The next time I wake up, it doesn't feel like I crashed into my own chest and broke open everything in my body but this time, my eyes lightly flutter open to squint at the golden lights that dim the room a little instead of brightening the room with the harsh ones. My eyes are a bit blurry from being closed for a long time after they cracked open and I blink them a few times to get the clouded vision to fade away before I look over and see Bucky sitting in the chair to my left, sleeping in a black tank top with the light music of 'Turning Page' playing out of his phone at a low volume.
"Bucky." I whisper when I see his arms are crossed over his chest and his hair hangs down in his face that is facing his lap in his sleep and it makes me smile softly but, my body is sore when I move my hips a little after feeling the pull of my stomach that makes me remember everything from being stabbed, to dying, to seeing my dead parents, to waking up and scaring Cass when I had a seizure, to now when I lift my heavy hands to push down the blanket covering me
Oh, poor Cass.
"Hm." I ignore the many wires and tubes taped to my chest and the back of my hands as my plum painted nails pull at the buttons of one of Bucky's dress shirts to undo each of them until I open the sides to see that I'm not wearing a bra
But that doesn't concern me.
It's the large vertical, stapled and stitched wound that runs from under my breasts to the band of my underwear that I have on where two tubes leading from above each of my hipbones attach to a small football looking plastic bulb that has some pale colored blood swishing around at the bottom. Thick metal staples help hold the small black stitches of my stomach together that are basically suffocating in the swollen, purple rounded edges of my skin that don't even look cut.
It just looks like someone folded my skin and stapled it together, causing the insane dark blue and purple bruising around the cut that extends almost from side to side and spills over onto the petals of my tattoo that still has a tube coming out of the center of a rose from where Steve sliced my side open but this hole looks like a paper cut compared to the monstrous one on my stomach.
"Oh, my God." I breathe and tip my head back when the sudden breath hurts my stomach. "Oh, my fucking God." I start to freak out and grit my teeth at all the pain that settles in my body and it wakes Bucky up at my groaning voice when he lifts his head up in surprise
"Hey!" Bucky smiles wide but his face falls when he sees my stressed look. "You're okay. We're alright, baby. Don't freak out." He drops his voice into a softer tone and grabs the two ends of his shirt to button it back up and cover my bare breasts that were trying to expose me to the empty room
"No, no, no." I shake my head and feel tubes pull against my nose. "It hurts. I'm hurting." I groan
"It hurts." He repeats and looks up at the clock on the wall just as he pauses the music playing from his phone. "Oh, it's time for your medicine." He mumbles and moves his hands to a table beside my head and grabs a syringe full of clear liquid that makes my eyes widen and move away from him in a flinch
"No!" I breathe a sharp breath and hold my stomach that throbs. "Ugh, I don't want to go to sleep again!" I swallow hard where I feel something tickle the back of my throat
"It's not going to make you sleep, sweetheart." He promises and holds up his hand in a calming manner with the syringe pinned between his palm and thumb. "It's morphine. It takes the pain away." He reassures me
"I know what morphine is." I nod after calming down a little and he slowly drops his hands. "No needle." I sigh
"No needle." He agrees with my word. "It's going in the IV tube." He promises and raises his eyebrows at my left hand that holds my stitched stomach under the two buttons he did up
I nod again and give him permission and he ever so gently, lifts up my hand like my bones are made out of silk as he uncaps the syringe to move to the IV sight and hooks it up to the second tube that has probably been used for my medication as he squeezes down the plunger and I feel instant relief.
