chapter 7
[play: baby baby by sports]
tell me that you'll be alright, i can't stand to see you cry
-
maisie
the sun was beginning to set and the boys had decided to man the grill today. jeremiah had thrown on some burgers, hotdogs, and veggies. all day we had been swimming and laying out by the fisher's pool. susannah and laurel had joined in periodically. if you weren't going in and out of the water, it was scalding out.
i ran my fingers over my shoulders, which were tanned but had a strong pinkish hue from being burnt. i probably needed to shower and get all this chlorine off of me. i had packed a bag since belly had asked me to sleepover, which i wasn't sure if i was going to. with that, i had all my stuff for me to shower and it looked like now was the perfect time with dinner still cooking. i told belly i'd be back after my shower, and she partially acknowledged it while her full attention was on jeremiah.
we would be discussing that later tonight.
i got up from the white, wooden lawn chair and made my way to the tall sliding doors to let myself in. laurel and susannah had mentioned something about going out for drinks. i wasn't really sure. the house was quiet and to be fair, that didn't sound bad with the way the five of us had been together all day. there was only so much bickering between the boys that i could stomach.
once i had made it up to belly's room, i shut the door behind me. i pealed off my practically dry bikini and damp jean shorts. they all hit the wooden floor with a soft thud. i grabbed my towel from my bag and wrapped it around me to go to the bathroom right across. hanging the towel on the rack, the knob squeaked a little as i turned on the water to heat up. god this was going to irritate my sunburn so bad, but it was going to feel nice to finally be clean.
i lathered on whatever shampoo and bodywash belly had in the shower. she always smelled of coconuts and some flower. it smelled really good and in a way it felt funny to be smelling like her too. i stood with my arms close to my chest, letting the steaming hot water run down my body. my shower was pretty short lived as i knew dinner would probably be ready soon enough. i didn't want to miss out on that. not with the way those boys inhaled their food.
ringing the water from my hair, i grabbed my towel and patted myself dry. the mirror was fogged up from the steam and the intrusive thought to wipe it off got the best of me. swiping my hand across the condensation, i could partially see my reflection in the mirror now and my burnt red cheeks. i would have to run back home later to put aloe on it. i pulled myself out of that distraction and wrapped my yellow towel tightly around my body to head back to the room.
as i pulled the door open, in front of me was conrad with his arm and hand up like he was ready to knock. however seeing him seconds of getting out, thinking the house was empty, and with me being half nude, i was startled. i gasped, jumping a little and he had done with the same. he nervously ran his fingers through the floppy pieces of hair framing his face, pushing them back. my hair was dripping and i pulled my towel down to make sure i was covered. subtly, but enough for me to notice, i watched as conrad's eyes ran up and down my body before he caught himself. from then on his eyes were on mine, never any lower.
"you scared me!" i told him, gripping onto my towel tightly.
"i didn't know you would be coming out like now." his tone was defensive.
"you sure about that?" i joked, raising an eyebrow at him.
"sure about the fact that i want to see you in nothing but a towel?" he raised an eyebrow back, his hand on the wall and his head leaning to the side.
"i should get dressed." i changed the subject, thankful that it was evident my cheeks were burnt because of the way i was blushing.
"i came up to tell you dinner is almost ready by the way." he stepped back to let me go to belly's room.
"i'll be down in a minute. thanks." i kept my eyes low as i rushed into belly's room, shutting the door behind me.
my heart was still racing from that interaction with conrad, but i continued on with getting myself dressed so i could head back down to the others. i debated putting on my sweatshirt, but ultimately left it because i knew id get hot quickly. with that, i made my way back to where the others were. the sliding doors were left open and i found my seat beside belly still open.
she handed me my plate which had a little bit of everything and so i took my seat. the five of us were laughing and talking about god knows what, but everyone was really enjoying themselves tonight. even conrad. he would have his days now and then where he was completely mute or disinterested in whatever we were doing. jeremiah had told me that it was because of his break up, but i didn't know why that didn't seem to convince me. regardless, it was never my business to begin with and so i never pried on knowing that information.
i finished up the last bite of my burger with an untouched hot dog still left on my plate. i leaned back in my seat, the plate sitting on my lap and it was evident i was all full. jeremiah could not stop eyeing the hotdog and so i leaned forward to put it on his plate. he smiled at me as a thank you instead of interrupting the ongoing conversation between everyone.
i could feel someone's eyes on me and so i turned to see that it was conrad. i was unable to read his expression. i didn't know if he was concentrated on something or if he was annoyed at me. either way his mood had completely flipped from the way he had been just moments ago and i didn't really understand why. it even sounded silly in my head but did he want the fucking hot dog? obviously that wasn't it, so i decided to leave it. he clearly had something going on.
conrad quietly left, taking his plate and some of the dirty dishes and utensils we had used. my eyes followed as he made his way back inside and to the kitchen to clean up. that's what made it so hard to ever have a negative emotion towards conrad. i don't think i could ever understand anyone being upset with him. he was so gentle and kind. he kept a lot in. i mean maybe all he really needed was a few minutes alone and just time to deal with whatever was on his mind.
my attention was back on the others and eventually we had finished up too. i took their plates since they all had helped with dinner more than i did. with the heavy stack of ceramic dishes in both of my hands, i made my way back inside trailing behind the others. it seemed like all three were going to shower in the open bathrooms.
i came over to the sink where conrad had the hot water running with soap sud covered dishes in the sink. i set down the stack, not wanting to seem like i was adding onto more things for him to take care of so i stood there and waited for him to finish up. he didn't seem to really mind or even care much that i was there. he was definitely still in whatever mood he was in.
once he had finished setting some dishes on top of a rag to dry and others that were just rinsed in the dishwasher, i reached for the dish on top of the stack. his hand reached right beside mine. we both looked up at each other instinctively. he ultimately removed his hand.
