Kabanata 45
Huli
Katatapos ko lang sa ginagawa kong trabaho nang mag-ring ang door bell. Isinara ko ang aking laptop at bumaba na mula sa ikalawang palapag ng summer house. Maga-ala-una na ng umaga.
"Ico!" I beamed when I opened the door. Hindi pa siya nakakasalita ay sinunggaban ko na siya ng isang mahigpit na yakap. "Na-miss kita!"
Bahagya siyang naestatwa bago natatawang ipinulupot ang kaniyang mga kamay sa akin upang mayakap ako pabalik.
"Damn. Every man should get a welcome home like this."
Tumalon-talon ako habang yakap pa rin siya. "I miss you! I miss you! I miss you!"
Pagkalapag na pagkalapag namin sa La Fortuna noong Lunes ay agad siyang kinailangan sa ospital. Sa apartment ako natulog habang dito naman siya sa summer house umuwi kasi nandito ang mga damit niya. Ngayong Sabado lang nagkatagpo ang schedule namin. He had a 48-hour shift before this.
Umakyat kami sa kaniyang kwarto. I wore my favorite lingerie under my pajamas tonight because I missed him so much, and I wanted to be as close to him as humanly possible. Iyon nga lang, mababakas ko sa kaniyang mga mata ang pagod. He looked older than the last time I saw him.
Pasalampak siyang humiga sa kama, suot pa rin ang kaniyang scrubs. Sa totoo lang ay bahagya akong dismayado kasi naghanda ako para sa pagkikita naming ito. I spent so much time in the bathroom earlier to make sure every inch of my skin was smooth and moisturized.
But then, although sex with him was always good, it's not why I entered this relationship.
"Are you okay?" nag-aalala kong tanong.
Nasa-gilid ako ng kama naka-upo habang malambing na sinusuklay ang kaniyang buhok gamit ang aking mga daliri. He lifted a faint smile with eyes still closed. Hinanap ng kamay niya ang kamay ko. He intertwined our hands, finger by finger.
"I'm fine. Just tired."
Dumapo ang tingin ko sa kamay naming magkasalikop. He had beautiful, long and slender fingers. Gusto kong ialis ang kamay ko sa kaniya kasi sigurado akong medyo magaspang ang aking palad. Lagi kasi akong humahawak ng bakal. Nagha-handcream naman ako pero ewan ko kung gumagana ba iyon.
Unlike mine, Ico's palm was as smooth as a baby. Nakakahiya namang makipag-holding hands sa kaniya kapag ganito.
He opened his eyes a bit before closing them again. "I know you're looking forward to some senseless fucking tonight, but I want to do it properly, and I can't when I'm this exhausted. Sorry. I'll make up for this tomorrow, okay?"
Hinalikan niya ang likod ng aking kamay. Ilang sandali pa bago medyo bumagal ang kaniyang paghinga. I unclasped our hands and went to my room to look for my handcream. Bumalik ako sa silid ni Ico at saka sumampa sa kama.
"Baby, what are you doing?" He groaned when I reached for his hand and pulled it toward me. Ipinatong ko iyon sa hita ko.
"Shh. It's okay."
Nilagyan ko ng handcream ang kamay niya at saka minsahe iyon. I didn't know if it's even possible, but I could feel the tension and stress on his fingers. These were the fingers that saved so many lives. Hindi ko ma-imagine kung gaano kahirap iyong nakatayo siya sa operating room ng ilang oras at kontroladong nagpe-perform ng surgery.
Nang matapos sa kanan niyang kamay ay ang kaliwang kamay niya naman ang minasahe ko. I used Iowa's technique and focused on his pressure points. He groaned a bit, like he could also feel the stress in his body dissipate.
I straddled his back when I was done with his hands. Itinaas ko ang scrubs niya at naglagay ng handcream sa kaniyang likod. Even his back was beautiful! It was muscly and firm and smooth. Sunod kong minasahe ang kaniyang biceps. His arms were hard even though he wasn't flexing them. After his biceps, I laid next to him and massaged his temples and clenched jaw.
He stopped my fingers that were now trailing his sharp jawline. Iminulat niya ang kaniyang mga mata upang mataman akong titigan. He looked as handsome as ever. Pagod pero guwapo pa rin.
