(TW Reminder - More of Aidan's Backstory)
I felt my chest heaving when we shared the shower. I eventually relaxed enough to have him in there the entire time, and I found I didn't mind it entirely. It was a step forward at least and I was proud of myself for it. I'd had Irene in here a couple of times with me. The first time I had to ask her to leave instantly.
Aidan behaved himself. He kept his hands to his chest. His eyes always looked over me as we showered. I think he was trying to figure out if I was still comfortable. With every flinch or shake. I just reminded myself it was Aidan with me. When we had stepped out and dressed for the night, Aidan snaked his arms around my body and held me close to him. We weren't even in bed yet. We just stood beside it, holding each other.
"You did so well," he said quietly into my chest.
"What?" I asked, looking down at him.
"With the shower," he said, his eyes were peered up at mine. "You did amazing."
I smiled at his kind words. Even though it was the smallest step in the right direction, he was giving me praise for it, showing me that I did well. I helped him into the bed and slipped in beside him.
"Oh, really?" I said.
We were face to face now. I could see the concern behind his eyes. I knew I was deflecting and ignoring the pain it had caused me. It wasn't as bad as I normally felt but the feelings still lingered.
"Gabe," he said sternly.
"I'm sorry, I just... It's different." I didn't know how to explain but words garbled out.
"Take the praise," he smiled.
"Okay, okay, thank you, baby," I said.
I moved in as close as possible to him. I could feel his breath on my lips. I bet he could feel mine. Our eyes were still kept to each other, kind of intense yet relaxing. We eventually fell asleep in each other's arms. I think I was the first to fall. He had started playing with my hair and I slowly closed my eyes. I couldn't keep them open any longer.
The morning came too soon as well. We couldn't stay in bed. Imagine just sleeping in here all day in each other's arms. Warm. Ignoring the world. I was falling hard and fast for this young man. Screams from outside woke me. It stirred Aidan but he didn't wake until I pushed myself out of his clutches to check outside. I pulled the blind back to look at the street. I could barely see with the sun shining through, but there were quite a few people around anyway. Aidan sat up in the bed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Fear was what I saw on his face. Worry, dread.
"It's okay, baby," I said soothingly from the window. "I'll get you to the car, no problem."
"What are they yelling about?"
"I can only really hear your name and 'we have questions' on repeat, more of what happened yesterday," I examined.
"I'm worried that if I see him, I'll want to hurt him," he whispered. "What if I go nonverbal? What if he tries something again? What if-?"
I rushed to the bed and wrapped my arms around him. "No, stop it. No more 'what if', I'll be there."
"Yeah, yeah," he repeated.
We took our time getting ready. I'd received a text message soon after we decided to get out of bed and our warm embrace. My father notified me that Jesse had arrived at the warehouse. He was earlier than expected, probably receiving just as much harassment as we were.
I managed to get Aidan to the car quickly before people started forcing their way over each other to get to us. I locked the doors and drove without wavering. People were smart enough to get out of the way - to my surprise.
After we'd parked and I took him up to my office, I locked the door. I messaged my father to say we were here and if I needed to talk to anyone. He said he would have to see me with everyone who is new today for the usual orientation setup. I took a sharp intake of breath.
"He'll be coming up soon," I told Aidan. "All the new employees will be, but that does include him."
"I'll just hide for a bit or... sit in the corner," he muttered.
"Why don't you stay over on the couch there," I suggested. "He shouldn't see you when he comes in, just stay quiet."
He nodded and moved over to the couch in the corner of the room. I had too much of a minimalist office and I just prayed that nobody would notice Aidan here. I unlocked the door to find my father about to knock on it.
I swallowed instinctively, my hand squeezed around the doorknob. I thought I would see red as I allowed everyone to walk in but instead, I kept my cool. My father began talking about what we do here and what is expected of everyone.
"And please understand that we give second chances here," he said.
"Not third or fourth," I added, and he nodded in response.
"If you need anything, feel free to find me or my son," he gestured at me as he spoke. "You can all head out to your roles that I showed you earlier. Oh, but uh... Jesse, please stay."
Everyone slowly filed out, so many sullen faces but at least they appeared grateful for the opportunity. The man that remained was around my height, with shoulder-length curly brown hair. Stubble ruled his face, and his pale brown eyes were sunken.
"Yes, sir?" he asked once everyone had left.
"It's come to our attention that uh..." my father's voice trailed off.
"That I know his boyfriend," Jesse pointed to me. "I'm aware also. How um... How is he?"
"We're not here to discuss how he is," I hissed. All that calmness was lost instantly.
My father raised a hand to me. "Please, none of this."
"A reporter said that you were going to reconsider hiring me, giving me a chance," Jesse said. "I understand completely. I don't want to hurt him further."
My eyes flashed behind Jesse to watch Aidan. He sat up straight on the couch, his hands quivering as we all spoke. Jesse's voice must be hard to listen to, to hear again. When my eyes flickered back to Jesse, his eyebrows were knitted together in confusion.
I watched as he turned around to see Aidan sitting there. We all heard Aidan's breathing hitch. His legs came up to his chest and he wrapped his arms around them, staring down at Jesse. A mixture of anger, fear, and even confusion was evident on his face.
"I-..." Jesse began.
"You don't have anything to say to him," I interrupted him.
"I'm just sorry," he said anyway. "I'm sorry for what happened. This isn't the best apology and I definitely do not deserve your forgiveness but I'm sorry."
"Do you not know how to listen?" I asked incredulously. "Get out! Before we fire you on the spot."
Aidan held up his whiteboard. He can work here. I'm not forgiving him. But he can stay.
"Are you sure about that?" my father asked.
