WARNING SPICY!!!
RATED R!!!
If you want to skip you can you wont miss much! This chapter is just about Bel admitting her feelings for Miguel!
Admitting
We've been at this campsite for two days. I've been ignoring Miguel more exceptionally because of the dream i keep having and with what happened in the woods. Tomorrow we're going to be packing up and looking for a new place to stay. Its been a fucking hassle to ignore Miguel. I've never had feelings like this for someone before so it's rattling my nerves. Sure when I went to school I had crushes but that was when I was in elementary school. Yes i used to talk and become friends with the guys i get crushes on but that was before i turned into a stone cold bitch.
I got up from my bed and was blinded by the light that was shining through the thin fabric of my tent. I get up and stretch and make my way out of my tent to see it was around ten in the morning by the alignment of the sun. The time I woke up surprised me. I never sleep in this late. I'm usually the first one up. I always get up at first light. I look around my surroundings and only see Miguel.
I breathe in deep and approach him. "Good morning sunshine." Miguel greeted me. I roll my eyes.
"Where is Danielle?" I ask looking around more.
"We decided that Danielle should go on the run today." My head snapped into Miguel's direction. We locked eyes. I glared at him.
"What the hell do you mean?" I snapped at him. "She doesn't know the way. She could get lost and we won't get our supplies."
"We wanted to let you sleep. You've seemed tired a lot lately. We wanted to let you sleep in." Miguel tells me innocently.
"That's not for you guys to decide. I always do the supply run. You should have woken me up. Ughh you people never keep to the fucking scedual. I don't even know why I let you guys be in my space. I should have said no but of course me being me had to help the unfortunate." I ranted. I wasn't even aware I was talking out loud until I looked back at Miguel. Miguel had a look of confusion. I sighed. "Of course I was talking out loud." I muttered to myself as I turned away. I was about to leave and go back to my tent but Miguel stopped me by lightly grabbing my wrist.
Me being me freaked out and twisted his arm behind his back. After I did this action I realized what I was doing and let go. "So-sorry." I murmured to him. He rubbed his shoulder. He looked even more confused on why I also did that.
"It's alright." he told me and we locked eyes again.
I gulped. "I um am going to go back to my uh...tent." For some reason this conversation took an awkward turn. I turned around again and started to head back to my tent when he called me back to him.
"Hey wait." He jogged up to me so he was in front of me and I let out a deep sigh. All I want is to go back into my tent and be alone.
"What?" I snapped at him.
He looked unfazed by my attitude. He must be used to it by now. "What was that ranting about?" he asked. I glare at him
"Why does everything have to have a reason?"
"I don't know. Usually that's the case with you." I roll my eyes.
"That's how you get a girl to open up? Wow doin an incredible job dude.'' I tell him sarcastically. He rolls his eyes.
"Bel you're doing the thing you do when you have something behind your actions." I scoff. What thing?
"You wanna know my reasoning?" I take a step towards him. "My reasoning is I go on the run, not anyone else. Why can't you get that through your guys thick skull? I tell you I go on the run, that's how it is. No one else goes on the run, I do." I told him sternly.
"Why do you always need to go on the supply run?" Miguel asks
"Because that's how it is!" I snap. I take a deep breath before continuing. "That's how it's supposed to be. Why can't anyone understand that? That's how it is. That's how it is. That's how it is." I said I muttered the last part. I'm on the verge of a panic attack. My breathing became uneven. I admit I haven't been sleeping. I've been having nightmares about my past and about Miguel and Danielle dying mostly about Miguel. I didn't think I would get this attached to them to have their death haunt my dreams. I can't get close to them. If I do, I'll be let down like all of my life.
My heart rate increased. It felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I couldn't catch my breath. I haven't felt like this since the day I was in that pantry. I tried to slow my heart rate and breath but I couldn't. My vision was going in and out. My hands were shaking. Miguel was saying something but I couldn't understand what he was saying. My legs felt weak and shaky.
My knees couldn't hold my weight anymore and gave out. I was falling but before I hit the ground Miguel caught me and brought me into him to help me calm down. My hearing was going in and out. I only heard snippets of what Miguel was saying. "Breath Bella breath." I didn't care at the time that he said my full name.
