𝗔fter her knock on the front door went unanswered, she popped it open and stepped inside. Admittedly so, she was wary of entering a house that she was only just newly familiar with, but Rayne's text message was pretty clear; she would probably be upset if she found out that her anxiety kept her waiting on the staircase until she got back from the station.
Adjusting Tripp on her hip, she shut the door gently and walked into the living room, flopping down on the grey couch while he ran around the glass table. For a moment, as she watched him, she let her leg bounce in anticipation; with so many people inhabiting these four walls, she knew it was just a matter of time before someone bounced out from around a corner and scared the living shit out of her, purposely or not.
However, when two minutes turned into ten, and the house was still silent – not a creak out of place, she settled into the cushions and let out a breath. Obviously, she knew that Rayne and Rueben were holed up at the station, along with her brother, but she did not know the whereabouts of anyone else.
"Toy?" Tripp questioned.
He gazed up at her with those wide, green eyes of his as he stumbled on his toddler legs to her side once more. She sat up and grabbed the toy car out of her pocket, handing it to him. His fascination for the tiny metal model grew on his mocha skin; she ran a hand over his curls as he turned and began dragging it up and down the surface of the table.
"Vroom, vroom."
Emiko grinned at him, watching him with careful eyes as he began to play.
Slowly, against her will, that smile faded. The reasoning as to her invitation to this home dawned on the forefront of her brain, rendering that same hole in her chest to make its presence known.
When Rayne texted her asking if she could come by the house, she almost instantly knew what it was about. Kaiser included, the three of them have been doing independent research to find out the truth in Mila's disappearance. Using what skills Kaiser has on computers and Rayne's lawyer status to get control of CCTV footage from nearby areas, it has become more evident that their speculation could be the truth.
As she gazed upon her handsome nephew, she couldn't help but frown. She loved him as if he were her own, and she would climb mountains just for him to be happy, but she knew deep down that if she could have her sister back, she would trade him for her. Maybe that was a selfish, fucked up thing to say – he's just a kid after all – but that's probably why she felt it. While her sister could make as many kids as she wanted, she was the one that was irreplaceable.
Her father never let her reach out to her birth mother until after high school graduation. And that was only because the legal war between her parents finally grew void. That being said, she only had less than two years to spend with Mila; forever grateful that Kaiser was still here, she couldn't help but long for the family she rebuilt once she left home.
Emiko shook her head, letting go of her thoughts as she made a funny face at Tripp; he laughed back. In the end, if Mila had passed to further along this sick shit that was happening to Rueben's family, she just wanted to know. She wanted to give her sister the burial she deserved with a grave that was marked under her name. She wanted her to be remembered in all things – that included more than just her own personal memories of her.
When Tripp was of age, she wanted him to have a proper place to visit his mother.
Her head snapped up as a new pair of footsteps sounded in the house for the first time since she's arrived. She held her breath, realizing that the noise was coming from upstairs; there was only one person who lived up there – and she hasn't spoken with her since Spain.
Emiko let out that breath as Taryn popped her head around the corner.
She looked like she was on a mission, but she halted in her steps as she noticed her sitting position and the toddler that was now hovering his toy car in the air, pretending it had the ability to fly.
"Hey, Emiko," she spoke in a friendly voice, "What're you doing here?"
"I have to talk to Rayne about something."
"Is everything okay?" her voice grew testy.
She nodded quickly in an attempt to recover. She forgot that almost no one in the house knew about her blooming friendship with the smart redhead – if she could call it that. With her, it was very hard to dictate what was work-related, and what was more than that; Kaiser was proof.
"Yes – I just need her help with the adoption paperwork," she pointed a finger in Tripp's direction, "Since his mother is missing, Kaiser and I have been trying to get legal guardianship over him so that he's not placed in the system. She's a lawyer, so she has connections."
It's not a total lie – more like a white one. If they find out that Mila's life has been cut short, she was always going to turn to Rayne for help. With her status, she had to have the contact information of at least one or two good adoption lawyers.
Taryn's face relaxed, "Oh, right – I hope all goes well."
"Thank you."
She nodded and started to walk away from her. Three steps later, she was backtracking and was plopping her ass on the couch next to her. Emiko, keeping half of her vision on her nephew, did her best to pay attention to Taryn. Something in her expression told her that whatever she was about to speak seemed to be important.
"Is there something else on your mind?"
"Yeah," she answered with an exhale, "—have you talked to Blake since you came back?"
Emiko flushed and looked away entirely; this time, she was completely pretending like she needed to keep her hawk-like eyes on Tripp. In reality, with him sitting down, he was fine – she just used him as an excuse to get out of the inevitable, awkward eye contact.
"Not really, why?"
"She dumped Auden."
"Oh," she replied, "Did she now?"
"Yeah – she's kind of taking it badly, but she knows it's good for her."
"Well, I'm happy she's putting herself first."
Taryn put her hand on her knee, forcing her to react to the physical contact and turn her face in her direction. Her soft, brown eyes looked at her with sympathy, but not so much so that it felt like she was mocking her, nor did it feel like pity.
She just looked concerned.
Blake needed people like that in her life.
"What?"
"I was just with her, but I have to go check on my husband and I have no idea how long it will take. Do you think you could go up there and keep her company? She's gonna need you."
Emiko swallowed, "Has she said that?"
"Not explicitly, but she's going to need all the friends she can get."
Friends.
Right. That's all we are.
"I'll go," she voiced anyway, despite her internal monologue yelling at her.
"You're the best."
