When she arrived she had been happy, elated, excited, just over the moon. The transplant had been successful and Tovah, after the whole ordeal, was pregnant. Everything was great, better than great. It had been a beautiful and wonderful miracle. She had been able to turn Tovah's dream into reality. But sometimes dreams become nightmares. No matter how much you push there's no happy ending, at least not the happy ending you want. And she has lived through her fair share of unhappy endings. Why would this one surprise her? Why would this time be different?
***
Addison had come to check on the pregnancy only to find out things had gone wrong. She cared very much about the transplant being ok, about saving the uterus. However, saving the pregnancy... saving the baby was much more important than the transplant itself. She had worked hard to give Tovah the opportunity to have a baby fathered by her deceased husband. And she had managed to get her this far but there was a clot. A blockage that put the brakes on Tovah's wish.
The defeat had hit hard, clouding her better judgment until a certain blonde came along. Meredith had offered a solution to keep both the uterus and, more than likely, the fetus alive. It was a long shot as anything that had to do with this transplant had been but it was their one shot. Tovah's one chance at having what she had sacrificed so much for.
Things had been going well. The surgery was going amazingly. They finished and everything looked great, good blood flow and rosy hues. Everything was fine with the uterus, however, the fetus, the baby, didn't make it. They had tried so hard but the baby was gone. Addison lost her cool for a moment, sending the tray behind her flying, taking her professionalism along with it.
She heard Meredith's voice behind her, which made her calm back down from the overwhelming rage at the inability to do this one thing. The OR was quiet when she turned back to the operating table, aside from the sound coming from the monitors. After a deep breath she began to do the D&C, and got the tiny fetus out.
***
All three attendings scrubbed out quietly. Even within the OR the silence remained as people walked out with heavy shoulders. It was as if everyone was on the same wavelength, contemplating and honoring the life of a tiny person who had never had the chance to take a breath. Richard, Meredith and her were finishing when the silence was abruptly interrupted by the slamming door as Catherine made her way in.
"Meredith Grey." The woman spoke harshly and Addison felt a surge of anger.
"Catherine, I can't do this right now." Meredith replied quickly, her voice wavering.
"You would leave this place right when—" Catherine continued and Addison just didn't need that now.
"Catherine—" She tried but the woman turned to her and snapped.
"Do not interrupt me!" Catherine shouted and before Addison could say what she was dying to say Meredith interjected.
"Please don't talk to her that way. You are not her boss nor are you mine." The blonde defended quickly.
"Boss?!" Catherine spat indignantly.
"Excuse you?" Richard pointlessly chirped behind her.
Addison felt her blood boil. She was trying her hardest to keep her mouth shut. But both Catherine and Richard and everyone who thought Meredith owed the hospital were getting on her nerves. And then there was Tovah and her baby. Her baby who would never come to be. Would never smile or cry or walk or play.
"This is about honor. This is about the standing of this hospital." Catherine seethed but Addison didn't want to keep listening to this.
"Okay, can we not do this?" She said as calmly as she possibly could.
"The standing of this foundation!" Catherine continued her onslaught and Satan waltzed in.
"Can we just stop?!" Addison's voice floated above Catherine's snarling and she continued without paying any mind to the older woman's gawking. "For a minute. A woman just lost her pregnancy. A pregnancy that she fought for with everything that she had left in her body." She felt the lump in her throat, heard the way her strangled voice was coming out but ignored it. "Through grief, through pain, through loss." Her eyes stung with tears but she didn't care. "She fought and she lost her pregnancy. Can we just take a moment and... honor her? Just a moment to honor Tovah?"
Catherine and Richard quieted down while Meredith's eyes grew glossy with unshed tears. Addison's hands began to tremble and she could feel the pain in her chest intensify. She shook her head at her teacher and his very impertinent wife before storming away as far as she possibly could because right now she needed to be away. Away from the insensitive people in this hospital, from the silly idiots who put everything else above what people needed. She needed to be away. To find a place where no one could see her break as she needed to at the moment.
***
As she stepped outside the scrub room she noticed the busy hallway. Doctors, nurses, and orderlies strolling about too busy and unaware of the happenings in her OR. They didn't have to know but their obliviousness only made her anger and frustration worsen. She really needed to go, to find somewhere hidden where she could let go, or maybe someone to point her in the direction of such a place. But right now there was no one. No Derek, or Bailey, or Mark, or Callie. Amelia was stuck in surgery so no Amelia either. She was starting to feel as if she was drowning while she tried to suppress her tears and everything she felt.
"Addison."
A voice cut through the turmoil much like it had done so many times today, much like it always did. She spun to find Meredith, eyes still glossy, full of sadness and worry.
"I n-need to go. Please I need a p-place." The words continued to get caught on the lump in her throat. "I-I need..."
"Cristina showed me this one spot. I've only been there once but I know it'll help." Meredith said, quickly extending her hand towards her.
Addison hesitated for a fraction of a second before she took the blonde's hand, allowing her to guide her through the halls. They went every which way, taking the stairs instead of the elevator to avoid inquiring and inopportune eyes. She blatantly ignored the warmth and swirl of useless butterflies when she noticed how perfect her hand looked inside of Meredith's.
They stopped in front of a door with a weird utility sign on it. She frowned and tugged at Meredith's hand, confused as to why they were there.
"Come on." Meredith sent a small smile her way.
"But—" She tried.
"Let's go, Addie." Meredith insisted, opening the door and pulling her in, her brain a bit scrambled at the blonde using her nickname.
The door shut and she snapped out of her short trance, taking in her surroundings. It was a somewhat small place, full of pipes and valves. The dim light shining between the blades of the industrial fan. The buzz of flowing water and air flooded the whole place while puffs of steam rose from different pipes.
"Meredith, what the—" She began.
"It's ok, Addison. Come on. Stand here." Meredith interrupted pulling her towards a drain.
"But—" She tried again.
"You asked me to bring you to a place." Meredith shrugged.
"When I said I needed a place I meant a place to sit down and relax, not some dark back room full of pipes." Addison said, still looking around. "I bet people have been murdered down here. Is that why you brought me here? Are you trying to kill me, Grey? That's a felony. You'll go to jail and I won't be able to write a letter this time around."
"Addison." Meredith whined and rolled her eyes adorably while Addison mentally slapped herself for allowing the butterflies in her stomach to move.
"Meredith." She challenged.
"Trust me." Meredith insisted with a smile.
"I—" Addison began, her witty comment at the tip of her tongue when Meredith's groan stopped her. She pressed her lips together containing her smile.
"Do you?" Meredith tilted her head. "Do you trust me, Addie?"
"I think I do. Though I'm not sure if that's a good thing. But you know me..." She joked again and winked. "Sorry." She added at the blonde's exasperated sigh.
"Fine." Meredith shook her head. "LA's really got you all zen, huh?" She smiled. "Anyway, it shouldn't be long." The blonde added and looked down the drain.
