As I open my eyes, I get to look at him sleeping peacefully. I have him back, I can say that out loud without sounding crazy.
A kiss on his forehead before I put his shirt on to go wake Khanyi up and get her ready.
Thankfully winter is over and the days are longer, I wanted to go camping with Khanyi and Kai for a weekend.
"You want to go glamping with Mama and Dada? You don't know what camping is but it is okay, you can learn, we can learn." She pouts her lips before smacking into my cheek. The happiness being her mom brings me is just wonder. "Mama loves you baba." I plant a lingering kiss on her forehead, she tries to kiss my chin.
"Mmbaa." She exclaims after kissing my chin.
"Mama's fierce, brave girl."
Thati arrived after a while, I had already made lunch for them in case Kai and I were running late.
"Come on let's get going before we are late." He calls as I kiss her one last time
"Okay, Baby, Mama and Dada are going to see their therapist, we will be back to watch fogs with you and play teapot." A kiss on her forehead before Thati puts her back in her playpen. "Two hours and we will be back."
"Yes, Madam." I close the door before I head to the car
"Kai, did you take my bag?" I ask him before I put my seatbelt on
"Yeah, it is behind your seat." I nod and he makes his way out of the driveway. He has his hand on my thigh as he drives to Dr Sandra.
"I think for this session Kai should tell me what happened." He clears his throat
"Nothing out of the usual."
"What is the usual?"
"Hanging out, take care of Khanyi, we did have a date." This is why I narrate our weeks.
"Okay, how did the week happen for you, Kamo?"
"Well, the date was amazing but he said he loved me and not like in a rehearsed manner like it came from the heart and we had a conversation about how different we are from where we were three years ago."
"So what was important to you was the utterance of love and the expression of your progress?" I nod "And for you to was..." She looks at her board "Quality time spent with your family unit."
"And the sex." He retorts, I nudge his side, I am slightly uncomfortable with how easy it is for him to talk about your sex lives.
"I thought your intimacy was not affected by the infidelity."
"It was not the infidelity, it was more her mental health."
"What about it?" I retort I want to hear this
"Every time you initiated sex with me, I felt as though you were using me to feel good, last night I knew it was because you want to sleep with me."
"Baby, that's not why I initiated sex." I cover my face with my hands
"Elaborate." She asks
"I initiate sex with you because I want to feel close to you like a hug is not close enough, it does make me feel better, a little but that's not why I do it. I love you and making love to you reminds me that I am more than my head tells me I am."
"That sounds as if you are using him to make yourself feel better, there is nothing wrong with that but you need to admit it." My face scrunches in anger
"But that is not why I do it, I do it to please him to offer something other than my company which I am sure sucks."
"We don't need to talk, I like being around you even if all we do is look at our phones or read."
"You do not have to fill awkward silences, you do not need to always be the entertainment, you deserve to be entertained. You are overcompensating and your partner is telling you to take that role you thought you had to fill and throw it away, if the silence overwhelms you, you can play music."
"I get that," I answer before looking at him. "I will stop overcompensating."
"I will make the playlists."
"Please don't, I will."
"It is okay to accept help." She retorts
"Okay, you can make the playlist."
"I will add a few classic rock songs, don't worry, you are in good hands."
"Okay so let's talk about the sex."
"Uhm, it's good," I say
"Is there anything you wish would be different?"
"No."
"I think we are good, it is great and on my end at least, I am happy and consistently satisfied," I add to his no.
"I think that is it, you guys are communicating better than when you started coming here a few months ago and I think individual therapy has also helped a lot, what do you think of this process?"
"I think we are okay, better than before we came here. I think we are better people because of therapy."
"I agree with him."
"With that, I think this is our last session. You will both continue individual therapy but as for couple therapy, you both have become better people than the people that walked into my office fighting infidelity, trust and communication issues."
Our last session? Who knew we would get her, not me that is for sure.
*****
What do you think the next step is?