Word Count: 2020
~Kiva
Frost crunches beneath my shoes as I wander around the gardens with father by my side.
At this time of year, it's a pitiful sight. Everything is frozen over, any sign of life have crawled away to die in the cold.
Yet father is starting to grow wary of his own staff, wanting to speak to me outside, where none of them linger.
"So you were incorrect then, about the intrusion?"
"That, or they figured out you weren't in the manor, and decided against it." Father keeps his hands neatly tucked behind his back as we walk, smile ridged.
I'm glad he got it wrong, that my mate and his companions didn't break in after all.
"Good...good."
I stare at my feet, trying to summon the courage to ask the question that has been at the tip of my tongue for a while.
"Hey, father?"
"Yes?"
"What would happen if I found my mate?" I ask softly. I've always wondered, since I was a child, and yet I've been too frightened of his answer.
Now, evidently, I can't put it off any longer.
He takes a long time to think, letting me stew in his calculated silence.
"Well, that depends on who your mate is."
My mouth dries. "Why?"
"Were he a good man in elevated rank, then I would be delighted for you, Kiva, as you would be able to marry him," he explains, as if it's obvious.
My heart stumbles a beat. My mate is not of elevated rank, I know that much. Father would never approve, and I'm foolish for thinking he would so much as consider another candidate.
"But were he any other man, I couldn't?"
"There is more at stake than a mate bond. I want you to be happy, darling, but the purity of the crown must be upheld," he insists, keeping that cold, plastic smile he uses on me in substitute of any actual love plastered across his face.
"I know, but-"
He holds his hand up, silencing me.
"You are to rule one day, perhaps soon. It is time to realise your own importance, Kiva, and to learn that you shall make far greater sacrifices as you get older," he tells me in that no nonsense tone of his that was most prevelant in my childhood.
"You're right," I mumble, although my stomach aches lowly.
"I know I'm right. And your mother would have said the same thing." He smiles down at me.
He genuinely believes he is doing me a favour. By telling me this now, he thinks he is saving me from pain in the future.
He may be right. But what if I want to find out about life beyond this myself?
I look down at my hands. "Maybe..."
My mate is out there, whether father cares or not. And despite his warning, I know I can't give up on him.
***
Tonight, I can't sleep.
My fingers dig under my sheet. I'm tempted to dip them between my legs, to find a blissful, momentary high away from all my thoughts.
I wouldn't even think about Ark. Even if I'm tempted to.
But as I start, I can't push away my thoughts of doubt. What is Ark is right about me? I can hardly contain myself. My life is so mundane, so redundant that I have to resort to touching myself to feel anything.
Groaning, I push myself from bed, running my hands through my hair.
Ark isn't guarding me tonight, I don't think. I should be safe to get some air and think about what I'm going to do next.
Grabbing the knife Ark doesn't know I stole from the training room, I tuck it into my jacket pocket and slip from the room.
If he decides to ruin my quiet time, I'll let him know how serious I am.
Sure enough, Jack is sleeping outside my door, not stirring as I tentatively step past him and pad down the hallway.
The entire place is drenched in darkness, with only the reflection of the moon on the snow outside that streams through the windows lighting the way.
I'm tempted to go out the front door this evening. It feels like a dig at my father and his imposing rules.
Half way down the stares, something stops me.
Someone...Ark, is walking through the foyer and down the main hallway.
My blood goes cold.
I should go back to my room. He's probably just doing a sweep of the house before he gets some sleep...but what if he doesn't?
Wincing, I stride down the rest of the stairs, deciding that if I'm going to regret something tonight, it's going to be following him, and not sitting up in my room regretting not doing so.
I catch sight of him just as he turns off from the main hallway, heading down toward the staff wing.
He could be doing any manner of things right now, which are all entirely innocent, and I'm following him. He may even be going down to seduce one of the staff...
He's allowed to - he doesn't have to follow any rules like I do.
Eventually I follow him through the darkness, entering a part of the house I don't usually go. The corridors are narrower, made for staff only, and not much is familiar to me.
So when Ark cuts off through a door, I have no idea where he is heading.
I pause at the threshold, watching his back as he does down a flight of steps, not bothering to turn any light on to guide in.
I draw in a breath. Something doesn't feel right
Bracing my hands against the wall, I follow him down the stairs, keeping my footsteps as light as possible. Gently, I pull the knife from my pocket, deciding I want to scare him, maybe get some answers out of him.
In the darkness, he pauses, turning his head slightly.
I rush at him, knife in hand.
As I expected, he grabs my wrist before I can get close enough to risk slashing him. With his whole body weight, he pushes me back until I hit a concrete wall, my breath gasping out of me.
