"You ready for this?" Felix yelled over the noise of the propellers. I gave him a nod and he pulled on the harness around my waist to make sure it was secure. I adjusted the rope slightly before looking out the door of the chopper and jumping. I slid down the rope until my feet touched the rough dirt underneath. After I landed, I could hear eight other pairs of feet landing around me. I clipped the harness loose and watched it get pulled up and away from sight. Then Chan signalled everyone to follow him and stay low. I followed the group, my eyes scanning every detail that my brain could process. We slowed to a stop as we reached a ridge. We all stood in a line and peaked at the warehouse below.
"Okay, we all know what the target looks like. Remember, no killing anyone unless absolutely necessary. Are we all ready?" Chan asked, putting his hand out palm-down. The rest of the boys put their hands on top of his. I stood there, almost too afraid to breathe and possibly draw attention to myself. Then all the boys looked at me. Changbin, who's hand was on the top of the pile, took my hand in his. He placed my hand on the pile underneath his own. The pile of hands dipped under mine, then shot up into the sky.
"Let's go," Chan said. Hyunjin stayed behind as we all climbed over the ridge, and I later learned he was the team's sniper.
I saw the building quickly approaching as we moved through the long grass. Lee Know snuck up behind the person guarding the door, wrapping his arms around the person's neck. He was barely as tall as the man but took him down and choked him out in less than thirty seconds. We barged through the doors, and I stayed back to stay out of the way. The people in the building scattered, and Chan called out for us to split up. I watched as Lee Know, Felix, Han and Seungmin ran in the opposite direction to Chan, Changbin and Jeongin. I ran after the latter group. We tackled and tied up most of the escapees, but one still got way. Without thinking, I ran after him, Chan and Changbin's voices being drowned out by my own heart hammering in my ears. I ran as fast as I could, until all there was left in the world was just me, the perpetrator and my feet thumping on the ground. Finally, I got close enough and leapt, bringing the guy down with me. He struggled against my grip, but I just twisted his arm harder behind his back. I pulled him up by his wrists and the back of his shirt. Then I walked him back.
"I got the guy," I said as I made the guy sit next to the other people we captured. Everyone looked up at me, all their faces contorted with rage, concern and relief all rolled into one. I suddenly felt very unsure of myself.
"I-is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?" I asked, nervously wringing my hands, and scanning their movements.
"When we get home, you and I need to have a little chat."
Chan's eyes burned with rage as he said those words. I looked down, my eyes falling onto his hands. He clenched his fists, veins springing up on his hands and forearms. I let my head hang in fear and disappointment and stared at my feet.
"Let's go. The chopper should be here by now.
(Third person)
"Come on in, I have a lot to discuss with you."
Chan could feel his anger boiling in his veins. He had told Lee Know and Changbin to be there as well in case he lost his temper. He obviously would never intentionally hurt Ava, he just wanted them there to pull him out if he got too harsh.
Ava sat down on the chair he had pulled to the centre of the room. She could sense how angry Chan was, the dominance he possessed practically rolling off of him.
"Do you know why I asked you here?" he asked, his voice strained as he tried to contain his anger.
"I'm guessing it's about running off, even though you yelled after me not to."
Her voice trembled as she spoke, and she couldn't make eye contact with any of the three males in the room. Chan knelt in front of her, his hand trembling with anger as he gently lifted her chin.
"Exactly. And why do you think I'm so mad at you?"
"Because I disobeyed a direct order."
A single tear rolled down her cheek from the fear, but she swiped it away quickly. She had experienced an angry male before, and she wasn't about to fuel Chan's anger, even though it was getting harder and harder to keep her demons at bay with every second that his angry gaze was on hers. He got up, his tall form towering over hers.
"I just wanted to-"
"To what? Get yourself killed? Put the team in jeopardy? Lose your only chance of keeping your job? Because if that was what you were going for, you're doing quite a good job."
He turned away and dragged a hand down his face as she let a few more tears fall, unable to stop them. Lee Know came out of the corner he was standing in, crossing his arms.
"Chan, I think you need a break. The both of you do. So why don't we let you both just calm down until tonight. Then, when you are both more clear-minded, we can continue this conversation."
