*Chris is standing on a platform at an outdoor train station*
Chris: Welcome back to your favorite reality TV show, total drama!! This season we are returning with 20 contestants from previous seasons who will compete for a prize of ONE. MILLION. DOLLARS!!!
Our contestants will be boarding the drama train and traveling to different locations where our challenges will take place. Our contestants should be arriving right now!
First up, we have the boyfriend-stealing goth chick, Gwen!
*A car pulls up and Gwen reluctantly gets out*
Gwen: Are we really still talking about that? I learned from my mistakes! I've done plenty of good things since then!!
Chris: But would it make good television if we let your mistakes go? I don't think so. So as long as you're here, any stupid mistakes you make can and probably will be exploited for views.
Gwen: *Unenthusiastically* And that is why I HATE this show.
*Gwen walks over to the platform*
Chris: Next up, we have the sarcastic know-it-all Noah!!
*Noah gets out of the car and walks up to the platform*
Noah: I did not sign up for another season of this insanity.
Chris: You have a contract, therefore you are subject to another season of torture whenever the producers decide they need you.
Next up, we have the bossy, rage-filled CIT Courtney!!!
Courtney: Look, as much as I hate this show, I was unfairly flushed last time I was here. After all of the horrific things I have been subject to on this show, I DESERVE THAT MONEY!!!
*Courtney glances at the platform and sees Gwen standing there*
Courtney: *quietly* No. freaking. Way. Not this again.
*Courtney walks over to the platform and avoids standing near Gwen*
Chris: Up next is the psychotic military asset Izzy!!
Izzy: Im so excited to be back here!! Working for the military was fun, but a chance for a million dollars is even more exciting!! If I get the money, Im going to study for a degree in psychology *laughs*
Chris: Uuuuh, that's... Interesting. Next up we have the dumb blonde, Lindsay.
Lindsay: Im so excited to be here, Chandler!!
Chris: It's CHRIS. You've been on this show for four seasons and you still haven't gotten that through your head
Lindsay: huh, I guess not.
Chris: okay, next we have the annoying delinquent who blew up my cottage, Duncan!
Duncan: I hate this *bleep* show!!
Chris: look, I'm not your biggest fan either, considering the fact that you destroyed MY property, but the fans like you, and we need the viewers. But I'm keeping an eye on you...
*Five more cars pull up in a line at the station*
Chris: Next up, from our revenge of the island cast, we have Zoey, Mike, Cameron, and Anne Maria, Scott!!
Zoey: Hey, guys! It's nice to see you again.
Scott: Can it, nice girl. I'm here to win.
*Anne Maria sprays an excessive amount of hair spray at Scott, causing him to choke*
Chris: Okay, calm down guys, we need you ALIVE for the show, so you can risk your lives for OUR challenges.
Anne Maria: Can hair spray really kill someone?
Scott: Well, you use it, and look how you turned out.
*Anne Maria glares at Scott*
Chris: Next up, from our Pahkitew Island cast, we have Dave, Sky, Sugar, Scarlett, Ella, and Topher.
Ella: Hey everyone!! *Singing* I am so excited to be here!!
Chris: NO. SINGING. THIS. SEASON. This is your warning. And considering the fact that some of you have had a questionable past on this show *coughs* Scarlett, I have interns that will be keeping a close eye on you. Anyway, from the cast of our spin-off, the Ridonculous race, we have Kitty, Ellody, and Mickey!!
Kitty: I can't believe I'm actually on total drama right now!
*Kitty pulls out here phone and starts taking selfies*
Chris: Alright, now that we're all here, it's time to board the drama train. This train will be taking us to our destinations for every challenge this season.
*A train with four cars pulls up to the station. The second car is rusty and dirty, while the third car looks well-maintained. Chef if driving the train*
Chris: This is our drama train. The first car is the economy car, where the losing team will sleep. Inside there are uncomfortable metal benches, crates, and bails of hey. And I don't know what the heck this train was originally used to transport, so good luck in there. The second car is the luxury car, where the winning team will sleep. There are cushioned seats and mini fridges full of food. The caboose car is the bathroom, and the confessional, where you can confess your deepest secrets.
*Cut to confessional*
Gwen: Not another stinky, trashy bathroom confessional. This is already starting to feel like a total drama season *groans*
*Cut to confessional with Zoey*
Zoey: as much as I am excited to see Mike and my other friends here again, I have to admit there are some people here that are kind of... questionable. And Chris is... well, Chris. If I don't make it out of this alive, remember me.
