i've been on hiatus for quite some time, but now that i have regained the needed energy to write this chaotic fic, i'm back!
hello to everyone who waited and thank you so much for everything! <3
enjoy! :)
//
The first night is exhausting.
Okay, just to be clear, Felix doesn't usually complain about stuff. But Jeongin isn't just some stuff that he can throw around and pay no attention to because that baby is a cute little being that deserves the best care, and because, mostly, he is technically being paid by Jeongin's parents to take care of him, which is why he will complain the hell out of this behind Jeongin, and kiss Jeongin on the forehead.
"Why do babies have to poop?" He exclaims so loud that even Hyunjin looks back at him surprised.
"That is honestly a wonderful question, cupcake!" Hyunjin retorts back at him with a different enthusiasm than he has, as if he has all the energy that life has sucked out of Felix. "I think it is because they eat. What if we starve the baby instead?"
And while he initially thought that Hyunjin is going to answer him with some sane string of words, of course that idiot will not because, once again, he is no other than Hyunjin.
"That's cruel." He horrifyingly shoots a look back at Hyunjin before walking to the kitchen to get a trash bag from the drawer. "What if I starve you?"
In his left hand is what seems to be the awful diaper of poop, and in his right hand is a trash bag folded, containing the littlest bit of patience he has left for the day. Hyunjin just decides to empty that patience out.
"Will you let your husband starve?" That screeching voice that he swears doesn't sound good, especially at night, "That is so cruel of you, my sweetie cupcake!" And that smug look on Hyunjin's face is all going to turn him around and meet his death.
It's always the endearments that get him. It makes him just wonder to himself what he did for the rest of his life to deserve this embarrassment. It isn't like he hates Hyunjin that much to actually think of the endearments so badly, but wow, the effect it has on him is very unrelatable at this point.
He thinks it's fatigue. He also thinks it's because of the stench coming from the diaper he is still holding. He thinks it's all because of the unnecessary things that make him want to just cry on the floor, weep his eyes out, and even throw a tantrum like an actual toddler because he can no longer do this.
He is not Hyunjin's cupcake or whatsoever.
"Can't you please stop calling me cupcake?" He wants to pull his hair and rack his head.
First, he lacks sleep, and he for sure thinks that Hyunjin can just do this by himself. Second, he doesn't really trust Hyunjin when it comes to taking care of babies because he cannot even take care of his own goddamn milk. Third, it's either Hyunjin will just wake him up to report that Jeongin is suddenly missing and is probably kidnapped, and will just make him panic. And lastly, Hyunjin is just Hyunjin.
There's not buts, there's no in between. It's just that Hyunjin is Hyunjin.
So, instead of making himself suffer from this cruelty lead by no other than his housemate, he just chooses to be stuck in that room with a baby on the cradle—naked and is probably freezing by now, but please don't report that to the actual dads—and another baby, or toddler for that matter, who's just watching all unfold in front of him with surprise.
He has the nerve to stare at the baby without putting the diaper on. A disgrace!
"Sweetie," Hyunjin calls to him without answering his initial request. It is a polite request, mind you, and he expects something more than another endearment that is just as wack as the other one. Let him live. "Jeongin is about to cry, I can feel it."
While he struggles to pull out a diaper from the baby bag that Minho pushed to his arms earlier, Hyunjin walks to his side, poking him on his waist and is literally disturbing his very little amount of peace and personal space.
"I will change his diaper, okay? Please stop poking me—" He shoots a glance at Hyunjin and peers down to look for the said diaper, but instead of answering to his other request, Hyunjin just pokes him again.
"Cupcake, come on." And again.
"Our baby is now opening his mouth." And again.
"And there he goes—" And again, as signaled by Jeongin first huff of air and a loud cry.
It's not like he is asking for too much, right? It's not like he doesn't deserve at least a bit of sanity inside a household that he strives and struggles to maintain. It's not like Jeongin's cries are the worst. It's not like Hyunjin isn't doing much for him to actually snap and just fall into a massive breakdown. It's not like it's his fault anymore for losing the strength to conquer the remaining hours of midnight and actually be able to take care of two babies and himself.
It's not his fault. He stands with this thought.
"Then do something!" He kind of shrieks—somewhere in between a yell and an order—and rolls his eyes away from everything else.
Jeongin is crying. A cry that absolutely wrecks his eardrums and probably Hyunjin's too, basing on the way Hyunjin first thought of putting his palms over his two ears rather than holding the baby. It is also a cry that tells him something more than the fact that Jeongin is already cold. It is a cry that kind of resonates with him because trust him, he will cry too.
"Because maybe, instead of just looking at him and covering your ears, you could've picked the warm blanket up and put it around his thighs and I don't know, be a husband the way you're telling yourself to be!"
He is on the edge. He knows this.
He's not usually like this. He doesn't usually feel his ears warm up from the tension that he just released. He doesn't usually feel some tears on the brim of his eyes all because of a frustration that stems from everything that is not solely from Hyunjin. He's not like this, okay? He doesn't really let his emotions get the best of him.
