Chapter Notes:
Recap: The pair enjoyed even more heartwarming activities in the festivals, from designing a lantern to solving lantern riddles.
Everything seems to be going well tonight for Xiao Tian and Bai Feng, almost too well.
TW: this chapter contains references to self-harming behavior which may upset some readers. Please proceed with caution.
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Heeding the kind vendor's words, the pair made their way to the festival's main event.
On a small stage, a man was explaining the tradition of this festival. They will be matching bachelors and bachelorettes, then perform a special ritual to bless the couples.
No wonder there were so many couples at this festival
"I think you invited the wrong person for this festival.." the cedar-haired beauty turned to Xiao Tian, but the assassin never gave a single response to his words.
Instead, the assassin just pulled Bai Feng closer to him, making space between the informant and other people. Throughout the night, Xiao Tian noticed how Bai Feng didn't seem comfortable in big crowds, so at least giving him some space might help.
Bai Feng was about to protest about the assassin's intimate gesture when suddenly they lit a huge bonfire, signaling the start of the event.
"T-That was sudden.." the ivory robe-cladded man flinched slightly,
Xiao Tian's eyes immediately widened at the sight. The assassin's breathing hitched and he started to cold sweat. However, the masked assassin didn't want to alert Bai Feng, so he tried his best to not show his discomfort and told his long-haired companion that he needed to walk away for a bit.
Bai Feng nodded and waited for Xiao Tian. With the masked assassin gone, the golden-eyed man didn't know what to do with himself in the event. The informant just looked around as couples started to dance slowly around the bonfire, hoping that the assassin would return soon.
As Xiao Tian tried to pull a certain distance from festival, his erratic heartbeat still wouldn't calm down and his vision kept swimming, making him want to throw up.
I guess it's still buried deep within me.. I see.. Even after all these years, you're still not letting me go— was the last thought the assassin had before his consciousness faded away.
After a while, Bai Feng thought it was weird for Xiao Tian to be away for so long. I thought he went to get some snacks or something.. Did he get lost? Thought the informant as he went to look around for the masked assassin, pushing through the crowds once more.
After running all around the festival and unable to spot the masked man, he finally found Xiao Tian fainted in a dark alleyway right outside the area. Bai Feng immediately dropped the lantern he was holding and rushed to the assassin's side, calling out his name trying to wake him up.
"HeiLi, it's Bai Feng, can you hear me?" worry apparent in those honey-colored obs.
Did he get attacked? the informant proceeded to cradle the unconscious Xiao Tian protectively and looked around. Luckily there were no signs of anyone near them.
Bai Feng then checked on his pulse and leaned his head onto Xiao Tian's chest to hear if his breathing seemed normal and sighed in relief. The cedar-haired man then slung Xiao Tian's arm around his shoulder and carried the assassin on his back all the way to his manor.
Once home, they were greeted by confused servants but Bai Feng just went straight into his room without any explanation. He laid Xiao Tian on his bed and pondered, he couldn't call for a doctor because he was worried that the assassin's identity would be revealed.
At this point, Bai Feng still thought that Xiao Tian was attacked by someone, so he decided to check just in case. The cedar-haired man started with his head, down to his neck and jaw, typical locations to be struck for a person to lose consciousness, but there were no marks whatsoever.
The golden-eyed man then started to suspect that the assassin was tranquilized somehow, so Bai Feng unbuttoned his hanfu. But unexpectedly, there were no signs of struggle on his arms, chest, or abdomen.. That was when Bai Feng saw burn marks on the assassin's back.
"N-No I— can't.. die.." whimpered Xiao Tian as he grabbed Bai Feng's wrist tightly, just like a drowning man catching at straws.
Bai Feng could feel that Xiao Tian was trembling.
It was his first time seeing the assassin being vulnerable like this.
"HeiLi calm down.. You're safe here.." reassured the informant. The cedar-haired man hesitated but held his hand anyway.
However, what Bai Feng did doesn't seem to be working. Xiao Tian was still shaking so Bai Feng gently patted his head.
"It's okay.. I'm here for you" whispered the golden-eyed beauty.
Luckily after a while, his breath slowed down, back to a normal pace. Xiao Tian's grip on Bai Feng's wrist slowly loosened and he seemed to be in less pain now.
Bai Feng sighed in relief and tried to distance himself from Xiao Tian, but the assassin unconsciously pulled the cedar-haired man towards him and hugged him tightly. Bai Feng yelped at the sudden action but he was glad that Xiao Tian couldn't see how red his face was that night.
Xiao Tian woke up the next morning, trying to regain his bearings. The first thing he checked was his mask, it was intact.. And the assassin soon felt safe when he noticed a familiar surrounding,
It was Bai Feng's room.
Xiao Tian then looked down, realizing that he was holding onto the informant's wrist the entire time so he let go of him. The onyx-haired assassin couldn't help but get captivated by his companion's peaceful sleeping face.
As Xiao Tian stared at the informant, he gently brushed back hair strands from Bai Feng's face when he suddenly remembered a distant memory.
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It was a lovely evening when young Xiao Tian was sharing a meal with his mother.
As usual, his father was nowhere to be found..
Young Xiao Tian realized that somehow today's dinner was much fancier than their regular meals. The young boy wondered if there was something to celebrate, but couldn't recall any. Is it finally time.. Thought young Xiao Tian. After enjoying an array of his favorite dishes and helping his mom clean up the table, the young boy felt unusually sleepy.
"Ah? Did you eat too much? Go and sleep earlier A-Tian, I'll join you shortly." his gentle mother urged
Young Xiao Tian lay down on the bed and his mom gently patted his head as she sang his favorite lullaby.