"I-i cant." I stutter out.
"Yes you can. Just breathe with me." He inhaled and exhaled.
"I-i cant." I clench my chest in pain.
"Yes you can. Come on Bel breathe with me." MIguel told me calmly. He inhaled and exhaled. I coursed after him. This went up for about five minutes before my heart rate went down and my breathing calmed. "You okay now?" Miguel asked me. I nodded. I stayed in his side for a minute longer before breaking away from him. I got up on shaky legs.
"Thank you." I breathed out. Miguel also got up.
"Of course." I offered him a closed lip smile and started walking back to my tent. Why was Miguel always around when im at my weakest moments? "Hey Bel, what was that panic attack about?" I sigh I might as well tell him there's no beating around the bush when he sees it first hand.
"I um never really had things constant in my childhood so when someone breaks something that's so constant then I guess I start...panicking." I replied sheepishly. I was looking everywhere but at him. I dont like telling people about me, especially about my past. After a minute of silence I look at Miguel to see a smile on his face.
"I'm glad you're opening up to me." I shake my head with an amused look on my face.
"You're ridiculous." I mutter as I try to walk away but he stopped me yet again.
"Where are you going?" He asked.
"To my tent." I told him annoyance was very well known in my voice.
"Why?" I roll my eyes. My niceness is far from gone right now.
"Uh maybe because I want to be alone." I glare at him.
"You literally just had a panic attack i dont think being alone is the best option right now." i scoff
"Really? You calm one panic attack and you think you know what's good for me?" His facial features soften.
"Yes. My little brother used to get panic attacks all the time, I also used to get panic attacks. I know how to help." He reassured me.
"Yeah well everyone's different. I'm not like you and your brother. I know what I need when I have a panic attack and that's to be alone. I have been alone for all my life. I know what I'm doing." I tell him trying to walk away. I didn't get far when his voice came back.
"You're not alone anymore." I stay quiet so he continues. "You have me and Danielle and frankly no matter how different you are all panic attacks have something in common you dont be alone because that'll lead you to thinking about whatever made you have that panic attack and then it leads to having another panic attack." He tries to reason with me.
"Ughhh!" I groan. "You're making this so difficult!" I screamed at him then I remembered that there's undead around.
"What am I making so difficult?" He took a step towards me and I took a step back.
"I-am trying to stay away from you! I'm trying to ignore you and not be around you. I can't be around you." He took a step towards me again but I didn't take a step back.
"Why don't you want to be around me?" Miguel asked cautiously, scared that this subject might lead to having another panic attack.
"Be-because" I put my hand through my hair in frustration. "I have these feelings that I don't understand. I haven't had these feelings about anyone before. And it's really confusing me. And I can't act on these feelings." I ramble.
"Why can't you act on these feelings?" Miguel took another step towards me.
"Because I can't do that to myself again." I look up at Miguel.
"What do you mean?" He took another step towards me.
"I've had a hard life. Everyone in my life has let me down; has left me. I don't want to go through that with you also." I gaze into his eyes. He closes the distance between me and him. He takes my face in his hands. His soft hands on my cheeks.
"I can reassure you Bel that I'm a survivor even though I don't have to be when you're around." He let out a soft chuckle. I guess it's now or never. I puckered up the courage and put my lips on his. Our lips moved in sync. It felt like fireworks exploding in my stomach. It was great to finally have some feelings besides being sad and mad. I broke away from him first for air. I look up at Miguel with a smirk on my face.
"I guess that's how you feel." He matched my smirk.
Miguel then put his lips on mine again and started to push me to a tree. He put my back against the tree and his left hand on the bark by my head. I wrapped my leg around Miguel's waist and pulled him closer to me when he started to kiss my neck.
A little moan escaped my lips and he started to suck and bit at my neck. I felt him starting to smirk. After a minute of him biting and kissing my neck I pushed him off me. I felt my legs going weak so I jumped and wrapped both legs around his torso. His hands left the tree and went to my lower back to support me. My back was still on the roof bark of the tree. He keeps kissing and biting my neck leaving marks.
Me getting this huge sexuall desire jumped down from him. My feet landing on the ground almost made my knees buckle with the impact. Miguel moved away from my neck to look at me confused. "My tent." is all I said as I grabbed Miguel by the collar of his shirt and started to head to my tent.