"For what?" Addison asked and the blonde shrugged. "At least tell me why we're standing above a drain. This may be considered hazardous. Like really... a drain?"
"It's a vent." Meredith shook her head and let out an amused grin.
"Ok... why—" She began and the blonde just took her other hand.
"Shhh. Just wait." Meredith insisted.
Addison wanted to ask again but just before she could, a rush of wind came from the vent. She jumped, a bit startled while Meredith only squeezed her hands, a huge grin under baby blue eyes. Giggles began to bubble in her chest and soon she was laughing out loud, the blonde joining her a few seconds later. It felt amazing, like she was about to fly away. A rush of joy went through her undoing the clamps keeping all her other emotions at bay. Then suddenly the laughter and giggles got swallowed by the pain and tears as the shock and joy ebbed away.
She couldn't hold it anymore and sobs erupted painfully from her chest. Meredith seemed to be in the same boat as she silently cried along with her. The blonde pulled her into her arms, wrapping her tightly in her embrace which only served as encouragement for her to keep going.
The rushing wind had died down long before they let go of each other. Addison still wasn't ready to let go but she knew it must be strange. Besides Meredith didn't hug, she knew the other attending wasn't like that. She started to pull away from her but it seemed the blonde wasn't ready to let go and just tightened her arms around her.
"Not yet." Meredith said softly, her voice wavering slightly.
"Not yet." Addison found herself repeating and sighed, sinking once again onto her warmth.
After a few more moments Meredith's hold eased and she began to pull away. Addison still had a few miscellaneous tears running down her cheeks and before she could wipe them, Meredith did. Slowly and softly the blonde brushed her tears away. Addison couldn't help herself and leaned into the touch before returning the gesture. Silently she wiped Meredith's tears and felt her heart warm as the blonde leaned into her touch, closing her eyes with a content sigh.
"Thank you." Meredith smiled, her eyes fluttering open.
"That should be my line." Addison smiled back. "Thank you, Meredith."
"It's not a problem Addie— Addison. Sorry." Meredith corrected, her cheeks growing pink.
"What are you apologizing for... Mer?" She asked with a smirk. "Don't tell me you didn't realize you had called me by my nickname? Correction. You've been calling me by my nickname. So unprofessional."
"Well... I umm..." Meredith stammered. "The kids, well they sorta call you that so I umm."
"So you talk about me." Addison's smirk only grew.
"I umm I..." Meredith stumbled on her words growing redder by the minute.
"Wow. It's like I'm talking with intern Meredith Grey. Still afraid of Satan?" Addison chuckled.
"Anyone who says otherwise, intern or attending is lying." Meredith huffed, tearing her gaze away from her.
"Good to know... Medusa." She winked and smiled.
"Yeah, whatever." Meredith tried to suppress her smile but failed.
"Really Meredith, thank you. I needed that." Addison grabbed her hand, squeezing it lightly.
"Happy to help." Meredith beamed. "Shall we go back?" She asked and Addison took a deep breath.
"I think we should. I need to get ready for Tovah." She swallowed.
"You can do this, Addison. And you're right. Tovah is a fighter. This will hurt but I'm sure she'll get up again and fight with you." Meredith smiled. "You'll get her a baby. You are the Addison Forbes Montgomery. World class surgeons like yourself don't know what giving up is."
"You'd know. Wouldn't you?" Addison smiled back. "Come on, Grey." She said letting go of her hand and feeling suddenly cold.
"Do you even know where you're going?" Meredith giggled behind her, sending the butterflies a buzz yet again.
"I have a guide. She's competent enough to get me out of here." Addison shrugged.
"That's good I suppose." Meredith chuckled and looped her arm with hers pulling her out the door. "Let's go, Addie." She smiled and emphasized her nickname.
"Alright, Mer."
***
Addison hoped her talk with Richard would bear fruit. She wanted to help him and be there for him but letting him believe her humble beginnings had been a field of roses wasn't something she was going to do. He needed to know. He needed to understand that sometimes change was necessary to grow. Things that stay the same, only get stuck. Thus she hoped and wished that her words though a bit harsh had come across and gotten through to him.
After their short conversation she had been wandering the halls before returning to Tovah's room. She was yet again standing outside the room watching over her patient, now resting. She had gone to check on Tovah quite a bit yet she hadn't managed to work herself enough to leave the hospital. Leaning against the counter she was now completely lost inside her head. Thinking of what ifs, thinking of questions without answers, reminiscing as she often found herself any time she was back here. With a sigh she pushed off the counter, ready to check on Tovah again.
"How many times have you been in there?" That all too familiar blonde asked next to her.
"I..." She began and then leaned back on the counter. "Every time I go in there I think the result will be different. That she'll still be pregnant." She chuckled darkly. "Kinda pathetic, if you ask me."
"We're not god, Addison." Meredith said, leaning against the counter next to her.
"Oh I know that." She looked at the blonde and smiled. "I'm the ruler of all that is evil. Most definitely not god." She chuckled and the blonde followed.
"How is she?" Meredith asked once they sobered up.
"Stable. Incision looks good. Vitals are good. Physically, she's good." Addison reported.
"And emotionally?" Meredith asked.
"I've checked in on her a couple of times." Addison felt her eyes sting. "She's crying in her sleep. I'm not sure how she'll get over this."
"Give her time. It's true she won't get the baby she wants but you gave her the ability to still have one. So give her time. Give yourself time and then try again." Meredith leaned into her and smiled encouragingly.
"You're right. I did tell her we'd try again and I know she wants to, so we'll wait and heal. And once she's ready we'll try again." Addison smiled back and noticed the two cups in the blonde's hands. "What have you got there?"
"Oh uh juju?" Meredith grinned sheepishly.
"Oh?" Addison smirked.
"I figured after today you'd need some." Meredith said and offered her one of the cups she was holding.
"Thanks." Addison took the cup, the smell of hot chocolate floating into her nose. She drank some and smiled. "I really could never hate you." She said looking at the blonde who smiled before frowning a bit. "What?"
"Have you said something like that before?" Meredith asked.
"I may have." Addison grinned. "But that's between me and morphine high Meredith."
"Wait. Back in my intern days? My appy?" Meredith asked, looking surprised.
"That's right. The only reason I said anything is because I knew you wouldn't remember a thing after the drugs wore off." Addison shrugged.
"No. You've gotta tell me Addison." Meredith protested.
"You know Schmitt is good. He has been amazing with Tovah. And he's smart. Has he picked a specialty yet? I think he'd be good in peds and has enough knowledge for neonatal." Addison said, looking back into the room.
"He is good though he... well after everything..." Meredith let out a sigh.
"He will be fine. You all were." Addison said.
"What are you talking about?" Meredith tilted her head.
"Well there was the L-vad, and then the following class had the rogue appy, then there was Karev's father and the guy who sorta lost it in the OR. Things happen and people learn. It's a circle and it may be painful but necessary." Addison explained sending a small smile to the blonde, who nodded as she let her words sink in.
"True... anyway that wasn't what we were talking about Addison." Meredith half whined.