"You are heaven-sent, Sunny. Where were you my entire life?"
Natawa ako. "Probably flirting with La Fortuna's entire male population."
Hinila niya ako palapit sa kaniya at mahigpit na niyakap. Inayos niya iyong kumot para pareho kaming mabalot nito. His arms, incredibly warm and heavy, had always been where I belonged.
A soft kiss landed on my forehead. "You are my favorite person," he whispered.
"You are my favorite person, too."
I could say we had a good night's sleep, but we even had a better morning. Pareho kaming hinihingal ni Ico nang umalis siya mula sa pagkakasampa sa akin. He pulled me toward him and cupped my face.
I always loved the way he looked after sex. Dahil mestizo siya, halata ang pagpula ng kaniyang leeg, pisngi, at tenga. His lips were bee-stung and red. His eyes were glass-stained, and his body had beads of sweat on it. He looked high, disheveled, mine.
Gusto kong umahon pero pinigilan niya ako. "Ico," angal ko dahil male-late na ako sa trabaho. "Pakawalan mo nga ako. Masisisante ako sa ginagawa mong 'to, e."
"Just a few more minutes. I want to hold you longer."
"Sige ka. Hindi ko mababayaran 'yong utang ko sa 'yo kapag nasisante nga ako."
"You're not going to get fired. I'm one of your company's shareholders."
"Now that's unfair. My colleagues are going to talk if they knew you have my back. Grabeng discrimination na nga ang kailangan kong harapin kasi male-dominated ang industriyang pinasukan ko. What more if they knew I was fucking one of the shareholders behind their backs?"
Umangat ang ulo niya upang mas maigi akong mapagmasdan. "You're being discriminated?" he sounded offended.
"It's normal. Ganiyan talaga kapag babae ka at nasa engineering field ka. Medyo nakakainis lang kasi marami akong magandang ideya pero walang nakikinig. Minsan uulitin lang nila iyong sinabi ko tapos aakuing sila 'yong nakaisip no'n."
His brows furrowed. "You should report them."
"It's no use. Besides, I just want to work peacefully."
"What else do they do to you? Sinasaktan ka ba nila?"
Napangiwi ako. "Of course, not! They still value their jobs enough for that. Iyong iba nga lang, lagi akong inaaya ng date. Ni hindi na nga ako sumusuot ng dress o skirt kahit gusto ko kasi baka hindi nila ako respetuhin. They think I'm in this field to look for a hookup."
"That's sexual harassment. I can call Yuki, so she can represent you."
"It's fine," I insisted.
"Sunny," he warned. His eyes turned into slits.
"Ayos lang talaga. As I said, I just want to work peacefully."
Bumuntong-hininga siya. He tenderly raked my hair away from my face. "Alright. But if you ever encounter any of those things again, tell me. You worked hard for your title. You are not inferior to your colleagues just because you are a woman."
I fondly looked at Ico. He's just so kind. Hindi ako makapaniwalang akin siya sa mundong ito.
"By the way, do you want to use the Chevy today? They'll deliver the Ferrari this afternoon, so I don't really need the Chevy to go to work. Mamayang gabi pa ang duty ko."
Kumislap ang mga mata ko. "Really?"
He grinned. "Of course. She's all yours."
I used the Chevy to go to work. Maayos naman ang trabaho ko sa umaga at hindi rin ako na-late. Noong nag-lunch time na ay naghanda na akong umalis sa car factory para maghanap ng makakainan.
I had been visiting Minerva since we came back here in La Fortuna. Naiirita na nga siya sa pagmumukha ko, e. Kaya ngayong lunch, hindi na muna ako sa ospital pupunta. Mamayang hapon na lang siguro.
Palabas na ako nang marinig ko ang tunog ng heels na tumatagpo sa kongkreto. Agad na nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Annie. She lifted a wide smile and ran toward me. Nang makalapit ay natutuwa niyang hinawakan ang dalawa kong kamay.
"Sunny! I knew I'd find you here!"
"Where else would I be?" I joked.
She frowned. "You're such a workaholic! Anong gagawin mo ngayon? Let's have lunch together!"
