"The best of who you are is not from who you have in your life, rather who they helped you become because they loved you." - Shannon L. Alder
Riley and I are immediately overwhelmed by the silence of the detention room. We give each other a look showing just how uncomfortable we are. The teacher is on his phone in his chair, probably watching a show or something. Realizing we are stuck in this situation, we go and sit in the front row of desks. I immediately pull out my homework from my backpack, and leave my bag behind my chair, to get started.
Riley is reading and studying while I do my homework. I am deep in thought over my pre-cal work that I don't even hear the door open as the last student walks in. All I notice is the tap of a rough finger on my arm.
I look up to see an attractive Marco Ambrose staring at me. "Um, do you have a pencil I can borrow?"
"Yeah. Here you go." I hand him one of my yellow mechanical pencils and take a moment to admire him as he sits down beside me. I have seen him a couple of times in the halls. We would walk past each other and give a friendly smile, but nothing more. I always felt pulled to him and it scared me just a little. Today, his hair is a mess like he left the house without doing anything to it. His eyes are a silvery aqua as the light shines right on his face, also accentuating his light freckles. I didn't even know he had freckles. They are adorable. But I don't need to be focused on a boy right now, especially not him. So, I get back to work on my homework.
"Soo...do you come here often?" Marco asks as he giggles and shows his pearly white smile. He even has dimples. Could he get more perfect?
"No. I actually try to stay out of trouble normally." I can't help to laugh too, but I try to stay quiet
"Shhh!," the teacher tells us. We both get embarrassed as the whole classroom looks up at us. We both try to go back to our work. I am almost done with my homework when a piece of paper ends up on top of my work. I look around to see who it was from and notice Riley looking at me.
'So you and Marco, huh?' I read the torn notebook paper and roll my eyes.
'Ha ha ha. Not really. We only met once until today.' We pass the note back and forth.
'Well, he seems to like you. But I still wouldn't go there if I were you. Don't forget that Ellie will end your whole high school career.' I read her last note, but it was kind of upsetting so I don't respond immediately.
'I'm not like that right now. I am focusing on my work. Which is what I should be doing right now and so should you.' She reads my tone of voice just how I would have said it by the look she is giving me. It is one of offense but also humor with her eyes squinted but her lips trying not to smile.
"Shhh!," the teacher says again.
~~~
I haven't seen Marco since my last day of detention. We had talked about why he was in detention in the first place. Apparently, Ellie had gotten in trouble with a teacher multiple times and always pulled Marco into it. Like he could defend her against a teacher when she was in the wrong? Who does she think she is? Well, each time he would try and get in trouble. But he would always try for her. No one had talked to me about Marco except for my friends, so I didn't know much about him. He wasn't a bad guy just because he was in detention, I noticed. He was caring for those he chose to care for, and he was funny. I wonder what else I can learn about him?
It has been two weeks since the end of my and Rileys' detention debacle, and let me just say, I was getting behind. I saw everyone in class turning in all their work and understanding everything, but I am struggling. So it is no surprise to me when my pre-calculus teacher tells me to stay behind after class. But what is surprising is her also calling Marco to stay. The class was so big I had almost forgotten he was in the class. He must be falling behind too.
The teacher stands from her metal desk. "Ms. Taylor I would like you to meet Mr. Ambrose. He is the top student in your class."
"Um, I kind of already know him."
"Well good. That will make things easier. Now, Mrs. Taylor, you used to be at the top of the class but this past week you have fallen behind on all your work. That is where Marco comes in. I have discussed this with him and we have agreed for him to help you in this class. Is that okay with you, Ms. Taylor?"
"Yeah, that could work. I appreciate it."
"So here is what will need to happen. Meet up anywhere you want, just try and get in three days a week starting today or tomorrow. Please try to catch up. Who knows? Maybe a good friendship can bloom from this. Okay then, I will see you guys tomorrow. You are free to go." We both try to leave at the same time causing a block in the door.
"Oh, you can go. Sorry." Marco is such a gentleman. He lets me pass in front of him and as we turn to leave in opposite directions after we are both out the door, we turn back around at the same time. Are mouths are open in the same manner as we are going to say something.
"Sorry. You go first." We both laugh at our awkwardness.
"Oh, I was just wondering if you wanted my number." I stand watching his face make a worried expression. That is when I realize. "Oh my! I just meant so we can plan when we meet up. You know, to study? Gosh, I hope that didn't come out wrong."
~~~
I finally got my license yesterday afternoon after discovering Marco was basically my tutor. But I can't use the car because mom has errands today. So, I am riding with Riley some more until Mom doesn't need the vehicle. I have been riding with Riley for a week or two now already, so it's okay. Riley and I are on our way home when she decides to bring up Marco again.
"So... Beellleeee... You can't avoid talking about Marco forever. I know you have a crush on him."
"Ughh! I don't want to talk about it though. I want to be friends with him, nothing more. A silly little crush won't change that."
"No, but just because you want to be friends, doesn't mean that something more won't happen." She couldn't be more wrong.
"You couldn't be more wrong." That is exactly what I tell her. He is with Ellie and he obviously loves her. "Look, he is a great guy okay? And he loves Ellie. Why else would he put up with her?"