Hyunjin looks at him for a moment and Felix can see the way his gaze changes. He thinks Hyunjin has something to say, but chooses not to when Hyunjin picks Jeongin up slightly and cradles Jeongin to his chest.
"There you go baby," Hyunjin coos and softly presses his fingers on the nape of the fragile child. He also dances a bit, twists slightly, and rocks his body to let Jeongin feel a warm presence around him. "Don't worry, your temporary dad is here, okay?"
He knows he did bad and he wants to admit that. But maybe, the way Hyunjin just looks so soft that way, holding Jeongin so close and so careful, is kind of worth it to witness. He crouches and looks for the diaper that Minho had stored so deep in the said bag.
***
It's almost eight in the morning when he wakes up from the living room couch and almost instantly panics because: 1) he has a work to go to, 2) he has a baby to attend to, and 3) he has himself to prepare for the rest of the day.
He blinks furiously and rubs his eyes. When his feet land on the floor, he only got one pair of the slippers and runs to Jeongin's room, clutching him to remove some debris from his face. He opens the door to see Hyunjin right there, preparing a bottle of milk while the baby is on his other arm.
He looks dead actually.
"Hyunjin," he calls his name out just to declare his presence. He feels a pang in his chest too. "Hyunjin." And calls his name again because apparently, he lacks the right words to continue what he is about to say.
He doesn't know what he is going to say either.
A part of him feels sorry because he fell asleep after what happened and didn't even try to talk it out with Hyunjin. A part of him thinks that he really deserves that sleep because he has been tired and sleep deprived lately due to Hyunjin neverending banter with the mosquitoes. A part of him thinks that he went over the boundaries that they have.
It's not like he and Hyunjin are actually friends to begin with. They're just housemates and not one who has such a good relationship that is to be envious of, and honestly, he's okay with that.
But seeing Hyunjin do something very unusual is just making him feel more of that pang in his chest.
He somehow regrets it.
Hyunjin doesn't move his head to look at him and just hums before looking at Jeongin to talk to him, "Jeongin, I will put you down for a while so that I can make your milk, okay?"
Okay, not somehow. He actually really regrets it.
He moves to Hyunjin's side, ready to take Jeongin from Hyunjin's probably sore arm—please do not talk about the way Hyunjin's arm looks when flexed because Felix is totally not staring at it—and awkwardly coughs. "I'll take him."
Hyunjin still doesn't look at him but gives him Jeongin.
Felix can tell that Hyunjin wants to bite a remark. A witty one, maybe? A flirty one? Or who knows, maybe a remark that will only make him regret lashing out at Hyunjin hours ago? Hyunjin doesn't, though.
Hyunjin only presses his lips tighter and concentrates on what he's doing.
He loses a total track of time and the silence is just killing him. He's not used to Hyunjin being like this.
Instead, he tries to initiate a conversation with him. "Do you need help?"
"Not really." Hyunjin answers. Coldly, shortly, and even strangely so out of himself.
Hyunjin usually calls him with endearments—babe, baby, sweetie, cupcake, honey, and a lot more than what he can take an account of—but now, there's nothing. Just a short statement that he uses to reply with, but one that doesn't require a reply to.
He watches Hyunjin shake the baby bottle, drop the formula on his forehand, and check for the undissolved milk powder as it settles down. He watches Hyunjin move around the room from one corner to the other, open the trash can, pull out spare clothes, lay down the diapers, tissues, and wet wipes that are Jeongin's essentials.
Jeongin in his arms squirms and pushes himself away using his palms. He looks at Jeongin who reaches his hand out to grab Hyunjin.
"I think Jeongin wants you to hold him." He comments but strictly out of interest.
He wants to see if Hyunjin will finally look at him. Hyunjin still doesn't.
"You're going to get your milk in a minute, okay? Just stay still with Felix for a while."
Then it begins to ring in his ears.
Felix? He asks himself with the furrowing of his brows. He tilts his head and is adamant in pressing his gaze on the moving nape of his housemate. Did he just call me Felix? He asks himself again.
Jeongin lets out a sound so cheery that it makes Felix want to squirm. It is illegal for that small human being to be letting out such a sound that accompanies his adorableness. Very goddamn illegal.
And though he understands the importance of the situation—Jeongin's sounds, Jeongin's hunger and his probable upcoming cries, and more importantly the awkwardness that has been hanging around in that room since the second he steps in there—all he manages to notice is the thing that makes him want to question his consciousness.
"Can you give him the milk, Felix?" Hyunjin calls him Felix again and he feels like he's dreaming.
And to confirm whether he is or he is not, he just proceeds to ask, "Why are you calling me Felix?" and takes the baby bottle from the counter.
It's something that he doesn't know is happening. He moves toward Hyunjin holding Jeongin whose head is inching towards the baby bottle and lets the chaos in his head ensue.
"Because you didn't want me to call you with anything but Felix, right?"
He huffs with shock written all over his face at that and even comes to the point of wanting to disagree. But Hyunjin isn't even wrong. That's what he wanted, right? To not be called cupcake?
He lets the thought linger in his head for a while before answering plainly and turning around to walk to the cradle. "I'll go and feed Jeongin."