I shut my eyes and I stopped walking when I suddenly felt the cold wind of the night on my body.
Cadiz Viejo is one of the relaxing places. This place is where the man I love the most grew up.
I bit my lower lip before opening my eyes and stared at the Enchanted Cliff where you can view the sunset and the sunrise, you can also do star gazing, and Enchanted Cliff is the best spot for swimming.
Surely, some will be amazed and be enchanted once they see the beauty of this place, day or night.
Aside from one of the relaxing places, Cadiz Viejo is also one of my favorite places.
Who would not love this place, right?
Everytime I am here in this place, my heart skipped, my eyes are watering, my body began to shake, my world stopped because I remembered the man who taught me the real definition of love.
This place reminds me of him...
Can I go back to the past where everything is alright? Where the man I love the most and I are still together?
Ang malamig na simoy ng hangin ay muling humampas sa aking katawan. Napayakap ako sa aking sarili at sa halip ay pinagmasdan na lang ang dalampasigan, hindi pinapansin ang malakas na ihip ng hangin.
Tahimik na iginala ko ang aking paningin at dumako iyon sa lumiliwanag na buwan. Tinanaw ko na lang iyon, iyon ay natatakpan ng baybayin na umaalon. Sobrang liwanag ng buwan ngayon at iyon ang nagsisilbing liwanag sa kadiliman dito sa kapaligiran.
While staring at the moon, the bitter smile crept on my lips. My tear suddenly fell from my eyes and down to my cheeks, thinking that the past stays in the past.
I lifted my hands on the air, trying to reach the moon even though I could not.
I hope that the moon will be my guide to see the man I love. And the wind.. I hope, it will push me near him.
If I ever given a chance to have him in my arms again, I will immediately accept it. If I already accepted him in my life in the beginning, it won't turn into this.
I love this place not just because the air is fresh, the place is scenic, the surroundings are clean, and the sea is clear, but because I created a lot of memories with him here.
Parang gusto kong balikan ang nakaraan, gusto kong balikan iyong ayos pa ang lahat, iyong walang problema, pero paano? Paano dahil tapos na ang lahat? Paano dahil bumitiw siya at mas piniling iwanan ako?
Gusto ko, eh. Gustung-gusto kong balikan ang lahat. Lalo na iyong panahong kapiling ko siya.
Minsan kasi, may mga bagay na abot na abot na natin pero hindi pa natin makuha. Katulad ng taong mahal na mahal natin.
Sobrang naghihinayang ako pero kasalanan ko rin naman kung bakit humantong sa ganito ang lahat. Kung sana, naging bukas ang puso ko noon. Siguro, mas matagal pa ang pinagsamahan naming dalawa.
He taught me that.. it is better to get hurt than to hurt others. Like.. it's better to hold on than to let go.
Sabi naman ng iba, mahirap daw sumuko sa isang pag-ibig, mahirap daw mang-iwan. Pero paano naman 'yong iniwanan? Hindi ba nahihirapan ang taong iniwan?
May mga bagay talaga na hindi natin inaasahan na nangyari ngunit wala na tayong magagawa at tanggapin na lang ang lahat. Katulad ng pag-iwan sa atin ng taong mahal na mahal natin.
I ignored my thoughts and sighed before starting walking on the sand again. I am not even wearing slippers right now but I don't care if I ever get hurt by those shells because I am used to it, I'm used to get hurt.
After minutes of walking, I decided to sit on the nearest stone. I shut my eyes and smiled bitterly, thinking about my memories with the man who opened me to the reality.
Eventually, I opened my eyes again and looked around. My memories with someone I love flashes on my mind, I created a lot of memories with him here. Those memories were never been absent in my mind, especially his everlasting love.
I could say that the pain is still here. The scratches of the past are always here.
Hanggang ngayon ay masakit pa rin kasi hindi ko matanggap, hindi ko kayang tanggapin na iniwan niya ako. Hanggang ngayon ay baon na baon ko pa rin ang sakit at sugat sa aking dibdib, at hindi ko alam kung ano'ng lunas para sa sakit na nararamdaman ko.