"Hmm." I sigh at the relief but soon, tears flood my eyes and my chest coughs out deeps breaths that I probably haven't taken in a while
"My love." Bucky frowns. "What is hurting you so I can make it better for my doll?" He asks in the most sweetest but concerned voice
"I'm scared." I swallow and look all around me. "I-I'm scared because all I can see and feel are tubes coming out of every part of my fucking body and I don't know what to do." I explain and he nods in understanding. "It hurts... everywhere. I hurt everywhere, Bucky." I say
"Sweetheart, it's alright." He sits on the edge of the bed near my hip and leans down to give me the softest hug when I ask for one after needing the comfort of his arms that hold me to his chest and his lips that gently kiss my cheek. "Babydoll, I have to ask you a question." He says after a moment of me calming down and sits back in his chair while grabbing my hand to hold in both of his. "If you are feeling okay?" He makes sure
"I'm in some pain but, I am up for talking." I smile a little and feel now what I know is a feeding tube pulling against my nose
"Good." He sighs and looks down at my hand clasped between the both of his that he brings up to his lips to kiss. "D-do you remember everything?" He asks hesitantly
"About being stabbed?" I ask back in confusion and he shrugs where I feel the breath of his emotions roll over my fingers
"About..." He clears his throat and closes his eyes for a moment. "About your life. Where you grew up, your parents, your relationships, your past, and where you are now with the people around you." He clarifies and I blink in deeper confusion
"Is this a joke, Bucky?" I scoff a laugh that drops my amusement the second my stomach spasmed the laugh. "Of course, I remember everything. I just need you to fill me in on why you think I don't." I try to take a deep breath and tip my head back to focus on my breathing from what he said
"Wh-when you died." He swallows the last word as emotions burn in his throat and needs to clear it again. "You were dead for over an hour with no brain activity... I thought I was gonna have to bury my doll but when Steve was on the phone with T'Challa after we talked to them about the copycat shields, he said that he will help and sent Shuri, Okoye, and some of the Dora Milaje to use advanced technology on you." He starts
"Sounds wicked." I speak my first thought and he chuckles with a few tears rolling down his cheeks and it makes me instantly feel bad. "I'm sorry... It's okay, my love." I whisper and squeeze his hand that he returns with a kiss on my fingers. "Take your time." I say and he nods when he takes a moment
"Shuri fused your organs back together but, without the power of the vibranium in Wakanda, she couldn't do much so she fused your major organs like your intestines while Okoye and T'Challa stitched others like your uterus and liver." He sniffles and moves his head to wipe his nose on the thick strap of his tank top
"My uterus is cut?" I question
"Almost every organ in your stomach was sliced or nicked." He nods and groans a little when his emotions get the best of him and he drops his head to cry for a moment that makes me want to get up and hug his sorrow away. "The only ones that stayed untouched was your heart and spleen." He whispers
"Jesus Christ." I mutter and look up at the ceiling for a moment to gather my thoughts and questions. "C-can I still have children, Buck?" I roll my head to look at him when tears flood my eyes at one of my biggest fears
"Yes." He immediately nods and I feel the weight of fear lift off my chest. "Your uterus was nicked on the top but it was deep enough for stitches so it may look like you're on your period when you're not. Shuri said your cycle isn't supposed to start for another few days to a week." He informs me
"But, I just had my period a couple d-" I blurt but then stop when feeling Bucky's emotions crack some more when his face turns down slightly. "Bucky... how long was I asleep?" I hesitantly ask and he closes his eyes while turning his head to rest his cheek on our hands. "James." I push
"Almost a month." He weakly spits out the amount and looks at me. "You wouldn't wake up for three and we put you under for one." He breathes sharply and stops himself from crying
"God." I mumble and think about everything. "I'm so sorry." I whisper
"You should be dead, Y/n." He shakes his head and I look at him shamelessly crying when his walls get too heavy to hold up. "You should be in a grave, not breathing right next to me and making me think you're real." He speaks his thoughts
"I am real." I furrow my eyebrows and he lifts a hand to roughly wipe his eyes with the heel of his palm
"I saw you die in my arms." Bucky sucks in a wavering gasp. "Y-your heart stopped and all of your blood was on m-my clothes and Thor wouldn't take you to Asgard even though I begged him to take my doll and save her. T-to revive her because I am so selfish, I can't live without her to the point I was going to send her a w-world away if the asshole of a king would just let humans into his palace who also happens to be another one eyed asshole!" He starts to speak fast with his watering, red eyes that look everywhere
"Bucky, wa-" I try to stop him
"I saw the life drain from your eyes." He refuses to listen and abruptly stand from his seat and it shakes the bed for a moment but no pain riddles my body. "Your skin got colder than normal, like ice cold against mine and your limbs were stiffening when I got you in the jet. Your hair lost it's color and your tattoos looked fake with how vibrant they were against your dull skin." He walks around the small room with his hands shoved in his hair as he hyperventilates his breaths of disbelief
It's clear that Bucky's emotions have been shoved down in a bottle with the cap screwed on so tightly that no one could ever pry it off the grooved edges until I woke up and poked a hole in the top with my voice that caused the entire emotional bottle to explode with pieces cracking his words with feelings expressing themselves and the water inside sprays on his eyes that blink the fear and depression down onto his red cheeks that are hot from getting worked up. I let him have his moment to express himself until he just barely falls to the floor in a sob before I tell him to sit on the bed where he frowned and plopped down on the mattress to gently hug my body with his head on my chest while my arms squeeze him as hard as they could.