"I already told you what I was going to say." Addison looked away from her. "It's not my fault if you forgot."
"Come on, Addie. Tell me. Please." Meredith begged and she couldn't say no again.
"You were stuck choosing between, what was his name Jim, Tim... Finn. Derek and Finn and you asked me of all people." Addison chuckled, noticing the blonde's embarrassed blush. "Then you asked how I knew Derek was the one and I umm I told you that I knew he wouldn't hurt me on purpose." She let out a sigh while the blonde shifted next to her. "And you said that he hurt you... and to that I said that I should've let him go, stepped aside, been a better person, that I should've — a lot of things. And you said—"
"Me too. A lot of things." Meredith softly interrupted and she looked at her.
"Right. Then I said what I had already told you. I said, I don't hate you. And then you asked, how come we have never talked like this before?" Addison smiled.
"And you said, the only reason why we're talking like this right now is because I know you won't remember a single word of this once the drugs wear off." Meredith supplied again.
"See? You remember." Addison grinned.
"I wish I had remembered that a long time ago." Meredith gave her a sad smile, which she couldn't quite decipher but before she could ask they were interrupted.
"Dr. Montgomery?"
"Schmitt? How can I help you?" She said to the resident before them, feeling Meredith shift a bit away from her.
"I umm came to check on her. How is she?" Levi asked timidly.
"She's doing well. Her bp went back to normal levels about 45 minutes ago. Incision looks good." Addison informed.
"That's umm that's good." Levi said, looking behind him and into Tovah's room.
"Thank you." Addison smiled when he turned to look at her visibly confused.
"I didn't—" He began.
"She needed that prayer. That was something I couldn't give. So, thank you." Addison explained.
"I was just trying to help." Levi said softly.
"And you did." Addison nodded.
"Dr. Montgomery," He said quickly, "I also wanted to... I wanted to thank you." He added softly and she tilted her head in question. "You well... you have a reputation. You're THE Dr. Addison Montgomery."
"Right?" Addison frowned, not quite understanding.
"What I mean is that you're known not to take just whoever to work with you. Like umm you wouldn't just hand out opportunities... umm t-the person you choose has to at least know their stuff. It can't be just anybody. Th-they uh they have to uh..." Levi continued to trip on his words, not quite getting them to come out.
"... deserve it." Addison finished for him.
"Yeah..." He scratched the back of his neck nervously. "I umm well this is my first day back. And I'm sure you know what... yeah."
"I do know." Addison said a bit more seriously. "You're not the first doctor to screw up, Schmitt. And sadly, you won't be the last. We aren't gods, after all." She added and immediately felt Meredith shift beside her.
"Right." Levi softly replied.
"Don't forget what this feels like. Move on. Don't stay stuck but do remember and learn. Use what happened as fuel to be better." She said, placing her hand on his shoulder. "You have it in you to be better. Don't you?" She squeezed his shoulder a bit before letting go then leaned back. "Now, as you said, I have a reputation. So not a word of this. Understand?"
"Not a word." Levi nodded and she grinned before turning to Meredith, who shrugged with a hum.
"Good." She said.
"You were one of Dr. Grey's teachers, weren't you?" He asked.
"She was." Meredith spoke next to her and then added, "One of my best ones, actually".
"Do you still do it?" Levi asked.
"Do what?" Addison frowned.
"Teach? Like down in LA?" He asked again.
"St. Ambrose isn't a teaching hospital." Addison shook her head and smiled sadly as a defeated sigh left his mouth and his shoulders slumped down.
"Would umm you uh... never mind." He said and looked back into the room.
Meredith shifted closer and nudged her, motioning to the resident with a quick head jerk. Addison questioned her with her eyes. The blonde leaned closer to whisper in her ear.
"You said he was good." She whispered and leaned back, lifting her brows and jerking her head towards the resident yet again.
"What year resident are you, Schmitt?" Addison asked.
"Fourth but because of the epidemic..." He began to explain and glanced at Meredith.
"You're slightly behind." Addison said, glancing at Meredith briefly before turning back to him. "Tell you what, Schmitt. Finish your residency and then we can talk about a fellowship."
"Really?" He asked excitedly.
"Really. But... I won't take you on if you're lacking. If I see there's no point in teaching you, I will not teach you. At this point in my career I won't tolerate wasting time." She spoke seriously but not harshly. "There is absolutely no use in a surgeon who doubts themselves. You are doubting yourself still, which under the circumstances is understandable."
"I—" He began.
"There's no use in denying it. I can see the shadows. That aside from the way you spoke earlier. Again under the circumstances it is understandable." She repeated sending a small reassuring smile. "I can tell you're ok. Like you said, if you weren't I wouldn't have let you near my patient. But ok isn't enough. You need to be good. Be better. Be the best you can be. I see the potential in you but if you don't make use of it, I'll have no use for you." She let her words sink in and saw the resolve in his eyes.
"I'll be better. I will." He said confidently.
"Words are good and all, I guess..." Addison said, "but you better show me." She smirked and he nodded.
"You've got your work cut out for you Schmitt." Meredith said and smiled at the resident who smiled back.
"Is fetal and neonatal the only thing you want to do?" Addison asked out of curiosity.
"Well that and uh..." Levi smiled sheepishly.
"Peds?" Addison asked.
"Yeah." Levi nodded.
"I'll keep that in mind." Addison smiled, her gaze drifting back toTovah's room as she sipped from her juju.
"So umm I'm on a 36." Levi said after a moment of silence.
Addison looked at him a bit confused. "Ok."
"Since it's my first day back I was only assigned to one case. So technically I'm on your service." He explained and she nodded, still not quite understanding. "I can monitor Tovah and keep you updated and uh yeah..."
"Oh." Addison chuckled as she understood. "Are you telling me to leave?"
"No, of course not. It's just that I mean I can do this while you do something else and..." His voice wavered here and there as he nervously tried to explain himself.
"Alright, alright Schmitt." She laughed. "I'll go now. Check her incision in about two more hours but if she's still asleep let her sleep. And call me if there's even a slight dip on her bp or if she has a fever." She instructed.
"Got it." Levi smiled. "You both have a good night."
"You too." Addison smiled back and glanced over at Tovah's sleeping form before turning to Meredith, who smiled and motioned for her to follow.
***
Meredith and her were almost at the attending's lounge when the blonde spoke. Had Addison not been next to her she would've missed her question.
"Would you like to come over?"
Addison tilted her head and smiled. "Come over?"
"The kids liked you and well, you haven't met Ellis, the magical princess of the empire of Zaun, yet. So..." Meredith pressed her lips together as she made room for her to step in.
"So?" Addison smirked.
"So you have nothing else to do." Meredith said quickly.
"Says you. I have plenty to do." Addison shrugged, moving towards her locker for the next couple of days.
"Stop lying. You can't go hide with Callie anymore." Meredith said with a bit of bite, which she decided to ignore for the time being.
