I'm gonna make these updates an every other week thing? I'm still really behind and I'm gonna completely run out of chapters if I keep trying every week so I'll see you again in two weeks :,)
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WEDNESDAY, JULY 2, 1969
It really just seemed like an unnecessary punch in the gut, Alexandria thought as she curled up into a ball on the living room couch. Jostick hopped up next to her and crawled on top of her, laying down and purring in delight. Alexandria reached up and stroked his fur, but it did nothing to change the despair she was feeling.
They'd done everything right, hadn't they? They'd spent practically every second of their vacation in bed, they'd counted the days of her cycle, she'd stopped drinking, they'd done every single thing she had ever remotely heard about to help with conceiving...and now she was bleeding, and early nonetheless. Not only was she bleeding, but she was cramping as well, and all of her efforts to tame the awful sensation had failed. She tried medicine and that didn't work. Then, she tried Tiger Balm ointment—something new she had discovered a few weeks ago—and that also didn't work.
So she'd resorted to lying about and feeling desperately sorry for herself. And since she wasn't pregnant, she threw in a bottle of scotch just to give her some sort of joy. She didn't bother pouring herself a glass. What was the point of that when you had the full bottle?
Her stomach cramped, and she took a swig of her scotch to convince herself that she hadn't felt it. Then, she lowered the glass bottle down onto the floor beside the couch. She folded her now empty hands underneath the side of her head and huffed in displeasure. She was angry, not only at her and George's failure to conceive, but also because this had just ruined the memory of her vacation, a vacation that had been more than she could ever ask for. It had been a wonderful getaway, but now all it felt like to her was a damned failure.
She let out an audible groan, and Jostick jerked to his feet in surprise. Then, he ran away. Rupert hopped into the room, and they both retreated to the back door. Alexandria stared at them, not wanting to get up, until Rupert hopped up onto his back two legs and scratched his paws against the glass door. The high pitched squeak of his nails against the glass was enough to get Alexandria on her feet and she was letting them out in an instant.
The two Siamese cats ran off into the yard side-by-side, and Alexandria watched them for a few minutes. How wonderful would it be if they had a child to play with? A child who wasn't a useless sack of flesh like his or her mother, that is.
Alexandria dragged her feet back over to the couch and slumped down onto the cushions, her body sagging depressively. Her mind spun just a bit as it kept trying to remind her of why she was so upset, and when it became too much to bear, a couple of tears slipped out of her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. The onslaught of teardrops started out silent, but quickly turned ugly, and before long, Alexandria's chest was heaving impressive sobs that would send bears into early hibernation out of fear.
She kept telling herself to stop, out loud as if that would help her anymore, but it didn't. She felt ridiculous every single time she cried over this, especially since they'd only been trying for a month now. It was still early! She knew that things like this could take some time!
But on the other hand, she also knew that the effects of her laparoscopy wouldn't last forever, and that was already two months in the past. They only had four months left, according to her doctor. What happened if they didn't conceive in those four months? They hadn't even begun to discuss that.
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George picked up dinner from Alexandria's favorite restaurant on the way home. He'd been in the studio all day, and he was missing her more than usual today. All day, he'd just had an odd feeling that something was wrong, a feeling that he couldn't quite shake.
Once armed with their favorite fish and chips in all of London, he returned to Kinfauns, only to find his wife dissolved in sorrow in the living room. He quickly disposed of the food in the kitchen and then made it to the living room. Alexandria didn't seem to have noticed him yet, so he tried to come up with something to say, but he hadn't a clue why she was so upset, which meant he wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to hear.
"Alex?" he asked as he went to sit next to her. She was laying on the couch, curled up into a tight fetal position with a pillow between her arms. She was dressed in a pair of leggings and a rather loose shirt, and from the looks of it, it appeared she hadn't put anything on underneath it. George tried to keep this observation buried deep inside of him—now was definitely not the time for such attention to detail.
Alexandria ignored him entirely. Or maybe she hadn't heard him in the first place. Either way, she didn't budge.
"Alex," George pressed, not satisfied with the idea that she may not even be in need of his company at all.
She did move this time, just enough to jam her foot into his side. He let out a surprised yelp and hopped "Don't talk to me!" she cried.
George crouched down in front of her with a heaving sigh. "Alex, talk to me," he said.
