"Okay, if I have to tell you to rest one more time, I'm claiming the title of the responsible friend in this relationship," Jenny declared.
I froze in place, a pile of clothes resting over my broken arm, my other outstretched as I finished hanging a dress on the rail. Slowly, I brought my arm down and hugged the garments against my chest protectively. It was the third time Jenny had caught me doing something I shouldn't. Every time she left to get a snack, a bottle of water, or headed off to use the bathroom, I dragged myself out of bed and got to work putting my room back together.
"Bed," she ordered. "Now."
As I shuffled out of the closet, Jenny gently wrestled the clothes from my arms, taking care of the cast. Her eyes narrowed pointedly until I was back where I belonged. After she flashed me a triumphant smile, she dumped the clothes in a pile on an obliging chair and dropped to the floor to open another box. It'd been weird seeing all my stuff packed away. I mean, obviously, it was just so that it didn't get covered in paint while the decorators did their work, but it just served to remind me that the task of unpacking was a futile one. In maybe a week, I'd have to pack it all up again to go back to college.
"You don't have to watch me," Jenny said. "I've been in your room enough times that I know where everything goes."
"You're kidding, right? If I don't keep an eye on you, I won't have any clothes left."
Jenny turned from her task of arranging perfumes. "Um, as if I would take anything from my best friend in the whole world while she's recovering!"
I reached down into her bag, which sat beside my bed. Jenny hadn't made any effort to hide the red skirt which sat right at the top of her things. I held it up and raised an accusatory brow. My best friend had never had much shame or modesty about her, and when she saw the garment, she simply smiled and shrugged.
"Care to explain?" I asked.
"I'm not taking it. I'm... liberating it."
I dropped the skirt back into her bag. "Fine. Keep it. Red's not really my color, anyway."
Jenny hurried back to the stack of clothes she'd dropped and rifled through them until she pulled out a dress. "Really? Okay, so what about this one?"
My heart squeezed painfully. It was the red dress I'd worn to dinner with Grayson. I hadn't even noticed it when it'd been sandwiched between all the other clothes, but to see it clutched in Jenny's eager hands as crisp and clean as it'd been when Grayson had picked it out in the store, I couldn't help but think back to the day that he'd called me his girlfriend for the first time. It was when I'd first believed that he thought of me as something more than a booty call.
That our relationship might stand a chance against all the odds.
My distress must have played across my face because Jenny realized, "I'm holding something important, right?"
"Yeah."
"Want me to put it back and pretend like I never thought about how great my boobs would look in it?"
"If you don't mind."
Jenny forced a smile and disappeared into the closet. I listened to the scrape of metal hangers as they slid onto the rail, the shuffle of heavy fabric as it fell into place, and I dug my nails into the comforter while I chased away all memories of the dress. I shouldn't have. I mean, they were happy memories. But the more I lingered on them, the more I grieved Grayson's loss. He might not have formally broken up with me, but I couldn't imagine that we were still together given all that had happened. Not to mention, he still hadn't visited. Hadn't called. Sure, I could've called him first, but I didn't know what to say. He'd been so angry that day at the hospital and I was afraid of making things worse. Dad might have told me that he'd accepted our being together, but Grayson didn't know that. For all I knew, he was trying to avoid another argument by staying away from me and the house.
Dad had also said that Grayson was probably stepping back so that we could repair our father-daughter relationship, so it wasn't like he was going to show up out of the blue and undo the sacrifice he'd made. It was probably taking all his willpower to forget about me. To respect the boundaries that Dad had put in place.
Also, I supposed that, deep down, I was afraid that meeting him would confirm all my worst fears.
That the prolonged absence would've given him time to change his mind about me, and the small flicker of hope still burning in my heart would be extinguished.
That I'd look into his eyes and wouldn't find any affection left in them.
When Jenny emerged from the closet, I jumped. I'd let the toxic thoughts consume me again. I was trying not to. It was easier to ignore them when I was distracted. That was exactly why I'd invited her over to help put my room back together. The busier I was, the less I dwelled on Grayson and the last time I'd seen him, and all the things Dad had told me after I'd left the hospital. How he hadn't realized that we were in love like he believed that I was some reckless slut who'd throw away his trust in the name of a fling when I'd always tried to live up to his expectations of me.