"Fine. Only because I want to meet this mini Mer you all talk about. And because I prefer a house full of kids to..." This time it was Addison the one biting her tongue.
"To an empty hotel room?" Meredith said for her.
"I should be used to it." She chuckled. "I did live there."
"I..." Meredith tried but bit her lip.
"Sorry. Is it too soon for me to make jokes about myself? And here I thought you were still dark and twisty." Addison shrugged and smiled, making the blonde open her mouth to speak.
"... whatever." Meredith ended up saying.
"That's what I thought." Addison smirked.
"Are you coming or not?" Meredith snapped.
"I already said yes." Addison retorted playfully.
"Ok." Meredith tried to contain her smile but couldn't.
"Mhmm." Addison smiled back. "By the way, where the hell is the empire of Zaun?" She asked, remembering how the blonde had referred to her daughter. Meredith's only response had been a bit of laughter. "What?"
"The empire of Zaun is the land I rule with Ellis." The blonde grinned and winked, making her laugh.
***
The ride to the Grey house had been uncharacteristically quiet, not that it bothered her. She supposed after the hell of a day she'd had silence was welcomed. Also a little quiet before she got to Meredith's ought to recharge her. Especially with the mounds of energy she was about to face. The thought of them alone made her smile.
Meredith's kids were great. She had enjoyed her time with them. They were smart and funny and witty and slightly sarcastic in their childlike ways. They were definitely Meredith's kids. She wondered how Henry would get along with the three. Him and Bailey would be sure to hit it off and they would probably be nightmares to put to bed. Henry might also let Zola play with his hair, he loved that. Now, Ellis... she had no idea but she bet he would rope her and Bailey into races and little competitions.
"We're here." Meredith announced. "Time to relieve Maggie and Winston."
"Right. Guess it's my turn." Addison smiled but just as they parked her phone went off. "Actually I need to take this or I won't hear the end of it." She said, showing the blonde her phone.
"Ooo Henry. Yeah better take that. I'll head in." Meredith chuckled. "I'll take your bag." She grabbed the small suitcase from the back and got out of the car.
Addison stepped out as well but leaned against the car taking her son's video call. The young boy looked at her with a bright smile and she could tell he was on the balcony.
"Hello there." She smiled.
"Hi, mom." Henry smiled back.
"What are you up to?" She asked.
He rolled his eyes. "I'm here hiding from her."
"Henry. What have I told you before?" Addison shook her head.
"That I need to be nice to Vicky." He huffed. "I just don't like her. She's annoying."
"Henry." Addison admonished.
"Sorry. But—" He began.
"No, sir. I've told you the same thing over and over. You need to be nice to Jake's girlfriend." Addison watched the whine form before her son said anything. "Henry."
"I am being nice, mom. Pinky swear." He lifted his pinky. "She's just... like she's trying to be you. But she can't because you are awesome."
"Oh, Henry." She chuckled. "I love you."
"I love you too mom. Are you coming back soon?" He asked with a bright smile. "Or am I going on the plane to see you?"
"I'll be back in a couple of days. We'll hold off on the plane ride for you. I'll bring you with me next time. Now please keep being nice and don't go around saying she's annoying. That's mean." She said and laughed as he huffed a bit before giving her his big smile again.
"Ok, goodnight mom." He waved.
She waved back before the screen went black. "Goodnight, little man."
***
Addison chuckled some more before heading up to the porch. The chilly Seattle air beginning to seep through her coat. As she made her way closer and closer to the porch she heard voices, Meredith's and a man she didn't recognize. She quieted her steps as much as she could with her loud heels listening to what they spoke about.
"Don't come to Minnesota." The man spoke.
'What? Who the hell is that?' She thought to herself.
"Look if you leave right now your people won't be okay, and you won't be okay. You won't be happy and you'll always resent me just a little bit." He continued.
'This stupid idiot. So that's what it is.'
"And I know you have kids. They're gonna have to get used to having me around but I'm gonna get my own place and we are going to do this the right way. You know, having dinner together and not having to get on a plane just to kiss each other."
Addison started to get angry again as she heard him speak more and more. Meredith's people should actually be her people and stop pressuring her to do what they want. She should get the chance everyone else has had to move on. And now there was an idiotic man telling her all these things that Addison knew for a fact weren't helping at all.
"And look, I have days, I have tons of personal days and I'm taking a few months and I'm staying here and I'm gonna work locum tenens at Grey-Sloan, and we can be together. Here."
'Ok, I don't like him. Like Meredith, really? Him? Why is he making himself out to be a martyr? Also why is he pushing you to stay like that? It's not fair.'
"I have the right to leave." Meredith spoke. "I've earned the right to leave. Other people from my residency class, they left and took other opportunities."
Addison could hear the pain in her words and wanted nothing more than to hold her and tell her that she was right. She wanted to hug away her pain, if at all possible.
"I stayed. I worked. I researched. I won awards for that place. I did everything that was expected of me, and then some. And now if I want to leave. I'm considered disloyal? It's ridiculous. It's absurd." Meredith continued, the pain clinging to her words.
At the sound Addison stepped forward. The man, pretty hair and halfway-to-dreamy eyes, looked at her as she walked but she paid him no mind as Meredith's tearful eyes landed on her. She walked closer to the blonde, standing just behind her trying to provide as much support as she could without actually touching her.
"You know what else it is?" Meredith asked, turning back to face him but staying close to her. "It's my decision, and I've made my decision. So this is all very patronizing."
Meredith let out a pained sigh and Addison shifted closer placing her hand on the blonde's lower back. The blonde sunk into the contact and for a moment Addison's heart began to beat quicker until the dumb man spoke.
"Okay. You've done all of that which is amazing but you do owe it to them to—" He started with a smile that made Addison's blood boil.
"She doesn't owe anyone anything." She snarled. "Meredith Grey has earned the right to do as she pleases."
"I wasn't saying she hasn't. I just meant that she can't leave when the place is falling apart." He replied.
"She can't? She can't? She can do whatever the hell she wants to do. And excuse me but who the hell are you to her that you don't even know she wouldn't leave before things were ok? Like, really?" Addison shook her head.
"I'm Nick Marsh," He began as if it were supposed to mean anything, "and I am her boyfriend. Who the hell are you?"
"Some boyfriend you are, not knowing the first thing about her. Seriously? You should just leave." Addison bit out.
"Addison." Meredith muttered.
"Excuse me?" Nick looked at her surprised by her obvious dismissal.
"You heard me. Look, we had a not so great day and were coming here to end it on a better note. However, thanks to you, it's just as sour as it had been. Maybe worse. So do us all a favor and go." Addison snapped.
"Addison, please." Meredith said, turning to face her. She looked at the blonde and grew quiet pressing her lips together.
"Who is she? She has no right to tell me to leave." Nick said, loosening her tongue again.
"She just said my name, did she not? You have hearing problems, don't you?" She rolled her eyes.
"Addison." Meredith called and again she contained herself. "Please go inside."
"But—" She tried.
