❛ Feel the uncertainty down to your bones. Are you afraid of dying alone? This is the end of the world that you know. ❜
SEASON 4, EPISODE 2
infected
━━━━━━ October 12, 2011
EVERYTHING WAS DEAD SILENT when Cal, Michonne, Carl, and Maggie arrived at the prison. He could only hear the exertion of their own panting and footfalls against the pavement. Cal wasn't sure if the silence was good or bad. He allowed it to become an overwhelming anxiety inside his body even as Rick exited the cell block.
⠀⠀⠀Rick's hair stuck to his forehead, and looked ready to drop dead from the half-hour inside. He raised his hand to dissuade the group from coming any closer.
⠀⠀⠀"Hey, you might want to stay back. Carl—!"
⠀⠀⠀Despite his warning, Carl ran to his dad and hugged him tight around the waist.
⠀⠀⠀"It's okay. I'm here. I'm fine, but back away," Rick whispered. He relished in his son's touch before physically pushing him away.
⠀⠀⠀"I had to use one of the guns by the gate. I swear I didn't want to," Carl said. His voice wavered with worry that his dad might be upset that he used a gun. Even if it saved Michonne's life.
⠀⠀⠀"I was coming back. I fell," Michonne added to help Carl's case. "They came out and helped me."
⠀⠀⠀"Are you alright?" Rick asked. He inclined his head toward her.
⠀⠀⠀Michonne nodded.
⠀⠀⠀"What happened in there?" Maggie asked.
⠀⠀⠀Elise appeared behind Rick with a body cradled in her arms as she sobbed. Cal's eyes followed her, and a stone formed in his throat. His mind went to Bianca, who insisted on going inside and could now very well be dead.
⠀⠀⠀"Is she alright?" Cal asked. The words scratched painfully down his throat as he waited for the worse to come.
⠀⠀⠀"She's fine," Rick assured him. His hands raised before falling in an effort to keep them calm. "Patrick got sick last night. It's some kind of flu. It moves fast. We think he died and attacked the cell block."
⠀⠀⠀Rick bent down so his red-rimmed eyes met with his son's.
⠀⠀⠀"Look, I know—I know he was your friend, and I'm sorry. He was a good kid. We lost a lot of good people," Rick reassured his son. Then, he returned to his full height to direct the rest to them. "Bianca, Glenn, and your dad are okay, but they were in there. You shouldn't get too close to anyone that might have been exposed. At least for a little while."
⠀⠀⠀Carl left his dad's side and returned to the other and returned to the other three to help them inside.
⠀⠀⠀"Carl. All of you," Rick reiterated.
⠀⠀⠀Carl nodded and led them into Cell Block C.
CAL'S HEART FELT HEAVY inside his chest, but he smiled as Judith sat in his lap. She was as happy as a clam as her little hands threw around a stack of red solo cups. A sweet laugh left her lips, and every so often, she'd turn to stare at Cal in wonder. Then she'd toss a cup in his direction and burst into a fit of giggles.
⠀⠀⠀On the bed, Michonne was being tended to by Beth after her run-in with one of Bianca's walker traps at the front gate. The two were quiet as they sat together. Beth looked slightly anxious in their presence, while Michonne's jaw was tight.
⠀⠀⠀"Did y'all see anything?" Beth asked, breaking the silence.
⠀⠀⠀Michonne's eyes were teary when Cal looked up.
⠀⠀⠀"They just started taking out the dead," Michonne answered.
⠀⠀⠀"I don't need to know who yet. I don't want to," Beth said softly. "I'm glad you came back safe."
⠀⠀⠀"It was stupid," Michonne gritted between her teeth. "I was so stupid."
⠀⠀⠀Cal frowned as he stood to his feet. Judith rested against his hip, and he bounced her softly up and down. Michonne's eyes pinned on him, and her face flushed in embarrassment.
⠀⠀⠀"When I fell on my ass, you should have left me out there," Michonne whispered.
⠀⠀⠀"What kind of friend would I be then?" Cal asked. He was disheartened that Michonne could even think of herself in that way. "I'm not gonna watch you die over a mistake. We've all made them. Shit—" Cal paused and glanced at Beth. "Sorry." Then back to Michonne. "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."
⠀⠀⠀"You could have gotten hurt," Michonne pressed. She leaned toward him with a stubborn frown. "Maggie or Carl could've gotten hurt."
