I woke up and got up in a better mood today.. im not sure if he was arrested and I don't want to check..
I look at old marks on my body that are clearing up even more..
I go to the bathroom and wash my face brush my teeth and things of that nature
(Sorry love saying that lol)
I then walk downstairs and got tackled with a hug from Emmet and Neveah
"who let you mother- no ! my baby is awake and she literally copy everything you say !" my brother girlfriend Jordan said laughing
"sorry anyway who let you guys in ?" I ask laughing
"your brother duh" emmet says laughing with his finger between his teeth and spinning
"im happy for you love you did it ..." veah says
"yea . I did " I say giving them a small smile
"TEE TEE!" my niece says running up to me as I pick her up
"hi baby! I miss you!" I say hugging her
"mama said you were here but me was sleep me was sad that no one woke me up" she says making a angry face which made us laugh
"im sorry little cutie " I say tickling her and laughing at her little laughs
"baby are you ready you have school in a little ?" my brother says
"yea dada , can tee tee take me please ?" she whined tip toeing
"you ask tee tee not me princess " he laugh
"tee tee can you please take me to school pretty pweaseee?" she ask
"of course how could I say no to my favorite ? lets go " I say as I catch my brother smiling at his sister and daughter bonding
"bye daddy!" she yells as we leave
I get into the car with her carseat and drive to her school
my phone starts ringing and I see it says amir on my car play screen which make me blush.. gosh I hate this feeling
"Hello?" I say happy to talk to him
"I know your like 'why is he calling me ' but I just was thinking about you last night and I was just wondering are you okay ? " he says fast in one breath
I laugh " calm down tiger and yes im ok, I got him to sign it last night but cops end up showing and me and my brother didn't call them soooo..." i spoke
"yea I called them over there im sorry I was just worried cause you was like you will tell me and you- your fine I promise you, im okay and I really appreciate your kind gesture " I cut his rambling off
"oh coo... soo " he starts off
" wait a minute I have to walk my niece inside her school don't hang up okay " I say giggling
"yes ma'amz "he says in a seductive voice as I laugh and get out
I walk to the back seat and reach for her as she got out her seatbelt . I hand her the lunchbox and walk with her inside the school
"tee tee who was that" she says curious
"ummm a friend baby " I say
"oh.. ok bye tee tee!" she yells running down the hall with the teacher
"bye baby and stop running " I laughed walking out the school
I walk back to my car and get in. "Hello?" I say and I hear his deep toned voice hum
"anyway where were we " I say
"I don't remember but im happy your better " he says
" thank you .. if it wasn't from the courage from you and my brother I probably would still be in my same situation " I say
"Don't give everyone all the credit at the end of the day you were the one who actually did it " he says making me smile
"yea.. I know.." I sigh
"do you have a appointment scheduled today ?" he ask me
"nope not today so don't miss me too much " I say being cocky
"mhmm so the real personalty shows" he says making me laugh
"nice to hear your laugh also " he chuckles
"thank you" I laugh again
"well im about to go into my office ill see you when I see you Mailsly " he says
"alright .. ill see you also Amir" I laugh and hang up
I drive to Starbucks to get some coffee then back to my brothers house
once I got there I got on my computer doing my work from home cause I didn't feel like going into the building today
"did she cry ?" my brother ask standing in the doorframe
"nope.. she cries?" I asked
"sometimes , I guess she was in a good mood today " he says laughing
"come sit " I say smiling
he sits beside me and relax
"How are you since... last night ?" he ask me
"I woke up happier than I usually do so progress but I just have a weird feeling like this isn't the actual ending .." I say playing with my bracelets
"I understand .. I hope you don't mind me having you trapped here cause your not moving out got me ?" he says
"eventually im going to Kylan ... I can't stay here with your family.. I love them of course but I want to live in my own house and start my own family when the time is right .." I sigh
"yea I get you ... but when the time is right curly fry " he says as hit my head and leave
He's been calling my curly fry since I was a baby cause of the curly hair I have always had
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2 weeks later....
im still living with my brother and his family and sometimes I get uncomfortable even though they love me being here but I feel like im invading their family..
I've always feel like im bothering others..its been like that since high school which is why I have always had the thought that my parents left because of me and until they walk in front of me and say they left for other reasons im going to keep blaming myself
these last couple days I've been depressed ... I haven't answered amir text emmet nor neveah... my brother would come in here and check on me but I have to make myself look happy so he has nothing to worry about ..
I standing on my balcony thinking .. do I really want to end it like this ?
if im going to do it I should get it overweigh ..
I hate all the problems I have caused for myself
everyone problem hates me.. im so dramatic and emotional..
I hear three bangs on my door making me stumble a little and my breathing picks up
the door is soon broken down and my brother comes in and talks to me as he see me standing on the balcony
"Baby sis please listen to me.. come down and talk to me .. I understand your going through a hard time right now but talking it outs solves many things... you wouldn't want to scare your niece .. she would be hurt if she knew you left her.. your future family is waiting to be created with you so please .. come down.. I love you too much" he says making me cry as he reaches for me
"I can't keep living my life disappointing others ... " I cried out
"you don't disappoint me baby please just come to me" he cries ... literal tears falling down as I fell weakly into his arm
"...Im sorry Kylan..." I say hugging him tightly
"its okay baby your safe... you will always be safe with ... always .." he says crying also
"why is tee tee crying " I heard my niece say
"she's not feeling good can you get her a water please princess.." he ask and she runs away
"im sorry ... ill never try to harm myself like this again .. I don't know what I was thinking .." I cry harder as he held me closer as we were sitting on my balcony ground
" its okay.. everything was just happening too fast for you which is why you need to rest.. please tell me you will rest .. and continue going to therapy ?" he ask
"yea .. I will" I sniff
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sorry if any of you have had any of these type of thought .. I have multiple times and not even my parents know
I hope you all heal better in the fastest way possible , you always have someone to make proud so go and do it
Last part is not edited so if you see mistakes... im sowwy goodnight .