❝ screaming your heart out ❞
CONFUSION WAS PRESENT IN EVERY VEIN OF HER BODY.
a pitch black screen in front of her eyes, no temperature she can feel whatsoever, no breeze of air flowing around her -yet somehow she can breathe, or is she even breathing?- no texture that she can feel, it was all just like a-
she actually doesn't know what it feels like.
she actually doesn't know where she is right now. she feels . . . scared, terrified even, what new trouble is here to shoot her down now? why must this always happen to her? she can't help but feel tired. she doesn't want to be here. multiple thoughts blast through her head and she can't ignore them.
' i don't- i don't know- i- '
' fuck. it's happening again. okay, calm down, calm down, calm down. count from one to ten. one, t-two, three, four, f-f-five, six, two? no wait, it was five right now, no no no it was six, fuck just calm down!! '
' calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down! calm down- '
' what's that? '
she sees a distant light in the very end of this endless void, feeling intrigued, yet feeling extremely haunted. she doesn't want to be curious and go there -if she can even move- she doesn't need anything else to bother her right now, she does not, want to go there.
her conscious has been stuck in this place for she doesn't know how long, all she knows is that she's been here for-
since she has died.
died from a disease she could've been easily cured from if it weren't for her moth- ellise. if it hadn't been for ellise, then she would've been alive, in a small, cozy apartment far away from everything she hates, everything that made her feel like wanting to puke, to run away, to shout in the face of everyone who made her feel this way.
if it weren't for ellise, she would have been happy.
she has been in this place alone, or at least that's what she thinks.
she can't talk, move her mouth, her hands, her legs, any inch of her body is immovable, if she still has her body that is.
does she even have her soul with her? her mind? her sanity?
she doesn't know, there is nothing she can comprehend right now, nothing that is going on in her mind.
at the moment, all she could feel was numbness. cold and empty were the only things she could register in her senses.
perhaps even oddly enough, she had the feeling that someone was continuously throwing tubs of ice cold water on her. it felt like all her nerves were shutting off blood circulation due to the coldness.
a moment later, she felt as though she was being suppressed, squeezed and squished from all sides, it felt like something indescribable was viciously stabbing her from everywhere.
before her vision starts to blur, she can see the faint light at the end starting to glow and grow bigger, as if it was moving towards her.
or was it that she was moving towards it?
seconds later, she slowly opened her eyes, the blurring of her pupils slowly vanishing away, revealing a table in front of her, carved with intricate designs and she looked down to see she was sitting in a chair.
looking around she noticed the extremely large room, filled to the ceiling with various papers, some even scattered on the red wood flooring, and numerous items which seemed as though they were trinkets, laid all around in a careless yet pleasing to the eye sort of manner.
she looked back to the front of her eyesight and saw a man.
the same man she saw moments before she died, it was, death.
she took a good look at the deity, noticing how he was adorned with a white shirt whose collar was a bit crinkled at the ends, his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and he was wearing a pair of deep navy colored pants. his body was lean and toned, he had muscles but they were almost left unseen if not for the rolled sleeves, he had veins on his hands going up to his elbow and his hair was ruffled almost as if he had been messing with it since before.
her eyes slowly trailed back up as she finally registered his face, his expression was a very laid back and calm one, but she took notice of the small crinkle of his eyebrows and how he was very discretely biting his lips, making the flesh on it tear a bit and the smallest bead of blood smear over his lips. finally her eyes met his, the dark, almost honey brown hues of her eyes contrasted against the great blue of his, both of them were seemingly taking in one another.
the man that was sitting in front of her was certainly one that had the looks of a deity, but she knew much better to base her impression of him on his looks alone. she knows how many people who have the prettiest complexion, end up having the ugliest personality and actions.
she knows how looks can be misleading, she herself is a great example of that. how she used to be such a sweetheart on the outside looking so harmless and perfect, but had the worst scars and the most ugly thoughts on the inside.
she knows better than to trust him, yet.
she took a big amount of air through her nose, then steered herself in her brain and opened her mouth with hesitancy.
she opened and closed her mouth a few times, puzzled at what to say, all while the being watched her with intensity, his eyes criticizing every action of hers.