Beautiful moon shining in the night sky
Little one, come lie down and close your eyes
In the morning, your mother has to go and plant seedlings
Bright, full moon shining in the night sky
Little one, be good and go to sleep
As for tomorrow, your mother has to go and catch some fish
Beautiful moon gleaming in the starry night
Little one, may you have a sweet dream
Get some rest and sleep until dawn
"Good night A-Tian, may my lullaby guide you to the most beautiful dream."
As young Xiao Tian was fast asleep, his mother quietly lit up a stick. Once the wood caught on fire, she placed it on top of a pile of clothes. The blaze grew slowly but surely.
Turning to look at her peacefully sleeping son, she trembled and started to sob.
No, this will be for the best.. thought Xiao Tian's mother as she gently hugged her precious son and succumbed to darkness.
Young Xiao Tian woke up to the feeling of not being able to breathe, his lungs felt like it was burning as he struggled to inhale. When he opened his eyes his house was already filled with smoke and his mom was laying down beside him, seemingly asleep. The young boy knew his mother had planned the fire and he thought he was ready to follow his mother to the afterlife, yet he couldn't.
Xiao Tian realized he wanted to continue living.
He tried to wake her up and drag her out with him but was unfortunately unsuccessful. Xiao Tian coughed and saw his mother's cheek stained with tears, which reconfirmed the bone-chilling fact that he had been refusing to admit.
That his own mother tried to kill him along with herself in his sleep.
"Good night, mother"
As young Xiao Tian's heart clenched painfully looking at his mom's figure, the last support beam of their house came crashing down. Young Xiao Tian quickly leaped away but one of the wooden pillars fell on top of the boy, burning his back in the process.
In a moment of weakness, he thought of staying with his mother and ending all his suffering. However, his survival instinct made him return to his senses even as the sting from his injury kicked in. Xiao Tian winced in pain but he used all his strength to escape, ignoring the fact that he was actively bleeding from his back from scraping his skin against the heavy block. As he leaped out of the window, his whole house was finally set ablaze.
He stared blankly as their house collapsed in front of him, with his own mother still inside. He felt miserable and helpless as he couldn't save his mother with his small body. As the effect of adrenaline wore off, his consciousness began to fade into the dark.
Xiao Tian snapped out of his memory and realized that Bai Feng fell asleep in his outdoor clothes, complete with his robe and hair still tied up, it must've been uncomfortable. The assassin remembered how he got into a panic episode last night, went into an alley where nobody could see him, and blacked out.
Xiao Tian assumed that the informant found him after not showing up, and brought the assassin back here to take care of him. The thought of that alone brought the smallest sincere smile from the assassin.
Noticing that Bai Feng wasn't even properly lying on the bed, Xiao Tian tried to shift his position, but the gesture quickly woke up the sleeping man. The assassin watched as Bai Feng's golden eyes gently fluttered open,
"Sorry, did I wake you?" whispered the assassin, not wanting to alert the still drowsy man.
Bai Feng slowly got up and then noticed that Xiao Tian was conscious,
"HeiLi.. You're awake.."
Xiao Tian realized a grip mark on Bai Feng's wrist as the informant was rubbing his eyes sleepily.
"Did I do this?" the assassin eyed the mark before he held Bai Feng's hand gently. The informant was confused about what the assassin was referring to and looked down at his wrist.
"Ah.. It.. How are you feeling?" asked Bai Feng as he observed Xiao Tian. The cedar-haired man noticed that the assassin's breathing had returned to a normal pace. Though his eyes are still as blank as ever, he can tell Xiao Tian has returned to his senses.
Hearing Bai Feng's words, Xiao Tian couldn't stop the bubbling feeling inside his chest. This was the first time he felt that he was truly taken care of.
He wondered, is it just the morning sun or does Bai Feng seemed to glow more radiantly today?
"I'm fine, sorry for the trouble" muttered the assassin.
"Ah right.. Last night when I was checking for injuries, I think I saw something that you might not want me to see.. I apologize" said Bai Feng, slightly lowering his head.
Did he open my mask? Was the first thought that crossed Xiao Tian's mind.
"..I saw your burn marks.. I didn't intend to invade your privacy but I had to check because I didn't know what caused you t—" Xiao Tian suddenly held his hand, interrupting Bai Feng's flurry of apologies. The golden-eyed beauty was surprised at how calm the assassin was this morning, it was quite the contrast in comparison to him last night, seeing him trembling and suffering in his sleep.
Bai Feng then wondered What exactly happened to him? Why did he say such things last night?
As more questions crossed his mind, Xiao Tian's words interrupted him.
"You're warm, Xiao Bai.. Though I have to say that you really did miss the opportunity to see what I look like behind this mask huh~ What a shame, you might be surprised~" teased the assassin as he held Bai Feng's hand to his cheek.
The cheeky monkey was back. The cedar-haired man concluded that Xiao Tian should be feeling well enough if he could come up with ways to tease him. So Bai Feng threw away all of his worried thoughts and pulled his hand away.
"You seem to be well enough, so you can take your leave"
Xiao Tian then went back to lie down on the bed and crossed his arms.
"I'm not.. Take care of me more.." Bai Feng pretended that he couldn't hear him and went to the bathroom to get ready.
"Xiao Bai, how could you!" For some reason, that brought a smile to the stoic man's face.
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Author's Notes:
Hope you enjoyed My Past <3 While waiting for chapter updates, you can check on Instagram where we update weekly on BaiTian arts!
Fun fact: Did you know that we made a Fortuitous Jade theme song for our 1st anniversary?