"That is a good point. But she is evil; she will move on. And who says it is true love? He could just be stuck with her." She has been pushier and pushier on me and Marco getting close and what that means for me here lately. "Ooo! WHAT IF YOU SAVE HIM LIKE A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR!"
"Riley. How could I be his knight and shining armor? He has everything he needs. Good grades, a girlfriend, lots of friends, and a spot on the football team. I wouldn't be saving him." All she can do is frown. "If anything I would be ruining him. Let's just drop it, please?"
I sit with my chin held up by my arm on the door of her car. I discovered her car is a brand new 2021 Lexus. She got it for her sixteenth birthday. It was a nice car, especially on the inside. It was comfortable that's for sure. She is dropping me off at my house to get some clothes, then I am going to walk to her house. We are having a little girls' night with just Riley, Chevy, and me. If I can get through the night without them bringing up Marco, it will be a successful night. I don't have to worry about school work tonight thankfully. Marco and I decided to get together tomorrow.
"Here you go. I'll see you in a bit." She pulls up to my driveway, letting me out to get my stuff.
"Bye."
~~~
"BYE MOM!," I yell from the door, "I'LL TEXT YOU LATER!"
I shut the door and adjust my duffle bag higher up on my shoulder, ready to go to Rileys' house. This is my first time sleeping over at her house and it is quite nerve-racking. I start walking up the hill and I am immediately out of breath. I don't know how normal people do this. With high blood pressure and inflammation in the ribs, it is easy for me to be out of breath.
I stay on the top of the hill for just a minute and try to catch my breath. Once I am breathing normally I head down Riles driveway and walk up to her door.
*Diiing dooong*
"Hi Mrs. Thompson."
"Oh hey, Isabelle! Are you staying over here tonight with Riley and Chevy?" her mom asks in a smooth country accent.
"Yes ma'am. And I brought some Oreos for us to share if that's okay."
"Yep, that is quite alright with me. How is your mom? Are yall coming to church this Sunday?"
"Well, we are coming to church on Sunday. And my mom is doing pretty good, just a lot of stress opening the group home." My mom has been trying to open a group home for teen moms, and it was difficult for her to keep up with everything. She was a teen mom with me and my sister, so she understands how hard it is for them to get support from their families and become a solid family. She plans on opening up multiple in the state, but as time-consuming as it is opening the first one, I don't know how long it will take.
"That's good that yall are trying. I'll let ya go now. Riley's room is all the way down this hall over here on the right."
"Thank you, Mrs. Thompson."
I proceeded down the hall to Riley's room and knocked on her closed door. When I heard a gentle come in, I walked right on in to see Chevy and Riley on the ground almost in a circle.
"Care to join us?" Riley was always trying to bring us together. I got along well with Chevy and loved her personality, but he wasn't my best friend out of the group. I sit down on the floor with them and get out the Oreos from my duffle bag. The girls giggle in excitement.
~~~
"I thought we were over this Riley! I don't want to talk about macro. Why did you have to get Chevy on this."
We are laying on her bed talking about my experience at hunter high so far. I hate that they started talking about macro. I just want him to be like any other student at school. I like him but that doesn't mean anything.
"Oh come on Belle, admit it. You like him. This isn't her fault, I was going to ask either way."
"I am attracted to him but we aren't even friends. I talked to him like twice and he has to tutor me tomorrow. Thats all."
"Isabelle. I am just going to be blunt about it. Why would you get so defensive if it didn't mean anything to you?"
"Because I... well I ... Oh I don't know. Every time I make a big deal over guys who already have a girlfriend, it never ends in my favor." And when I say every time, I mean every time. There have been multiple occasions when I have liked someone and it leads to nothing. So I stopped trying to make something out of nothing. It's not like I'm hiding that I have feelings for him, but those feelings aren't big enough for me to risk the opportunity of friendship.
"You never know this time. From the way Riley describes it, you very well could have a chance with him."
"Thats because she does Chevy. I swear y'all are gonna fall in love like a fairytale."
"I wish."
"GIRLS! DINNER IS READY!" We all run to go grab dinner and run back to the room to watch a movie.
~~~~~~
"Journal,
I would say goodmorning but it is not. I am so tired. I stayed up studying last night while Riley and Chevy slept so I could study. I don't want to seem stupid in front of macro when we go to study together. We are going to stay after school in the library today and I am so nervous. I know I always list the what ifs but seriously. Think about it. What if he thinks I'm stupid. What if I get the time or place wrong. I don't know how to not be anxious. I am up all night with my stomach in knots and my thoughts in chaos.
I have to start looking for a job soon and apply for Beta club and that is crazy. How do I balance all this. First the pressure of raising my grades with Marco, and now getting a job and beta club on top of it all? I don't know how I will manage.
While I amthankful for Marcos help, it feels unnecessary. I think one of the only reasons I agreed to it was to spend time with him. I am excited to maybe geet to know him better, but why did he have to be the one the teacher picked. UUUGGHHHHH! What am I gonna do journal? This is driving me bonkers. And I love my friends, but I really wish they would stop bringing him up. It gets really hard not to get attached. They make it impossible. I really need God to send me a sign or something. Something to let me know if I am waisting my time.
So I just pray that I can keep all my different things in life under control. And I thank my friends, and you journal, for being there to help me through it all. Talk next time.
, Isabelle"