OKAY, LISTEN TO I'LL BE GOOD BY JAYMES YOUNG (external link), IT FITS THIS CHAPTER AND HARRY'S STORY. BYE.
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I woke up to fingertips caressing my spine softly, and my cheek pressed against a warm chest I came to adore. Half of my body was covered by the sheets, leaving my top half and one of my legs bare. My arm laid lazily over Harry's chest, my hand resting on right above his heart. I could feel the faint beating of his heart though his warm skin and for the time being, I closed my eyes and focused on that sensation.
I didn't dare to move, scared that I would be breaking the moment. I didn't want to open my eyes and face a reality I so badly wanted to avoid. I had just lived a momentary happiness and I wasn't ready to let go.
So I stayed still, enjoying the warmth of Harry's chest, the slow movement of his breathing and the adoration he spread through his fingers. I was so incredibly in love with him and I wanted to forgive him, simply because I wanted mornings like this every day. The air around us was so calm; there was no tension, no anger, and no pain. I allowed myself to enjoy this peacefulness a little longer.
However, Harry wasn't fooled by my attempt to pretend I was still asleep. His caress became slower, his grip on my hips, tighter. I felt him move slightly before his lips were pressed on the top of my head.
"Good morning," he mumbled into my hair. I heard the rasp in his voice and it stirred something inside.
I grunted before hiding my face against his chest. "No, not yet," I said, my lips brushing his skin before kissing it.
He chuckled lightly, but listened to me. His arms stayed tight around my body and he kept silent. Allowing us to revel in the moment. I kept my lips pressed on his pectoral and closed my eyes. I was holding on to him, and so was he.
This was to good to be true. With Harry and I, nothing ever goes right. It took a few minutes, but our peacefulness was quickly cut short as Wendy barged in my room without knocking.
"Em, can I borrow-," she stopped mid-sentence as she saw Harry in I in my bed.
I pulled the covers quickly. "Wendy! Knock!"
She covered her eyes and turned around. "Shit, I'm sorry, I-I-"
She stuttered before exiting my room as quickly as possible. I cursed under my breath before getting out of bed and putting on my pants and a shirt.
"I'll be right back," I told Harry before going after Wendy.
I found her walking around in the kitchen, running a frustrated hand through her hair. She was embarrassed, but she was also very angry. I stopped on the other side of the counter, facing her and waiting for her to calm down. She saw me and closed her eyes before facing me and smacking her hands on the counter.
"Oh my god Em," she yelled and I motioned for her to keep her voice down. "You fell for his trap?"
"Wendy, don't," I warned her. "There was no trap."
She scoffed. "Are you serious? That asshole has been playing you since the beginning."
"Keep it down! He will hear you!"
She leaned away from me and directed her voice towards my room. "I don't care, let him hear me. He should know how much pain he caused you and that he's an ass," she barked.
"Enough Wen!" I snapped.
I loved Wendy, she was one of my best friends, but I hated that we were having the same conversation over and over again. We would never see eye to eye on that issue, but she never lived through what I lived through with Harry, she never felt the connection we had felt. She didn't know that last night wasn't just a fuck, she didn't know that Harry was trying, but I did.
"I get that you don't like him, Wen, but if you're my friend, you'll trust me to do the right thing," I spoke, my tone soft. I didn't want to fight Wendy on this.
She looked at me, fury still in her eyes, but the more she stared, the more her look soften. She walked towards me with her arms open and hugged me. I hugged her back.
"I just want you to be happy," she whispered. "And I don't believe that happens with him."
I pulled away slightly. "We don't know that."
She sighed but added nothing, knowing that I wasn't going to change my view. She detached her arm from around me and pressed a kiss on my cheek before scrunching up her nose.
"What?" I asked with a small smile as I saw the one on her face.
"You smell like sex," she commented before pulling away completely.
I chuckled, wanting to retaliate but Harry walked in. Wendy and I turned around to face him and an awkward silence fell between the three of us. Wendy straightened up and headed to her room, crossing Harry and purposefully bumping into his shoulder. I rolled my eyes and Harry took the hit without a word or a movement.
"You heard?" I asked as I heard Wendy's door close.
"Wendy's insult? Yeah." he chuckled sarcastically.