Alexandria heaved a sigh, then coughed as she choked on it. "I don't want to," she said. She was embarrassed, ashamed even. She didn't want to tell George the terrible news, the news that their endeavors had failed, the news that she wasn't pregnant. She hated being the bearer of bad news.
Her last period hadn't hit her quite this hard. It came a mere week after they started trying, so they hadn't really been expecting any results so early on. Now, however, she had been holding on to a tiny bit of hope, and that tiny bit of hope had reduced her to this: a sobbing mess. She was like a three-year-old throwing a damned fit. It was pathetic, she was sure of it.
"Don't make me say it," George warned, but she had no idea what in the hell he was talking about, so she popped one eye open with a scowl and asked for clarification. "Don't make me call you by your real name," he tutted. "I'll do it."
"Don't you dare," she practically growled.
George reached forward and brushed her hair from her eyes. "Then, tell me what's wrong. I brought home dinner, if that makes you more inclined to speak up." He grinned. "Fish and chips."
Alexandria took a deep breath. Hell, that really did sound enticing. Calming herself down, she pushed herself onto her bottom so she was sitting. "From—?"
"From your favorite place on earth," George mused. "I missed you a little extra in the studio today. Wanted to make it up to you."
Alexandria couldn't help but smile. Her heart was broken, but her husband sure had a way of mending it, if only for a little while. "You don't have to make anything up to me," she said with a chuckle.
George shrugged. "Just felt like being nice." Suddenly, Alexandria frowned. The smile on George's face disappeared when he noticed. "Can't you tell me what's wrong?" he asked, sounding rather desperate.
Alexandria sighed. "I started my period," Alexandria said, her throat tightening as her heart threatened to deploy more tears. "I'm not pregnant," she added somberly.
George's face washed over in disappointment, disappointment that was too strong to hide. "Alex—."
"Please, can we not talk about it?" she asked. "Not until I'm a little more...composed, at least?"
George nodded silently. "Whatever you wish." Alexandria nodded rapidly, and for a moment, neither of them spoke. Then, George held out a hand. "I suspect our food is getting cold," he said. "Let's eat it before then, hm?"
Despite all odds, Alexandria pulled her lips back into a smile.
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SATURDAY, JULY 5, 1969
Alexandria hummed along to "Don't Talk (Put Your Head On My Shoulder)" by the Beach Boys as she lounged on the back deck, the sun blanketing her body in a warm and honestly endearing manner.
George had spent the morning tucked away in his music room, working on some new music, and he'd only emerged to come out and refill his teacup and retrieve some snacks to keep him company.
Thus far, Alexandria had enjoyed her alone time. She didn't get much of it these days, and no matter how much she adored her husband, everyone needed a break sometimes, even from their spouse.
She lay sprawled out on an outdoor lounge chair, a floppy sun hat on her head and a bikini on her body. She only ever wore such an ensemble when she knew only George would see her. She didn't much appreciate anyone else seeing her in a bikini, not when her belly was looking rather dinged up these days. Even as she lay outside alone, she found herself folding her arms on her stomach, trying to hide herself from absolutely no one but herself. She knew it was absolutely absurd, yet she did it anyway. It was almost like a habit.
She closed her eyes and let her mind wander a bit. A portable record player spun Pet Sounds, one of her favorite albums to listen to during the summer months, and she had been downright relaxed all day, more relaxed than she had been in months. She'd spent the past months worrying so much about having a baby that she hadn't been able to relax. She couldn't have if she wanted to.
Today, she vowed that would change.
For how long would this change last?
Well, she didn't want to ponder that question.
She was in such a state of relaxation at the moment, however, that she didn't even notice when the back door slid open and George stepped out with an acoustic guitar. His hair was tousled and he wore a pair of thin, baggy shorts with a pitiful t-shirt, and he had a smile on his face, a genuine smile, a smile that widened wickedly whenever he spied his wife wearing that stringy bikini of hers. She looked divine, like utter heaven.
He strolled on over to where she sat and lowered himself to the ground beside her, careful not to make his presence known just yet. For a moment, he just wanted to stare at her. He wanted to study the features on her face that he loved so very much. Then, he'd continue with the real reason he had come out here.
Once he was done marveling at her beauty (for the time being, at least), he stood and walked over to the record player. With careful hands, he lifted the needle from atop the vinyl and moved the arm over to the side.
