"I've been running from my demons, afraid to look behind"
-Dean Lewis
I jolt up from my sleep with a scream. I'm sweating profusely while gasping for air. My hands are trembling and I am not able to level my breathing. I run a shaking hand through my slightly damp hair and close my eyes in an attempt to relax. I start humming a song under my breath, a tactic that helps me calm down, taking my focus away from that horrible dream.
It might be two weeks since the incident with the Russians but I'm still not over it. Eversince the night we arrived here, I've always had the same nightmare.
I'm inside the torture chamber again. It's dark, really dark and I'm all alone. Not even Volkov is here. I look around at the tables and fing a gun. I quickly grab it and shoot the lock of the door but it doesn't open. I try again and again but it doesn't work. I let out a breath of frustration and look around the room, searching for a way out. I find a window and I'm about to climb out of it when suddenly I hear whimpers from behind me. I turn around abruptly and I'm left terrified from the sight that greets me. There, on the floor, lay all my brothers, gunshot wounds adorning their bloodied bodies. They don't look at me, they instead stare at my hand with betrayal and hurt swimming in their eyes. I look down and see the gun that I previously shot the door with. I gasp. I look back at them and tears start streaming down my face. Did I do that to them?
"Why?" Noah whispers.
"I..." I run to them and put pressure on their wounds trying to prevent more blood from coming out.
"Why?" This time they say it all together.
"I-I'm sorry, I don't-I'm so sorry" I'm a sobbing mess by now.
They start closing their eyes, Noah going limp in my hands.
"No no no no please don't, please, no" I try to move them but they are unresponsive.
I'm starting to freak out. I shout and scream at them to wake up, to open their eyes but I get no response back.
"Are you happy? Look what you did..."
I turn around at the familiar voice. It's John, the man that tormented me back at the orphanage.
I stand up and stare at him. How can he be here? I thought he died in the fire.
"They would still be here if it weren't for you, you know." Volkov appears behind him and gestures for me to turn around.
I turn around reluctantly and this time it's not my brothers laying on the floor. It's my parents.
The tears blur my vision. My legs feel weak, my hands trembling. I fall on my knees with a loud thud.
"No..."
"Look what you did"
"No, please no"
"It's your fault"
"No, stop!"
"They would still be here if it weren't for your pathetic self"
"STOP!"
It's always the same thing, the same nightmare. Since the day I arrived here, I haven't had a peaceful night of sleep.
My back is healing though, so I guess that's a plus. The wounds are gonna leave some nasty scars behind, that's for sure, but oh well, it's not like I can do something about it.
Things with my brothers are going well. Everyone is extremely welcoming and for the first time in a while I feel like I belong. Well everyone except from Ares.
I'd like to believe we have a love-hate relationship.
He sure is weird of showing his love and concern about my well being. He's not really the affectionate type.
The other day, for example, we were having a chocolate cake for dessert after dinner. Let me tell you, it tasted like heaven. I literally devoured it in seconds. Ares, of course, couldn't not comment on it. He said, in his deep grumpy voice 'Slow down, will you... Eat like a fucking human, didn't your parents teach you any manners?'
I don't really think he thought about it before he said it. You could see that his face fell for a second before he went back to glaring at me.
Alex was about to scold him when I answered calmly.' We weren't aloud to have chocolate back at the orphanage and I have a sweet tooth. Sorry, it's just that it was delicious' I replied, purposefully ignoring the comment about my parents and then I left the table.
Later that night he came into my room, without knocking, may I add and just dropped a bag full of different kinds of chocolates on my bed. He then proceeded to storm off without sparing me a glance.
After he left I just stared at the bag with a smile on my face. It's clear that he has anger and trust issues but the fact that he is trying, for me, is warming my heart.
I shake my head to clear my mind and get up to get ready for my day. It's already seven in the morning so I might as well go downstairs for breakfast. Now that I don't have a job, because Alex straight up refused to allow me to keep working, I don't have to worry about getting up earlier.
I finish with my morning routine and pick up a black oversized hoodie that I stole from Atlas and some gray sweatpants to wear for the day. I get changed and head towards Noah's room to see if he is up.
I find him there but he is not alone. Instead, he is curled up in a ball inside Apollo's arms. I smile at the sight and snap a picture of them. Noah has taken quite a liking in Apollo and I think the feeling is mutual.
I smile softly and close the door quietly as I exit his room.
I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen which is surprisingly empty. Usually either Tony or Alex would be here doing paperwork and drinking coffee.
Since I'm alone I decide to prepare breakfast for everyone. I open up the cabinets and search for ingredients, deciding to make pancakes.
After about half an hour, people start to enter the kitchen. The first one is Anthony who comes up from behind me and kisses the top of my head while murmuring a good morning.
"Good morning" I reply brightly. "Sit down, I'll fix you a plate. I made pancakes for everyone!" I announce cheerfully.
"Pancakes?" Comes a new voice from the doorway of the kitchen.
"Yup" I answer with a grin. Alex chuckles softly and pulls me in a tight hug, kissing the crown of my head.
"Good morning, sweetheart." He says softly while taking a seat on the head of the kitchen island.
"Mornin' Alex" I smile.
I give both of them their plates and wait expectantly for them to try them. They see my grin and hopeful expression and chuckle soflty, making me blush.
Once they try them, they both congratulate me on my cooking skills, causing me to blush even harder and mumble a small thank you.
I'm not really used to compliments.
It's not long after that Atlas also joins us and I fix him a plate as well.
We converse and joke amongst each other. The twins and Noah are still sleeping which is normal for them since they are not morning people. To be honest, neither am I but I was pretty shaken up by that nightmare, so going back to sleep wasn't an option.
I look around and smile at the sight of my brothers. So that's what having a family feels like, huh? I could get used to this.
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