"Please." Meredith pleaded and she nodded after letting out a huff.
"I thought I was going inside." Nick's bitter words rang and she couldn't help herself.
"You clearly aren't." She sent him a smile.
"Addison." Meredith admonished.
"Fine." She sighed and walked in shutting the door behind her.
***
Ok. What the hell, Addison?
As soon as she walked in and the door shut behind her she began to pace the length of the foyer. She was now freaking out. This was ridiculous, absurd, stupid. This was not happening. She had moved on. She was over this. She was... jealous. Yes, extremely and utterly jealous of some simpleton. He probably wasn't and he likely was just trying to be good for Meredith and didn't know how to do it but still. Maybe that was why the jealousy, the quiet rage simmering and then the outburst.
After all this time. After she had left and opened her heart for someone else. This couldn't be happening. This shouldn't be happening. She couldn't have completely reverted back to that idiotic broken-hearted person she had been so long ago.
"Addison?"
"Meredith, I'm sorry I..." She tried to apologize while attempting to stuff all her feelings back in.
"What happened?" Meredith asked, her eyes still a bit red and teary.
"Nothing." She replied quickly, her voice getting slightly higher.
"Addison, why did you—" Meredith tried and Addison couldn't help herself.
"Because he's an idiot. Like really how well does he actually know you. Seriously, Meredith, how could you pick him? Why? He's so... so..." She tried to find the words to describe him and failed, letting out a huff instead.
"Addison." Meredith looked at her, confusion written all over her features. "You don't even know him. Why—"
"You're right. I'm sorry. Don't mind me." She forced a chuckle averting the blonde's inquiring eyes.
"What happened?" Meredith asked.
"Nothing." She said quickly. "Nothing happened."
"This is clearly not nothing. I've never seen you like that, like this. Tell me." Meredith insisted.
"Meredith just leave it. It's been a long day. I'm just snappy is all." She tried to lie but she could tell the blonde was having none of it.
"Addison—" Meredith began.
"I think maybe I should just go and take a breather alone. You know? Maybe it'll be better that way." She said moving towards the door where the blonde had set down her suitcase.
"Don't be ridiculous. Tell me what's going on. Why did you snap like that? Why won't you look at me? Why are you so angry?" Meredith blocked her path.
"I'm not angry." Addison shook her head.
"Yes, you are." Meredith's gaze turned hard. "Tell me why."
"Meredith." Addison warned.
"Tell me."
"Please, let me go."
"No. Tell me."
"Please." Addison begged.
"Tell me why?" Meredith stood her ground, her words now a demand.
"Because..." Addison started and her words faded, unable to formulate an excuse.
"Because why?" Meredith stepped closer. "Why?"
"Because I love you!"
The moment the words left her lips her insides flooded with terror. Meredith just looked at her, seemingly in shock, opening and closing her mouth to talk like a fish out of water. Addison felt her eyes sting and tears beginning to fill them. There was just no way she had actually said that.
"What?" Meredith breathed out.
"Oh god. No. No. No." Addison muttered to herself, her hand hitting her forehead. "I didn't just... Dammit. Dammit." Tears began to slide down her cheeks as she started to pace.
"What did you just say?" Meredith asked softly.
"Please forget what I said. Ok?" Addison turned quickly to look at her. "I didn't... I wasn't... just forget that. I didn't say anything, ok? I didn't mean to say that. I didn't, ok?"
"Addison..." Meredith said her name in a tone she couldn't place, a tone that scared her half to death.
"Don't." She said quickly, lifting her hand. "Just don't say anything."
"But—" Meredith began, her eyes shiny.
"Please." Addison pleaded and whatever else the blonde was going to say was lost as she closed her mouth. "I think it really might be better if I left. What came out of my mouth wasn't supposed to come out. You just don't worry about it one bit."
"Addison..." Meredith said again in that tone she still couldn't quite place.
"No. It's fine. It's ok. And I'm leav—" Addison was heading for the door as two kids screamed her name.
"Addie!"
Zola and Bailey zoomed down the stairs and headed for her, colliding with her and giggling.
"H-hi, guys." She said ferociously wiping at her face.
"You came back!" Bailey cheered.
"You're staying for dinner again, right?" Zola grinned up at her and then looked at Meredith, who only watched the interaction with an unreadable expression. "Mommy, I made sure everyone did their homework."
"That's..." Meredith began but it seemed the words faded.
"Great! That's awesome. Such a responsible big sister." Addison took over quickly.
"Mommy? Addie? Are you guys ok?" Zola asked, those big chocolate eyes surveying them both.
"Yeah." They both said together and looked at each other.
"No you aren't." Zola muttered.
"Addie. You get to meet Ellis!" Bailey was bouncing excitedly.
"Seems like it." Addison swallowed hard but managed a grin.
"I'll be back." Bailey smiled brightly and ran up the stairs.
"So... what's wrong?" Zola asked, narrowing her eyes.
"Nothing." Both her and Meredith responded together and way too quickly.
"You're bad liars. Is it grown up stuff? It's ok. You don't have to tell me." Zola smiled knowingly. "Anyway, Addie, you look sad like Mommy so you're staying for dinner. It's decided." The girl grinned, taking her hand and leading her much like she had the first time she'd been here.
"Is that so?" Addison couldn't help but chuckle while the girl happily nodded.
"Where is your aunt and uncle?" Meredith asked behind them.
"Here! I'm here and we gotta go. Dinner is ready. Winston made pasta." Maggie chirped. "Oh, hello. Addie, right? Bailey is up there really excited. Nice to meet you but um we have some things to do."
"Yep. Important things. Nice meeting you." Winston smiled and continued pulling his giggling wife along.
Neither her or Meredith had gotten a word in before the front door was already closing. They locked eyes and got stuck in each other's gaze before blushing and turning away.
"Here's Ellis!" Bailey announced once they had sat in the dining room.
"Hi." The younger girl said, biting the inside of her cheek.
"Hello." Addison smiled softly as to not spook her.
"She's pretty and funny." Bailey muttered to his sister loud enough for her to hear.
"Psst. Thank you sir." Addison grinned at the boy who grinned right back.
"Alright guys, let's get ready for dinner." Meredith said to all of them.
The three kids got to their seats while Addison stood there, a bit lost as to whether she should stay or go. The kids looked at her with smiles, some more open than others. Ellis still had this weariness in her eyes but still sent her a tentative smile, the resemblance to Meredith was uncanny.
"Umm Addison?" Meredith called softly.
Addison tore her gaze from the little girl to look at Meredith who seemed to also be biting the inside of her cheek just as Ellis had been. "Hmm?"
"Go ahead and take a seat." Meredith motioned to the table.
"Oh... umm..."
"Here." Zola pointed at the chair at the head of the table, while Ellis began to once again bite the inside of her cheek nervously.
"Are you sure I can sit there?" Addison asked Zola, who nodded, and then looked at Ellis. "Aren't you the magical princess of the empire of Zaun?" The girl's eyes sparkled and she gave her the brightest smile yet before nodding.