Alexandria, confused as to why her music had just stopped, cracked an eye open and sat up, looking around. George made his way back over immediately. "No, no, lay back down," he said, his eyes unable to resist the urge to look at her chest for a brief moment.
Alexandria didn't have to be told twice. Her eyes sparkled a bit when she saw the guitar in her husband's hands. She knew what that meant. He'd written a song, one he was proud of, and she was going to be the first to hear it! "I see you've brought one of those musical instruments of yours," she hummed as she laid back down on her slightly-inclined chair and closed her eyes again. "That's always a good sign."
George smiled as he sat back down beside her chair. He noticed the way she folded her hands so that they covered up the laparoscopy scars on her belly, and it made him rather disappointed. He hated that she felt so bad about herself. He only wished she could see herself through his eyes.
"Well," he said, dragging his eyes away from her hands and looking once again at her face. "I've written a new song," he said. "It's about you."
Alexandria couldn't help but smile. He held up a folded piece of paper and handed it over to her. "Now, try not to look ahead, all right? Do read along, if you please, though."
Alexandria looked down at the paper in her hands, trying not to read the words just yet. She just admired George's neat handwriting for a moment, and then he began to play.
All alone in the world am I
Not a care for this world have I
Only you keep my eyes open wide
Yes, it's true
I live for you
George strummed and smiled, and Alexandria read along with the words as she heard them being spoken, and before long, she was smiling along with him.
"Not reading ahead, are you?" He stopped singing just to ask.
Alexandria smiled and shook her head. "You told me not to, did you not?"
"I did. Just making sure you're listening." He smiled before continuing.
Not a thing in this world do I own
Only sadness from all that is grown
In this darkness, I wait for the day
Yes, it's true
I live for you
He stopped and dropped his hands from around his guitar, a wide and proud smile on his face. "That's all I've got right now," George said apologetically whenever he noticed that Alexandria was listening for more. "What do you think? And be honest, honest as you always are."
Alexandria, unable to wipe the smile from her face, looked down at the paper in her hands, the paper with George's neat handwriting on it. She read the lyrics over while George waited (only somewhat) patiently for a response. "It's beautiful," she responded, her eyes rising up to meet his. "So, so beautiful."
"Mmm, sounds like someone I know."
"Hm?" Alexandria asked.
"So beautiful," George mused. "Sounds a bit like you." He leaned forward and stole a kiss from her lips. "'Specially when you're relaxing in that bikini." Alexandria's face turned a deep shade of red as his eyes indiscreetly dragged across her scarcely-covered body. "How are you feeling today? Cramps still bothering you?"
Alexandria shook her head, her smile faltering just a bit. She didn't want to be reminded of her period, and really, she'd almost been so relaxed that she had forgotten all about it! "I haven't really had any at all today," she responded.
George smiled. "Wonderful. I came by to ask you if you'd want to come to Eric's with me," he said. "I need help with some songs. Was thinkin' he could be of use. Plus, I thought it would do you some good to get out of the house."
Alexandria cocked an eyebrow and looked around at her surroundings. "Looks like I am out of the house," she answered coyly.
George rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean, ye twit," he responded.
Alexandria nodded. "Yeah, I know." And she smiled. "I think I'd love to go with you. I do love Eric's dogs."
"And afterward," George said with a sly, suggestive smile.
Alexandria's face turned red. "What're you thinkin'?" she asked.
"I'm thinking we can get dinner on the way home. I can wine and dine you in the finest way you'll ever know."
"Emphasis on the wine, I hope," Alexandria said. "Whilst it is still acceptable for me to drink."
George nodded, his eyes traveling across her body once more, shameless as ever. "Yeah," he said, sounding a bit distracted.
When his eyes landed squarely on her chest, Alexandria waved her arms in his face, rolling her eyes. "My eyes're up here, ye twit."
George jumped in surprise and looked up. "Have I ever told you that your tits look fabulous?" he blurted without even thinking it through. When he realized what he'd just said, he blushed.
Alexandria laughed, reaching forward to ruffle his fringe. "Never in such a charming way," she said sarcastically. If she was being honest, it felt good to hear such a compliment. Ever since falling pregnant, Alexandria's breasts had become much fuller than before, and a part of her had been properly pleased about such a change. She'd always had a small chest, never anything particularly special to look at. Having rounder, larger breasts made her feel more confident about herself in a way she never had before.
