Chapter 9:
Once the door shut behind me, it felt like my lungs decided to shut off.
I couldn't breathe, couldn't suck in even the tiniest breath of oxygen through my lips. They were just frozen, shocked apparently, like they couldn't believe I'd dare set foot in this room again. On the other hand, my heart seemed right up to snuff and was hammering away like it wanted to beat through my ribs and body and run for dear life. I debated that briefly, but I was reminded that I couldn't breathe just yet.
My eyes were drawn directly to the only dark spot in the white-padded cell, Subject R. His black scrubs made almost impossible not to look at, along with the fiery redness of his hair. When I met eyes with him - the pale blue just as stand-out as the rest of his colors - my lungs decided to function again. I drew in a panicked gasp at the memory of those blue eyes, my brain taking me back to when that was the last thing I'd seen before I'd fainted.
Can someone say bad memories?
I squeeze my eyes shut and then try to calm down my breathing. Maybe this would have been easier if I could have held my breath through it. Goodness Gracious, calm the hell down! I yell at myself and somewhat succeed. My heart still thinks its running a marathon.
Then my feet being to take me forward. I keep my eyes on the white, cushy floor as I walk, watching my little white white slipper things take me closer and closer to a thing of terror. The bundle in my arms rattles with the tremors in my hands. When I'm sure that I must be close enough, I stop, still staring at my feet.
Okay...one...two...three...A little after three (because I'm a chicken) I force myself to look up. Subject R is probably ten feet from me, still sitting criss-cross apple-sauce. But the expression on his face! Holy crap!
He's smiling. It isn't a beamer smile, but it's still gorgeous. And yet I can see something else on his face too. The way his chin is tilted upwards gives me the impression that he's smug. Or pompous. Or something. And the look in his eyes...mischievous? I feel like an idiot trying to make these assumptions, but hell, why not practice? I realize that I've just been staring at him, so I muster up a small greeting smile and then sit down.
I immediately look to the bundle in my arms, glad of a distraction from him. But I suddenly hear a shuffling noise and look up in panic. He's moving. He scoots closer and closer and closer until he's wayyy inside my ten foot range of Somewhat Comfort. He must be a foot away!
I blink at him in surprise and terror. Subject R looks at me and grins with familiarity. Well no dur! I want to slap myself. Of course he recognizes me. I give him another nervous smile, my heart continuing its ridiculous pace. I want to be comfortable and calm; professional. But I can't trust him. I can't. I just can't make myself trust him. I'm much too afraid yet, and as much as I want to feel comfortable...it won't happen.
Looking away from his bright gaze I start fiddling with my package again. With shaking fingers I undo the tie and open it, its contents clinking around. Glancing at Subject R, I can see surprise and curiosity cutting through skepticism.
Slowly, I pick up the shiny, metal nutcracker from the bag. I see his eyes widen and he's suddenly sitting up, jaw clenched, big body rigid. Immediate fear grips me. He's uncertain of the small metal object in my hand, and I don't blame him. But I'm scared because he could hurt me if he doesn't realize what it is. My heart starts to pound louder.
I carefully and slowly click the nutcracker together, watching him as I do, and then take out a walnut from the bag. I place the walnut into the nutcracker and then, placing both hands on the little machine, clench it together. The nut cracks and pieces fleck all over the place. I look at Subject R and his eyebrows are raised. I slowly take a small piece of nut and then eat it.
I peek up at Subject R and nearly laugh out loud. His eyebrows are up so high his forehead is all wrinkles. He looks like he doesn't believe what he's seeing. I can't help but a smile at his reaction. He's so cute when he's surprised... And then something else hits me. Maybe he's never seen nuts, or a nutcracker before?
The question buries itself into my mind. He hadn't seemed to surprised by any of the food the others had brought in. The only thing he'd really given the hairy-eyeball was Winter's pudding (which doesn't surprise me, it was tapioca, and ew!). Were there not nuts or whatnot where he was from? What could it be like where he's from?
My curiosity completely overcomes me now.
As terrified as I am of Subject R, I know now that there is really nothing that will keep me from him. I know too much now, I'm in too deep.
Looking up at him again, I see how curious he is himself, with the slightest amount of suspicion. I give him an encouraging smile, and then take what I think is an almond and put it in the nutcracker. Almonds are easier to crack and I only need one hand. It splits open quite neatly and I take the nut from inside and pop it in my mouth.
As I chew I give him a kind smile, then cautiously hold the nutcracker out to him.
He studies me for a few seconds, obviously deliberating. His ice-berg eyes study the silver nutcracker intently, and then he looks at me. There is suspicion in his gaze. He takes a deep breath, his eyes never leaving mine. He begins to slowly move his arm, to take it from me, but as he does I can see a frightening promise steeling over in his gaze.
He will kill me if this object isn't what I'm portraying it to be.
I don't know how I know this. I can just suddenly feel it, feel the resolve and harsh intent as if I were the one promising to do the killing. Yet I know that they aren't my feelings. My feelings are separate; baffled, stunned, terrified. Somehow, from one long glance into his pale blue eyes I just know that if the nutcracker is not what I'm silently telling him it is, if it hurts him or the like, I will die. I know this as clear as day as if he'd told me.
I'm completely frozen with shock and fear when he takes the nutcracker from my hand.
