ALEC BRUADI
Honor's been asleep all day. I put her to bed shortly after she found out she was pregnant.
I couldn't get to sleep. My mind was going places.
I was contemplating on weather or not I should try and get ahold of Saverio again.
But I decided that I should let Honor decide.
Since this is their baby.
And he might answer Honor if she calls.
That's why I'm led next to her waiting for her to wake up.
I know she's upset and not in the mood for more shit.
But this needs to be sorted. Now!
She begins waking up, moving around the bed until she notices me.
We hold a stare, feeling flowing around us.
She's still upset. I'm still hurt.
I smile softly at her.
"Morning"
She attempts a smile. But pain overflows her once again.
She looks so drained. Mentally. Physically. And emotionally.
I reach from behind me. Grabbing a freshly made coffee and a few cookies to go with it.
She needs to eat something sweet.
I'm a guy, but I always found that sweet foods make me happy.
She grabs the mug and the plate from me.
Putting the plate onto the bed and gently placing both hands around the warmness of the mug.
I can see her body loosen it's tense feeling. Her body warming up.
Hopefully so does her heart.
I watch as she takes a sip of the coffee.
Her eyes shutting slowly, before opening them again.
She grabs a cookie from the plate, bitting some off.
She slowly chews onto it in her mouth.
I bite into my tongue.
Fuck! She's so damn broken.
"We have to talk." I whisper
She looks over at me, taking a moment to take in my words before nodding her head slightly.
I get out of the bed, walking over to the living room. Waiting for her to enter.
I know she's going to hate this conversation. I would too.
She looks so broken.
I just want the best for her.
I would have decided this already.
I would have decided to go all around the goddamn world just to find Saverio and get him to fix what he's broken.
His girl.
But this is her choice. Her right to chose.
Does she want to know the full truth of what happened?
Do I?
I know this must be hard for her. That's why I don't put my opinion in things before hers.
Because I know hers will be her needs. Mine is just desperation.
She enters the living room.
A blanket covering her whole body, and the coffee still in her hands.
She sits besides me with her legs folded and her arms above them, along with the coffee.
I stare at her for a moment before getting comfortable in my seat.
"I think you should talk to him"
She immediately shakes her head.
I understand why. But she also needs to know why she should.
"It's been a month, Honor. I think it's time you guys talk. Even if it hurts. Because it will. But it will hurt less after you've talked to him."
She doesn't say anything. She doesn't move a muscle. She just watches me speak.
"How can you provide your baby with what they need. When you can't forgive their dad. What if they ask you about him. And you have nothing to say? This could be good, Honor" I speak quietly and calmly.
She starts forming tears in her eyes. But she nods this time.
"Only when you're read-
"Now" she states
I look into her eyes for a moment before nodding. I grab her phone letting her put her password in and finding Saverios number.
She doesn't press call, she just sits there and looks at his number.
Taking in a few breathes before risking the chance to hear the person who raped her's voice again.
To hear her child's father.
She finally presses down onto her phone, both of us hearing the phone ring for him.
A few seconds go by, no answer.
She calls again. No answer again.
I can see her pain.
So I hold my hands gently out on her cheeks.
"It's hurts, I know. It's gonna hurt so damn much. But do you wanna sit through the pain or do something about it? I know your father, I know what he's done. But you are nothing like him, ok? You're your own person. You're the best fucking person"
Tears run down her cheeks. Her head nodding in agreement.
"Thank you" she whispers in between slow tears.
She looks down at her hands. They're fidgety. And she's shaking.
The coffee almost spills out onto the couch.
She attempts not to cry. But pain consumes her.
She purses her lips together, and squeezes her eyes shut.
I stay strong for her. Not letting my hurt for her be shown.
I don't want to make her feel worse.
"You will be the best mom, Honor. You don't see it now. But you have the best kind of heart. Whatever you chose to do."
She finally looks up at me.
Hope I'm her eyes. But still pain.
"I'm gonna go on a walk" she attempingly whispers
I nod my head.
"Want me to come?" I ask her
She shakes her head no. I smile in agreement.
She walks over to the bedroom, getting ready to go.
But the only thing I can keep my focus on, is the open messages from Honor to Saverio.
I shouldn't have looked. It's her privacy.
But I'm glad I did.
Honor: Saverio. I know I told you to give me time. But it's been a week. And pain consumes me. I need you to tell me why. Please tell me why.
Honor: Please Saverio...
Honor: Fucking answer me, Saverio! It's be three fucking weeks!
Honor: Please, Saverio. I'm losing myself here
Honor: I should have listened to you first.
He fucking ignored her.
Fuck!
He's a brother to me.
But don't fucking mess with Honor.
I'll do what I have to to protect that damn girl.
She's more than a friend to me.
But not to far to date her.
I want her to be ok. Not in pain.
Fucking dick.
