*@ As usual I scream.*
Chapter 9:
Jake's P.O.V
When I woke up in the morning, I was alone in the bed. I frowned sitting up and looking around the room to see Felix sitting over on his couch, a little black book out and sitting on the desk. I frowned confused as to why Felix was up,
"Why didn't you wake me?" Felix jumped and looked up to me,
"Jake, shit— I didn't notice you were awake." I nodded and watched as he closed the book shoving it in his school bag,
"Felix, what time is it?" Felix looked down to his phone which was next to him, and called out to me,
"It's about elevenish, why?" I sighed,
"What time did you wake up?" Felix looked confused,
"What do you mean?" I sighed getting up from the bed and walking over to the couch where it seemed Felix was trying to become the couch,
"I mean, how long ago did you wake up?" Felix sighed,
"You won't be happy." I nodded,
"Okay, tell me." Felix sighed biting his lip and looking as far away from me as possible. He was so scared—
"Fourish." I frowned and pulled Felix tight into my arms,
"Felix you should have woken me up. I could have kept you company." Felix shrugged and wiped at his face, and I knew he was crying. My heart broke at the sight, and I held him tighter, kissing the top of his head.
"Please don't cry." Felix gripped onto my pant leg, crying into the other one.
"You would think after all the crying I did yesterday, I wouldn't have any tears left right now huh?" I bit my lip and sat Felix up,
"Do not say things like that okay?" he nods and continues to wipe tears from his eyes. I sigh and grab his head, turning it to face me. I looked him in the eyes and said,
"Felix, whenever in doubt, confide in me okay?" he nodded and smiled weakly. I returned the smile,
"Thank you, Jake." I shrugged,
"Anything for you Felix," He nodded, and I jumped up from our place on the couch, and pulled Felix up with me. The movement caused him to lose his balance, so I had to pull him close, which made me fall down onto the couch with him right in between my legs. I groaned at the fall but felt comfortable with Felix on me. I let out a little laugh,
"Well, this is awkward." I let out more of a laugh at Felix's words. I snaked my arms around his waist, pulling him closer.
"Not for me— I quite like this position," Felix growled at me, jumping up and walking over to his bed and sitting on it. I frowned hopping up from the couch,
"Felix, are you okay?" Felix looked up and nodded,
"Yeah I'm good— I just, am not used to doing things like that," I let out a little laugh,
"Don't worry; I was just making a joke about it then. We don't have to do stuff like that for a long time; I was just making a joke because we fell over and landed like that." Felix nodded but didn't look to me. I sighed biting my lip as I stood up and walked to where Felix was sitting. I sat down next to him and grabbed his hands in mine,
"Felix, are you okay?" he shook his head,
"I just, don't understand why you are doing stuff like this— you know, being with me. I'm not right, I'm broken." I smiled at him,
"Oh Felix, we're both broken in different ways." Felix frowned and looked at me oddly,
"What do you mean 'We're broken in different ways'?" I sighed and pulled him close again, holding him close, sitting my chin on his head.
"It doesn't matter. I will tell you later." Felix sighed and nodded, snuggling into me.
Felix's P.O.V
I woke up too early this morning. I was used to going to sleep at that time, so waking up at that time was weird. So I got up and did what I usually did and wrote in my diary. It was a little black book that had everything I needed, written down in it. It was my lifeline, aside from Jake now of course.
"Why didn't you wake me?" I jumped at the sound of Jake's voice coming from my bed across the room,
"Jake, shit— I didn't notice you were awake." He nodded sitting up in the bed.
"Felix— what time is it?" I pulled my phone from next to me and saw the time,
"It's about Elevenish, why?" Jake sighed,
"What time did you wake up?" My eyes widened, fuck, why did he have to ask that? I don't want to tell him,
"What do you mean?" Why the hell did I say that? Jake got up from the bed and came over to me. I tried to move into the couch but yeah— that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
"I mean, how long ago did you wake up?" I bit my lip harder,
"You won't be happy." I started to move away from Jake,
"Okay, tell me," I sighed,
"Fourish," Jake sighed,
"Felix you should have woken me up. I could have kept you company." I shrugged and wiped at my face, tears were beginning to fall. Shit— why did I have to start crying. Jake sighed pulled me closer, kissing the top of my head. I sighed in pleasure at the feeling of Jake holding me like this, but it didn't halt my crying,
"Please don't cry." I gripped onto Jake's pant leg, crying into the other one.