Chan nodded softly and let himself get led out of his room, not once looking at Ava again. Changbin gently took her hands and lifted her out of the chair, leading her to her own room. When he let go, she closed the door, locked it, and took a seat between the pillows on her bed. A sob slipped through her lips, and she took in a shaky breath, trying to push down the rising lump in her throat. She knew it wasn't possible, the feelings were too strong to just push down. So, she let her head fall back against the headboard and let the feelings take over.
(First person, Ava's perspective)
I cried, not caring if anyone heard me. I cried, not caring whether the boys figured out my secret. I cried, not giving a damn if my demons consumed me again. In that moment, the only thing I could do was cry. There was a time when I heard a knock and Hyunjin's concerned voice ringing out through my door. I just ignored it and turned away from the door. I heard the handle jiggle, like he was trying to come in. After a few failed attempts, I heard him sigh and then what sounded like footsteps walking away from my door. It took about an hour for me to be cried out. By then the sun had just disappeared behind the horizon. I walked into the bathroom, the view in the mirror caught in my peripheral vision. I ignored it and got undressed, turning on the shower and getting in under the warm water.
...
When I was finished, I heard a knock on my door just as I walked out of the bathroom.
"Dinner's finished. You can come down when you're ready," I heard Changbin say, his voice muffled by the locked door. I nodded, almost like I thought he could see me.
I walked back into the bathroom, looking at my eyes. Luckily they weren't red or puffy, no sign on my face of the crying session I had just thirty minutes prior. I got dressed into my pjs, not really caring if the boys saw me in them. I walked down the stairs, feeling their gazes on me immediately. Hyunjin had probably told them about hearing me cry. I just brushed it off and took my seat at the table, them all following not too long after. The entire dinner was spent in silence; the boys probably too afraid of making me cry again, me too afraid of giving away how I felt. When everyone was finished eating, the only thing that broke the silence was the soft sound of water moving over plates and utensils. I finished as quickly as I could and ran up the stairs, needing to get out of the suffocating silence. I ran into my room, locking my door behind me. Not a second later, I heard a knock; the vibrations moving through my body as I leaned against the door.
"Ava, can I talk to you?" I heard Chan ask, and for the first time I noticed he had an Australian accent. I would've usually noticed sooner. Maybe it was because I was so scared and unsure. He sounded hurt, and I felt bad for him, but I wasn't quite ready to talk to him alone after that afternoon's events.
"Just you and me? Alone?"
"I have Lee Know here if you want him to join," he answered softly.
Instead of answering, I turned around and unlocked the door. The two boys standing before me both smiled, but they looked so sad. The guilt written on their features almost made me break down again.
"Come on in," I said softly.
I took a seat on the edge of the bed, waiting for them come sit with me. They both chose to stand instead, probably not wanting to make me uncomfortable.
"You know, you guys can come sit next to me. I'm not going to fall apart."
Chan looked like he was considering it but decided against it. There was a long silence, and Lee Know moved to put a hand on Chan's shoulder for added support. Finally, Chan worked up enough courage to come sit next to me. I turned so I could get a better look at him. His dark brown eyes looked slightly glossy with tears.
"I am so, so sorry for how I acted this afternoon. I guess I was just afraid of losing you even before you are a real part of the team."
I gently placed my hand on his knee.
"Can I be honest with you?" I asked wearily, to which he nodded eagerly.
"I was a bit afraid of you this afternoon, but that isn't your fault. Okay? And I completely understand why you acted the way you did. If I were in your position, I probably wouldn't have been able to hold back the way you did."
"I was just trying to protect you. When you ran off without even stopping when I yelled at you, I really thought you had a death wish. But much to my dismay, you handled it well. Please, just promise you won't do that again. I already have seven other guys who do that too. I don't need any more reasons to be grey when I grow old."
As he said it, he shot Lee Know a pointed glance before looking back at me. I giggled. He got up and I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a hug. I opened my eyes to find Lee Know moping in the corner, looking extremely jealous. I stretched my hand out to him and he took it, letting me pull him into the hug.
"Thank you. Both of you. I really appreciate you."
I let go of the hug and they left, telling me to "get some sleep". I nodded, but as soon as I closed the door, my demons came rushing back in and I knew I wasn't getting any sleep.