It was not like I had a choice. Pero gusto ko naman talagang kasama si Annie kasi wala siyang pakialam sa sasabihin ng ibang tao. She loves who she loves, and I admired that about her.
Naglakad kami patungo sa parking lot. She was driving her own car, so we had to go separate ways until we get to the newly opened restaurant she said she wanted to try. Nasa sentro iyon. Tamang-tama kasi sobrang tagal ko nang hindi nakakapagliwa-liwa.
Bago ko mai-start iyong Chevy ay tumunog ang cellphone ko para sa isang mensahe. Pumilipit ang tiyan ko sa pinaghalong kaba at excitement nang malaman kung kanino iyon galing.
Atlas Ysaguirre:
I have updates regarding your mother's origin. Visit YSI before evening.
Grabe naman itong si Atlas. Kung maka-utos, akala mo naman isinangla ko ang kaluluwa ko sa kaniya.
Sunny:
I have plans this evening. Can you send me a run-through of your findings instead? Promise pupunta ako diyan sa YSI bukas.
Atlas Ysaguirre:
Copy that. Does Ico know about this, though?
Sunny:
Not yet. I'll tell him when I get the chance. Mukhang hindi naman kasi ganoon ka-importante sa ngayon.
Atlas Ysaguirre:
You should tell him ASAP.
Sunny:
Why?
Atlas Ysaguirre:
Because I respect myself enough.
Napairap ako sa hangin. This might be why Iowa seemed to hate him so much. He's too bossy and deadpan. Pero bilib pa rin naman ako kay Atlas kasi mabuti siyang tao kahit mukha siyang miserable at laging galit.
Zadkiel, on the other hand, was on a different level. He could probably kill me, chop my body into parts, and burn my remains in front of Ico just for pleasure. Masama ang mag-assume at mag-stereotype ng tao pero ganoon talaga ang vibe na binibigay niya.
Nang makarating sa parking lot ng restaurant ay itinigil ko ang Chevy at lumabas na. Halos sabay lang kaming dumating ni Annie. Inangkla niya ang kamay niya sa akin bago kami naglakad papasok sa establisyemento.
Mukhang may party na idinadaos sa loob. Akmang haharangan kami ng guwardiya nang itinaas ni Annie ang kaniyang palad sa paraang nagsasabi ng 'stop.'
"Annie Gregori," she said her name like it's a magic word.
We got in. Agad na sinuyod ng tingin ko ang paligid. Maraming tao at mukhang mamahalin pa silang lahat. Pamilyar sa akin ang iilan dahil nakita ko na sila noon.
My throat tightened when I realized why I was familiar with this crowd. Ang ilang panauhin dito ay nakasalamuha ko na dati, limang taon na ang nakalipas, kapag dumadalo ako ng pagtitipon kung saan imbitado si Aurora Casagrande.
"I think we can eat in a private room," Annie said beside me, oblivious to my racing heart.
I nodded. I honestly did not know what to say anymore. Kinakabahan ako sa 'di ko malamang dahilan.
"Hey, look!" Tinuro niya ang platform sa harap na puno ng dekorasyon. "'Congratulations Doctor Icarus Benavidos.' Party pala 'to ni Ico, e!" Nilingon niya ako at pabirong siniko. "Sana sinabi mo agad! Easy pass naman pala tayo."
I clenched my jaw as venom dripped in my gut. Party pala 'to ni Ico. Mas naging malinaw iyon sa akin nang makita ko si Governor Benavidos sa harap. Ico's colleagues were here too. Baka nga nandito rin sina Atlas, pero ayaw ko na silang hanapin kasi parang sampal lang iyon sa mukha ko.
"Hey, what's wrong? Alam mo naman ito, 'di ba? Invited ka rin sa party niya?"
No, Annie. I am not fucking invited in whatever the hell this is.
Bakit? Hindi ko alam. Siguro kasi hindi ako nababagay sa ganitong klaseng pagtitipon. I would look like a misfit, like I did right now, in my baggy jeans and white fitted top and messy hair and lack of a name that worked as a fucking magic word.
Ico, being the gentleman that he was, probably considered my emotions and decided not to invite me instead. Great, right?