⠀⠀⠀"When you care about people, hurt is kind of part of the package," Beth said. Her voice was smooth like butter as she also attempted to salve Michonne's inner turmoil. "Were there any kids?"
⠀⠀⠀There was a moment of silence as neither Cal nor Michonne answered her. Of course, there were kids. They were easy targets, being small and easily frightened. Even Patrick, around Beth's age, was still considered a kid, and he was the first to go.
⠀⠀⠀Judith started to fuss in Cal's arms, and he bounced her more.
⠀⠀⠀"Got all these widows and orphans, but what do you call someone who lost a child?" Beth continued. "You'd think someone would have given that a name."
⠀⠀⠀Beth finished wrapping Michonne's wounds as Judith started to wail. Even Cal's bouncing, and cooing was short of stopping her. Beth turned to him, grabbed Judith under her arms, and rocked her.
⠀⠀⠀"Are you okay?" Beth asked.
⠀⠀⠀Michonne's face contorted in pain as she turned away from the sound of the crying baby. It reminded Cal of Bianca, who hardly liked being around kids. Especially when they were loud and annoying.
⠀⠀⠀When he arrived, Cal was surprised that she got along with Carl. The two were thick as thieves, and that was when Cal knew it truly was the end of the world. At least with Judith, Bianca was keen to keep up her kid-hating ruse and would easily clear out of the room.
⠀⠀⠀"I think she senses people's moods," Beth said before carrying Judith out of the room.
⠀⠀⠀Cal and Michonne were left alone in the cell. She sniffed loudly, her eyes fluttering, and she kept her eyes pointed away from Cal. Something was bothering her, but he knew that the had been long and tiring. There was no sense in prying her open.
⠀⠀⠀So, he did the next best thing. He sat beside Michonne on the bed, relishing Beth's passive worry about everything happening. Her boyfriend had just died in the grocery store, yet she was the most put-together. He worried for Beth that all those feelings would break open one of these days. But for now, she seemed okay.
⠀⠀⠀"I'm worried, too," Cal said. He could feel Michonne's eyes on him. He kept his eyes directed at the wall in front of them. He knew the moment he looked at her, she would shy away. "Y'know, Bianca and I have hardly been apart since we reunited, and now..." Cal reached his hand up to his heart and cinched the fabric there. "It's hard. It's hard not knowing where she is. I know she goes out on her own to work the fences. That's hard, too, but I at least know where to find her. With this outbreak—" Cal's voice cracked, and he wasn't sure how to carry on.
⠀⠀⠀Michonne's hand rested on his knee and squeezed in understanding.
⠀⠀⠀"I worry that one of these days she'll—I'll lose her. She is my everything. She was the only thing that kept me going while I was trapped in Woodbury. And the not knowing is what kills me. I let her go inside, not me. It should've been me. Now, Bianca could get sick or die, and I'll be safe over here in my ivory castle."
⠀⠀⠀"That's not your fault," Michonne said, shaking her head. "It's mine."
⠀⠀⠀Cal laughed at that. A full lurch from his chest escaped him.
⠀⠀⠀"I wasn't going to let you die. Besides, Bianca was right; she's a better close-range shot," Cal sighed. He turned to look at Michonne, and while she seemed tempted to look away, she stared back. "You're my closest friend here. Aside from Bianca, I'm an outsider. I let my people down. Bianca's people have every right to distrust me. I'm in this ocean of people that I've wronged, and it feels like anything I do makes it worse."
⠀⠀⠀"People here will always mistrust you, but the same goes for me. I have more reasons for them anyway... but it doesn't matter," Michonne claimed as she steeled her gaze. "You have Bianca. That is all that matters."
⠀⠀⠀Cal smiled faintly. He ducked his head as he tried to agree but couldn't. There would always be a 'me versus them' mentality in his head that he couldn't change. Bianca was all he had, but she had him and everyone else.
AUTHOR'S NOTE —
I'd say sorry this is kind of boring (which I know... kind of is) but this sets up a few things for Cal. His feelings for Bianca, a beginning of a friendship with Beth, and how he sees himself within the group.
If I were further along in writing, I would do a double-update since I found this short, too, but I'm not so... sorry! But if I did you wouldn't get me to finish this season later on and I know you don't want that!!
SONG: There's Fear In Letting Go by I Prevail
Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you'd like, they keep me motivated! However, this is an all kind of reader safe space. So even if you ghost read or comment every chapter, I hope you know it means the world to me that you've come into this fic ♡ I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and until the next one.