"Mary said it was God's miracle that you are alive." Bucky mumbles against my bare chest that has some sticky pads stuck to my skin. "Going that long without a heartbeat." He murmurs and I nod again his head when my cheek rests on his dark brown hair
"Yeah, that would be my mama right there." I sigh and his head snaps up to look at me like I just told him how to Earth turns and how fish breathe water
"What are you talking about, doll?" He asks with furrowed eyebrows over his post crying eyes that are still glossy and I sigh again when forgetting that he doesn't know
It makes sense when we do everything together.
"When I died." I start this time and he nods while moving to sit sideways on my bed criss crossed with my legs in his lap and it helps me by taking the pressure off of my lower back that was starting to turn sore and flare up in my stomach. "I ended up on this beach in a light yellow dress with an endless ocean in front of me and a whole meadow of our flowers in all different colors." I describe
"Gladiolus flower?" He questions with a happy smile and I nod after finding his smile contagious
"I was confused on where I was before I heard a voice and I turned to see my parents. I ran for them but, I couldn't cry because mama said that up there, you feel no negative emotions." I continue and he nods as he is intently listening to every word I share as always with anything I say, even if it was something I was craving. "I tried to show her my tattoo but it was gone along with my scars and my magic when I tried to summon it." I remind myself of the lost magic and glance down at my hand to lift it and I see my veins glow a deep blue that comforts me when I feel the energy
Never thought I would say that.
"Where did they go?" He asks with a small frown
"She said I didn't need to hide from my past anymore and embrace who I was." I answer his question. "My other tattoo stayed though." I add and he glances down at my shoulder where the dark ink breaks through the thin white fabric
"Thank goodness." He sighs then looks at his lap in confusion of how it all worked up there
"My parents explained to me that my 'heaven' was building itself as I was living my life here on Earth. They said that it was created for the ultimate paradise for eternal happiness and peace." I explain. "Everything reminded me of you and mama asked if I wanted to see you guys so I watched the plane ride back to the tower and when Mother came."
"Thor did say he felt a presence in the jet but nobody cared." He huffs a laugh when he thinks back on the moment that creates a dark spot in his chest. "I didn't know it was you and your mama." He mumbles
"Our mama." I correct him and he looks at me suddenly with a look of surprise at the title change from 'your' to 'our' and to us, that is a big deal. "She told me how handsome and cute you were." I shrug and he shakes his head
"Just like you said." He chuckles and reminds me of my twenty fifth birthday we spent together
Like I said, eighty five years ago.
Now, it's eighty six.
"And she said that you were carefully crafted when we were getting it on." I recite her words and he turns a deep red of embarrassment while I lightly laugh enough to where my stomach won't hurt too much
"Sh-she didn't... watch us have sex... did she?" He asks and I laugh harder on accident and cough some with my face falling. "Shit, I'm sorry, pretty girl." He apologizes with a small smile and holds the back of my head when I sit up the most I can
"You're okay." I clear my throat and relax back in my seat. "And no, she said she left when we were getting undressed." I reassure him
"Thank God you left, mama." He sighs and lays my head back down with such care. "What else did she say?" He asks, wanting to know every detail I have and I will give it all to him
"Mama said that she loves you infinity and my dad said you have a bad looking motorcycle since he never curses and won't say 'badass'." I smile when I feel the validation in his chest that makes me frown and lift a shaking hand to his chest that he holds there. "I can feel you." I whisper as my eyes start to water again
"I feel you." Bucky returns and moves my hand to his face when he lays down next to me and hovers his head over mine. "I missed you so much, my best love." He whispers and drops his forehead to mine
"That's why I came back." I breathe a silent cry. "She said I had a choice and I chose you." I hold him to me so he doesn't leave me
"Why, babydoll?" He asks a question he always wanted to and now is the perfect moment in his mind so he does. "Why would you choose me?"
"Because when we pass away surrounded by our grandchildren all old and wrinkled, we will be on our beach with our kids from what my dad said." I tell him confidently. "He said that there was a hiccup and if I choose to stay with them, I will miss you and spend eternity with regret so I chose you to live with and I would do it a million times over because that is how much I love you, James." I smile when he sighs out a small cry with our tears mixing. "You are my heaven."
"I love you beyond what I can give and express to you, Y/n." He returns and one ups me as usual but, I missed it. "I have never stopped loving you. Baby, you ruined me because when your heart went still against my chest, I hated how everyone reminded me of you because you had this impact on everyone and I wanted it back. I wanted you back." He lifts his head to look at me
"I'm not going anywhere." I whisper and look right into his eyes. "I'm staying with you forever and always."