"i can take care of these." i said, chewing on the inside of my cheek as i waited for him to say something.
all conrad did was nod and move to the side, where he continued hand drying some of the freshly washed plates.
i began rinsing off all the utensils first before loading them up. inside the dishwasher, i was looking at what conrad had put in to match what needed to be hand washed or loaded in. i quickly got through my stack, rinsing off crumbs and dried condiment stains that had been smeared across the plates. the difference in belly's neat plate versus steven's was kind of funny.
as i set the clean, wet dishes on the counter to dry, conrad eventually pitched in to dry them for me. once i had finished up, i closed the dishwasher so it was out of the way. he was now putting back the dried dishes into their respective white cabinets. i grabbed a paper towel and come spray from under the sink, wiping down the island we had soiled from this evening.
"god you guys look like a middle aged couple cleaning up after a family dinner." steven joked, and a laugh followed from jeremiah. belly was probably still showering.
i was relieved to have company between conrad and i. oddly, since dinner things just felt tense between us. i was more so confused than feeling targeted. it was whatever though.
"oh shut up." i brushed off steven's comment, not really able to think of a smart ass response like i usually did.
"you finally got her this time steven." jeremiah gave him a pat on the back and steven didn't know whether to be complimented or insulted.
"and to think i let you have my hot dog?" i pretended to sound offended, getting a small laugh out of jeremiah.
with that, steven went over to conrad, swinging his arm over his shoulder. for a moment it seemed like conrad had snapped out of whatever was going on with him. the four of us debated what to do. the guys were wanting to play the xbox but that would leave me twiddling my thumbs until belly would come down. i also was exhausted from all day, so i just let them have it. i took a seat on the two seater, while the boys took the couch facing the tv.
it was in moments that i found my eyes closed and drifting off to sleep.
-
conrad
an hour or two had passed of us playing
video games. jeremiah had convinced belly to let us play and even had her play a few rounds so she didn't feel left out. steven wasn't too keen on that since he voiced that she was wasting turns with the way the could not play the game well. i had been so focused on the tv and conversations with steven that it was only until now that i saw maisie passed out on the couch.
maisie sat slouch down with her head resting against the arm of the couch and her legs stretched out before her to take up the rest of the space. she looked like she had been passed out for a while now. her arms were crossed over her chest and her head angled downwards towards her shoulder. belly was probably the only one who had noticed maisie besides me. she pulled out her phone to take a picture of her.
we played a few more rounds before deciding to call it a night. now the other two had taken interest in maisie sleeping. belly told them off for thinking of ways to mess with or scare maisie awake. she was a good friend to maisie and shooed them up the stairs to go sleep so they had no chance. belly had settled on not waking maisie since she seemed comfortable where she was and because she didn't want to ruin her sleep.
i debated going up to bed too, but i couldn't sleep. if anything i needed a cigarette. i jogged up the stairs, grabbing a pack and my lighter from my bedside table. before heading backdown, i grabbed a blanket out of the linen closet in the hall. once i had come back to the living room, i went over to maisie, unfolding the blanket and laying it on top of her so she wouldn't be cold.
with that, i let myself outside and sat by the pool alone. i could hear the waves crashing onto shore in the far distance and the night breeze was starting up again. it felt nice. i put the cigarette between my lips and lit it, wondering where my mom was. it was a little past midnight and she was never out like this. well she hadn't been in a while. i knew why.
i debated texting laurel to make sure that everything was okay, but at the end of the day being with laurel i knew she was safe. it seemed like mom had filled her in with what was going on because she was doing a lot for her. that eased my tensed worries a little bit.
well the only thing that really eased was the fact that my mom was okay right now. for now. god thinking like that killed me. i remembered how scared i was the first time her cancer was there. i was so terrified of losing her. after seeing the way my dad had cheated through her treatment, i couldn't stomach being left with him. or even worse, my grief letting me turn out like him. i could feel myself getting choked up, but i wasn't going to let myself cry about it. i mean thats what i hoped, but a few tears started to run down my expressionless face. i had cried over this too many times.
i heard a distant knock on the window and subtly wiped my wet face with my palms, playing it off as wiping my tired eyes. it was maisie, wrapped up in her blanket and wide awake with her hair disheveled. i couldn't help but laugh a little. she could see that much at least and smiled back. she waved and pointed at me with a thumbs up following.
she was asking me if i was all good.
i gave her a thumbs up back, clearly lying but her coming to the window did make me less sad. she looked like she was frowning now, mimicking taking a hit and then moving her finger side to side in a 'no' direction. i shook my head at her, thinking she would leave and i continued with my smoke break.
to my surprise, maisie was still stood there with a disapproving look. i don't know why exactly i listened, but i did this time. i put out the cigarette and looked back at her. she did a silent clap, approving that i had finally listened to her. she pointed at me and then folded her hands to rest her head on, asking me to go up and sleep. i nodded at her, throwing up five fingers so she would get that i meant five more minutes. all she did was wave goodbye before turning off the kitchen light, probably to go back to bed.
it was weird because for the first time, something other than the cigarette had gotten me to calm down a bit with everything and all the anxiety.
-
i am so sorry for the long wait in update. i was super sick most of this week and did not have it in me to write.
not huge direct moments with maisie and conrad this chapter compared to the last, but i wanted to stay true to what conrad is actually going through as well. balance out and develop the story a bit!!
hope you all enjoyed this chapter xo