"You would think after all the crying I did yesterday, I wouldn't have any tears left right now huh?" My words caused me to sit up and look at him, who wore a sad look, making my heart break— God I'm hurting him.
"Do not say things like that okay?" I nod at his words and wipe more tears from my eyes. Jake sighs and grabs my head, turning it to face him. He looked into my eyes and said,
"Felix, whenever in doubt, confide in me okay?" I nodded and smile weakly at hi, making him return the smile,
"Thank you, Jake." My words made him shrug, and smile properly
"Anything for you Felix," I nodded and watched as Jake jumped up from our place on the couch, and pulling me up with him. My eyes widened as the movement caused me to lose my balance, forcing Jake to pull me close to him, which caused him to lose his own balance, which made him fall down onto the couch with me right in between his legs. Holy crap! This is awkward— Jake groaned at the fall, but looked oddly comfortable, Jake let out a little laugh,
"Well, this is awkward," I muttered causing Jake let out a laugh. He snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me closer.
"Not for me— I quite like this position," I growled at him, jumping up from the couch and walking over to my bed and sitting on it. How does he do that with me every day? I don't get it. Jake hopped up from his place on the couch and walked over to me,
"Felix, are you okay?" I looked up to Jake and nodded. He was standing just in front of me now.
"Yeah I'm good— I just, am not used to doing things like that," Jake let out a little laugh. His laugh was so cute and deep,
"Don't worry; I was just making a joke about it then. We don't have to do stuff like that for a long time; I was just making a joke because we fell over and landed like that." I nodded keeping my head down, not really wanting to look at Jake. My actions cause Jake to sigh, and stand up from his place on my bed, and walked to where I was sitting. He sat down next to me and grabbing my hands. What the hell? What is he trying to do?
"Felix, are you okay?" Oh— that. I shook his head knowing I wasn't going to be able to lie to him. It seems as if he can see right through me, I need to explain what I'm feeling— or I'll just do what I did before and push him away, and then I'm fucked,
"I just, don't understand why you are doing stuff like this— you know, being with me. I'm not right, I'm broken." Jake smiled at me, which was beginning to freak me out, how can he smile so much?
"Oh Felix, we're both broken in different ways." I frowned and looked at Jake like he was an alien,
"What do you mean 'We're broken in different ways'?" because quite frankly I had no fucking clue. Jake sighed and pulled me close to him. I smiled basking in his warmth. In this position, it allowed Jake to put his chin on my head.
"It doesn't matter. I will tell you later." I sighed and nodded, snuggling into Jake. I don't care if he never explains because all I want right now is to be wrapped in Jake's arms.
I pulled away from Jake and shoved him so he was in what someone might call a normal position to sleep, on my bed; before lying down with him, wrapping my arms around his neck, making Jake sigh. I smirked and moved one hand from its spot around his neck, slowly moving it down his body, so it was touching his abs lightly.
I then dropped my hands and gripped Jake's abs tightly, causing the bigger boy to gasp and grab my hand. He only had one hand since I was lying on his other arm, which allowed me to take advantage of the situation. I then used my other hand to play with the ends of his hair, something I knew he loved, in the other sort of way, which forced him to release the hand on his abs and grab the other hand around his neck. Using my now free hand traced Jake's abs which caused him to moan lightly releasing the hand around his neck, and moved it so he was gripping onto my side.
"Fe-Feli-Felix what are you— doing?" he managed to get out in between gasps and small moans, I shrugged and started playing with his hair again,
"I don't know, bored I guess." Jake groaned, before grabbing both of my hands, pinning them to the side of me, and then rolling the both of us so I was on my back and Jake was sitting on top of me, straddling my hips. I groaned at the feeling of him on top of me, it just seemed natural.
I laughed as Jake's hands moved so one was sitting right next to my head, and was able to grab the ends of my hair, pulling of them every so often making me groan. I guess it was payback for what I was doing to him before. His other hand was sitting on my waist, tracing over my cuts. It didn't feel awkward it felt— nice, arousing even— god that is so sad,
"Felix?" I hummed in response, Jake moved closer to my face kissing me lightly. I groaned the light kiss wasn't enough. I moved my head up to meet Jake's but he pulled his away,
"What are you doing?" I frowned biting my lip,
"I'm trying to kiss you— why?" Jake smirked,
"It's a problem because I am in control, and you are not allowed to do anything. That's your punishment." I frowned biting down on my lip harder, trying to get Jake's attention by doing so.
