'And when.
And when he took the step, she was ready.
And when she was ready, he knew.
And when he knew, she trusted.
And when she trusted, he showed.
And when he showed, she cared.
And when she cared, he listened.
And when he listened, she returned.
And when she returned, he came prepared.
And when he came prepared, she could rest.
And when she rested, he was near.
And when he was near, she was sure.
And when she was sure, they would be.
And when they would be, it would only just begin.
And when it began, it would be so.
As He willed, not as they.
C. Faith'
Claudia didn't want to share the poem she wrote last night with River.
She didn't at all.
However, when they arrived at River's studio, and the uber handsome man smiled at her expectantly, she couldn't say no.
It was words taken directly from her heart.
She didn't speak, but what she wrote said it all.
And watching River's eyes light up as he read it to himself, something she was grateful for, made her all the more at peace with her decision.
He was vocal in his actions and words with his feelings and intentions.
Claudia wasn't, until now.
"Claudia."
River was almost speechless after reading the poem.
He didn't question her about it as they rode from Gethsemane. He didn't want to make her feel like she had to share it with him.
But he was wowed.
Her poem was honest and raw.
"Thank you for sharing this with me. It's like reading the pages of your heart," He wanted to hold her tightly.
Instead, he took her hand and covered it with his own.
"I hope that sounded as poetic as it did in my head," He chuckled, and she nodded with rosy red cheeks. He chose not to comment on them, not now.
As always, Claudia wanted to melt.
'It did,' She signed. 'Yes,' She added since he didn't understand.
And he beamed. It wasn't a smile. It was brighter than a smile.
It was adorable.
River wanted to spend every second of his day with her. Everything she was intrigued him; captivating wasn't a word to describe how she reeled him in.
Enchanting, alluring.
She was alluring.
"I have to be honest, Claudia."
His words made her heart still.
She hoped for only good words to follow.
"I know what I said about timing, but I don't know anymore. I want everything to be done right, by His will, as you beautifully put it," River tried to make his thoughts come together, but feeling the way he did was slightly tricky.
But it felt right.
"When I see you, I feel two ways, excited to be near you and know you better, and I feel right. That's something I didn't expect to feel, especially about a woman. I wasn't good to any woman in the past, and I didn't think God would let me get close to a woman like you," He ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh-like huff.
Claudia didn't know where this was going, but she was along for the ride.
And extremely fluttery.
"But He did, and I'm trying not to mess up or let my desires lead me to make stupid decisions with you. It's hard, and I want you to know the truth. I didn't want to teach you to paint because I wasn't sure if I could get through having you so close," He chuckled softly. "I had to learn that just because I feel something doesn't make it bad. Stop me if I'm saying too much, but feelings have come and go. I've only learned that some feelings can spur from something innocent." The calming gaze of Claudia encouraged him to go on.
It wasn't always easy being an honest man. Honesty could be too much for some people, but Claudia wasn't one of them.
He liked that about her.
"I want to do everything with you, but I can't do it all. I wanted to take you in my arms, but I know better. I want our interactions to be genuine and pure. A hug or holding hands may work some days, but I know myself. It won't always give the same reaction, and I don't want you to think it's something you've done. I'm still trying to get a grip on this whole Godly way of living, so I just ask that you be patient with me."
It was a lot to say, and he had more.
Claudia was listening, and willing to be patient.
She could relate to a lesser degree; everything she felt for him was new. He was the first man she ever liked entirely.
There was no sifting or ignoring certain bad parts of him, he was transparent, and she hoped she was as well.
"I didn't say all of this to pressure you, and I know the time still isn't right. I just want you to be aware of how I feel." He held her gaze while she traced a heart on his hand, as he did to hers before.
He enjoyed her reciprocation.
Her actions spoke in the silence.
Claudia nodded with a light smile and turned his hand.
She had a soliloquy in her heart. And she would write it out in a poem later.
For now, she hoped he would understand this.
She raised his hand and left a kiss on his palm.
Gently, tenderly, kindly.
River's eyes shot wide.
