"I am only one; But still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still, I can do something." -Hellen Keller
Once in the halls, one of the guides leads me to each of my classrooms for a small tour. It is a simple building because it is such a small town. I can't wait for school to start.
~~~
I am dreading starting school. How could I have been so excited? I am freaking out so much. This is such an important year and I could mess it all up. That is not something to be excited about. What if I become the laughing stock of the school? Oh no. I am freaking out. I can't breathe. No, I can't move. Is this a panic attack I think it's a panic attack? Am I even thinking? I can't do this.
"Sweetie? Are you okay? Snap out of it."
My mom always knows when I'm upset. I'm okay, I can breathe again. I hadn't even realized I was crying until I reached my hand up to move my hair out of m face and felt my warm moist cheek.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks mom." The lights from the car shone bright on the street as we drove home from the open house. I was drained to the point I was no longer hungry, but then again I was hardly hungry here lately. So as we got into the house I just gave my mom a simple, "goodnight." I turned off my light heading straight for my queen-sized bed. "All I need is a good night's rest.," I tell myself.
~~~
*Bbbblllllllliiiiiiiiiiirrrriiiiiiiinnnggggg*
*Bbbblllllllliiiiiiiiiiirrrriiiiiiiinnnggggg*
That stupid alarm. I want to just throw it against the wall every time it rings. However, I won't ever do that. I love my cute black and gold analog clock. So instead, I turn it off and sit it down on my nightstand. It has been four days since the open house and my anxiety had gone through waves of intensity. It is the first day of school. Oh crap! I need to get ready.
After putting on leggings, a long t-shirt, and sandals, and then curling my hair I am halfway done. I go into the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. My brown almond eyes have bags and dark circles underneath. I need makeup. So I brush my teeth and put on some light makeup. Just some concealer, bronzer, and mascara. Last but not least, all I have to do is pray. I need all the courage I can get.
"God," I neal by my bed, "give me strength for today. Give me patience for the opportunity to get to know people. Thank you for this opportunity even if I am nervous. You are amazing so I need you to work your magic. I love and praise you. Amen."
*Screeeeech*
Oh, the bus. I run, grabbing my bag on the way. Just as the bus is about to pull away, I rush to its doors. "Goodmorning." Me and the bus driver exchange pleasantries. As I turn to walk down the aisle, I notice everyone is staring at me. Slowly, I walk past each kid interested in me, the new girl. I make my way toward to back of the bus. The seat is just the same as any other bus seat as I plop down. Uncomfortable. Back pain here I come. I put in my earbuds and play my favorite playlist on my phone and try to relax. Right now would be the perfect time to write, but it is too bumpy so I use my computer to jot down some of my thoughts while along for the ride. It is only thirty minutes in when we screech to a halt. I look outside my window to see the school. This is it. God, please keep me from having a panic attack. I wait in line to get off the bus and take my first steps officially into school at Hunter high. It feels like a weird dream. I make a b-line straight for the office to introduce myself to the front desk lady.
"Hi, my name is Patience Kuiper. This is my first day. I was wondering if you could direct me where to go."
"Well hello there. You will need to make your way to the gymnasium and wait for the best to ring, Okay sweetie?"
"Yes ma'am."
I make my way out of the office and into the gym and look around at all the seats. The first seat I can make my way to, I go to sit down. To my surprise, a dark-haired figure comes from beside me and sits right in the spot I was going to sit.
"Watch where you're going oh my gosh.," she says to me. I just try to keep my head up and seem confident. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Instead, I sit down two rows behind her. The girl sitting beside her keeps looking back at me and giggling. I am already the talk of the school. How? As soon as one person noticed, so did another. Talk moves fast around here. It wasn't like everyone was concerned about me, but a lot of people were.
"Hey, can I sit here?" a smooth voice asked from above me. Startled, I look up only to see Riley.
"Oh. It's only you. Yeah, you can definitely sit here."
"Well don't sound so enthusiastic."
"I'm sorry. I am so anxious."
"Don't even worry. You will do just fine." We sit and talk for a little while.
"Hey, would you mind showing me to my class?"
"I would be glad to."
*Brriiiiing*
"Finally. That felt like forever.," I say to Riley.
"I know right. It will feel like that every time, I swear."
"Oh gosh."
~~~
"Thank you for walking me to my class. When will I see you next?"
"How about lunch? I think we have the same lunch block"
"Sure. I will see you then"
I twist the handle to the door, and like a movie in slow-motion, I take each step to y doom. Except it isn't my doom. Everyone already in here is excited, and everyone rushing in past me is excited too.
"Good morning students! Settle down. settle down. Everyone, please find a seat." I pick a seat behind the front row in the middle and sit down quickly. "My name is Mr.Chant. I will be your English three teacher. Now I will start by passing out the syllabus and going over what you will need for this class. On the syllabus, you will find this year's reading list." He droned on for the next hour.
~~~
Around four hours later, I made my way to the cafeteria and worked my hardest to find Riley. I find her over to the right at a table with her and two other people. A tall red headed muscle boy and a short stubby redheaded girl with braids and glasses just like mine. I make my way over to the group that is already eating.
"Hey. Mind if I sit here?"
"Oh my gosh of course! Nate scoot over." The red-headed guy moves over a seat to the right with his food, leaving space for me. I look up and Nate and the mystery girl are staring at me. They likely want an introduction.
"Hi. I'm Isabelle. And you are?"
"Oh, where are my manners?! You already know me, Riley, but these are Nate O'conner and Chevrolet O'conner, but we just call her Chevy."