Still utterly bewildered and frightened by what just happened, I watch him look at the little silver machine. It's barely even a machine, just two twin pieces of metal with grooves on the inside, attached at their heads by a small gear that allows it to open and close. Subject R seems to wait for it to do something, then clenches it together, still studying it.
Ohmygodohmygod what the HELL just happened?! I scream at myself. My heart is pounding it out at a mile a minute and my body feel clammy all over. Did that really just happen? Did I somehow just understand something from his eyes? No...I must be crazy...I'm imagining things...but...
I flinch when I sense him move towards me, and Subject R stills. He looks at me and I see the cruel promise gone from his eyes. He grins at me, cutely, and then carefully picks up a walnut. He holds it up close to his eyes and spins it around, studying. He sniffs it. Then he carefully puts it into the nutcracker, but it falls out.
I shake myself from my terror - still confused as hell though - and try to be attentive. He picks up the walnut again, and looks between it and the nutcracker. He looks at me and I give him what I hope is another encouraging smile, and he gives me this cutesy little grin back.
He looks at the nutcracker once more, then the walnut, and suddenly cracks the walnut in his fingers!
I gape at him for a few seconds, stunned. He pinched that walnut like it was a little grape! Pieces scattered all over the place and then he frowned down at them, and slowly started scooping them into a little pile. Snatching up a larger piece of walnut, he sniffed it once, and then put it into his mouth and ate it.
He ate it!
Ohmygosh!! I'm thinking, gawking at him like an idiot as he picks out more pieces of walnut from his little pile. He's eating! Actually eating something! He hasn't eaten since we've got him, which is practically a week! And none of the others got him to eat! An image of Helena's smug face flashed through my mind and I'm suddenly grinning. Haa!! I got him to eat!! Bahaha!
When I come back to earth from my little Inner Party, Subject R is looking at me with this curious expression. I blush a little and give him another smile, just plain happy. He suddenly beams right back at me, a gorgeous bright smile that knocks the breath out of me. Awww, those dimples...
He picks out the last of his walnut from his pile, and then casually hands me the nutcracker. I take it from him, and then watch as he starts to scoop more nuts up from the little bag between us.
The rest of the my visit with Subject R continues with him pinching nuts between his fingers and eating the contents. I occasionally crack one or two for myself, but I'm honestly not too hungry and I know that he must be starving. He's quick and precise as he eats, almost methodical. He had a preference for the hazelnuts and almonds. He'd eat the walnuts, but with less enthusiasm, and the pecans he pushed off to the side. The face he made when he first tried one was priceless!
When he was beginning to get to the end of the nuts, I wondered how long I was supposed to be in here. It feels like I've been here at last fifteen minutes, maybe twenty. What do I do now?
As I watch him take another walnut and snap it in his fingers as if it were a Styrofoam peanut, a little fear tingles up my spine. It takes him no effort to crack the shell, and I've never seen anyone do that. Ever. How strong would he have to be to do that? I eye his biceps, slightly flexing as he brings a piece of nut to his mouth.
He could probably pop me off pretty quickly.
The tingle of fear grows as I remember how I'd felt, somehow, that he would kill me if the nutcracker had been some kind of trick. How had I done that? I peeked at Subject R, happily and casually popping another hazelnut in his fingers. Or, I think, watching his blue eyes, how had he done that?
I'm reminded of the conversation during the meeting earlier today, when Mrs.Feng had been pushing the possibility of him being able to have some kind of mental abilities. He has to be able to do something like that. There's no other explanation. My fear grows quickly, but so does my curiosity.
There's suddenly movement in front of my gaze, and I gasp. Subject R is leaning forward, his face maybe half a foot from my face. He's blinking at me with that cute little smile on his face. I force myself to smile at him. His smile widens, making his dimples pop out (or in?) and his eyes crinkle a little at the corners.
"Sis-ill-ee."
My eyes almost bug out of my skull.
He just said my name! Holy crap!!! He just said my name!! It's the same choppy-ish way he'd said it before, but he just said my name, without any persuasion by me!! Excitement bubbles up and I find myself beaming back at him, unable to control myself.
"Yes! Yes! Cecily!" I gasp, almost unable to speak.
Subject R grins right back at me, propping his chin into his hand as he rest his elbow against his knee. "Sis...Sisill-ee..." He repeats, this time getting closer and closer to the right pronunciation. I nod vigorously and I see him suddenly chuckle a little.
"Cecily..." I say slowly, trying to calm myself down. He'll get creeped out if I don't relax!!
His bright blue eyes meet mine squarely and my breath catches. There's no exuberance in his gaze. He seems happy, yes, but, smugly so. I take in his relaxed, casual posture, the way he's looking at me as if I'm some kind of child to entertain. What? I think, suddenly bewildered. I can't tell if I'm suddenly feeling something else again, or if it's my own intuition flickering.
Subject R's smug smile sends a chill up my spine, and I just know that my intuition is deciding to work right now. Why does he seem so pompous and proud? I wonder, studying him. He's in a different world, a different dimension, locked up in a padded cell. What on earth could he be so cocky about?
"Cecily."
He spoke my name so clearly, his deep-toned voice almost loud in the near silence of the holding cell. I blinked at him in astonishment as his lips curved into another cocky smirk, his eyes dancing with more ego and also something that looked like satisfaction.My fear tingles through me again, and I find myself swallowing. I nod stiffly.
Subject R grins at me, maliciously, and I suddenly feel victory.
That isn't mine.