"You know about the empire?" Ellis asked.
"Well I only heard it is the place of fairies and pirates and leprechauns." Addison said softly as if it were some being secret.
"Mommy says I'm the princess. The only one." Ellis whispered.
"That's the coolest thing ever." Addison grinned and the girl grinned back. "I'm meeting a princess for the first time ever. Awesome." She added and the girl practically sparkled.
"She's the queen." Ellis said softly while looking at the blonde who had just brought over the food.
"I see."
"Ok. Food and then a bit of dessert. Then showers a bit of tv and bed." Meredith announced and the collective groan had Addison pressing her lips together to contain her laughter. "None of that, guys. You still have school tomorrow."
"But it's almost Friday." Bailey whined.
"Friday is the weekend Mommy. Right Zozo?" Ellis joined in the whining.
"Well it is but today is Thursday." Zola tried.
"There's like..." Bailey began to count with his fingers after looking at the clock, "five? Is it five hours Addie?"
"Oh no, don't bring Addie into it." Meredith frowned. "Trying to get people in trouble. Sorry Addie." The blonde sent her a smile that slightly shook her but she did her best to keep herself steady.
"But she knows. She's smart and awesome and pretty like you Mommy so she really really knows." Bailey said with a big toothy grin. "She's better than that guy."
"What guy?" Meredith asked.
"The guy, Mommy." He said a bit exasperated.
"Oh that guy." Zola nodded.
"What are you two talking about?" Meredith tilted her head as she took her seat.
"Addie's better." Bailey continued.
"She really is but we don't know if she um..." Zola bit her lip.
Addison was utterly confused by their conversation and a quick glance at Meredith told her the blonde was on the same boat. She was curious, very curious as to where the kids were going with all of this but they said nothing. Bailey kept looking between Meredith and her while Zola started staring at her plate and Ellis, she was feasting without a care in the world just as oblivious as both her and Meredith.
"You don't know if I... what?" Addison motioned for Zola to continue but it was Bailey who supplied the answer.
"Are you like aunt Callie?" The boy asked.
Meredith almost spilled her water as she began to choke while Addison could hear the deafening beat of her heart. Did they just... She was sure her brain had just about short circuited. Silence reigned for a few minutes before Ellis finally spoke.
"Addie, can you be another queen of the empire?" the little girl asked with a big smile, "I think you'll be awesome. She can rule the fire people, Mommy!"
"I uh..." Addison was at a loss. Her brain had emptied out and nothing but Bailey's question, the lingering insinuation behind it, was all she could think about.
"Mommy is water and you are fire!" Ellis chirped happily. "Long live our Queens! But wait does that mean that Mommy and Addie—"
"Hey Ellis, you and Bailey have field trips to the zoo next week right? What kind of animals do you want to see?" Zola interrupted quickly.
"Unicorns! Or a Zebra." Ellis grinned.
Words had failed Addison for a bit, her face and ears heating rapidly. All she wanted to do was run away and hide somewhere no one could ever find her. Zola's eyes landed on her, a tiny almost apologetic smile on her face before resuming the conversation with her little sister. She wondered if the girl knew just how hard it had been to breathe and not freak out in the middle of their dinner. On the other side of the table Meredith ate while blankly staring at some imaginary speck on the table. Clearly the kids' words had affected the blonde the same way they had her. Addison's brain for one had almost shut down while the kids spoke.
***
After calming herself down and having the conversation steered away so spectacularly by Zola she began to chime in the kids' conversations. Chatter and laughter filled the dining room and soon after the living room while they had some ice cream for dessert, the show on the tv forgotten.
A small tantrum—easily appeased by Addison's promise to come back—later and Meredith was upstairs putting Ellis and Bailey to bed while Zola stayed downstairs with Addison.
The knowing grin and chocolate eyes made Addison a bit nervous but she managed. Zola asked her about her dad and her uncle, which was why she had just finished the story of when the three of them got stuck inside one of the school buildings and the consequences of their idiocy.
"So your dad and Mark lifted me up to the window so I could get out and have campus police open the building so they could get out."
"Did you get them?" Zola asked, clinging to every word.
"They were already waiting for me on the other side. It seems when we opened the window the alarms went off. Mark and Derek were laughing their asses off while I got scolded. We almost went to jail because they thought we were just some drunken thieves. Being drunk off our ass didn't help either. It was all a dare from two of our friends and we were too drunk to give a damn." Addison chuckled at the memory and then realized what she'd just said when she looked back into wide eyes. "I'm so sorry. Please forget that. Can we talk about something else? Gosh that was a bad story."
Zola just looked at her and soon started laughing, "You guys must've had fun. You sound like uncle Alex and aunt Cristina with my mom."
"I guess. Oh god, please don't tell your mom I was here swearing and telling you about our drunken adventures." She grinned while giving the laughing girl a pleading look. "Ok I'm gonna be quiet now."
"It's ok. I won't tell. Pinky swear." Zola smiled and lifted her pinky. Addison smiled back and wrapped her own pinky around the girl's. "Addie, can I ask you a question?"
"No more stories for now. I really need to filter through them." Addison sighed playfully. It was a bit strange that talking to Zola didn't feel as though she was talking to a young kid.
"No more stories. Promise. And actually it's two questions." Zola smiled.
"Fine. Just because I like you so much."
"You were my dad's first wife, weren't you? And you like my mom, don't you?" Zola asked, her smile still in place and shiny knowing eyes boring into her.
"I uh..." Her heart thundered so loudly in her ears she wondered if Zola could hear it. What was she supposed to say? How did Zola find out? Was she really that obvious that even a child could see? What was she to do now? "I th-think... maybe I..."
"No Addie, wait." Zola took her hand as she moved to get up. "It's ok. It's fine. A little weird to think about but who cares?"
"Who cares?" Addison asked, her voice as tiny as she wanted to make herself. Everyone.
"I don't."
"No?" Addison asked.
Zola shook her head and kept her hold on her as if she'd disappear if she didn't hang on. They were quiet for a few minutes. Zola bit her bottom lip before letting go of her and once she realized Addison wouldn't take the time to run away she relaxed into the couch.
"You met my mom when you were still married. Aunt Amelia told me." Zola said vaguely and all Addison could think of was how much she wanted to strangle her little sister. "Did you like her back then too?"
Addison almost shut down once more but after a few deep breaths she managed to calm herself some and said, "I uh... I didn't hate her?"
"Like you don't hate her now?" Zola grinned.
Addison scoffed. Zola saw through everything and anything. "I suppose." She admitted with a grin of her own.
"Do you... umm I..." Zola began to speak but suddenly stopped and began fidgeting nervously.
Addison smiled and placed her hand on the girl's shoulder. "Zozo you've pretty much gone through every defensive wall I've had up and reached my most guarded secret. You can tell me anything."
Zola pressed her lips together and looked at her, trying to assess the situation. It was rather impressive how assertive and yet childlike she could be. Zola was a 40-year-old trapped in a 12-year-old body.