His brain and heart were running rampant.
He loved it.
However, there was still more to say.
But he loved it.
She was the sweetest.
"Thank you, sweetness. That was a good touch,"
'Good touch, blessed touch.' He would've added, but the stunned look on Claudia's face warned him otherwise.
He didn't think of how his words could be interpreted, and he said what came to mind. "I didn't mean it that way. I'm still working on my words," He smiled apologetically.
Claudia giggled lowly.
'He's adorable, Abba. Help him with his words,'
"I need you to know that I will never walk again. Some bound to a chair have a chance at walking again, and some physical therapy helps regain their strength, but the nerves in my legs are shot. I've tried shock therapy, and it worked against me. That's why I feel pain in my legs. Something went wrong, and now I have to live with the aftermath,"
River felt like he was loading too much on Claudia at once, but again, her conscientious stare told him he was wrong.
"It's not easy living in this chair, but God gets me through. I take it day by day, and some days aren't pretty. Some days, I remember when I could and took it for granted. Those days I feel hopeless. I get angry with God for not taking my life when He took my legs, and I don't see His grace and mercy clearly those days. When the pain comes, if it's too much, the memories and pain, I take a sleeping pill to end my misery. I don't want to die, I love life, but it can be too much." He needed Claudia to know what she was getting into. He didn't want her going in blind.
Her heart was broken for him.
She bit her lip to keep from allowing her emotions to overflow.
"I want you to know this so that you can pray for me. You can't fix my legs, but you can pray for my mind and for my hope to be grounded in Christ even when."
Claudia nodded. She hated feeling useless.
For the first time tonight, she used her phone to speak.
Though, she didn't want to let go of River's hand.
"I'm here for it all. Thank you for trusting me to listen and being open. I hope to be patient with you as you are with me." She smiled.
The automated answer was music to River's ears.
"And thank you for taking this day by day. You've said so much, and I like it all, but we're both new to this. I'm glad to be learning something new with you,"
She couldn't match the sweetness of his patience and heartfelt words, not now.
As she noted before, a new poem was in the works.
River eyed the pottery equipment and Claudia.
'Seeing her touch the clay won't help me. It'll be a view for sure, but the effects will be long term....'
He wanted to laugh at his stupid thoughts.
It was true.
"Of course, sweetness."
Her cheeks hadn't returned to their original color since she walked in.
"I do have to say that pottery isn't the best idea, not now." He told her, leaving out the reason why. He had been honest enough earlier and hoped she would read between the lines.
He didn't mind saying why. He just didn't want her to feel awkward.
Her brows furrowed in confusion.
'Why?' She signed.
Sometimes River confused her.
'Why would he cancel it when he suggested it?' She wondered.
And then the light bulb flickered.
Her lips formed an 'o'.
She was forgetful...
River nodded slowly while chuckling at her panicked eyes.
"Why don't we do something less touchy?" He asked.
Claudia wanted to hide under the table.
Luckily, she was saved by the bell.
Her phone dinged as she received a message.
She motioned for River to read it for her.
He picked up her phone and stared at it unsurely.
"You want me to read your text? What if it's private?" He had to make sure.
Claudia nodded. She didn't have secrets.
None.
River shrugged and read over the message silently.
Dad: Will you be home in time for dinner? Or will you be with River til late?
Dad: I don't mind. I talked to him. He knows I'm crazy and I'll kill him👍🏻🥱
River nodded at his last message. He knew David was crazy, for sure.
"Your father wants to know if you're coming home for dinner," He left out the latter and handed the phone to her.
Claudia rolled her eyes at her dad's last message.
Claudia: We're changing plans, I can ask if he'd like to join us for dinner. If that's okay.
David responded seconds later.
Dad: Invite him. I want to spend more time with my new son-in-law.😏
Claudia scrunched up her nose at the message.
Claudia: Dadddddd😫 Stop. Don't say anything like that at dinner....I'll get you!👺
Dad: I can't promise anything. I will try. I'll tell your siblings to be good, I can't promise that they will. hehehe. Like the kids say, ain't on me bruh😎
Claudia put her phone under her thigh.