I unzipped my tent and crawled in. Miguel repeated the same action. After he was in I zipped the fabric door back up. I turned to him and pushed him to the ground. I crawled up onto him and straddled his waist with my legs and smashed my lips onto his. The other kisses were calm but this one was a fight for dominance. He started to kiss me with a hungry kiss. I felt him getting a boner. This is just getting better and better. At least I know what turns him on. I stop kissing him and sit up. I slip off my black v-neck and untie the red flannel around my waist.
I throw both shirts to the other side of the tent. His eyes go wide for just a second until I start kissing him again. He poked my bottom lip with his tongue asking for entrance. I granted it. This kiss was a dance party in our mouths. It was a hungry kiss, it was a fight for dominance. I knew he wanted more, I also wanted more. It's surprising really. Miguel sees all my weak and vulnerable sides but this side he's seeing right now is the more vulnerable. I sit back up and he takes his shirt off.
I teasingly slid my hand down his bare chest. He breathed in deep. "Perra sexy." He told me, I didn't know what it meant, all I knew was that it was spanish. Whatever he said, turned me on. I smashed my lips on his again for another fight for dominance. He flipped me over on my back so it made him on top. He started to kiss me again fiercely. Our dominance kept going back and forth. Finally I won. My hands traveled to his pants and I started to unbuckle them. He knew exactly what I wanted.
He got up from where he was sitting on me and took off his pants. I lean up on my elbows taking in the view. Miguel wasn't the hottest man but right now he's everything I need to feel something else beside sadness and anger. I need to feel something different, something like pleasure. I eyed him up and down until he knew exactly what I needed from him. He got a look of surprise on his features. I was putting my walls down and letting someone in. He was seeing my vulnerable side.
I gave him a look saying I mean it. I started to take off my pants. This is a big step for me. I kept thinking to myself. Miguel realized that this is one in a million chance he's getting. He came back over to me and kissed me again. I wrapped my hands through his surprising soft lock of hair. His lips traveled to my neck and down. He started to kiss and suck my neck. His lips traveled farther down until he hit my breasts. He started to circle his finger on my breasts and he started to kiss and suck making me gasp. After a little bit he pulled away and leant on his elbows to look at me.
"Are you sure you wanna do this?" He asked me softly. I smash my lips onto his again.
"Yes." I moan out. "I need this." I add
He then slowly slips his shaft inside me and I wince. Good god. "Shit." He slips himself out of me quickly. "Are you okay?" He asks I bit my lip and nod.
"Again but don't be so slow this time." I tell him Miguel hesitates before nodding his head.
"Okay." Is all he says as he slides back into me. My hands go straight to his back and i, not on purpose, tightly squeezed. Miguel picks up his speed and I slowly relax getting used to the not so bad feeling. I try my hardest not to have a flashback to when my uncle did this to me. It was fairly easy knowing that I'm with a nice guy that says he cares about me and not with my uncle. I sigh knowing this is my time not to worry about me not eating and sleeping. My time not to worry about having nightmares or flashbacks but my time to actually feel something.
Each thrust is deeper than the last and I'm a moaning mess. I throw my head back onto my pillow and Miguel's name slips from my lips. My body feels...amazing! "F-faster." I beg. An overwhelming feeling of tightness is starting to form in my lower abdomen. My back arches and i start to repeatedly say the world "fuck" an octive louder. Miguel's and I's body is covered in sweat and usually I'd cringe at that thought. I wouldn't even have someone this close to me but right now I could care less.
The tightening sensation is getting so overwhelming I have started begging, that right begging for my release. Miguel's thrusts have sped up much faster and I feel like I'm on a one way express to heaven. Within seconds my strength gives out and my body becomes a shaking mess. Minutes later I feel Miguel finish. His body falls next to mine. "Wow." Is all he said as he starts to lay with my head on his chest. "You surprise me."
I lean up so I can look at him. "Why?" I ask calmly it's weird for me not to be snippy or have an attitude when I'm talking to him.
"Because you're the kind of girl that doesn't let anyone in even if you have feelings for them." He explains to me.
"Well I've been alone for eight years, something has to change. I can't be alone any more. If it wasn't for that panic attack then we wouldn't be here" He smiles at me.