Dapat masaya akong nilihim ito ni Ico sa akin pero hindi iyon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Mas lalong nanuot ang sakit sa dibdib ko nang malaman kung para saan itong party niya. It's for being accepted in a special program in Cambridge, England. At hindi lang ito simpleng celebration. Mukhang despidida party niya pa ata ito!
"He's leaving tomorrow for England?" Annie sounded confused. "Ayos ka lang ba? Can you explain what's happening because I am one confused bitch right now."
Mukhang natanto ni Annie na wala siyang makukuhang sagot sa akin kaya hinila niya ako papunta roon sa may sulok. Ramdam ko ang pinaghalong kahihiyan at galit sa kaloob-looban ko.
Aalis na si Ico bukas.
Bukas.
Bakit hindi niya man lang sinabi? Wala siyang time? Hindi ba pwedeng kahit i-text niya na lang? Baka nakakalimutan niyang may relasyon kami? Siya itong halos mabaliw na kakaalok sa aking maging girlfriend niya, tapos ituturing niya akong parang fling pa rin?
I tried to calm myself because, when I said yes to being his girlfriend, I also said yes to giving him my trust. Isn't this how it's supposed to work? We needed to give each other room for error.
This was his error.
At kaya ko pa itong lunukin. Intindihin. Patawarin.
"Wait here," Annie said. Her eyes were filled with worry. "I'll ask them if they have a private room so we can eat in peace."
I nodded and watched as she walked toward the reception area. Imbes na manatili sa kinatatayuan ko ay naglakad ako patungong CR. I locked myself in a cubicle and calmed my nerves.
Siguro sasabihin ko na lang kay Annie na sa ibang restaurant kami kumain. Maaga pa naman at ayos lang kung ma-late ako ng kaunti mamayang hapon. I would pretend this didn't happen, and ask Ico about his trip to England later when my mind isn't in such a fucking mess.
Pagkalabas ko ng cubicle ay agad akong napatigil nang makita si Sora Casagrande. Her eyes widened in shock at first, then in slur, and then in anger. Naka-bun ang buhok niya kaya mas nadepina ang maganda niyang mukha, na punong-puno ng disgusto para sa akin.
"Why are you here?" she asked sharply.
Hindi ako nagsalita. She looked at me like I was bad luck personified. Nakakapanliit at nakaka-insulto iyong titig niya.
"You really are thick-faced, huh?" Humakbang siya palapit sa akin. She looked at me from head to foot and let out a scoff. "Please have some self-respect, Sunny. You are beautiful. You can probably score some old man with old money. I don't fucking care, to be honest. Just stay out of my family's business."
Kumunot ang noo ko. Her family's business? But this was Ico's party!
She probably read my mind because she laughed at me. Humalukipkip siya at tinaasan ako ng kilay. "Don't tell me you don't know?"
"Know what?" My voice was cold, distant, like a part of me already decided I wasn't ready for what she was about to say.
"Aria's going to England with Ico."
I could feel my heart sinking to my stomach. A part of me did not want to believe her, but Sora Casagrande was not the type of woman who would lie about this, even if she hated me and wanted me gone.
Hindi niya naman kasi gawain ang magsinungaling. Hindi naman siya ako.
"You are fucking kidding me," she snapped. "Are you dumb or are you just choosing to be blind? You knew from the start that Aurora Casagrande was Ico's prospect fiance, right? Did you really think things would change just because of a little mishap?"
Ah, yes. The mishap, which was me.
"Is he engaged?" I asked in a small, fragile voice.
"Not yet, but his engagement will be announced today. Governor Benavidos has informed him about this already."
"Pero ako ang girlfriend ngayon ni Ico..."
Her eyes turned into slits, which was then followed by her face softening to show she was concerned about me... or she pitied me. Mas lalo lang akong pinanghinaan ng loob.
"Did you two fuck?"
Napalunok ako. "Ang ibig ko pong sab—"
"Just answer the damn question. Did you two fuck?"
I nodded.
"Oh, Sunny. I thought you are familiar with men and their non-committal offers?"
"Pero sabi ni Ico—"
"It does not matter what he says. What matters is the truth. And the truth is he did not inform you about his involvement with Aria. He did not obviously invite you to this party. And you are not the woman who will be engaged to him and be with him in England for three months."