'Wait, how am I supposed to ask him if he wants to come for dinner?'
She took her phone from under her thigh and typed her question.
"Do you want to join us for dinner? My dad is really excited about possibly having you over,"
River nodded. "Of course, Claudia. It's the best way to be with you and maintain my composure. You're always alluring, but this will be tame. Family dinner," He nodded again, agreeing with his statement. "It's time to meet the family I'll be marrying into. Sooner than later," He said as if he were speaking about the weather.
Claudia's face fell, and she ran to the door and out of his studio.
The man was crazy honest.
-
"River! My future son," David greeted River as Claudia hurried past them into the house.
The ride to her house was awful.
River's words were echoing in her mind.
Claudia was sure that her entire head was red from how much she was blushing.
"I'm trying, David. Give me a few more months," River's response made David howl in laughter.
River chuckled, only because David's laugh was funny.
"I was serious."
David calmed himself. "I know. And if Claudia heard it, she would've turned hot pink." He patted River on the back and moved aside for him to come in.
"It's good to have you back so soon," David said as they made their way to the dining room. "Pottery was cut short?"
River shook his head. "We talked. Something like what we talked about yesterday, but on her part as well." He explained.
David hummed. "This is what I like about you, you're honest. Claudia needs that, and I appreciate it."
"Now, I know you've met Adrian, but I've got three more kids. Isaac is the one your age, Eliah is twenty-seven, and Denise is twenty-six. They're good, but Eliah does say what she thinks. That woman has no filter, I won't excuse her, but I want to warn you." David didn't want River to be blind-sided by Eliah.
She was opinionated and rude. But he still loved her and prayed for her.
"Claudia's a pushover when it comes to Eliah. Don't let her see you get pushed. I know you can handle yourself, I'm sure people have a lot to say about you in the chair, but I will ask that you handle Eliah with grace if you have to."
River nodded, taking it all in.
He liked David's way of handling things.
Some parents just ignore how their children act. David faced it.
"I appreciate the warning, David. I have to warn you I'm still working on my language and temperament. I apologize beforehand, just in case." River raised his brows and wheeled into the dining room behind David.
Claudia wasn't there.
Isaac, Denise, Eliah, and Adrian were.
And all eyes were on River.
Realization struck River like a knife but in a good way.
The man Claudia was with at the Country Club was her brother.
He was relieved.
"You're the man Claudia turns red over," Denise said, impressed by Claudia's taste.
The man was hot.
Adrian rolled her eyes. "It's nice to see you again, River."
"You too, Adrian." River nodded at her and turned his attention to the siblings he didn't know. "I'm River Delgato, Claudia's friend."
Denise cleared her throat and said, "For now."
And it was timed perfectly with Claudia's reappearance.
Isaac walked over to River and shook his hand. "I'm Isaac, and you're the man who had a staring contest with Claudia. I knew you'd meet again," His greeting told River that Isaac was much like David.
He liked him.
Claudia had to stop herself from walking out of the dining room.
Dinner was going to be strenuous for the nerves in her cheeks.
"My father says that you're an excellent teacher, and Claudia always comes home from your classes beaming," Denise said, selling out Claudia. "I understand why, respectfully," She winked at Claudia.
River was flattered.
"Alright, alright. Let's give the man a chance to mellow out and let Claudia sit down. She's standing there, turning red as we speak. Let's cool it." David announced to his children and sat down beside River.
Claudia sat across from him.
'Thank you, dad. They're evil.' She signed.
He was evil as well, but he was helping her.
He'd sell her out soon enough.
"The kids say cool it," David explained to River, making Claudia deadpan.
'They don't.' She signed as Adrian said, "Dad, stop. Don't torture the man with your weirdo-ness,"
Eliah hadn't said a word or acknowledged River.
She was studying him, glaring, from Claudia's and the other's perspectives.
"Why are you all ignoring the elephant in the room?"
Eliah's words made Claudia's heart drop.
