She's as bubbly and happy as ever. We finish our drinks and I offer her a dance.
She smiles and accepts. I lead her in a slow dance... then another and another. A fast song plays and we dance to that as well. I take her to get another drink and we're back on the dance floor in no time. We dance the night away.
Afterward, I take her back to my place. I don't have a plan—just to talk. The high I'm on right now... who knows? I might just propose. But I want to be alone—just me and her. We arrive and I remove my holster and jacket, setting them on my chair. It's just me and Tris—no worries. We sit together on my sofa and I offer her a drink.
"Just water," she replies.
I nod and roll up my sleeves. I get us each a glass and return beside her. She sips it and sets it down. She leans closer and examines my tattoos.
"I didn't realize you had the flames also," she comments tracing the flames on my forearm.
"I've got the eye of Erudite, too," I tell her turning for her to see it.
My right arm is resting behind her head on the back of the sofa. She's turned toward me, too, examining my tattoo. We're so close. She looks up to me and I can't help but turn her chin up and capture her lips... and she responds. She kisses me back and wraps her arms around my shoulders. I deepen the kiss opening her mouth with my tongue. She whimpers in my embrace. I run my fingers through her soft hair and she runs hers through mine. I kiss her cheek as she pants moving down to her neck. I kiss each raven.
"I love you. You know that, don't you?" I whisper on her skin.
I hear a gasp from her... then another. She's crying.
"Baby?" I question meeting her eyes.
I wipe the tears away but they don't stop.
"I can't do this, Eric," she tells me.
"Why?" I ask her.
"I just can't," she says turning away from me.
"You can't tell me you don't feel anything for me," I reply.
I gently turn her to look me in the eye.
"No, I can't tell you that," she admits. "I'm in love with you."
I smirk and kiss her again. Her lips are so sweet, so soft, so addictive.
She breaks away.
"I can't lie to you, Eric," she tells me.
"Then don't," I insist.
"I'm not who you think I am," she replies.
"Then tell me," I respond.
"We can't be together," she says.
"Is it the religion thing? I'll go. I don't care. I'll do anything you want," I tell her.
"It's not that easy," she replies softly.
"What can I do then? Ask anything of me," I demand.
"Tell me the truth," she says softly. "Do you work for Jeanine?"
"What?" I question.
"Do you kill Divergents?" she asks me clearly.
"What do you know about all of that?" I ask her.
"I know enough," she replies.
"They don't matter," I shake my head. "They're different from you and me."
"Would you kill them?" she asks me.
"They're different. They don't count," I insist.
"Like the Factionless?" she questions.
"Even lower," I tell her.
She glances over to my jacket resting on my chair... or perhaps my holster.
"Would you kill me, Eric?" she asks.
"No, of course not," I say turning her to look at me. "Baby, I love you. I would never hurt you."
She cries again and I hold her to my chest. I kiss her head.
"Ask anything of me and it's yours, like my heart," I tell her.
"Stop hurting Divergents. Stop working with Jeanine," she insists.
"That has nothing to do with you," I tell her.
She escapes my hold and stands.
"It has everything to do with me," she insists.
"Why?" I question befuddled.
"Abnegation, Dauntless, and Erudite," she responds.
"What about them?" I ask her confused.
"Those are my aptitude results," she admits softly.
"What?" I ask bewildered.
"I'm Divergent. Would you kill me? Or hand me over to Jeanine?" she asks.
She meets my eyes and I feel like this is all a bad dream.
"No. You're lying. I've seen your sims," I insist.
"All of them?" she questions.
Some of hers were missing. I remember. Jeanine asked about them and even spoke to her.
I look to her again and she's trembling like before.
"Has it all been a lie?" I ask her.
"Everything I've ever felt for you was real. You have to decide what you think of me," she says. "Did I just willingly forfeit my life? Because... I believe you're worth it. I believe there is so much good in you. I don't see the bad. Everything can be forgiven if you change. But would you change for me. Am I worth it?"
"Leave," I tell her.
"What?" she asks breathlessly.
"I'm not turning you in. You're welcome," I tell her gruffly.
She takes a step toward me.
"Don't," I say firmly.
She frowns at me and turns to exit.
"I still love you," she whispers at the door before she goes.
How am I this blind? How am I this stupid? She's been right under my nose for so long. I can't turn her in, though. I just can't. Not her.
I rise and punch my wall in anger. I grab my holster and leave the rest. I need to get out of here or I'm going to lose it.