"Oh my lord, Ana please come in." Sarah greets me as I walk through the door. She looks disheveled, with purple bags under her eyes showing a lack of sleep. The house looks darker than I remember, all the curtains are drawn.
"How is he doing, he hasn't told me anything. You know him insufferably positive, well most of the time."
Sarah looks at me, her eyes well up as I hear her choke on her own breath. She shakes her head as she grabs my hand, her hand cold and clammy on mine. "The cancer came back Ana, there is nothing we can do." The words hit me like a ton of bricks. I jerk my hand away, looking down at the floor before looking back up.
"Why didn't you tell me" I look at her tears hit my eyes. I feel my world start to spin around me Ice was all I had when I was a kid. "You didn't think for one second that maybe you should tell me that it was back."
"We didn't want you putting your life on hold again. You did nothing for over a year- set yourself back a year Ana, just to sit by his bedside. Ice didn't want that for you. Ana all you have loved since you were a little kid was to fly, it hurt him to see you not doing it just for him." Sarah grabs my hand to reassure me.
"I would stop flying my whole life if it meant he could get better, you both know that." I let the tears fall as she pulls me into a hug.
"I know Hunny, but he isn't gonna get better this time. He needs to know your still doing what you love. That means more to him than anything."
"Ok." I breathe into her shoulder, I take a deep breath, centering myself. "How is he doing?"
"It hurts him to speak. He stays in his office most days." I look up the steps and then back at Sarah, who gives me a reassuring nod.
The stairs creak as I go up them. The photos hanging on the wall are all of Ice and his family. Happy pictures on the beach, and wedding photos of him and Sarah. Tom's smile has never changed, that small girn that lights up a room without effort, the smile that has always been there when I needed it most.
"Dang Uncle Ice you look old," I say walking into the sunlit office, trying to stay positive.
Good to see you too Ana.
Ice types out in his computer, as he jesters to take a seat. "How are you holding up?" Ice just shakes his head before typing.
I want to talk about work.
"What about it? Always the same, flying, then lading." I shrug off the question.
I can tell when you are lying Ana. I know who is there. I also know how things ended.
"It's fine, people change I've learned to not let it get to me anymore. He made his choice. I was upset for a year and then I woke up one day and I wasn't anymore." I fidget my fingers on my lap, looking out the window to avoid looking at Tom. I hear typing before I look back over to his computer
Bullshit.
And there it is that small little grin that breaks me down. I look down at my hands the tears welling up again. "He's never gonna forgive me Ice, maybe there's part of me that thanks him for that, so I can just ignore my feelings. I can hate him for what he did to me all I want but-" I trail off and look at Ice, his eyes are soft. He reaches out to me and I hold his hand. "He still means everything to me. Always has. We were so close for so long that every time I look at him for a split second we still are. It hurts so bad to know that I ruined it. He was my best friend Ice, more than that as we got older but... I just miss him so much."
I feel warm arms wrap around me as Ice pulls me in before letting go and turning to his computer.
You did what you thought was right. Don't let him tell you anything because he was the one who ended up hurting you. He left you for eight years, Ana. Eight years without a call, a text nothing. And when he saw you again he didn't even apologize. Yet you sit here and you cry because you miss him. You have the biggest heart out of anyone I know. He doesn't deserve that yet you give it to him because you love him, Ana. If he is too dumb to see that and just lives blinded by rage, then he is not the one for you. You are so much more powerful than him because you have always forgiven him. Don't let him pull you back down again.
I stare at the screen for a second before looking back at Ice, giving him a smile. "I guess I am pretty powerful. He laughs and hits me on the arm. He pulls me into another hug and holds me there. I don't know if it was one second or ten minutes but I didn't care, I just wanted him to hold me. I wanted him to fix everything for now, even if when I walked out of this house I would have to face them again.\
We stand up as Ice escorts me to the door. I see him try to open his mouth to speak. I try to stop him but he looks at me determined.
"I have loved you since the first day your dad took you on the base that will never change, you will always be my little wing-girl" The words look painful for him to speak but I just smile as tears once again well up.
"I love you so much, Uncle Ice." I smile at him and he squeezes my hand before I close the door to the office and walk back down the stairs where I see Sarah. I nod at her and give her a smile before walking out of the house into the sunset, the lowering sun warming my body and drying up the last of my tears.
............
Eight Years Ago
"Hasn't talked in since it happened, just sits there crying. She wouldn't even eat Ice, I'm scared I don't know what to do." The words mumbled outside my door carry into my room through the crack in the door. I hear the Door creak open wider, then hear it close. Footsteps trail across the floor stopping at the edge of my bed, and I feel the mattress sag as someone sits on it.
"You loved him, not in the way everyone thinks, didn't you." Not a question; a statement. I choke out another sob. My stomach hurts from crying, along with the lack of food. I look up to Ice, good old uncle Ice, nothing gets past him. He looks at me with empathy in his eyes, as he pulls me into a hug. I just cry into his shoulder, wanting him to fix everything like he always does. I just want the pain to stop.
"Ice he-he left he just left." I can bearly get the sentence out without breaking down again.
"I know baby, I know." Ice rubs my back trying to calm me down as I just feel my earth shatter more around me.
"Feels like I just broke the best thing that I have ever had," I say just feeling my heart ache at the words. Ice pulls away from the hug to look at my face. He places his hands on my shoulders in reassurance, the only thing keeping me upright.
"Listen to me hear right now, that boy is greaving. He will push anyone away right now, because if he pushes people away then people can't hurt him. Don't let the words of a person who is blinded by grief and hate define you, Ana. I know you love him, I also know that you always will because that is who you are. But you listen to me, don't let love ever hold you back from experiencing life on your own, or let it shut you down. Pain makes us stronger, and this is going to hurt for a while, but there is gonna be a day where Bradley Bradshaw will not define you. Just make it to that day Ana, don't give up even a second before that." Ice just looks at me for a minute before I just nod
Ice just holds me there, cause that's what Ice has always done, be there when I needed him. Ice and dad were always my protectors, and for once I'm not lost or wondering about what could be. They are my constants. My wingmen. My teachers. My home. And no one can ever take that away from me.
///////////////////
I get back to my house and it's already dark. I just lay down on my bed letting my head relax for the first time today. I look over to see a shoebox labeled TOP GUN sitting on my nightstand. I reach over for it and find a stick note under it.
"Found this in the attic, I think you might want to have it, Amelia."
I smile at the little note before looking back to the box. I pull it in front of me on the bed and open it.
Polaroids. All of my Polaroids. There are some of me and phoenix being idiots in a bar, or having whip cream all over our faces. Some of me with my planes, and flying them. There are ones of me as a kid, sitting next to dad and crazy uncle Goose in a bar, his smile lighting up the room as it always did. Goose had that smile that would force you to smile even if you didn't want to. There are polaroids of me and Carol baking cupcakes, and having flour, sugar, and icing all over the kitchen. I smile at the memories that come back.
But most of the polaroids are me and Bradley. Us sitting in an ice cream shop drinking milkshakes, and some of them of Bradley just being an idiot like he always was around me. This was before Rooster and Invert as we are now, this was before we fell apart, something that was my fault. I look back at the pictures and smile at them.
At the bottom of the box, I spot a bright yellow camera, my camera. I flip it over to see if the writing is still on it, and sure enough, it reads,
"To show you where you have been, to help grow who you will become, Crazy Uncle Goose."
I smile at the writing, god I miss him.
///////////////
A.N
Why did I cry five times while writing this? </3