"I'll make sure of it." He promises and drops his lips to mine to kiss my warm lips for the first time after he kissed my cold dead ones and the difference makes him hum and pinch his eyes further shut to try and stop the tears from leaking out onto my face but it's no use and I don't care, I missed his touch
"Hey." I say when the kiss breaks and Bucky sits back up on the bed. "Did I see Cass or was that my imagination during my seizure?" I ask
Apparently, that seizure was caused by shock and high levels of different emotions.
"You can see everyone when they wake up and I talk to you some more." Bucky smiles
"But, it's almost dinner." I laugh lightly
"What can I say? I want you all to myself right now." He shrugs, not feeling bad even an ounce, he missed me and I missed him
"Okay, but I'm hungry." I say and he hums a small melody, ready to take care of me just how his momma taught him
To take care of his doll and keep her safe.
✪ ✪ ✪
"Ugh." I groan while holding my stomach and leaning to the side when I suddenly feel a sharp, needle pain in my abdomen
"What?" Bucky snaps his head at the slightest noise I made as he is at the sink where he is washing out the giant syringes that fed me an hour before. "What's wrong, babydoll?" He asks worriedly and sets everything down to rush over to me where I grab onto his forearm when his hand reaches my side
"M-my-" I grunt and grimace at a stabbing pain making my body jerk up to sit on my own after he adjusted my bed for me so I'm not laying down anymore but I hold onto his biceps so I don't fall back down. "I'm gon- gonna throw up." I blurt out when feeling the protective saliva coat my teeth and tongue
"Okay, you're alright." He holds my hair back with his right hand and bends down to grab a metal trashcan lined with a medical plastic container that measures the bile mixed blood shoving itself out of my mouth
"Uhh." I groan through the gag and try to relieve pressure on my stitches by holding my flexing stomach back
"Don't do that, sweetheart." He catches onto what I'm doing. "Let it go. I know, it's going to hurt but, we can't have all of that blood in your stomach, baby." He still holds my hair but moves his hand to rub up and down my spine delicately
"No, I don't want to." I moan and start to cry softly when gags start to get harder
"Holding it down is only going to make it worse, my love." He softly talks me down but I am having none of it
"Bucky, it hurts!" I gasp in a cry and move my hand to grab onto his bare shoulder and hold onto the strap of his tank top in my fist that rests shakily on his skin
"I can get you more medicine once you throw up what's in your stomach, pretty doll." He promises in a gentle, patient voice. "You're going to feel better when you do." He adds
"My whole body hurts!" I pinch my eyes shut and shake my head. "I just want to be left alone! I want these tubes and stitches out of me!" I start to feel panic overwhelm my chest at everything medical and my hands find their own mind when they start to claw at the tape on my cheekbone that holds my feeding tube secure and the nasal cannula looped around my ears
"No, Y/n." He hurriedly grabs my wrists and pries them off my chest after I pulled the sticky pads off that sets off the alarm in the monitor. "Don't do that, babe." He holds my wrists and as Bucky is trying to calm me down and pins my hands by my sides so I don't pull out the chest tube that I tugged on, the door opens behind him and Steve jogs in with an alerted look on his face
"I heard screaming." Steve blurts and he stays by the door that he holds open with his hand
"Come hold babydoll down so I can get her calmed down. She's having a panic attack from the pain." Bucky invites him in and directs him on where to go
"Got it." He rushes over and stands on my right to keep my hips on the bed and my legs from kicking while Bucky is on my left to hold my head in his head and telling me to match his breathing when he pulls the cannula back up to my face
It blows smooth, cool air at a steady pace and he helps me use it as a way to slowly breathe in the relaxing stream of air until my heart rate calms back down and the spikes on the monitor goes back to a rhythmic flow that is even and spaced out like it should be. Eventually, Bucky does get me to throw up again and this time, there was more fluid in the bucket that consisted of my nutrition shakes that he spent fifteen minutes slowly feeding me through the tube.
I felt bad for wasting food but he wove me off.
Stomach fluid is dyed red from the massive amount of blood that was making my head spin in nausea and exhaustion until I threw it all up where I now heave a few times and spit frothy, red saliva into the bowl before crashing against the pillow, absolutely taken out by the movements of my muscles flexing and pushing liquid up into my mouth. The tape on my cheek was replaced and the sticky pads were stuck back onto my chest, furthering the calming of the annoying machine down to where Bucky only has to do now is check on my stitches and staples to see that I haven't torn anything and it relaxes him.