"But if I didn't start anything, this wouldn't be happening now true?" right now, I was so glad neither of us was wearing shirts. But it meant my stomach and chest were visible to Jake to see. And that meant all my scars were visible for him to see.
Jake finally noticed me biting down on my lip, causing Jake to bit down on his own and groan before dropping down and capturing my lips in his. I groaned as he finally released my hands allowing me to move them to grip his head. I pulled Jake harder down on me, pushing my hips up into his, which made him grip my waist with his hands. That then gave me the advantage to push him up and roll us over again so I was on top.
"Jake—" I groaned my hands having a mind of their own, and dropping down to his pants, and tucking a single finger under the waistband. The sound that came from Jake made me lose complete control. I moved my lips from his down to his neck, where I attacked his Adam's apple, sucking, licking and biting down on it, allowing the sounds to continuously come from Jake's mouth.
With my hand that wasn't gripping Jake's— my— the pants Jake was wearing, started to trace his chest lightly, with a teasing touch. Jake groaned louder than before gripping my hips painfully. But I love the pain of it, and it caused me to groan, throwing my head back in bliss. Jake then took the opportunity to attack my neck, flipping us back over, sliding one of his hands into the waistband of my pants, touching my boxers.
I groaned out wanting more when it hit me. My eyes widened and I began to pull away from Jake. I quickly jumped up from the bed and walked over to the couch, groaning at the loss of Jake's body on mine. Jake sat up on the bed looking at me confused when it hit him. I watched as his eyes widened,
"Oh my god Felix, I am so fucking sorry— you just— made me lose control. I just—" Jake was stuttering as he got up and walked over to me, wrapping his arm around my waist hugging me tightly.
"Jake— don't be apologising for something that's not your fault. It was completely my fault, I tempted you and then I didn't stop you." I buried my head in Jake's chest, the pain growing in my crotch— fuck my life. I closed my eyes as I let the pain take over my senses, making me moan lightly.
"Felix— are you okay?" I nodded and shrugged at the same time,
"I really don't fucking know. But do you remember the other week when we were behind the school building and Sam caught us— sort of?" Jake nodded looking at me oddly as I pulled away from his chest so he could hear me clearly,
"Well, you know when you shoved me against the wall? And I mo—" I couldn't finish the sentence,
"You moaned yeah?" I nodded my cheeks staining a dark red.
"Well I uh— kind of got excited, and since I didn't— you know, release, it's really painful—" I trailed off hoping Jake would know where I was going with this. It took him a moment when a look of recognition took over his face,
"You like the pain—" I nodded slowly,
"And it makes me— more excited if that's possible." Jake nodded and gasped pulling me close,
"Is there anything I can do to help?" I bit my lip, so many thoughts and possibilities running through my head. But I knew that would never happen—
"Yes. But no, not right now, maybe in a few months if this ever happens again." Jake nodded, his face flushing bright red to match mine. Jake then attempted a smirk,
"Trust me— that will be happening again. It has to because that was bloody brilliant." I smiled at his words,
"Is that so?" Jake smirked; his blush gone and was now just smirking.
"So— so," I smiled lightly at him and he returned the smile, leaning down and pecking me lightly on the lips. My arms instantly moved to wrap around Jake's neck, holding his lips to mine and deepening the kiss. Jake didn't refuse but didn't deepen it anymore, which I am glad for because I don't think I will be able to control myself.