It also stopped me from thinking about Mark.
He visited me so often in my nightmares except, in those dreams, Grayson didn't arrive to stop him. I knew that he wouldn't dare come near me again, but fear still clamped around my spine in an icy grip whenever the doorbell rang. Every loud male voice in the street outside made me paranoid that he was about to charge up the drive and force his way in. I hoped that, in time, those fears might go away, and I could get back to something like a normal life because, for as long as I was afraid of him, it felt like he'd done exactly what he'd set out to do; he'd broken someone Grayson loved.
He'd won.
Something in Jenny's hands caught my eye. It was a small box which she opened and closed as though something might materialize inside of it if she just did it enough. I recognized it immediately, and I could've told her myself that nothing would appear. It was the box that once held a beautiful silver charm bracelet that Grayson had given to me over dinner. He'd promised that he'd keep adding to it whenever we had a milestone, or even just because he felt like spoiling me. I instinctively place my hand over the cast. I missed the weight of it. Its absence was another reminder of what I'd lost. What might have been if things had gone differently for us. If Grayson was younger, or if I was older, or if he and Dad hadn't been best friends and there'd been no obstacles to our relationship.
Just as Jenny hovered over the trash to discard it, I snapped, "Don't!"
"What? It's just a box, babe. You can't keep everything."
"Just... just not that one, okay? Please?"
Although she eyed me suspiciously, Jenny didn't have it in her to argue. She placed the box on the dresser and set her sights on the next pile of clothes. I turned back to my laptop which sat open on my bed. The email from the university sat read in my folder. It said that I could take some time out from the course because of what'd happened, but that I'd be expected to catch up if I was going to pass. That was fair. It wasn't like I could ask them to change the entire degree just to accommodate the crazy events of my summer. It was enough that they'd said I could go back in the first place. They'd have been within their rights to tell me that I'd have to miss a year if I didn't show up in time for the first semester and pick it up again later.
Distractions were good, I kept telling myself, and college was just about the biggest distraction from my love life that I could have asked for.
"So... are we going to talk about how you're too chicken shit to email Grayson, or what?"
I bit back the urge to snap at her. Jenny had never had a serious relationship in her life, so she had no right to lecture me on how I'd behaved with Grayson. It didn't help that she was right. I was scared. Anyone could see that, and I had every reason to be.
"No."
"Fine." Jenny tried and failed to fold a sweater. Frustrated, she threw it back down into the growing pile of clothes that I'd have to iron again before they were fit to be seen. "I mean, I still think it's better to get it over with. You know, rip off the band-aid. Find out if he wants to keep fucking you or whatever before you go back to college."
"I get it," I said. "It's just not that easy. Like, do you think I want to hear that I'm dumped right before I leave? At least if I go and settle into college again, I'll be too busy to be hung up on it when he does finally tell me that we're done."
"Okay, well, it's not like you know that you're done. So, don't even get me started on that BS. And it's better for you to hear it now so I can help you get wasted and eat junk food than when you're a million miles away."
"It's not a million–"
"Not the point!" Jenny interrupted. Giving up on the clothes, she came to sit on the bed beside me and placed her hand over mine on the comforter. "I want to be here for you, good or bad. And it's not fair on either of you to just leave all this shit up in the air, is it? I mean, he might want to know what's going on, too."
"Then, why hasn't he called?" I challenged.
"That's not fair," Jenny countered. "You said yourself about your Dad and boundaries and blah blah blah. Don't blame him for being a decent guy. God knows they're a rare fuckin' breed."
Given my track record with men, I had to agree.
Trey had cheated on me with my best friend, then he'd tried to get back together with me when he'd called from Hawaii. It'd since come to my attention thanks to some bored social media investigations during my recovery that he and Anna had broken up. It seemed that she only liked guys if they were unavailable and had since gone viral when a video was shared of her being caught in bed with a guy by his angry girlfriend. The entire exchange had been filmed, her friends had turned their backs on her, and she'd locked down all her accounts. I couldn't imagine that she'd change her ways just because the internet had put her on blast. Anna had always been too stubborn for that. But it went some way to explaining why Trey had tried to slither back into my life over the phone. He thought he had something better and, when it blew up in his face, he'd hoped I'd be grateful for a crumb of his attention because anyone was better than no one.