"There we go." Bucky smiles and buttons his shirt back up that has speckles of blood on it but nothing to be worried about when it is barely noticeable
"I hated that." I sigh and look around to see Steve standing with tears filling his eyes and dropping down his full bearded cheeks as he sees me and hears my voice for the first time in almost a month and he looks overwhelmed by the sight of me with his hands clasped in front of him nervously. "Hey, Stevie." I smile at him
"H-hi." Steve laughs a breath at the nickname and frowns when he gets choked up
"You have a beard." I comment as I look at the somewhat dark brown facial hair that contrasts his slightly darker bond hair. "You had a massive glow up, Jesus." I breathe
"He told Fury to suck his dick and let him grow it." Bucky shrugs and my eyes widen with a smile lifting on my face when Steve sighs and drops his shoulders. "I have a video of it." He proudly mentions
"Send it to me." I smile
"I recorded it on your phone." He reassures and I lightly cheer before Steve's sniffles catch my eyes again and I look at his heartache look
"I'm okay, Steve." I speak soft
"Can I hug you, please?" Steve whispers in a broken voice
"Gently." I nod and sit up the short distance so my back is off the pillows
"I'll be careful." He promises and steps forward to softly wrap his arms around my small frame where he breaks down and lets out a cry as he does. "God, I missed you so much, dolly. I thought I lost my best friend." He sniffles between his cries and presses a long kiss to my cheek and a few more after that. "Don't you ever leave me like that again." He playfully threatens and kisses my cheek that presses into his smiling lips when I laugh
"I'm here now." I reassure him and he slips his hands along my arms when my back has had enough and breaks the hug. "Can't kill me that easily." I mumble with a smile when Bucky chuckles out a deep laugh
"You have finally proved it to me." He nods and holds my hands with his fingers occasionally squeezing mine and his thumbs rubbing over my taped knuckles
"Speaking of killing." I say and turn my head to Bucky who turns back around after texting someone. "Was that my playlist? The one I told you not to-"
"Not to play until it was finished or you were dead?" Bucky smiles at me. "I took it literal, baby, and sent myself the playlist. You never told me it had all of our songs in them." He mentions
"That's why I said you had to wait until it was finished." I shrug the best I can but I wince and my left hand grabs onto my right side in a flinch. "Gahh, that doesn't feel good." I sigh and look down at the chest tube that leaks a little blood mixed fluid onto the floor by Steve's shoes before he steps back and drops my hand. "That really doesn't feel good." I grimace and groan as Bucky reaches for my hand to pull it back
"I'll check it out, baby." He nods and leans over the left side of the bed. "Keep holding her." He glances at Steve
"I got her." Steve covers the top of my taped hand what white knuckles his other one
"Hmm." He hums and gently tears the tape holding the gauze to my side up to look at the injection site before smoothing it back down. "Her sitting up moved that fluid around and got it out of her... Nothing to worry about." He smiles but as he has his right arm lifted in front of my face, it gave me the perfect view into his open tank top where not his muscles catch my eyes surprisingly but the black writing right under his pec and off on his side reading 'BabyHoney' with 'Baby' in his cursive script and 'Honey' in my printed but italicized handwriting
No fucking way.
"James, did you get a tattoo?" I blurt out and Steve laughs as Bucky drops his head in a sigh before moving to stand up. "James." I repeat and push for the information
"Yes, babydoll." Bucky nods and I smile all happy. "I got a tattoo."
"Let me see!" I excitedly reach for his shirt but the sharp movement stops me. "Ugh." I grunt and drop my hand to ride out the pain I caused this time
"Gotta be careful, pretty girl." He chuckles and steps closer to lean down and kiss my forehead
"I keep forgetting." I nod. "Can I see your tattoo, please?" I ask more calmly
"Tattoos." Steve corrects and I look at him weirdly. "I'm surprised you haven't noticed the one on his finger."