"I think we need to stop," Jake muttered, catching my attention. I nodded murmuring in response,
"Yeah, I just really don't want to." Jake sighed pulling away,
"I know Felix, but if we don't stop now, I won't be able to control myself. Do you want a repeat of what happened on the bed?" I shrugged and thought about it. As much as I want to do everything with Jake right now, it's too soon. I sighed nodding in agreement,
"You're right. Right now I want to do everything with you, but I know we can't because it's too soon." Jake nodded resting his chin on my head,
"I know, I love you, Felix," his words making me blush and bury my face in his neck and chest,
"Jake—" Jake shrugged pulling out of the hug,
"I know, I know— but how about we go get some food. You need it." I frowned biting my lip, great— now I regret telling him about my anorexia. I nodded grabbing his hand and walking over to the door when I stopped us. Jake looked at me oddly, making me turn around and walk over to my dresser and pull out two shirts,
"I don't particularly like going out in public without a shirt on." Jake nodded smiling lightly, as he grabbed the shirt and slid it on over his head, his muscles moving as he did so. I bit my lip and looked away as I slid my own shirt on.
"Are you good?" I asked Jake still not looking; he is pretty irresistible it's sometimes annoying.
"Yeah, I'm good, why do you ask?" I squeaked blushing,
"Just— no reason, let's go." I grabbed Jake's hand and dragged him out of my room, walking across the wet grass of the backyard barefoot, and into the house where Mum and Dad were rushing around while Oscar was sitting in his chair in the lounge room, his face flushed red. Great— he's sick again,
"Ken, where are the keys?!" Yelled Mum at Dad, making me sigh and turn to Jake,
"Can you just stay here for a minute?" Jake nodded, understanding what I was asking him,
"Sure." I smiled at him,
"Thanks," I said and quickly turned around and walked into the kitchen where I found the key sitting underneath the pile of bills. I rolled my eyes picking them up and dangling them in the air,
"These it?" I asked which caused Mum to look at me nodding. As she pushed Oscar through the kitchen grabbing the keys on her way, before calling out,
"Ken!" making me wince since I was right next to her.
"Kathy, be quiet!" Dad called out before following her out the door and getting Oscar into the car. I sighed and collapsed against the bench, dropping my head down on it. Why do they have to fight all the time? I'm sick of it! I growled standing up and turning around, fury powering me, but I was stopped by crashing into Jake who wrapped his arms around me, effectively stopping me from going anywhere or even moving,
"Felix— calm down," I growled at him,
"No— I fucked everything up! Before Oscar's accident, we were the perfect family, and now we're nothing. We can't even be classified as a family anymore; I just— need to find some way to fix it!" Jake growled right back at me,
"There is nothing you can do! Maybe Oscar's accident was meant to happen, like fate." I growled at him, but it was half-hearted,
"Are you saying Oscar had to have his accident? Why would you say something like that?" Why— that was stupid, no one deserves what he got,
"I say that, because what if he didn't? Would we be standing here right now, would I be standing here with you in my arms and in love with you?" I stopped and thought about it—
"No, I don't believe that. Oscar's accident shouldn't have happened," Jake sighed,
"But that's exactly what it is Felix! It was an accident, a series of events happening so it could all lead up to one thing." I froze,
"What's that one thing?" Jake smiled at me lightly, grabbing my chin and pulling close to his face,
"Us Felix— just us," I looked into his eyes and he knew he was right. If Oscar never had his accident, we might not have happened. Oh god— I can't even think of life without Jake in it nowadays. What would happen if he left?
"Would you ever leave me?" Jake looked at me confused,
"God no, Felix why would you think of something like that— is that— are you scared I'm going to leave you?" I bit my lip and nodded, looking away from Jake as much as I could, not wanting to see the look of hurt on his face, but I had already seen it.
"I'm sorry I thought that— I just, everyone I love leave me. My friends, my best friend, my brother hates me, my family ignores me— I just, I keep on thinking how long is Jake gonna stick around for, a month— a year? I just— I don't trust myself to keep people around. If they stick around they get hurt, and then that hurts me." Jake frowned nodding, pulling me close again,
"I am never going to leave you. Okay?" I nodded lightly, trying to believe him with all my heart. But get abandoned one too many times, and it's hard to be able to trust people ever again.
"I'll try. I just— it's hard for me to trust—" I trailed off not really knowing what to say,
"Trust me?" I nodded grimly, looking up to Jake.
"I love you," I muttered, which made Jake blush and kiss me lightly,
"I love you too Felix Ferne." I smiled at the sound of my name coming from his mouth. I hope nothing goes wrong. But knowing us— something is bound to go wrong.
We may fight, or we might get hate from everyone at school. But all I care about right now is how Jake is mine, and he will be mine for as long as I can hold onto him. Which I am hoping will be forever.