"I think..." Zola began and took a deep breath before continuing, "you liked my mom back then like you do now. But I think that wasn't the right time. I think you had to leave so you could find each other now — be happy and together now."
Addison didn't know when she had started but she felt the tears running down her cheeks a few moments after the girl spoke. "Together?" She heard herself ask.
"You've seen it, right?" Zola asked instead. "You know my mom's faces? She's different with certain people. You can tell the difference, right?"
Addison wiped at her face and nodded, "Yes."
"The way she looks at me and Bailey and Ellis and Aunt Amelia and Aunt Maggie is really different than how she looks at anyone else." Zola explained further.
"Right."
"It's not that she's pretending when she talks to other people or that her smiles are fake. I think it's just that we are different from others. When we talk to her or she talks to us her face gets like... you know? And her eyes get..." Zola frowned a bit as she tried to find the right word. "umm soft?"
"Yes," Addison smiled, already feeling her eyes tear up once again, "soft and warm."
"Exactly." Zola nodded. "Did you notice?" She asked and when Addison tilted her head she added, "She looks at you that way too."
What? Addison's brain went on a spin, memories, scenes, moments, played in her head in a loop while she asked herself when. When had Meredith looked at her that way? She never had. Had she? But then she recalled the moment before the kids had come to say hi. The blonde had breathed her name and then there was that look — the look she couldn't place.
"You made my mom soft and warm." Zola said softly. "I saw it. Did you?"
Addison sank back into the couch, staring off into nothing. Zola had noticed something she missed. Not surprising though. The more the girl talked the more she confirmed she was in the presence of some sage. It had to be, if not then... how blind could she actually be?
"You look at her differently too." Zola said her voice no more than a whisper before she shifted closer to her. "Addie..." She grasped her hand, making her turn to face her, "please stay. Can you?"
A lone tear slid down her face but before she could answer Meredith's voice rang behind her.
"Zozo, it's time for bed."
Zola let go of her and she took the opportunity to wipe at her face.
The girl stood and smiled at her mother. "Ok." Then she turned back to Addison and threw her arms around her, giving her a hug. "I really really don't hate you." She whispered and giggled while Addison chuckled. "Mom doesn't either so do something about it." She whispered once more before pulling away, leaving a kiss on her cheek. "Nite Addie. Nite Mommy."
Meredith smiled at her daughter. "Goodnight Zozo. Love you."
***
... so do something about it.
Zola's words echoed in her head over and over while Meredith shifted on her feet. She looked at the blonde and gave her a small smile, watching as Meredith relaxed somewhat.
"May I sit?" Meredith asked as she approached.
"I guess. I mean this is your house after all." Addison shrugged, still attempting to calm her quickly beating heart.
Meredith sat quietly for a few seconds before she spoke, "I'm sorry if Zola—"
"She's amazingly perceptive for a 12-year-old." She interrupted.
"Isn't she?"
"A thousand times smarter than the 12-year-old I met almost 20 years ago." She winked at the blonde.
Meredith chuckled and shook her head before she said, "Very true."
Once more silence filled the space and she wasn't sure where exactly she was to go after that. "...do something about it." The words echoed again. She dared a glimpse at the blonde and found her biting the inside of her cheek, which in a weird way gave her the courage to speak.
"So..." she began after a steadying breath, "how much did you hear? And how fast should I run away?" She added trying to joke and sound amused but failing miserably at it.
"I didn't hate you back then either." Meredith muttered.
She scoffed, "Ah. So everything."
Meredith chuckled a bit, relaxing a bit more. "Sorry. Do you... agree with her?" She asked tentatively.
Timing. She might agree. Actually she did agree, however she decided to keep that to herself for the time being. "Do you?" She asked instead.
"It would've been messy and chaotic. Maybe more than me and Derek being together."
"You can say that again."
"Back then I was so lost and broken. I was in a place full of pain and darkness and if I... if we got together, we..." Meredith stopped, wringing her hands together.
"We might've broken ourselves even more." She supplied for her. "We might've hurt each other. Back then I was just as lost and broken as you in my own way."
"And if we had gotten together then we wouldn't have, well..." Meredith's gaze fixed itself on the pictures on the mantle.
Addison smiled, "we wouldn't have those amazing bundles of energy calling us mom. I can't imagine my life without him — without Henry."
"Yeah. I've made one too many mistakes in my life but my kids... they are my reason."
"They are wonderful kids, Meredith."
"I'm sure your little dude is too. Maybe I can meet him some day?" Meredith gave her a soft grin that set her butterflies a flutter.
"Of course." She smiled, her hands growing clammy as Zola's words echoed louder and louder.
Do something about it. Do something about it. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
"I agree that the timing was wrong." She finally said, her gaze fixed on the picture of that beautiful sage. "We were practically the epitome of right person wrong time." She tore her gaze away from those knowing chocolate eyes and fixed it instead on the baby blues that stared back at her. "But what about now? Do I keep pushing you to forget what I said? Do I go back to playing the acquaintance? The old teacher? The friend? Meredith, are you in love with that man?"
Meredith said nothing, her eyes trained on hers while tears pooled in them and the tip of her nose grew pink. The butterflies refused to let up and her clammy hands felt tingly as she waited for an answer that wasn't coming.
"God, Meredith if you are then say it. What I told Schmitt is true. At this point of my life I have no time to waste." Her heart thundered in her chest and she wondered if the blonde could see it. "If I have to cut you out of my life then I need to know now. I can't keep on carrying on like this." She felt the tears threatening to spill but she blinked them away as much as she could.
"You're married." Meredith said softly, her voice sounding tiny and almost broken.
Ah. Addison took a deep breath and spoke, "I'm not."
"You're not?" Meredith looked at her with clear shock in her eyes.
"No."
"Why?"
"You know damn well why." Addison huffed and stood before rubbing a hand down her face. "I tried but I can't really love him. And it's not fair to him, to me, to anyone."
She looked back at the blonde, who still sat there unmoving and seemingly at a loss of words. Do something about it. Continued to ring in her head but all she could think of was that nothing she'd do would make Meredith move. She had already blurted out the fact that she was in love with her and yet Meredith said nothing. And yes, there was that look, all of the looks today and in days past but still Meredith had done nothing. Maybe she was in love with that halfway to dreamy moron. Maybe the blonde was just looking at her differently but not in the same way she did.
"Tell Zola I tried." She mustered her strength and resolve. "And tell Ellis and Bailey I'm sorry."
"What? Where are you going?" Meredith asked quickly, panic etching her voice as she sat forward ready to bolt after her.
"I'm going to the hotel, then the hospital, then back to LA."
"But—"
"Meredith, I love you so much that I've held onto that feeling for almost 20 years." She interrupted quickly. "If you don't feel that, then me leaving is the way to go. I would love for the both of us if I could but I can't. It's not fair to you nor me."
"Addison..." Meredith breathed out her name in the same way she had a few hours earlier.