With that, Taryn was up and off the couch, and once more, she was left alone with her thoughts. With hands picking at the pieces of frilled jean fabric near her knees, and eyes glued to the tiny human in front of her, she knew that regardless of how much she knew she shouldn't go up there, she was going to do it anyway.
Half of the reason why she was so hesitant was because of her unspoken feelings for Blake; she knew that she wasn't crazy and that in some form, those feelings were reciprocated. Seeing her negative reaction in Spain, which led to them not speaking for the rest of the trip, just made her not want to be around her, at least, not alone. It made her hate the power she held over her – she hated that she was so in love with her, and always had been, that it was becoming borderline obsessive.
But that just led her into the reasons why she needed to suck it up. Blake had a girlfriend at the time, and regardless of if she personally felt like she was a second choice, that wasn't her baggage to pick up and tend to. In fact, she never even told Blake that she was feeling that way, so how was she expecting her to fix something she had no idea was broken? And even more so, she owed her nothing; maybe her feelings fizzled out when they experimented with kissing when they were kids, who knew?—but it shouldn't halt the reignited friendship just because she couldn't put a lid on her own.
Unrequited love fucking hurt.
But being without Blake?—that hurt so much worse.
"Hey, buddy," she stood and grabbed Tripp, hooking him by his underarms, "Wanna go upstairs and play for a bit? I bet we can watch TV and snuggle in the blankets."
"Can I bring my toy?"
"Of course you can."
He laughed happily and wrapped his chubby fingers around the collar of her shirt – she took that as a yes. Placing him on her hip, she diligently climbed the staircase. It took about three minutes of a silent pep talk for her to actually knock on her door.
It took another minute for her to enter the room once she was allowed to.
"Hi," she said softly.
Blake sat up in her bed slowly due to her growing baby bump. She cocked her head to the side as she walked deeper into the room, showing Tripp's presence as well as her own. Just from the lack of expression on her face, she felt heat burn her cheeks.
Maybe this is a mistake??
Maybe I shouldn't have come up here??
Maybe—
"Emi," she grinned, interrupting her, "Are you going to come over and join me, or are you going to continue standing by the doorway with a confused look on your face?"
That confused look transformed into steam emitting from her ears in the form of embarrassment.
"Right — I'm joining."
Tripp decided that he didn't want to be on the bed after all, so she placed him on the ground and watched him as she walked to the bed; she sat down on the edge as he ran over to the dresser and began to drive his toy over the edges of it.
"Where have you been?" Blake asked.
Emiko faced her, "What do you mean?"
"I mean, you've been MIA since Spain. Have you been avoiding me?"
She reached a hand up and pinched her pointer finger and thumb around her ear, gently tugging at it in anxiety; her fingers wrapped around her earrings, spinning that as well. It's a fidgeting habit she picked up when she was in high school.
"I thought you didn't want me around."
"Why would you think that?"
"Because I kissed you ..." she let her words disappear into the air.
There was stillness between them for a few minutes. The only sound that evaded the room was the small poofs of delight from Tripp's mouth.
Blake leaned up after another minute and grabbed her hand; Emiko wanted to pull away on reaction, but after feeling the tips of her fingers on her skin – smooth like butter – she fell right back into her old habits and allowed her to have her as she wanted her.
It was so pathetic at this point.
Especially because if she wanted her to stand in the middle of the road and let a car run over her, she was doubting if she would answer no to that.
"I'll admit, when it first happened, I was a little stunned. And of course, I was with somebody, and having the track record I have with relationships, it kind of freaked me out."
"That's fine—"
"But," she cut her off, looking up at her through her thick, brown eyelashes, "I never wanted you to leave me alone. I never wanted you to go away completely. And I never wanted you to believe that what you were feeling for me was one-sided ... because it's not."
Emiko's eyebrows raised, "What do you mean?"
"I'm not entirely sure myself," she let out a light chuckle, "—after everything I've been through with Auden, I know that I need to give myself space before I jump with anyone else, but I also know that I have been harboring something for you that I don't quite understand yet."
"That's fair."
Blake nodded and dropped her hand, "Yes, but what I'm about to ask you may not be."
Emiko's blood pumped a beat quicker.
The sweat on her palms drowned her skin faster.
"And that is?"
"Don't leave me?—stay by myself until I figure out exactly what this is? I know it's not fair to you to place you in the spot, which is why I'm giving you this out right now. With no hard feelings, you can walk away from me. Whether that means all the way, or just distancing yourself from me, I will get it. But if you chose not to do it, then please understand that I'm not trying to lead you on. I just want my person next to me while I'm going through this."
Is this ...
Is this real life?
"I-I'm your person?" she stuttered.
"Of course you are," she laughed, "How could you doubt that?"
"I don't know."
"Well, now you do."
Emiko blinked at her with a soft kindness. As she watched her clean face, her gentle-structured jawline, and the way the fan near her blew her red-brown hair across her nose, she knew what her answer would be. Was it selfish for Blake to string her along like this, even if she was self-aware?—fuck yes, but was she also a fool who wanted her no matter which label that meant?—double fuck yes.
"Do you mind if I join in on what you're watching?"
Blake's face lit up, "Get in here."
She grinned like a kid as she climbed over the mattress and slipped under the covers. Tripp saw what they were doing and squealed in delight, using his small arms to climb up to where they were laying down.
Emiko kept her head on the center of her pillow with Tripp in her arms, but somewhere during the course of the movie, Blake's head drifted onto hers. When she looked down, she was happy to see her breathing heavily, but sleeping gently.
I'll wait forever for you.
My Blake.