"Well, go and get dressed, then," George teased. "You know I love seeing you like this, but I don't want Eric seeing you like this." Once again, his eyes indiscreetly scanned her barely-covered body.
Alexandria rolled her eyes. "You can't still be on about Eric being in love with me."
George furrowed his brows, then leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her cheek. "I just don't want to take any chances," he said. "I know how men in love can be."
"Eric would only have to be in love with me to act like a man in love, George."
George shrugged, pushing himself to his feet. "Maybe he is just that," he answered, extending a hand to help her to her feet as well.
Alexandria shook her head in dismay, but she still took his hand and accepted his help.
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Every now and then, when the scent caught the air just right, George could smell Alexandria's banana bread in the back seat, and his stomach growled a few times in response. The third time, Alexandria reached over the console jokingly and patted his angry stomach. George swatted her hand away, and she laughed.
"Excited for my banana bread, are we?" she asked with a giggle.
George's cheeks turned red in embarrassment and frustration. Then, he admitted, "Yeah," in an almost unintelligible mumble.
"Well, we're almost there now," Alexandria responded. "Hopefully Alice will let me heat the bread up," she added, referring to Eric Clapton's girlfriend of roughly a month. "That always makes it better." Eric's relationship with Alice was something that Alexandria often used to try and convince George that Eric had no attraction to her. George didn't think it was very compelling evidence still.
Sunshine and Jeep greeted the Harrisons when they arrived at Eric's home. Sunshine bounded over and Jeep followed close behind, his tongue lolling out of his mouth dopily. Eric must've heard their incessant barking because a moment later, he wandered out onto the porch, and his eyes lit up when he saw who was here.
"'Bout time," he said with a smile. George was bent over and not at all lying attention, eagerly reaching for the banana bread in the backseat. "Dinner just got done."
Alexandria smiled at Eric, who came over and gave her a friendly side-hug and a kiss on the cheek. "George has been cooped up inside all day," she said. Eric kept his arm lazily around Alexandria's shoulders.
Upon hearing his name, George turned around in surprise. "What is all this about me?" he asked with a grin.
"Was just telling Eric all about how you've been ignoring me all day," Alexandria quipped.
"Well, you just seemed so content on your own," George grumbled, crossing his arms.
Alexandria slipped past him and retrieved the banana bread he had neglected to pick up. Then, she kissed him on the cheek. "Stop pouting," she said. "I'm hungry!"
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Alexandria sipped on lemonade. She and Alice sat underneath the shade of a tree, chatting about whatever came to mind while watching their partners strum a couple of beat up, acoustic guitars a few feet away. George and Eric tossed lyrics around like Alexandria had seen John and Paul do so many times before, and it amazed her.
"Here comes the sun, doo doo doo doo..."
Alexandria's ears perked up at the divine sound of George's voice, an honest instinct. She'd never heard the lyrics before, she realized. Perhaps they were a product of his private session today. She wasn't entirely sure.
Alice was still speaking, but Alexandria was no longer listening. Her ears had tuned exclusively in on George as he sang a rather uplifting song.
"Here comes the sun, and I say, 'it's all right'..."
The song reminded her of the one whose lyrics she had found wadded up in his rubbish bin a few months back, the tune titled "All Things Must Pass". He had continued developing that one over the past couple of months after she had (rather forcefully) encouraged him to, and it was still one of her favorites.
"Here Comes the Sun" seemed to have about the same message.
Uplifting songs about things getting better always reminded her of their recent dark days.
And they always broke her heart in two.
"Aaalex," Alice buzzed with a grin when she realized her friend was too caught up in looking at her husband to be paying attention.
At the sound of her name a third time, Alexandria jumped and looked over at Alice. "Y-yes?" she responded, and she realized, to her horror, that she was getting choked up at George's bloody song. Damn his impeccable songwriting abilities, and damn her godawful hormones.
"We're having a party on the twelfth," Alice said with a smile. "You and George should come."
Alexandria smiled back. "That sounds lovely," she responded. "I'll be sure to talk to Geo about it." She glanced back over at her husband, who was still strumming his guitar and singing "Here Comes the Sun" while Eric gave him suggestions, then she stood.
"I'm headed to the loo," she said. "I'll be back."
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