As their eyes collided, Collin felt the wind knock out of him from the impact.
"Oh, I didn't know you were here," Avery said sheepishly, dropping her eyes to her feet and tucking a loose strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.
"It's my room," he deadpanned. Why was she there? Right outside his doorway?
"I really need to... Do you mind if I use your bathroom?" Her voice was tentative and her eyes glanced back at him, pleading.
He hesitated, but she looked so pathetic. "Be my guest." He stepped back to let her walk by, then he quickly closed the door behind her. It was one thing for the masses to crowd into the common areas of the house, but he wasn't inviting them into his private quarters. He guessed the bathroom off the hallway was occupied, and if more people knew about his en suite, his room would quickly be overflowing with strangers.
He stayed in his room and waited for Avery to be done. Heard the toilet flush and the sink turn on, then off. The bathroom door opened and then they were alone in his room.
They'd been alone in this room more times than he could count. Did homework together while Trading Spaces aired on the TV in the background. Binge-watched his DVDs of Star Wars while eating popcorn with truffle oil and rosemary. Had fucked on the bed that was now just feet away from them.
But then she went and fucked Gina and fucked him over and fucked it all to seven hells.
It was so surreal having her in front of him, in the flesh, and not in his memory. The hastily healed wounds of his grief split open inside his chest. Fresh blood filled his lungs, drowning him in sorrow.
Not that he would let her see that. He forced himself to keep calm. Forced his features to remain as placid as the surface of a lake on a windless day.
"I–I hope you're doing okay." Avery said, the words ringing hollow in his ears.
"Never better." He molded his lips into a smile as his eyes scanned her, this person who he so recently loved. She was wearing her usual converse, jeans, and a black v-neck t-shirt, but something was different. Just peeking out from the edge of her shirt, right under her left collarbone, was a black mark that he didn't know.
He must have been staring, because her hand flew to the spot. "I got a tattoo."
"You–you got a tattoo?" When they were together, she'd never mentioned wanting a tattoo. Not once. Not even in passing. Who was this person standing in front of him?
She hooked her index finger to the collar of her shirt and brought it down, revealing the silhouette of three birds taking flight. "It's to show that my heart will always soar."
A wave of nausea threatened to unanchor his dinner from his stomach.
He had known her body for six years. Had mapped all of her intimacies. He knew she had a freckle on her right breast, a birthmark on her left hip, and a scar on her elbow from falling off her bike in fourth grade. His hands knew the spot behind her knee where she was most ticklish and his tongue could always find the sensitive place behind her ear that caused her to moan. But now there was a monument etched into her flesh that he had no knowledge of.
It was like the first time he had gone back home after college and discovered that his favorite restaurant had been shut down and replaced by a chain burger joint. Only this was a thousand times worse.
He swallowed hard. "Interesting," he remarked, and then changed the subject. "Were you in the show?"
She let go of her shirt collar, her hand swinging limply back down to her side. "No, but Gina was."
The name sounded like nails on a chalkboard. "Oh, so she's here? In my home?" His voice betrayed his spike in emotion, but he tried to keep his face passive.
Avery looked away from him. "I think so. I don't know. It's..."
"I'm actually here with the girl I'm seeing," he interrupted her. It wasn't really a lie. He saw Heather a lot; he didn't say they were dating. "Sam dragged her off to get drunk, so I should go find her." Collin turned abruptly, not able to stomach this conversation any longer. Then he walked out of his room, pulling the door closed, leaving Avery alone.
His heart was racing, his palms sweating. He needed a drink.
There was a couple making-out against the hallway wall, causing the framed Jimi Hendrix poster to tilt at a precarious angle. The guy up against the wall was holding a red solo cup in his right hand as his left one grasped the broad neck of the guy he was kissing. It seemed like everyone in the house had a drink except Collin.
Pushing through people, he finally made it past the kitchen counter. There was a line in front of the large orange cooler that was full of Sam's famous jungle juice: a mixed drink made from gallons of the cheapest juice they could find in the grocery store and bottles of Smirnoff along with whatever other liquor they had in the house.
Heather and Sam were leaning against the kitchen sink, haloed by the warm overhead light, drinking from red solo cups. "There you are!" Sam shouted above the din.
"Here's your cup." Heather motioned to the counter. She was the antidote he needed. The sight of her calmed the fraying of his nerves and settled the bubbles that fizzled up his esophagus.
"Thanks. Cheers!" Collin held up the sloshing umber liquid and took a long drink. It was syrupy sweet with a kick at the end. "Shit. That's some strong stuff."
Sam smiled, wide and relaxed, a glimmer in her eye. "You know it, baby."
"Where'd you disappear to?" Heather asked, bringing her cup to her pink glossy lips.
"Just dropped something off in my room." He leaned in close to Heather, inhaling the floral-sandalwood scent of her perfume mixed with the salt of her sweat, and watched her throat bob as she swallowed. If he wanted to, he could tilt his head forward and kiss the shadow where her jaw curved into her neck. Just drown in her and forget his run in with Avery.
"He has a private bathroom if you need to go," Sam said, louder than was necessary.
The moment broke, and Collin straightened up, taking another long drink from his cup, emptying it.
"Ooh, a secret bathroom? It's good to know the hosts." Heather's fingers lightly trailed down Collin's forearm, causing a shiver to run up his spine. "Maybe later you can give me the tour?"
Collin was about to respond when a short figure with spiked hair swaggered into the kitchen. Gina. His hands reflexively balled into fists.
She walked right up to Sam, not even acknowledging him or Heather. "Hey, have you seen Avery? I just got here." Her words were clipped, and she seemed angry. Although, maybe that was just her posture. Her intense energy.
Collin bristled. Did she not see him? Not recognize him?
"She was in my bedroom a minute ago," Collin sneered, wanting to cause Gina a fraction of the pain she had caused him, but not thinking any further than that before he spoke.
Sam raised a brow. Heather shifted away from him.
Gina's head turned toward him. Her eyes were glassy, her mouth slack. She didn't say anything to him. Then she swiveled her attention back to Sam, nodded, and walked back out of the kitchen. "Avery!" she hollered at the top of her lungs. "Avery!"
"Avery was in your bedroom?" Sam asked, sparing Heather the question.
"She snuck in to use the private bathroom." Collin brought the solo cup to his lips, and then remembered that it was empty. "I need a refill."
But right then, someone shouted, "Juice is out!"
"How can that be?" Sam asked, pushing off of the counter and walking over to the cooler. She picked it up, lifting it easily. She shook her head in disbelief. "Fuck all! You thirsty bastards just drank three gallons of liquor in less than a half hour!"
"Beer it is," Collin said. "Do you need a refill?" he asked Heather.
She tipped her cup back, draining the last of it. Then she handed it to him. "Sure. Thanks."
He maneuvered his way through the throng of people and was surprised that only a few people were hanging out around the keg. He picked up the tap and was filling both cups when he noticed red and blue lights swirling on the ceiling.
The cops had arrived.