"Of course, he's not bloody sure," I countered. "Aidan, sweetheart, you don't know what you're saying."
"If he says it's okay, then it's okay," my father declared.
Jesse had stayed silent. Their eyes were still fixed on each other. While I couldn't tell what was happening with Jesse, the look on Aidan's face was evident. He was scared, like a little boy who couldn't protect himself or even pretend to be okay.
I'm sure of it. As long as I'm never alone with him.
"Aidan-..." I started.
"No, son," my father stopped me. "Aidan has 'spoken'. And I'll make sure you know your place, Jesse."
"Understood," Jesse softly said. "I am truly sorry, Aidan."
What exactly are you sorry for though?
"Every... Everything," he stuttered. "For all of it."
No, I want specifics.
"I don't understand," he frowned. "I'm sorry for it all, everything that happened."
My eyes went wide as Aidan threw his whiteboard to the ground. It didn't break, but it was cracked in the corner. He stood up and walked determinedly towards Jesse. Before either my father or I knew what was happening, Aidan's fist came up to connect with Jesse's cheek.
Exactly what Aidan feared would happen. He never wanted to resort to violence. He was seething though. I could see it. Jesse stepped backwards, his hand coming up to feel his cheek. Aidan's face was furious. His chest heaved. His breathing wasn't steady.
"What do I mean?" he screamed. "What do I fucking mean?"
"Aidan, please," Jesse whispered.
"Keep my name out of your fucking mouth!" he yelled. "We all know what you did to me! We all know!"
"Aidan," I breathed out as I walked over to him. "Aidan, please, this isn't it, don't do something you'll regret."
He ignored my words and kept going for Jesse. "I want fucking specifics, Jesse! I want to know what parts you're sorry for, I want to know if you even understand what you did wrong!"
"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I'm sorry for breaking into your home and doing... doing that to you and letting my friends..."
"Doing what?" Aidan forced out the words viciously, though there was a hint of regret. "Letting your friends do what?"
Jesse was silent, staring at the ground of my office. I grabbed Aidan's arm gently and pulled him over to me. I tried to calm him. My father stood near my office door, not sure what to do. I wasn't fully sure what Jesse had done in the end, I'd only skipped over the videos Aidan showed me that first night we were together.
"Are you sorry for pushing through my front door with your mates?" Aidan continued, his eyes starting to tear up as his anger turned to sadness and frustration. "Are you sorry you and your friends told me you were going to fix me? Are you sorry for holding me down? Are you sorry for helping your mates take turns? Are you sorry you didn't help me? Are you sorry you took a turn? Are you sorry you let them cut me? Or are you sorry you just got caught?"
Jesse's face was filled with regret. My heart had dropped as Aidan said each thing that happened. My father was fuming. I could see the heat rising in his cheeks as he processed what happened to my sweet Aidan. He might have been reconsidering Aidan's request to let Jesse stay on. But we didn't have time to go back over it.
"Are you?" he repeated.
"I'm sorry for all but that last one," Jesse whispered out. He was barely audible, but his words came through the silence clear enough.
"I bet you fucking are," Aidan growled. "You didn't even try to help. You didn't send for help after either. The ambulance only came because my friend checked the footage because she fucking worried about me living alone!"
"Aid-... Sir? I-... Please, I am genuinely sorry," Jesse was trying to calm him, and something flashed between them, something about what Aidan just said had caused them both to stop altogether.
"Aidan, come with me," I said carefully.
My hand still held his arm. Aidan stopped talking. He let his mouth close in a tight line. I gently led him towards the office door. He stopped by it and took a breath in.
"He can stay," Aidan said more calmly.
"Understood, baby," I said before turning to my father. "Show him out when you can."
"I actually wanted to talk to you for a moment, sir," Jesse directed at me.
"Go talk to him," Aidan muttered as he left the room.
"Aidan, I-..." I called after him.
Jesse's head hung low, and my father drew in a deep breath.
"I'll leave you both alone, but I do not condone violence here, Gabe. And I don't mind that Aidan threw a swing, I'm talking about you," my father said firmly. "Don't hurt the man. If he says something to upset you, just fire him on the spot and he can try and live his life without help."
"Yes, father," I sighed as he left us the room. "What do you want?"
"I'm very sorry for the inconvenience," Jesse started. He'd forced his head up to look at me. "I didn't expect to see him so soon, I only wanted to apologise."
"Why didn't you help him?" I forced out.
"A mixture of reasons," he replied honestly though I felt like he was keeping something back.
"Care to tell me those before I ignore my father's wishes and push you down a flight of stairs?" I threatened.
"If not for him, then don't do it for Ai-... for your boyfriend," he answered as his breathing became heavier like he was trying to force out the truth. "I won't lie, I was incredibly transphobic a year ago. And I... I enjoyed it at the time. I can't believe I'm even thinking it, let alone saying it. I still don't even understand it all, but I don't wish harm on anyone again. I want this second chance to better myself, but I will acknowledge any of your boyfriend's wishes. I won't speak to her... fuck, sorry, him, I won't go near him, and I won't even look at him if he doesn't want it."
"If you so much as breathe in his general direction without his okay," I threatened. "You will have a meeting with my fist."
"Understood, sir," he nodded. "I'll go see your father."
I opened the door for him and as he stepped out, Aidan had come back. He looked to have cooled off, even as he saw Jesse again, he kept his calm. I grabbed Aidan's arm and pulled him inside the room gently.
"Why did you bring him here?" Jesse asked. "Knowing I'd be here."
"It was easier than leaving him alone at mine... where all the reporters are," I answered honestly.
"I'm sorry for them as well," Jesse said before he left, heading down the hall to my father's office.