"What?!" I exclaim with a smile as Bucky gets all red in the face with a blush that sits on his smile lifted cheeks. "Show me!" I laugh and grab for his hand to see a cursive letter on the bottom of his ring finger of his right hand representing the first letter of my name
"I know I said I would never get a tattoo and that I hated relationship tattoos but, I needed something incase you weren't going to make it." Bucky mutters and holds my hand. "Shuri said there was a small percentage that you would wake up and with the memories of your life back and I couldn't lose you for a third time so, I promised myself that if you did wake up and remember me, I would marry you on the spot." He explains the meaning of his first tattoo
"So, this means that we are getting married?" I smile wide and he chuckles a nervous laugh
"It means that I promise myself to you so, if you would like, I will buy you a ring and get down on one knee for you, doll." He nods in promise
"Right now?" I ask eagerly
"No, not right now, babes." He laughs with Steve and shakes his head. "I get to pick when and where that happens." He says
"On the beach." I immediately decide despite what he just said. "With our kids surrounding us." I add and Steve barks out laughter when Bucky's cheeks get redder and redder
"You want-" He clears his throat when his voice cracks like he's going through puberty. "Steve, can you give us a second?" He asks shyly but I shake my head
"No, Steve can stay right here." I tighten my hold on Steve's hand when I grab it again
"Yeah, whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of the mother of your future kids and their future Godfather." Steve tries to keep his voice stern and serious but some laughter breaks through his sentence
"Fine." Bucky huffs and slow blinks his eyes at me. "You want to get pregnant?" He asks seriously
"Yes, I do." I nod and Steve laughs in accomplishment with his free fist pumping in the air a few times. "With your baby." I add
"Of course, it's my ba-" He starts
"When I heal." I finish and his eyes widen with his words dying completely
"I, uh-" He clears his throat again with the redness of embarrassment about having this conversation in front of his best friend goes down to his neck. "See, baby, the thing is that you don't have your bir-" He starts but a door opening behind Steve stops us
"Someone wants to get pregnant, I hear?" Layla smiles as she walks in with a clipboard and an extra nurse. "I got your text, James. I'm glad she's up." She says and Steve lets my hand go to move out of her way. "Hello, Y/n." She greets
"Hey, Layla." I smile and blindly reach for Bucky's hand when the nerves of seeing two doctors gets to me. "Tell me you're not going to put me asleep or give me more shots." I joke and everyone laughs but I am serious and even taking it as far as scooting closer to Bucky
"I promise, no more needles." She senses my serious tone and reassures me. "However, if your pancreas does fail again, we will have to put you back on insulin shots." She says and I blink in confusion
"Maybe you should start from the top." Bucky suggests and rubs his right hand up and down my arm as his left holds my hand
"Sorry." She apologizes and tells the nurse to start checking and recording my vitals as well as my wounds. "After Shuri and Okoye left, you were in a short coma due to your blood loss and the non-responsive activity in your brain for almost five hours." She starts and my eyes widen at the numbers. "The first thing they did was bring oxygen, blood, and energy back to your brain before they started on your stab wound which is a little bigger than before since we had to perform surgery." She looks a little apologetic
"That's fine." I wave it off and flinch when the nurse lightly moves the tube coming out of the side of my chest. "The fuck was that for?" I grunt in a menacing voice that is mixed with pain
"Babydoll." Bucky squeezes my hand in a small scold. "She is just checking the tube to see if it's stable and by the looks of it, it is." He explains and I glance at Layla's nod
"I'm sorry." I mumble and the nurse just smiles after dismissing my completely normal and okay behavior
"James, can you help her sit up so Nurse Murdock can check her lungs?" Layla asks and with careful movements and some groans of pain, I sit up further than I ever have today and lean over Bucky's left arm while his right holds my shirt up to expose my back. "Once we restored your blood with multiple transfusions thanks to Clint, we moved you to a more private room to keep an eye on you. We planned for a few weeks of a coma, but you certainly surprised us by waking up this early." She continues
Thanks, mama.
"Clint?" I grunt softly under my breath and reach for Steve's hand to squeeze when I feel the cold metal of the stethoscope press all over my back that waits a few seconds to move
"The whole team got tested to see who matched your blood type and Clint was a perfect match with an A+." She smiles. "Steve was also a match with O but, we couldn't mix the super serum with your blood so, we stuck with Clint." She shrugs
"And what happened the last time with pure serum, we did not even consider it." Steve adds and I nod in agreement
"Honestly, I really don't care what happened when I died and it would make me more comfortable if we didn't talk about it." I sigh when I can sit back with the help of Bucky laying me back down softly. "I just want to know when I can be discharged and see my kids." I admit when thinking about Peter, Aj, and Cass
"Whatever you need." Layla nods and flips through my records to refresh her memory, I clearly assume. "Starting off with when you can be discharged, you were actually cleared a week ago so, when you get enough energy, you will be placed in a wheelchair until your organs have healed which shouldn't be long thanks to your magic." She starts with a happy tone and smile
"Fuck that." I sigh and tip my head back. "I'm not sitting in a wheelchair." I refuse
"Darling, I know you want to get up and walk around but, this is serious." She tries to be patient with me, knowing I have a history of cutting stitches and starting training earlier than I actually should. "You were stabbed in the abdomen where all of your internal organs had to be stitched back up so you are on strict bedrest or sitting in a wheelchair when you are not in bed. If you make any wrong moves, it can cause internal bleeding and we won't know about it. You have to take this seriously, Y/n."