*Cut to confessional with Scarlett*
Scarlett: Last season might have ended, well,, badly, after I got busted for trying to destroy the island, but I got invited back here because I'm a fan favorite. That means I still have a shot. And I am GOING to get the money, even if I have to put up with all of these intolerable people to get there.
*Cut to Chris in the economy section with the contestants. They are sitting on crates and bails of hay.*
Chris: The drama train has officially left the station, which means it's time to split you guys into teams. If I call your name, stand over here *he gestures to the left*
Gwen, Courtney, Dave, Sky, Sugar, Izzy, Zoey, Noah, Ellody, and Mickey. You guys are the... wait a second, that can't be right.
Sky: What's wrong?
Chris: The interns failed to come up with team names that are better than the placeholders we used when the season was greenlit. Somebody is going to be fired.
Gwen: So why don't we just use the placeholder names then? They can't be THAT bad.
Chris: uuuuuuuh, well...
Ellody: Wait, so what are the placeholder names you came up with?
Chris: *whispering* Hannah Montana characters.
Gwen: What was that? I couldn't here you.
Chris: We used Hannah Montana characters as placeholder names for the teams.
Gwen: So you're saying... Chris McLean is a... Hannah Montana fan? That is too good.
*The contestants all start laughing at Chris being exposed*
[Authors Note: I came up with the idea for this story a long time ago and used these names a placeholders because I couldn't come up with anything better. I'm so used to these team names at this point that I'm kind of stuck with them so Chris is a Hannah Montana fan now]
Chris: Okay, okay, this isn't THAT funny. I have relatives who watch it, okay? Now, everyone I just called, you will be known as team Miley. Now, the following contestants are on team Hannah. Scott, Duncan, Lindsay, Cameron, Topher, Anne Maria, Mike, Kitty, Scarlett, and Ella.
Duncan: I absolutely refuse to identify as a part of a team named after Hannah Montana.
Scott: I never though I would say this, but I agree with him on this one.
Chris: well, too bad. My interns failed to do their job, so how you guys have no choice but to suffer. Anyway, we will be arriving at the destination for our first challenge in about an hour, so you guys will have to put up with each other in this confined space until then. Good luck!!
*Chris exits the car and enters the front car with chef*
*Cut to confessional with Courtney*
Courtney: Okay, I'm stuck on a team full of crazy people. And not only that, but I lost all of my popularity last season. After mike or mal or whoever he was at the time exposed my chart, I lost all of my allies. And now I'm on a team with Gwen, who hates me for good reasons, honestly, and Zoey, who probably isn't a huge fan of me either. But I have a plan to get my reputation back. I need that money, and I won't be able to get it if I'm the first voted off. But that means I'm going to have to start *sighs* apologizing to people.
*Cut to confessional with Dave*
Dave: Look, last season was a mess, and I was way to focused to Sky to win anything. And I know she's on my team this season, but she isn't relevant anymore. I need that money. And as much as I hate Sky, I'm going to need to focus on making other allies in order to make sure Sky goes down- I mean, to make sure I win.
*Cut to the economy car. Courtney approaches Gwen to try and make amends with her*
Courtney: Hey, Gwen, look, I know I screwed up big time last season, but I made a mistake. If there's any chance you need an ally this season, I'm open to partnering with you-
Gwen: Yeah, because you totally proved to be a trustworthy person last season.
Courtney: look I apologize for that. I even voted myself off for you! Look around, this team is full of crazy people. I know I did some questionable things last season-
Gwen: I don't think you understand. You lied to me. YOU said we were in an alliance, that we were going to the finale together. But you sure as heck didn't prove that, and I'm not going to risk putting my trust in you again. Go find someone who else who is dumb enough to trust you after last season.
*Courtney hesitates, then walks away. Cut to confessional with Gwen.*
Gwen: look, I'm sure Courtney sounds like she's being sincere, but I saw what she wrote on that chart last time. All last season proved is that you can't trust people like that, no matter how much you've been through together. This team is full of, well, some pretty questionable people, but I'm sure I can make it without an ally. I know Chris is still holding the boyfriend-stealer thing over my head, but I dumped him!! And I've done lots of nice things since then. But I'm not nearly as unpopular as Courtney, or Dave, or even Sky. I'm sure I'll be fine, at least for now.