Pinunasan ko ang luhang nangilid sa aking mga mata. What's more annoying than this whole situation was how I did not care about the truth anymore.
I could handle the betrayal. I could handle Ico not telling me any of this because I knew he had a reason. What I could not handle, however, was the idea of him leaving me.
At masakit iyon para sa akin kasi ito mismo ang kinatatakutan ko. I was willing to overlook his mistakes just so he would stay.
Sora Casagrande took my hand and placed a lacy handkerchief on it. "Wipe those tears and exit this place quietly. This is why I stay single. Men are just not supposed to be the center of our worlds."
Pinunasan ko ang aking mga luha gamit ang panyong binigay niya. She walked to the mirror, and I walked out of the CR. Desidido akong naglakad palabas ng restaurant. Bago nga lang ako makalabas ay nakasalubong ko si Governor Benavidos.
His eyes blazed in fury when he saw me. Tumigil kaming dalawa sa gitna ng maraming taong sa amin na ngayon ang atensiyon.
"Who allowed you inside?" His voice was loud enough for the people around us to hear.
"Paalis na ho ako, Gov..."
"Security!" he called. Nang makalapit na ang mga guwardiya ay mariin niya akong tinuro. "Why is this woman here?"
"P-pasensya na ho, Gov. Hindi ko rin ho alam."
"Escort her out! Now!"
Hinawakan ako ng dalawang guwardiya sa magkabilang braso. Nagpumiglas ako pero mas lalo lang nilang hinigpitan ang kanilang hawak. I saw Annie rushing toward me with tears in her eyes.
Bago pa ako makalabas ay hinila muna ni Gov. Benavidos ang siko ko upang mapalapit ako sa kaniya. He leaned so he could whisper his next words in the same vicious tone Ico used to that disgusting man in the cruise ship.
"You don't belong here. This is not a charity event, Miss Vega. Don't be so cocky just because my son pity-fucked you."
Awtomatiko akong nagpumiglas ulit ngunit masyadong mahigpit ang hawak sa akin ng mga guwardiya. I looked around and saw judgmental eyes coaxing on me.
My eyes watered when I saw Lola Cordelia on the side, her hand on her chest, looking so terrified and bothered by me. Sa gilid niya ay si Aurora Casagrande. She looked scared too, like I came here with the sole purpose of ruining their party. Kakalapit lang sa kaniya ni Sora Casagrande. She gave me a knowing look, which I understood.
Ibinuka ko ang aking labi, nais sanang magsalita, magpaliwanag, ipamukha man lang sa kanilang wala akong balak na manggulo. Pero napagtanto kong walang silbi iyon.
Kasi hindi dapat ganito... I should not bend over backward just so people would accept me or change their long-standing beliefs about me. Malupit ang buhay... Dapat lang. Pero pagod na akong ipaglaban ang sarili ko kasi hindi naman na dapat iyon kailangan una pa lang.
I pressed my lips in a thin line. I looked at them without any hint of guilt, shame, or regret this time. Tumango ako at hindi nagsalita. But the silence... had never been this loud.
There came no explanation on my side, but I had never felt so redeemed. The silence was my battle cry. It was a middle finger to all of La Fortuna. I thought that maybe, this might have been the purpose of all this. Siguro kaya ako napunta rito ngayon. Not to fawn over these people. Not to desperately change the truth... but to accept it with peace.
Nang makalabas sa restaurant ay agad akong tumungo sa Chevy at pinaandar iyon. I saw Annie try to run after me, but she was too late. Mabilis ang takbo ko, alam kung saan patungo. My mind had never been this clear.
Nang makalampas sa border ng La Fortuna ay agad na tumulo ang mga luha ko. My heart was breaking, but I kept my eyes on the road. Ilang oras akong nagmaneho. Mga alas-tres nang biglang bumuhos ang malakas na ulan. Walang masyadong sasakyan sa daanan kaya mas binilisan ko ang takbo.
I was approaching a curve when I heard the deafening sound of a truck's horn. It seemed like it lost its break. I turned the steering wheel to the side and maneuvered the Chevy so I could avoid the impact.
Pero tulad ng palaging nangyayari sa buhay ko...
Huli na ang lahat.