She just wanted her to go away. Or sit at the table with her mouth taped shut.
"Eliah." David warned her sternly. "Don't start."
Though he warned River of her ways, he didn't want her to cause drama.
Eliah rolled her eyes and waved him off.
"I just want to know why you're all acting like this is normal." Her eyes narrowed on River. "How did you fool my sister into wanting you? Did you guilt her into pitying you? She's weak-hearted, naive, and gullible, but I'm not. She might be a dumb, selfish brat, but she wouldn't give it up to so-"
"What is your problem?" River was close to losing it. "Say whatever you want about me, but Claudia," He stopped and looked at Claudia, whose precious eyes were filled with tears, and her mouth was stuck in a frown that seemed to be keeping her together.
"Sweetness,"
He wanted to tell Eliah where she could shove her words.
But it wouldn't make up for what she said about Claudia.
"Eliah. Let's go." David didn't believe what she said. He didn't think that Eliah would be so heartlessly hurtful towards Claudia.
He wanted to coddle Claudia and make sure she was all right, but she wasn't. And he had to get Eliah away from her.
Eliah left the dining room without a word or look of remorse.
Isaac, Denise, and Adrian hurried to Claudia's side.
But she shook her head, tears fell from her eyes, but she smiled.
'No. I'm okay. It's okay. Don't worry about me.' She signed.
She wanted them to go away. To leave her alone.
And she wanted to dig a hole in the backyard and bury herself.
She didn't know that Eliah felt that way about her.
She knew Eliah wasn't her biggest fan, but she seemed to hate her.
Isaac, Denise, and Adrian left to respect her. They knew she didn't like crying in front of them.
River stayed.
He wasn't going anywhere.
"Claudia, don't come to me with that." He wheeled beside her and wiped her tears.
Claudia's smile fell, and she wrapped her arms around him. She felt so hurt.
Her heart was heavy, and she was confused.
And for the first time, River heard her voice.
It was quiet but filled with pain and sorrow.
"Why?" She sobbed on his shoulder.
It hurt.
"W-why does she h-hate m-me?" She cried.
It was something Claudia had wondered about for years.
Eliah didn't like her for almost twelve years, but when their mother died, she began to hate Claudia. And Claudia ignored it. She overlooked it. And she didn't speak because Eliah didn't want to hear her.
She didn't want to be reminded of their mother being gone. She didn't want to add another reason for Eliah to hate her.
She didn't want to see the glares and mean looks Eliah sent her for laughing.
She tried her best to keep Eliah from hating her even more, but nothing seemed to work.
Eliah didn't like seeing Claudia happy.
And Claudia didn't understand why.
It shattered her to know what Eliah thought of her.
"S-she's hated m-me for so long, River," Claudia clung to him tightly as she spoke. "E-even before mama died, she hated me. I-i've a-always tried to, to be g-good,"
This wasn't how River wanted her first words to be spoken after four years.
He hated that she only spoke because her heart was broken.
"W-when m-mama w-was in t-the hospital, E-eliah, s-she w-would g-glare at me, me if I, I l-laughed w-with mama. She m-made me feel w-wicked,"
River didn't like Eliah.
"S-she made me f-feel like m-my v-voice didn't, didn't m-matter, and I-i believe it."
River was close to hating Eliah.
He pulled Claudia onto his lap and kissed her hair.
It was time to push aside his loud desires and care for her.
"Your voice matters, baby. God knows your voice matters, and He doesn't want you hiding it because you're afraid." He rubbed her back soothingly. "I'm so sorry, baby."
He didn't know what else to say.
"I-i'm n-not selfish," She said, heartbroken but unsure.
River hoped that Eliah would stay away. If she didn't, he was entirely responsible for what he would say to her.
-
Author's Note
I'm exhausted, it's 2:34am..I have somewhere to be in eleven hours. ahh
anywho, well, uh, so, yeah.
we started off wonderfully, and then dinner happened....Eliah, she's wrong, trash, dirty. And Claudia finally spoke.
Wow. I'm tired.
Bye!