"It is nice to meet all of you." I sit and listen to their banter for the entirety of lunch. I am so enthralled by their roles in the group that I find myself staring multiple times during the block. Nate steals food from their plates, and the girls get mad. The girls talking about boys and academics just for Nate to chime in with how stupid it all is. They have their own world in this cafeteria of chaos, no matter what is going o they have something to talk about. Even though it's the first day, it's as if their having each other makes it all okay. I can imagine myself looking back and thinking gratefully, "This is the group that accepted me on the first day". Most people say that takes good luck, but I like to say it takes courage.
~~~
After lunch, I head over to the library. I am going to need extra help in algebra and history if I want to survive the year. I'm just about to walk in after pulling the door out when suddenly all I feel is my chest crashing into someone. I look up just in time to see a tall, muscular boy.
"Oh my gosh! I am so sorry!"I quickly try to apologize for the mess up. when I see him reaching for books on the floor and his bag spilled open, pens and a notebook displayed across the floor. I must have interrupted him putting them up before leaving the library. I squat down to help him gather his belongings.
"No, you are fine. It was my fault for not looking where I was going." We get up at the same time almost bumping heads. Thankfully we rise without another accident. We both begin to laugh at the situation. I look up at him and find myself staring into beautiful sparkly blue eyes. I take a second to look at the rest of his face and see smooth dirty blonde hair, sharp eyebrows, a strong nose, and full lips. His face had a wonderful amount of beauty. I have to force myself to look away from his face. He coughs awkwardly in response, putting his arm up to scratch the back of his neck, exposing his sculpted arms. Lord keep me from drooling. "Well, I better get going." As soon as he says that, I hear a familiar squeaky voice.
"Babe. Come on already. I've been looking for you everywhere. Wait why are you In the library." She looks disapprovingly over at me. "And what are you doing talking to her?"
"Oh Ellie! I didn't see you there." He looks awkwardly over to me. "I just ran into her. I never did get your name..."
"Isabelle Taylor."
"Cool. Marco Ambrose. Oh and this is Ellie."
She pipes up, "Ellie Jones. And we've already met. We'll be leaving now. Buh bye."
I stay in the doorway, watching as they walked away hand in hand. Well that was weird.
~~~
"Hahaha that is so funny Nate," I say as we playfully slap each other on the arm, "You are killing me." Our ebullient laughs fill the cafeteria.
"No you are killing me!"
"Oh my gosh you both are killing me. It is not that funny Belle." Riley doesn't like the jokes we were making about her crush.
"We are just joking. I'm sorry maybe we took it too far."
"Yes you did. But it's fine. Lets talk about something else, like maybe how your first week here is going?"
"It is going pretty good. All my AP classes are a lot of work but they are worth it. And I'm glad I met y'all. So I would say its pretty successful so far." I loved the school and the people here. "Oh that reminds me, I have a question."
"yeah?"
"I saw this guy coming out of the library. He was tall and blonde. Oh and he left with this brunette girl?"
"Marco Ambrose?"
"Yeah that was his name. What's his deal?"
"So, he is the star football player but don't ask which position because none of us would know. He is like super smart but hides it because he wants to be cool and 'popular'. Which is also why he is dating the most popular girl in school. Ellie Jones." Nate gives the details on Marco with a sour attitude the whole time.
"Don't get nate started on Marco. He has not liked him since we were little but he won't even tell us why.," came from his sister Chevy.
"UUugh I just don't like him, okay? Why does it need an explanation?"
Now Riley adds, "Just don't get your heart set on him belle. He will break your heart in two."
"So what? Is he like a bad guy?"
"No, he just is unattainable. Unreachable. He hasn't had a different girlfriend since eighth grade. It is impossible to get past his puppy dog Ellie over there." Right on queue we hear Ellie from across the cafeteria with her hand on Marcos shoulder, laughing so loud everyone turned to her attention.
"Probably just another way for her to claim her territory."
"Oh stop it Nate." Chevy just cannot stand her brothers antics. But at least they still manage to show love. It was interesting that no one had a different girlfriend just because of one girl. One girl who felt like she had alterior motives. It is sad because I bet if you got to know him, you would be surprised to find a sweet, loving guy on the inside.
~~~~~~
"Dear journal,
Today was tiring but I had a good day. And honestly I have had a good week, but it has been hard to process. So much stuff has happened; I can't write it all.
I met Marco and Ellie, and let me tell you. Marco is like a refreshing breeze and a sunset, but Ellie is all things dark and jealous in the world. She doesn't seem like she is a bad person, just the hatred that fills her heart concerns me. Now I know I don't know Marco that well, but from the time I met him I got a good impression.
I am enjoying my AP classes but they are stressing me out already. I am going to have to relax soon or I might bust. I am just happy that I have new friends to help me deal with it all. I am also proud of myself for getting this far and not just surviving, but thriving. The teachers and staff along with my family and friends have really made adjusting that much easier. I couldn't have done it without all the support around me right now. That and a little bit of courage.
, Isabelle"
~~~~~~
"So how was your first week of school Belle?" My mom and I are sitting on the couch with a movie playing in the background. People had been asking me that question all day but I hadn't really thought about it until now. I have just been giving people that wanted answer. 'Oh I'm doing fin. classes are great. people are great. It's all great.' But now that I was thinking about it in depth, it wasn't all great. Now, it wasn't necessarily bad just not great. Not easy that is. This has been a very hard week for me. I had to meet new people, get used to a new building, get used to new advanced classes. The people were nice but it took a lot for me to open up to make new friends. The building was hard at first to get used to. And the classes are very challenging.
"It was okay. Not bad, but not amazing. You know?" It was all I could tell her. Because truth betold it was all I could tell myself.
"Oh do I know. It takes courage."
"Definitely."