A/n:... I wrote this when I was like 12... Why did I make everything so dramatic??? I mean... I still do but it doesn't sound as bad as this...
❗WARNING❗Mentions of self harm/ Suicide
MATTHEO'S POV (STILL!)
I went up to the astronomy tower waiting for her.
I never really liked telling the truth. I always found it easy to lie my way out or to just loose the person I'm arguing with.
But Bella was different. I knew I couldn't loose her. She's the most important thing I have in my life.
I know it sounds weird I mean we're only 14 well im 15 but it doesn't really make a difference... I feel like I can't live without her. And all while I wasn't talking to her were the worst days of my life.
I feel like I have gotten too attached to her. I mean what if she doesn't even believe me or hates the truth.
I think I couldn't live with the thought fluttering through my head. The thought of her not being by my side. I tried preparing myself for what might happen. I tried to imagine a future without her in it.
Every time I do. I hear a voice.calling for me. Its always Bella's voice. Constantly playing through my head on repeat. I wish I could just erase the memory of her completely. But then I realise. I remember back when she first moved here,
I was ready to pitch myself off the astronomy tower. I was going to do it that night. I used to cut myself and do horrible things that would make all my hurt go away... At least I hoped it did. I was going to say goodbye to everyone that might miss me.
Except I couldn't think of a single person that would care. They would actually be glad to see my dead body lying in the grass. They would've been glad that voldemorts' son isn't in the same building as them. She's the reason I didn't go up to the tower. I saw hope in her. I saw joy. Something I hadn't felt in years. I finally found someone to help me cope with everything.
She's the reason I'm alive. She brought me to life to be honest.
But now when I think about it maybe it would be better if I were gone.
I mean what are the chances of her forgiving me. Maybe if I end it here everything would all be over. I wouldn't have anything to loose would I ?
Bella is mad at me, Draco hates me , Blaise well we don't get on very well , and pansy... We don't even talk so don't really care about her.
Before I knew it I was standing on the railing. I was planning on the best, quietest way.
I felt tears streaming down my face as I prepared myself.
I heard a small sob but it wasn't mine. Bella. Shit I forgot I was supposed to meet her.
"M-Mattheo?" She asks her eyes filled with tears.
"Bella!" I say surprised.
"don't." She said.
I look down at the grass thinking about how had it would hurt.
"I'm sorry." I say tears pouring down my face. "im sorry."
"P-please M-Mattheo!" She says panic in her voice. "I c - can't live w-without you!"
I look back down at the grass below not saying anything.
"p-please Mattheo!" She asks screaming "P-PLEASE M-MATTHEO!"
seeing her like this broke my heart but - .
I hesitate. I don't want her to watch me jump. I want her to look away for a second just one second to let me go.
"y - you have t-to let me go!" I say tears flowing at a constant rate.
"P - PLEASE MATTHEO!" She sighs "Please Mattheo I - I love you."
She says in a small voice. Everything just stopped suddenly I didn't want to jump. I wanted to stay with her. I wanted to live with her where we can never be hurt.
I don't know what it was about those words. 'I love you' they just sounded like I was wanted. Like she wants me. She cares about me.
I step off the railing as she runs over to hug me.
I quickly hug her back while she cried into my chest I just held on like I was never going to see her again like I was - "I love you." I heard her whisper.
I stopped for a second then smiled "I love you too."
Saying those words to her just felt so right. Saying what I truly felt. I did love her. It's not an exaggeration either. I do love her. More than anything in the world.
I let go of her sitting down exhausted from all the emotions.
She sits down next to me. She looks at me and wipes my tear currently falling with her thumb.
That wasn't a sad tear like always. It was a tear of happiness, a tear of relief.
I raise my hand tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
I look at her face before saying "god you perfect."
She just smiles and looks down at my lips. Shit , shit ,shit! Does she want to kiss? Should I kiss her. What if she doesn't and was just looking at my face. Mattheo! Stop over thinking!
I look down at her lips and lean in. Before I know it our lips were touching.
She actually kissed me back. She leaned away looking at me.
"so why were you being rude to Draco?" She asks.
"do you promise you'll believe me?" I ask her smiling.
"of course I will !" She says.
I tell her everything. And I mean everything from Draco threatening me to -
"your a death eater?" She asks quietly.
I nod in response not wanting to talk.
She stays looking into my eyes when I see a tear fall.
I wipe it with my thumb.
"I'm sorry I can try to remove it but this is who I am and -"
"it's okay." She says as she smiles.
"really?" I ask her confused.
"Mhm" she says playing with my hair.
I smile as I watch her. She allows me to rest my head in her lap as I tell her everything that has been going on.
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HEYYY! Thanks for reading. I know this is a long chapter. To be honest I didn't even know they were going to kiss. I don't even plan anything before I start writing LOL. Also sorry about the kiss scene I never wrote one before.