I still love him, always, and until forever. Napamahal na talaga ako sa kaniya nang sobra kaya sobrang hirap na hirap akong kalimutan siya.
Maybe, I was destined to be one of those victims of love...
I am eager to do everything for him. I will catch every raindrops, I will climb every mountain, I will swim every ocean, I will count all stars in the night sky. But is there an another chance to have him again?
Half of my mind is always asking me... Is it okay that he's not around anymore? Is it alright to be alone like this?
But I always ended up condemning bitterly and hoping that everything is okay, that I am not in ruins, that I am not hurt, that I am completely fine.. without him in my arms.
I keep hoping that everything was just a dream, no, it was a nightmare. But I lose my hope when I realized that everything was true, that he chose to leave me.
I wanted to forget him, to forget my memories with him because I can't handle it anymore. All of the scratches he'd been inflicted are still here. The pain keeps visiting me every night, keeps waking me up in the middle of the night just to remind me how coward I am.
I've tried everything to forget him, but erasing him in my memories is the most arduous thing for me. I really did my best to forget him, but I really can't.
I tried everything but I really can't stop myself from thinking about him.
I'm always dreaming about the vision of what we used to be every night, but everything started to fade every time I woke up in the morning.
It was so excruciating knowing that I never did anything when he let go. Hindi ko na siya pinilit pa at hinayaan na lang na bumitiw.
Kung nasaktan ako, alam kong mas nasaktan siya. Kung nahirapan ako, mas nahirapan siya.
I've been so cruel to him. I've hurt him not just once, but for how many times... But all he ever did is to love me. He keeps chasing me and he keeps wanting me even though I'm ignoring him.
I missed him now, I really do...
I missed his presence, I missed his scent, I missed everything about him. I missed him like how the wind misses the people in the surroundings.
I took a deeply breath and decided to stand on my seat. Umiling na lang ako at muling inapak ang aking talampakan sa buhanginan. I turned my back on the sea and I was about to step again when the wind suddenly blew for the second times. Muli na naman iyon humampas sa aking katawan at nakaramdam naman ako ng panlalamig.
Every night, I couldn't sleep. Nightmares keep visiting me and waking me up in the middle of the night. I forced myself to keep calm and think that I should be used to it. I am always sleeping with a heavy pain in my heart. I tried to keep my emotions as best as I can but I really can't because I am always ended up crying.
It's in the middle of the night right now but I am still awake. I am still here, waiting and expecting that he would come back and hugged me again even just for the last time.
It feels like I don't want the sun rise again because I know that tomorrow is an another day without him, tomorrow is an another empty day. When I woke up in the morning, I know that it would be a long tiring day without him.
Without him, it feels like there's no moon in my sky, there's no light in the dark, there's no wind in my surroundings. Without him, I am filled by an emptiness. Without him, I feel so desolate.
My knees suddenly trembled that made me kneeled on the sand. I covered my mouth as the sobs escaped from there. My hands went up and covered my face using my palm, letting my tears stream down on my cheeks.
I am all alone here, no one could hear me cry, no one can see me cry. It's okay... It's okay if I cry like this. It doesn't mean that I am crying like this, I am already weak.
Tahimik na inangat ko ang aking tingin sa buwang lumiliwanag, iyon ay napapaligiran ng libu-libong mga bituwin. Kahit na may bumabadyang mga luha sa aking mga mata ay pilit ko pa ring tinitigan ang buwan.
I gathered my strengths, taking a deep breath and smiled bitterly while staring at the moon. My tears keep falling down on my cheeks when all of my memories in the past flashed on my mind. Everything are all coming back to my thoughts, everything that already happened in my life.
Those are clear... It was so definitely clear, especially my memories with someone I love, my memories with him.
The memories of how our love started.. and how it ended.