"can you . . . please explain?" that was the best she could do in that situation, her voice was meek, her guard was down, she was vulnerable, weak, she could be taken down any moment and she knew that, she was scared.
anyone would be in her place, she doesn't know where she is, who this man really is and what he wants with her, why is she here, and dear god, why is this happening to her.
the man in front of her took one long look at her face, studying it, before he replied.
"you're dead."
he said, an expression clear on his face, though she doesn't know which one.
"i know that, i think, could you please tell me why i am here? fuck, maybe even explain where exactly is here?" she spoke, she was getting impatient, he noticed, she was darting her dark eyes all across the room, avoiding contact with his own eyes. her right leg was ever so slightly bouncing up and down.
"well, firstly, i'll have you know that this place is what humans would call, a limbo, a place in between the world of the dead and the living. this place is usually created according to what the current situation accounts for, right now this place is the best to explain everything to you in detail." he said, then waved his hand and somehow a tray with two cups and a plate of confectionary appeared on the table.
"here, a cup of chamomile tea, it helps reduce stress and calms you down." he slid the cup towards her, watching as she narrowed her eyes at the cup with a hint of suspicion but took the glass cup in her hands anyways.
"you are not just a normal girl who got sick and died, rather, your death was a event that had been decided about way before you were born. your death in your original world is something that marks the start of something better."
he paused, seemingly contemplating something. "you see for you to understand all this i need to explain to you about your actual mother."
he took a long look at her, trying to see how she's taking this information in. however, all he could decipher on her face was a slight wrinkle on her eyebrow and a tired pair of eyes.
a 'fuck my life' was what he heard her mutter under her breath as she buried her head into her hands, her hair which was open fell on either sides of her face, making it indistinguishable for him to see her expression.
he continued, hesitantly, in hopes she is not crying and rather just tired of all this.
"your real mother is lady of the underworld, hecate. she had you eons of years ago, but your father,-" he stopped himself from saying anything on the topic as somehow everything started shaking and a few trinkets even breaking.
"-well, it's better if we don't talk about him. the thing is, she didn't want you anywhere near him or any gods, goddesses, or any deities, all of whom are greedy and selfish. who play with mortals small and pathetic lives for fun. she wanted you to stay away from all that, so she sent you to the world of humans."
he took a deep sigh, as if he was completely apposed of this decision by the lady of magic.
"you have had many rebirth and death. each time you learnt something new about life, well, not that you can remember. however after all these years, lady decided that this death was your final suffering and she has decided that you can finally join the world of the gods, goddesses, all the deities, and everyone else."
"you're finally back here, now its time you learnt about everything. " he had a sorrow look on his face, as if he didn't want her to be here.
she thought she was going to cry from all this stupid facts about herself that she's hearing about from a stranger.
she was going to cry, she was going to break down, she was going rip out her own skin using her nails, scream until her lungs are dry, bang her head on the ground until she blacks out.
and that she did.
she cried and cried so much that her eyes got all puffy, red veins shot up in them, her hands were laid limp at her sides after hitting them on the floor, her knees aching oh so much after staying on the ground.
she screamed her heart out.
and he let her do so.
he let her hit her hands on the floor, scratch her back with her nails until blood was seeping through and onto her fingers, he let her scream so loud her voice was unrecognizable and her vocal cords hurting.
he let her take out all the feeling that she kept in.
she was grateful that he let her do that.
in a way, they both are strangers, a supposed daughter of the lady of the underworld and a deity, however he still understood her anger and sadness, and she understood his sorrow for her.
she was so tired of her life before her death already, and now she supposedly has lived even more of her lives in despair.
"i hate myself for existing."
she said, before she fainted, out of power to move, as he catches her in his arms.
perhaps, she is too weak and fragile for all this, perhaps she is too stupid and clumsy to manage all this. or perhaps, it was her fault for being born as the daughter of a goddess.
life hates her as far as she has learned, as for death, she's about to find out her answer to that very soon.
SHAY SPEAKS !!!
hey sweets!! updates here!!
so sorry for starving you all my bad yow.
hope u can forgive me lawl. (pls dont kill
me. 😭)
i got into full writer mode
for this chapter after having a fight over
whose watching the TV with my fam so
yayyyyy. really used those fancy words
in this one lmao.
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ily guys so much and thank u for waiting for
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🍄.𖥔 ݁ ˖ - shay!
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