"Okay." I mumble after hearing her and understanding that I can seriously damage myself and I relax as Nurse Murdock unbuttons my shirt to expose my pasty covered chest so she can look at my stitches and bags. "I understand."
"Good." She sighs in relief. "All of The Avengers already know what is going on so there is no need to explain any of this to them but, I set James, Steve, Natasha, and Clint as your primary caregivers so they have all of the books and records of everything they need." She goes on and I nod. "We'll start from the head down, your feeding tube is for your liquid nutrition diet until your stomach heals and then we can move onto solid foods but for now, you're on shakes and water. You can swallow water orally like normal but, be careful."
"What about me throwing up?" I ask and grimace at the nurse who is pressing down on my stomach but she soon stops and buttons my shirt back up. "I haven't gotten a meal down without throwing it back up."
"Your stomach has a lot of stitches and still bleeds a little so that blood is going to make you nauseas and upset your stomach when you try to fill it with something so throwing up is normal." She nods. "I encourage you to take your meds and shakes for every meal and if you throw up, just know that it is okay." She reassures me
"It hurts when I do." I mumble
"I know it does and it will, darling." She frowns a little. "We have put you on several pain medications that go through your IV sight that will stay in and your feeding tube."
"Great." I roll my eyes and roll my head to the left to rest my heavy head on Bucky's arm who steps closer to offer more of the comforting muscle
"And due to the antibiotics and medications, we had to remove your birth control." She adds with a lifting smile. "I know you two have a history of having sex either in the hospital bed or before I clear you for safe sex." She teases and Bucky laughs along with me but I laugh a lot more quietly so I don't disturb my healing lungs. "But, we can talk more privately later." She waves her hand
"Everyone knows we have sex." Bucky shrugs and I nod in agreement. "If Y/n doesn't mind, you can just say it now." He says and I once again nod when feeling too tired to talk
"Well then." Layla smiles. "Until her organs and all wounds are healed, you cannot have sex. As she is healing and you both think it is safe and I mean barely any stitches that aren't needed, you can start out with oral sex and I mean you giving, James." She starts rather awkwardly with after needing to explain every detail to us so we don't hurt myself and her words make Bucky lick his lips into a smirk as he looks down at me. "You can then move onto using your hands and slowly working up to full penetrative sex." She finishes
"How long until I can get my birth control back?" I ask
"You sure you want it back, sweetheart?" Bucky asks and I look up at him with a smile and subtle head shake
"Whatever you two decide is up to you but, whatever you do decide, shoot me a text and I'll set up an appointment for injection when you are off your meds." Layla smiles
"When can I see my boys?" I sigh suddenly and get impatient with seeing my kids
"When we are done with this, pretty girl." Bucky promises and leans down to kiss my forehead. "I texted Stark and Clint, they are waiting with the kids for an 'okay' before being allowed in here to see you." He says and I smile with a small laugh
"Let's hurry up then." I urge to get this conversation done and over with
For the next few minutes of us talking and Nurse Murdock literally checking every part of my body where I saw bruises and cuts I didn't know I had, the only thing that was talked about was how to change this and how to change that. How I have to sleep like this and get up at this time so my bags can be drained and cleaned out but I get to go to bed after that so that made me happy. I was told not to lift my hands above my head and that seemed easy but have you ever noticed how much you raise your hands above your head in a day?
Yeah, me neither until I did on accident and pulled my stitches, causing me to cry out and actually start crying when I felt everything in my stomach move and pull around so now I have a fear of lifting my hands and stretching out my back because I do not want to feel that pain ever again. For my showers, my chest tube has to be covered since I need to keep that in for a week until my next check up where Layla will see if she can remove it or not. That pissed me off some but they said they haven't really had any fluid leak out but they want to keep it in as a precaution.
Nurse Murdock had to change the bulbs hanging out of my hips while they were talking and for my showers, I have to have one hundred percent help from either Bucky or Natasha. That's why she was set as one of my caregivers because there is no way I can shower without ripping something or finishing before the water runs cold but at least I get to sit down in a shower chair the entire time. Layla said that after I visit, I am free to go and they left for a moment before the nurse came back to drop off my ride for the next few weeks which is my wheelchair that has a small oxygen box on the back since I cannot be taken off oxygen for whatever reason.