"Am I that change?" He asks. I nod. I put my head on his chest again before getting up.
"What are you doing?" He gave me a pout that made me chuckle.
"I'm getting dressed." Grab my shirt and slip it on. He sighs and gets dressed too. After we both got dressed we layed back down. I put my hand on his chest and he put his arm around my waist.
"I thought I'd never see the day when you exempted your feelings for me." Miguel tells me. I shake my head.
"Don't say that." I say, shaking my head furiously.
"Why?" He asks curiously.
"When you say things like that then it jixxes it." He laughs, shaking his chest.
"You believe in all that?" I nod my head. He laughs again. "Why?"
"Because that's what always happens. When people come into my life something jixxes it and it turns into shit." i explain.
"Nothings going to happen to me." He said.
"How do you know?" I ask. "We can't see the future. A lot can happen from now until then. There's a lot of crazy shit happening in this world. This is one fucked up world Miguel." I ramble.
"Because i plan on living in the in this fucked up world until im old and grary with you. And I'm a survivor Bel. I almost died multiple times and I'm still here." I smile.
"I hope you're right." He rubs his hand on my hair comfortingly.
"Get some rest. I know you haven't been sleeping well lately." I nod and drift into a surprisingly dreamless sleep.
~
After a couple hours of rest I wake up and Miguel isn't with me so I get up and stretch. I actually had a good sleep. I guess first thing for everything. I go out of the tent and notice Danielle's back. "Hey Bel." She said,
"Hey." I greeted.
"Sleep well?" She asked.
"Very surprisingly." I told her. She smiles at me. "How was the supply run?" I ask.
"It went surprisingly well, I do say so myself." Her smile wided.
"Did you run into any undead?" I ask. Why am I having a conversation? I usually never have a conversation with these people.
"Nothing I couldn't handle." I smile at her.
"That's a scary thought considering you can't really fight."
"Since you've been disconnected from the group I've been practicing with Miguel." Danielle explained.
"Speaking of him, where is he?" I ask curiously. She side glances me and raises an eyebrow.
"He's in his tent." I nod. "Why?" She wiggles her eyebrows.
"What's that? What are you doing?" I take a step back.
"Did you guys finally admit your feelings for each other?" She asks. I stare at her in shock and confusion.
"What?"
"You guys are awful when your concilling your feelings. I mean you are good when you're mad or angry but when you have feelings for someone like you do with Miguel you don't hide it well." Danielle said. My smile turned into a frown.
"I thought I was pretty good." I mumbled quietly hoping she wouldn't hear she proved me wrong when I heard her softly chuckle.
"Well I kinda just put the pieces together." Danielle told me. I narrowed my eyes at her.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well i know most girls body language and you aren't like a lot of girls but you were ignoring Miguel more." She explained.
"Huh." I nod. "Why do you pay attention to girls' body language more?" I asked curiously. She sighs.
"Because I find girls more attractive than boys." She said, my eyes widened.
"What?" I asked shocked.
"I like girls."
"You're lesbian?" I was beyond shocked.
"Yes." She muttered. Don't get my wrong i'm not homophodic it just shocked me i would have never guessed she was lesbian. "Are you homophodic?" She asked.
"No no no, I was just shocked is all." I told her. "I would have never guessed that you were lesbian." I added. She chuckles.
"Yeah, i'm not like everyone lesbian out there. I don't throw my lesbianess in peoples faces." She did this hand gesture to prove her point. I laugh. I shake my head.
"Maybe you will find someone in this fucked up world." She gave me a look.
"If i'm going to stay with you i doubt that will happen when you don't let anyone in the group. It was such a hassle to let you agree to having Miguel stay." I sigh.
"Well I don't like people."
"Yeah you made that loud and clear...but what came out of having Miguel stay?" I thought for a moment. Since I didn't reply she continued. "You're more happy, you're holding a conversation with me, and so much more." I shrug.
"I guess you're right." I turn on my heels and walk toward Miguel's tent. I guess I have changed since I confessed my feelings for Miguel. I really hope he doesn't end up like everyone else. Everyone else leaves. I hope on everything that Migeul doesn't leave me too. I made it to his tent everything after today is going to change.