*Cut to confessional with Sky*
Sky: I know I screwed up badly last season. I shouldn't have lied to Dave about having a boyfriend, but he was the one who couldn't handle it when I wouldn't go out with him. But I've learned my lesson. I am not going to let boys distract me from Victory. And I know Dave is on my team, but I can handle this. I've been through worse competitions, right?
*Cut to confessional with Sugar*
Sugar: I know I wasn't the most popular contestant last season, but I am ready this time. But if there's one thing I'm going to need it's an alliance. I just have to find the most trustworthy people on my team.
*Cut to the economy car. Sugar is surveying the room to see who would make a good ally.
Sugar: Well, on my team, we have the crybaby, the backstabber, the other backstabber, the goth girl, the smart girl, the accident prone guy, the psychopath, and the sarcastic guy. The question is, who here is one of my kind of people?
*Gwen is reading a book, and Courtney, Sky, Dave, and Ellody are all coming up with their own plans. Izzy is socializing with the other contestants.*
Izzy: Hey, Noah, did you know I'm studying psychology? I bet I can help you with your problems. Tell me what they are, and I can give you cool, psychological answers!!!
Noah: my biggest problem is that I'm here, having this bizarre conversation. Or maybe just the fact that I'm on this horrible show. Or the fact that Chris is hosting, despite the fact that he's been arrested for toxic waste crimes.
*Cut to confessional with Sugar*
Sugar: I think I've found my people.
*Cut to the economy car. Sugar walks over to where Noah and Izzy are sitting.*
Sugar: Hey guys, what are you talking about?
Izzy: We're talking about psychology!!
Sugar: My neighbors have said my family is psychologically disturbed!!
Izzy: Really? My parents have had me tested for psychological issues!!
Noah: It's official, I'm on a team of complete crazies.
*Cut to confessional with Noah*
Noah: look, I'm only on this stupid show because my girlfriend encouraged me to come back so we could share the money. The problem is, I don't have Emma here as an ally, and my team is... interesting. So that might lead to complications.
Izzy: hey, do you guys want to be in an alliance with me? I can practice psychosis on you!
Noah: don't you mean psychology?
Izzy: yeah, totally!!
Sugar: I can teach you guys the art of CRAPTRY!!!
*Cut to confessional with Noah*
Noah: what the heck have I gotten myself into? *Noah slaps himself in the face with the palm of his hand.*
*Cut to confessional with Duncan*
Duncan: I know I lost most of my reputation last season. After joining the hero's team, I started to become known for doing GOOD things. And I'm sure being on team Hannah Montana isn't going to help my reputation much. I remember when I was first on this show, and everyone feared me. And in season three, I was known for being able to get two girls on the same show. Maybe... wait. If I could get one of them to like me again, maybe people would know that I've still got it. The only problem is that my ex girlfriend's are both on the other team... but if I could succeed in getting one of them back maybe everyone would see me as bad again. But I'm going to need a plan.
*Cut to confessional with Topher*
Topher: My last elimination might have been a bit brutal, but I am here to win. But more importantly, I'm here to learn from Chris. If I want to take his place, I am going to half to work for it.
*Cut to the economy car. Mike and Zoey are sitting on a couple of crates*
Zoey: look, I know we're on separate teams, but do you think we can still be allies?
Mike: Yeah, I'm sure people might be able ti start trusting me again now that I'm pretty sure mal is gone. I know he caused a lot of mess and destruction during all stars, but I'm trying to make everything right. Hopefully Mal is gone for good this time.
*Cut to confessional with Mike*
Mike: I'm really excited to be back on the show with Zoey, and to have the chance to compete for a million dollars. I just hope I can get the other contestants to trust me again.
*Cut to the economy car. Cameron walks over to mike and Zoey*
Cameron: Hey guys, how's it going?
Mike: Good. Hey, we're on the same team, right. Want to be in an alliance?
*cut to confessional with Cameron*
Cameron: I'm pretty sure I can trust mike now that Mal is gone, right? He was a pretty good friend when he actually was Mike and not another personality. And the other people on this team are, well, I don't think I can trust Duncan, or Scott, and especially not Scarlett. But some of the newer contestants from the spin off seem like nice people. And I don't think I'm unpopular enough to get voted out immediately, so maybe I do have hope this season.
*cut to Chris in the front car while Chef is controlling the train.*
*We have almost arrived at our destination for the first challenge. Will Courtney ever win anyone's trust back? Will Duncan ever get his reputation back? Will Noah be able to tolerate the insanity of his alliance? Find out in the second part of this episode of Total! Drama! Train Railroaders!