"I feel like that's a bit excessive." I mumble while glaring at the wheelchair, my new enemy
"It's just to keep you safe, babydoll." Bucky sighs and rubs my back softly as I sit up to strengthen my spine some
"When are they going to be here?" I frown up at him and as soon as the words come out of my mouth, there are three soft knocks on the door
"I'll get it." Steve smiles as I almost bounce in my seat from excitement. "Careful, dolly." He says before he walks over to the door to unlock and open it with him popping his head out and saying something before he steps back to let an eye watering Tony in and a full on crying Clint in
"Aw." I frown a smile and feel my own tears gather when Clint lifts his eyes to mine and has turn away with his hand flying up to his eyes and his other dropping where a bouquet of flowers dangle from his weak fingers
"Oh, my God." Clint chokes out a sob and lets Tony come over to give me a soft hug and sit on the end of my bed
"How are you feeling, kid?" Tony asks the repetitive question and presses his lips in a smile that makes his tears trickle down his cheeks to when he blinks
"Feeling like I got stabbed in the stomach by an asshole." I respond with the answer I have been giving with all of the doctors and nurses that filter through here
"Such a strong kid." He laughs and wipe his eyes before he stands up to let Clint come over
"Everything is alright." Steve calms him down some until he is ready to turn back and walk up to me with his shoulders slumped in grief
"Hey, kiddo." Clint whispers with an emotion heavy voice
"Hi, Clint." I smile wide and he sets the flowers down to my right on a small table
"Your cheeks are pink again." He frowns and lifts a hand to cup my cheek that has tubes on it. "I missed you, kiddo." He starts to cry again and carefully pulls me to his chest where I melt in his fatherly comfort that reminds me of my own dad the more I think about it and close my eyes
"I missed you, too." I mumble when my words waver in a crackly voice
"Please, tell me I didn't hurt you." He whispers against my hair. "Tell me that arrow did not touch you and hurt you. That I didn't kill my kiddo." He begs and hugs me a fraction tighter that makes me grimace but I pull through and don't care about anything else but his hug
"Kill me?" I pull back and look at his watering eyes. "No, Clint. You saved me. If you weren't there, he would've pulled it up to my heart and I would be on a shelf right now. You are the reason why I am alive. From the arrow to the blood you gave me, you saved my life." I shake my head, still confused on why he thinks he killed me
"I just-" He sniffles and gathers his thoughts before licking his lips and trying again. "I was scanning the area and I saw him lift it up. All I saw was your face drop and you looked scared... my kiddo. You were so scared and I didn't know what to do other than to just fire without measuring the distance. I was too angry." He admits
"Because of you, I am back with Bucky so I can start my own family." I nod with a smile. "So, thank you. I owe you everything."
"Even letting your poor old dad walk you down the aisle when Bucky stops fucking around and just pops the question?" He jokes and laughs through his cries while I give a weak one. "You'd think he would've done it the first time when you got shot." He chuckles and glances at the soldier who stands back with a smile on his face
"Well, when he finally does." I also glance at Bucky. "You can walk me down as slow or fast as you want." I nod
"Not just yet." He shakes his head. "I'm not ready to give my kiddo up." He pulls me back to kiss the top of my head while Tony talks about how offended he is. "I got you some flowers. They're yellow Peonies that represent new beginnings and luck, which you desperately need." He jokes again and I laugh
"They're beautiful." I smile and move my hand to feel the soft petals. "Thank you, Clint."
"Just know, I love you so much." He says and kisses the top of my head again
"I love you, too." I hum as I lift my magic secretly and slip both of my hands to the bend of his arms so I can heal the several bruises and needle points on his skin and he chuckles when he feels the magic. "Just returning a one percent favor." I smile when he notices
"No need to repay me." He shakes his head and stands up from the bed while wiping his tears and glancing over his shoulder at the door. "Should we let the kids in now?" He asks and I am already nodding
"I need to see my kids." I look at Bucky desperately and he steps forward to encase my hand in metal one and lift his right hand to my head so he can brush back my fallen hair. "Please, Buck."
"Pete is getting more clothes from his aunt's but Cass and Aj are excited to see theirs." Bucky smiles and squeezes my hand with his metal one. "We just have to be extremely careful because they are energetic and we can't have them jumping on the bed."
"I got it, Bucky." I nod and look at the closed door
Just open it already.