"It was nice to see you. Despite how painful it is to leave now." Addison smiled a watery smile and quickly wiped away the lone tear that managed to escape her eyes. "See you around Grey." She said before turning and heading for the door.
"Please..." Meredith's broken plea rooted her to the spot. "Please don't leave."
Addison swallowed hard and felt herself shudder. "I've no real reason to stay."
"I'm scared." Meredith began behind her. "Can you believe it? I'm 45 and just as terrified as I was when I figured out why I had been so angry when I started my residency and that one very important person was gone without so much as a goodbye."
Meredith's voice wavered while she spoke and Addison found herself turning around to face her. The blonde sat at the edge of the couch, her white knuckles peaking through while she held onto the edge of the cushion for dear life.
"I found myself looking for her every single day." Meredith continued. "I'd go up to the NICU or the maternity ward but she wasn't there. No one understood why sometimes instead of drowning myself in alcohol I did it in hot chocolate." She let out a sad smile before standing and making her way towards her. "No one knew who I was talking about when I got home drunk off my ass saying she had left me. I was so stupidly drunk because she had left and told me to fight for him when all I wanted was her." Tears ran down her pale cheeks the same way they ran down Addison's.
"Meredith..." She breathed out painfully.
"Back then I swallowed all of my feelings. I was scared to love you. I am scared to love you but I'm screwed because I already do and there's no way around it." Meredith shrugged as her bottom lip quivered. "It's such a strong and intense feeling that I've held onto it just as long as you have."
Addison couldn't help herself and reached out to cup the crying blonde's cheek. Meredith hummed softly and leaned into her touch.
"I'm scared to love you Addison but I'm far more scared to watch you leave all over again. If I let you go I won't ever be able to have you and that scares me more than anything in the world. Back then it might've been a horrible mess but now... what do I do?" Meredith asked, tears flowing freely and her hand resting over Addison's on her cheek. "You're the smarter one. So you tell me?"
Addison understood the fear because she was feeling it too. She was scared as hell to let herself love her. To completely open her heart all over again. If things went south the pain that would rise from it could practically erase her and yet she too like Meredith was terrified of letting this go once more. Terrified of living with the what ifs. Terrified of a life full of regret for not trying, especially now that after all this time she knew the blonde loved her too — had loved her.
"You're scared to love me but you still want to?" She asked and Meredith nodded, her baby blue eyes shiny with tears and something else. "Then be scared, Meredith. Be scared and love me anyway."
The moment the words left her mouth Meredith surged forward. Her tentative lips brushed against hers and she felt herself completely unravel. Soft and salty lips glided against hers hesitant at first. With one hand cupping the blonde's face and the other on the blonde's waist she pulled Meredith closer. The movement had Meredith melt more into her and give more of herself to the kiss. Addison felt as though she was learning to breathe all over again — as if she ended and began anew. Meredith wrapped her arms around her pulling her even closer while their lips danced gracefully with each other. They danced and danced until air grew too thin to continue their merry waltz.
"I've wanted to do that for so long." Meredith panted once they parted, a silly smile adorning her face.
"And how was it? Better than the advertisement?" Addison smirked cheekily while wiping away some errant tears still on the blonde's face.
"Much more better." Meredith grinned.
"I don't think that was grammatically correct, Dr. Grey. Are we experiencing technical difficulties?" She chuckled.
"Whatever, smartass..." Meredith pouted playfully but soon her face got a bit more serious. "Addie?"
Addison was tucking a few strands of golden hair behind the blonde's ear when she noticed the nervous biting of the inside of the cheek. "Hmm?" She placed a soft kiss on the blonde's cheek, feeling her relax a tiny bit.
"I-I love you." Meredith muttered and her face turned several shades of red until it settled to a rosy pink.
She couldn't help the grin that broke into her face at the adorable idiot in front of her. "I gathered as much. It's not as if you didn't say it a few dozen times. You're a pretty cute crier too, did you know?"
"Would you shut up?" Meredith whined.
She shrugged and lifted a brow before she spoke, "you could shut me up, Grey."
Hungry baby blue eyes pinned her to the spot and she was being pulled forward by the collar of her blouse. Then soft and warm lips met hers, still salty because of the tears they'd shed. Gone was the tentativeness and hesitancy from the first kiss, replaced by hunger and so much more.
"About damn time."
Startled, she and Meredith pulled away and stumbled back a few steps to find Amelia leaning against the entryway wearing a wide grin. Addison's lips still tingled from the kiss she'd just shared with the blonde beside her.
"Oh don't mind me. It was a great show." Amelia's grin grew wider. "This is perfect. My two sisters together and happy after lusting for each other like oblivious teenagers."
"Amelia." Both her and Meredith admonished.
"Don't say filter, please. I've earned the right to talk freely when the children are asleep." Amelia said, crossing her arms across her chest.
Addison rolled her eyes and shook her head. "How long have you been standing there anyway?" She asked and only got a shrug in response.
"You can leave now, then." Meredith huffed beside her.
"But I need to know." Amelia begged.
"Know what, Amy?" Addison sighed.
"What happens now?" Amelia asked and at that moment Addison looked back at the blonde next to her as if waiting though she already knew the answer.
"Nothing and everything." Meredith smiled.
"We begin the begin." Addison smiled as well.
"Could either of you be any more cryptic?" Amelia groaned, making her chuckle. "Whatever. Addie, I want pancakes for breakfast." The brunette said as she began to turn around. "Or maybe waffles... waffles please!" She shouted and she began to walk away.
"I'm not your personal chef, you know?" Addison called after her, a hand on her hip.
"You're so good at it though. G'night... oh I'll introduce you to Kai tomorrow, you'll love them." Amelia called back as she made her way up the stairs.
"Seriously." Addison let out with a huge sigh.
"I'd like waffles too if you don't mind." Meredith's voice rang next to her before she was being turned to face the smiling blonde.
"Well if you want waffles then I supposed I'll have to make you waffles any time you want them." Addison smiled, her hands settling on the blonde's hips.
"Any time?" Meredith asked softly.
"All the time if you want them." Addison smiled, the double meaning of the conversation wasn't lost on her and she knew Meredith understood rather well what it all meant.
"Good. Now where was I?" The blonde asked, gently caressing her cheek and leaving a trail of fire in her wake.
"I think you were being a good girl and keeping me quiet while making up for lost time." Addison smirked.
"I remember now." Meredith grinned before sweeping her into another kiss.
One of many more to come. Another kiss to mark the beginning of their world together. The world that could've been then but was meant to be now. A kiss that reminded Addison that some things are worth the wait.
Oh. My. God. I thought I was never gonna finish this. Like why was it so long? There's no reason whatsoever. Anyway I do hope you all enjoyed it. I think it took more time for me to figure out the title than the actual direction of the fic itself. But whatevs until next time. Stay awesome, Potatoes.
p.s. Falling. Falling. Fell. will be the next update so be patient it's coming. Apologies for the delay but I had to finish this and I did need a breather after writing so much for June.