I smiled before walking to him, but my smile faded once I saw that he was not smiling back. He was taking this seriously and he was right to do so. Our escape was over; we were facing reality now. No more pretending that things were okay. I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready at all, but I knew that it was the right thing to do. I had to go back to my decision to put distance between us.
"I'm sorry about what she said," I apologized as I reached him and hugged him tight.
He caressed my back as he looked down to meet my eyes. "It's okay, she's right. I've been an ass, I took you for granted. It took me a while to realize that, I'm sorry."
I kept my eyes locked with his. I wanted to read him, see everything. I searched for a trace of lies hidden behind his pupil, but I didn't find any. He meant this, he really did. So I didn't reply anything; there was no denying this awful truth we both knew. Instead I squeezed my arms around him. He kissed the top of my head and reciprocated the hug.
"I was selfish with you. I treated you like shit and expected you to stick around, and once I saw that you were letting go, I tried to keep you with me, without considering what you really wanted," he sighed and closed his eyes before resting his forehead against mine.
I closed my eyes as well, listening to his every words, drinking them in even if they reminded me of the pain that had lodge itself in my heart. We stayed silent for a few more seconds, before his hands touched the side of my face, cradling it. I leaned into his touch, wondering why we had to go through all of this, why couldn't it be easier.
When I finally opened my eyes, I saw the corner of his lips curled up sadly.
"I'm done being selfish with you," he whispered. "You deserve better than this."
Tears streamed down my face. "What does that mean?"
Was he saying that we were over, that we should both go our own ways? I wished with everything I had that it wasn't the case. I hadn't made a decision about us yet, but I knew that keeping him out of my life wasn't an option. My questioning revolved around the nature of our relationship. Did I want us to be just friends or more? I didn't want him to leave me, I needed him.
"It means that I'll give you the distance that you need. You think about what you want, what would make you happy. It doesn't have to include me, if that's what you chose, I'll respect that."
I stood on my toes and kissed him to shut him up, or to hold on to him, I didn't quite know. He responded quickly, pulling me closer to him and kissing me back. I put my hand at the nape of his neck and tangled my fingers through his hair.
"You've been in my life for 15 years," I whispered once we pulled away. "And you're going to be in it for a long time. I just don't know what role you should have in it."
"You have to know that I'm ready to be more than just friends with you. I've never had a serious relationship, but if you give me the chance, I'll try and be the man you deserve," he promised, his eyes sincere.
Fifteen years of friendship, fifteen years of putting him first. His words touched me, made me want to forgive him on the spot, but I had to really think this through. I had, for once, to put myself first.
I smiled sadly. "I just don't know how to trust you anymore," I said, my throat tied with emotions.
"We'll figure it out," he whispered. "Think about what you want and call me when you're ready."
He smiled with a smile that didn't reach his eyes and I bit my lower lip. This was opening recent wounds that hadn't had time to heal yet, and thinking about focusing on that pain and trying to figure out the best way to get rid of it scared me. I wanted to take the best decision and I knew that it wouldn't be easy.
Harry leaned in to peck my lips one last time. I sighed once I felt his lips leave mine and his hands withdraw from my face and my hips. We didn't exchange a word as he put on his shoes and opened the door. I stood in the hallway a few feet away from him. Harry looked at me one last time before nodding and closing the door behind him.
I stood still, listening to the sound of his feet hitting the floor, going down the stairs and out of the building. Once I heard the building's door close, I released a breath I didn't realize I was holding in and wiped, with the back of my hand, the tears that had escaped.
Then I felt it, the distance.
.
.
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Sorry that this is short and a day late.
If you follow me on twitter, you may know that I had to work on a video last minute and I'm not even kidding when I say that I worked 40h on it, in 3 days, so when I would stop working on it, I wouldn't have the creativity I needed to write this chapter, so yea. Sorry about that.
Hope you guys still like this update. A lot of you still had your doubts about Harry's intentions in the last chapter, is that still the case? Do you still want him to suffer ? haha
I'd also like to know what you guys think I should improve? Do you see a lot of grammar mistakes ? Is the plot boring ? Is the story moving too slow/too fast ? I'd really appreciate it if you could give me your opinion on that :) Thanks in advance.
Now, I'm going to start writing the next chapter ! haha
Love you guys!
Karry xx.