I've seen the boy lingering around a few times- yet, I do not think he even realizes that he is dead.
Or perhaps he does know and refuses to move on, my curiosity begins to throb my mind.
I remember a few years ago when I had first come to the conclusion that I was dead, at first I did not realize it. But gradually, I began to pick up on it.
Firstly, I felt different. I could barely feel emotion and felt hollow within. Everything that would make me happy no longer excited me as much.
Secondly, I was ignored. No one could see me nor interact with me. I thought everyone was being an asshole to me. I accidentally haunted my friends and family without even realizing it. My parents got so afraid that they sold the house and moved away with my brothers... leaving me with the house all to myself.
Thirdly, if I focused hard enough I could see dead animals and other dead people. Although seeing other dead people was extremely rare. And the reason behind that was they got to move on. From what I have gathered, it is because they attended their own funeral. Unfortunately for me, I was not aware if I even had a funeral because I did not know I was dead. So now I am just stuck here.
That boy must be in the same situation as me, only, he did not figure it out yet.
His name is Russia and we used to be in high school together. We never really interacted but because we were both really intelligent, we were put in many of the same classes throughout the years. I was very popular so you would think that he should know I am dead, however, my death was kept secret by my cruel parents for a wicked reason.
Russia died shortly after me. At first I didn't know how but I did some digging around and found out that after he was gifted his ice skates, he visited the lake to envision what it would be like to skate upon the ice when winter came. But his jealous brothers watched over him and threw heavy rocks at his head until he was unconscious. They drowned him in that lake.
When Russia had shifted to the other side, he must've thought he passed out when he woke up on the shore of the lake. He then went about his life like everything was normal.
Now, as I watched him walk away from his car, I could still tell he tries to live a normal life. I stood by my friends at the mini mall. I followed them around constantly because I felt they were all I had left. I was lonely without them. Although, whenever they brought up conspiracies about my sudden disappearance, they admit that they are relieved that I am no longer with them.
They say it is because I am crazy and that they love to use my car. I had lent the keys to my friend Japan so she could run an errand but before I could get them back, I died. So now she and everyone else uses my precious car. And every time they do, they say they hope I never return. I grew to hate them.
While they were chatting in front of the clothing store, I watched Russia walk past us quickly with his head down; he headed towards a little knick knack store.
I thought it would be a good idea to try talking to him. I needed a friend, and I knew he did too! He has been deprived of all communication and had no idea why. It was only right to help him. I wonder if he too felt the emptiness within. If I befriended him, I could easily help him with that issue. I got excited thinking about our possible friendship. When my friends walked to my car, I went in the opposite direction to Russia's car and waited upon his arrival.
But... I felt perplexed when I remembered that I would have to tell him that he was dead. I didn't know how to break the news to him. I couldn't just explain this all to him when we were first meeting. He'd never believe me. I would have to wait until we establish some kind of trust before I can lay this all out on him.
When we first talked, I tried to be nice but it had turned him off. I figured that he could use "nice" in his life but I was wrong. He abandoned me in the desolated parking lot. I laid defeatedly on the ground trying to find the stars. It was difficult to see them because it felt like I screwed over my first impression. But I think that was just my impatience talking.
My gut told me that he would be back. Russia hasn't had a real conversation with anyone in months so I could only imagine how lonely he must've felt. And believe it or not, lonely people do crazy things...
Like giving me a second chance.
So I wasn't so surprised when I heard his car come back around and him shouting my name. He was searching for me. That's when I knew it was meant to be!
I remember thinking that I had to play my cards smarter. Russia wasn't as dumb as I deemed him to be. He clearly didn't want "nice", he wanted real. He doesn't like things sugarcoated. That's when I realized I was going to have to get inside that little head of his to completely understand him and get us on the same page. I couldn't have him abandoning me again. I needed a friend, and it was going to be him. Call me crazy, I already know.
So for once in my life, I was real. No more fake personalities. I showed him who I really was and I knew it intrigued him.
As we talked, I kept prying more and more into his head. I even got him comfortable enough to tell me his backstory. It was obvious he didn't know he was dead yet. I was making great progress. He then asked for my backstory and that's where the realness had to come to an end.
Well everything I told him was true except for the part about the baseball team...
You see, when I had told my dad that I made the baseball team after he deliberately told me not to try out, he was furious. We still did break out into an argument but I lied about the part of it ending with him threatening to remove me from school and then me storming off to my room plotting to trick everyone. No... in the middle of our argument, my father ended up strangling me until I died. When I woke up, my body was in the attic. At the time, I thought he was punishing me... but he was only trying to hide my body...
None of my other family members know of his devious doing and he convinced everyone I ran away...
I remember thinking that my entire family was ignoring me on purpose because my father told them to.
During this time interval, I couldn't understand why I felt extremely empty so I did try to kill myself. That part of my story was in fact true... And when I did that, not only did I discover that the adrenaline from thrilling events could make me feel alive; but, it contributed to me piecing together the fact that I was a ghost.
I did things that should've killed me; and when neither of them did, I knew I was already dead.
The strange thing is, I don't feel entirely dead. I can still eat, sleep, touch things, collect wounds, and feel pain. Hell- I can't even fly or walk through walls! I'm starting to think all of that stuff was made up!
But being a ghost isn't so bad when you have a best friend by your side majority of the time- well, he will be. He doesn't show it but I can tell he likes me!
When the time is right, I promise I will explain this all to him and surely he will understand. Or perhaps, I can just let him read this very page. Yeah I think I'll do that. Hey Russia! I'm sorry if this is a lot to take in, I tried my hardest to stall from telling you because I know how much you hate disappointment... just don't be so pessimistic about it okay? I think you've had the most fun ever being dead than you did being alive. So please don't be mad at me for not telling you right away...
Sadly journal, this may be my last entry for awhile because Russia and I have so many up coming adventures to fulfill in order to feel alive! And I honestly no longer feel anything from writing in you, I only wrote in you to cope with my bitter loneliness. But with Russia now in the picture, that won't be an issue.
P.S. Hey, looks like this isn't my last entry. Russia now knows about him and I being ghosts and I let him read this page a few moments ago. It was definitely a lot for him to take in. He didn't even know where to begin and I don't blame him. But we did some talking and I answered his remaining questions. Thankfully, he isn't upset with me. He understands completely and feels bad I had that pressure to begin with.
Something interesting though; he told me that he wants to get revenge on his brothers and my father who killed us and I honestly couldn't agree more. After what they did, they deserve it and much worse. He says that us not attending our own funeral is "bullshit" as to why we are still stuck here. He thinks that we are still here to avenge our deaths and I think he might be right... Although, I really don't mind being stuck here with him and he feels the same way. I'm glad that he isn't being pessimistic about this whole situation. Anyways until next time, salutations.