Anger fills me.
I text him myself.
Honor: FUCKING ANSWER HER SAVERIO! She's in pain. Don't you see this. You fucked up and now your ignoring her. She fucking needs you. She's so fucking alone in this, because I don't know what she's feeling. But I know damn well it's hurts me to see her like this. So stop being a dick and talk to her, Saverio! - Alec
I don't care if Honor sees it.
I'm so mad at him.
Honor walks out of the room. Heading towards the door.
Before she leaves she looks over at me.
"You're going to be the best goddamn mom, Honor"
I smile at her, and she nods at me before leaving.
———————————
HONOR MAEVE
It's currently midday so it's quite busy.
I find a bench that faces a park and the city. It's quiet and peaceful here.
Exactly what I need.
I'm so scared.
I fear the future.
I fear what to do.
I don't know what to do.
Do I get an abortion? Do I put the baby up for a adoption? Or do I be a mom?
I can't do this alone.
I wouldn't know what to do.
I have Alec. But god he's a child himself.
But so am I.
I'm only twenty one.
I feel like I'll be an awful mother.
I don't know what to do.
I'll love he or she so much. But how do I treat them.
How do I care for them.
I'm so scared.
Seeing how Saverio has been ignoring me these past few weeks seems to hurt me more that finding out what he did.
I fucking need him.
And he just leaves me.
I need him to tell me what to do.
To tell me I'll be ok.
To tell me how to be a mom.
How can I love my child? When I don't even love myself?
—————————
"Mommy. Look what I found!" I say aloud to mommy.
I run over to her, handing her a picture I found on the floor.
It's a picture of the city. Lights are shining and there are cool building everywhere.
Mommy bends down, taking the picture from me and looking down at it.
She smiles warmly, looking up at me.
"It's Las Vegas, baby. Do you like it?" She asks me
I nod my head quickly.
"Can we go?" I ask her
Mommy laughs whilst standing back up. She holds my hand and starts walking.
"One day maybe. Ok?" She says
I nod my head, taking the picture from her.
It's so beautiful there.
It's looks like a fairy land.
I want to be a fairy.
No! I want to be a pretty princess.
"I'm going to live there when I'm older. I'll live in a castle and marry a prince and have lots of babies"
Mommy laughs whilst smiling.
"Can I come?" She asks me.
I smile at her "yes. And you can stay in my castle"
"Can't wait" she says.
We continue walking away.
—————————
I keep my eyes on the picture. I've kept hold of it for fifteen years now.
I look up, seeing the city In front of me.
The same one as the picture.
I smile.
"I made it, mom" I whisper to nobody.
One single year falling down my cheek.
I did make it.
Not with her. Not with my Prince Charming, my castle, or any babies.
I come alone.
A single package.
With a hidden me inside.
I wonder if they will look like me.
Will they have my smile, my hair, my eyes?
I dream to know how being a mother would feel like under the eyes of someone who begs for children.
I'm not that person.
I've never dreamt of having children.
I've always hated them.
But deep inside, I think I was just afraid to be one.
Of how I would be as one.
I'm so young. This isn't the life I wanted.
Or expected.
Everything is happening so quickly.
Suddenly a mother and daughter walk into the park.
The daughter runs over to the swings jumping up and down, waiting for her mother to put her inside.
When she does, the mother begins swinging her back and forth. The daughter giggles from excitement.
Then she begs her mother to let her out, so her mom pulls her out, helping her into the ground.
She asks her mom if they can play tag.
The mother tells her to get running because she's coming after her.
The daughter runs around the park, laughing as her mother attempts to get her.
When she does, she tickles her daughter making her laugh. Picking her up and carrying her towards the slide.
I smile at the joy they both carry.
I can do this.
Alec is right. I need to be my own kind of person.
This baby will have a fucking amazing mother.
ALEC BRUADI
It's been around half an hour since Honor left.
I got worried five minutes after she left.
I kept thinking of every possible way her leaving could be bad.
Maybe she'll go out and book an abortion appointment.
I don't want her to give up so quickly.
Maybe Saverio knows where we are and she doesn't have me to support her whilst she gets destroyed once again by his words.
Maybe she won't come back.
Maybe she'll leave me.
All this... connection I've been feeling for her lately will be for nothing.
And I'll never get to know her as something more to me.
But all those thoughts go away. Quickly.
As she's walking into the hotel at this very moment.
Differently.
The same person. But different thoughts.
She smiled at me.
I haven't seen that in a while.
I missed it.
She keep her eyes on me. No more pain.
Hurt is still present, but the pain, and desire to feel nothing is gone.
She seems alive again.
"I'm gonna be the best goddamn mother"
I smile back at her.
I'm so proud of her.
She's changed. I'm multiple good ways.
Because this time. She's becoming a mother.
And that makes me so goddamn proud to be her friend.
'Friend'