I yelp, turning my head away from his wild gaze. He looks genuinely shocked. Not scared, but shocked.
"Kiva?"
"What in the world are you doing?" I question, pushing him off me.
I rub my wrists. I know he's strong, that he's a bred killer, but his intensity unnerves me every time.
He kicks my weapon that he knocked from my hand onto the floor. "You were the one attacking me with a knife."
"I wanted to scare you. I wanted to see what you would do," I admit with a shrug. I wasn't going to hurt him, and I knew he would react before I got close...but I wanted to see what I was capable of doing to him.
Not much, apparently...
"Well, I'm impressed. You could have had me there," he says, leaning over to flick the light on.
It drones out an unnerving buzz before flicking on. The space fills in with light. It's an old storage space, I realise, with shelves filled with common household goods.
Something isn't right here.
"What are you doing down here?"
He rubs his hand through his already mussed black hair. "Couldn't sleep, and tonight, I'm not rostered to guard your door, so I decided to go for a walk."
I blink. "Down here?"
"It's not as if I can go outside."
I stare at him, dumbfounded. He doesn't appear to be lying, but I wouldn't know if he were. He's trained to lie, to be deceptive. His expression is neutral, and through the dark haze over his eyes, I can't see anything that reveals his true motivations.
But his excuse about going for a walk doesn't sit right with me.
"Mind if I hang out here with you for awhile?" I ask, stooping down to sit on a solid toolbox.
Ark's gaze softens. "Something on your mind?"
"My father said something that I can't get out of my head," I mutter. Ark can act as strange as he likes, it's still not what is bothering me the most.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He shifts uncomfortably, and I can't help but smirk.
He doesn't do the emotional stuff often, clearly.
"He told me that if I found my mate, I couldn't be with them," I exclaim, gazing up at him. The edge of the light frames his brows stature, shadowing the contours of his beautiful face.
"You told me you already found your mate, and he wasn't a good person?"
"Yes...yes I know, but what if he was?"
He isn't, but I feels nice to think otherwise. He is my mate after all, I'm drawn to him. Whoever he is.
"Then your father would be an asshole," Ark mutters with a shrug, tilting his head to get a good look around the room.
I gape at him. "Ark! You can't say that, he's your boss."
"Look, I'm just being honest."
I rest my hands over my eyes. "The worst part of all this is that I don't even know if my mate is a bad person. I mean, I assume he is, but what if something is stopping him with being with me?"
Ark crouches down, tilting my chin up with his gloved finger.
"A good man would drop anything to be with you...this mate, I mean," he murmurs lowly.
"It's just not that simple." I shake my head.
"Well, it should be."
It's easy for him to say. He can leave here, to continue his life however he wants to. He can be a normal person, so normal things and find his mate and be happy. I will never have that.
I huff out a sigh. "Why are you down here, Ark?"
He watches me quietly, thinking. If only that mask of neutrality he wears was physical, so I could rip it off and reveal the person he is behind it.
"I don't know this place as I should do. I've been looking for ways rebels could slip inside covertly," he admits, rubbing a frown from between his brow.
My heart stutters. "You think we at risk of silent assassins?"
"That's what I predict their next move to be." He sweeps back to standing position. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to worry you."
I almost laugh at his ridiculous this all is. "My life is in constant danger, I'm restricted in my position as Princess, and my mate doesn't want me. Does it get worse?"
Ark holds his hand out to me, and I take it, swiping the knife up off the ground as I stand.
"It will, if you don't stay in your room from now on." He holds me back by my shoulders.
I brush him off. "Yeah, the guard was asleep."
"Of course he was. I'll be handling that."
I stand back a few steps, unable to shake that dark feeling that has been constantly lingering over me for the past couple days. I haven't been myself, and with every thing going on, my self confidence has depleted into almost nothing.
"Do you think I'm a stuck up Princess?"
Ark frowns, the ghost of some expression passing over his face. "I hardly know you."
"From what you've known of me so far?" I ask, my voice breaking a little.
"You're a product of your reality," He looks away. "But I see a kind soul in you, Kiva."
Something about this seems way too depressing about this conversation. Ark is going to tell me he likes me, that he sees me as anything other than an irritating Princess.
Even if that is what I want to hear.
I nudge him, my smile weak. "We can't all be enigmatic and mysterious like you, Ark."
"Get to bed, before I carry you there over my shoulder," he murmurs in my ear as he wanders past.
I roll my eyes. That does sound like fun.
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I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! and as always it is available 10 chapters ahead on Radish!
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~Midika 💜🐼