Asshole.
Then there was Mark, of course. He was as far from a decent guy as it was possible to be. What I'd thought of as charm and confidence when we'd met had simply been predatory behavior. He'd seen something he'd wanted and decided then and there that he'd do whatever it took to possess it. Mark had come into my home with Grayson, taken my number from the fridge without my knowledge, and then tried to drunkenly force himself on me. When he realized that his actions had consequences and he'd lost everything, he opted for revenge instead of changing his ways. Much like Anna, I couldn't imagine that he'd reform now that he was facing court cases and jail. Mark was the kind of guy who'd always blame others for his misfortune before accepting responsibility for his mistakes.
Grayson was and would always be the best man I'd ever known.
If I was lucky, I might find another guy I could have fun with. That I clicked with. But, if they weren't him, then I'd always feel the absence of him. Grayson had worked his way into my heart in a way that no one had before, and I didn't know if he'd ever leave. For the rest of my life, I would carry him with me, and I could only hope that a piece of me would stay with him. That I'd made just as deep an impact on his life as he had mine.
"Okay, you're looking depressed again. We need a break. I can nag you some more about this later."
"Any chance you might just drop this weird obsession you have with me calling him?"
"Oh, God no. I'm going to bug you about this until I'm on my death bed," Jenny declared.
"Great. Thanks."
"Hey, that's what best friends do." Jenny pulled her cellphone from her pocket and checked the screen. There were a few messages, but she only read one before she put it away again. Gently, she cleared her throat and stood from the bed. "Come on. My parents are on a sugar-free kick, and I desperately need a real soda."
"Should've known you were just here for the snacks."
"Duh. Why else would I come here? To listen to you complain about your love life? Gross."
Jenny would probably never commit to a serious conversation, but that was just one of the many reasons that I loved her. I couldn't have made it through the summer without her. Whether it was her pushing me towards Grayson in the first place, lifting my spirits, or telling me that I was an idiot when I had doubts about his feelings towards me, I appreciated all of it. No one could say that my summer had been without disasters and regrets. There were certain things I'd have changed. But she'd been by my side throughout, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Well, maybe we wouldn't have gone out to the club, but even that had led to my first night in Grayson's arms, so I couldn't be mad about it.
In fact, if Jenny hadn't behaved the way she had that night, Grayson might never have acted on his urges, and I'd have missed out on every wonderful moment we'd shared since.
I took the stairs down into the hall slowly, walking behind Jenny and with both hands on the rails. I held my breath until I was safely at the bottom, still terrified that I might have a repeat of that night and slip down them. It was just another element of trauma that I hoped would disappear with time. I mean, I'd once told Grayson that he couldn't protect me from everything in the world, and I had to accept that there would always be a chance that I might slip and fall down them again. I just had to hope that, if that happened, I would come out of it relatively unscathed.
Or that someone would be there to pick me up and dust me off afterwards.
Just as we'd turned towards the kitchen, the doorbell rang. I froze in place. My phone was upstairs, and I couldn't check the camera to see who it was. Dad was still at work, the mailman had already visited, and Jenny was standing beside me.
"It's fine," she assured me. "Probably more flowers from your dickhead ex. You go sit down and I'll get rid of them."
The incident with Mark had only encouraged Trey to keep trying. I didn't know how he found out about it – I assumed that social media and my blabbermouth neighbors were to blame – but several flower deliveries had arrived since he caught wind of the assault. They usually arrived with a card offering to take care of me or to bring his family to visit. Things that, once upon a time, I'd have been happy to receive. Now the flowers and suggestions just looked like massive red flags. Manipulations to worm his way back into my good graces while I was frightened and vulnerable. They just made me hate him even more.
Again, Jenny was my hero. She charged to the door without hesitation, and I took myself through to the living room to wait for her. I expected that she'd give the delivery guy a piece of her mind, charge through and read out the card in a mocking voice, and then suggest that we throw the flowers into the fire pit out back.
It took a few more minutes than I thought before Jenny returned. I'd supposed that she'd gone to the kitchen first to get sodas, but when she walked into the living room she was followed by a tall, imposing man in a suit, with a bunch of lilies in his hand.
His jaw was stubbled, his eyes blue, and his hair was dark but held flecks of silver.
"Grayson?" I asked.