San couldn't remember how he got here. He remembered the rain slapping his face as he ran through the forest, his tears never stopping as he crossed the city. He remembered bursting into his apartment, scaring Mingi to death. He remembered the towel thrown over his shoulders as he cried in the hallway, on the carpet, then in Yunho's arms. Hongjoong was there too, swearing under his breath and saying he would call Seonghwa to have an explanation.
He remembered Jongho gently detaching him from Yunho to lead him to his room, and remembered Mingi's worried eyes.
He didn't remember lying on his bed, even less changing into dry clothes.
He must have fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes, his room was filled with darkness despite the blinds being only halfway down, and the rain had stopped. San's face was buried against someone's chest, two strong arms holding him, and he took no time to guess they belonged to Jongho.
He closed his eyes again, just for a moment, just to enjoy the familiarity of his best friend's body. He smelled like home, and that was all San needed now.
Home...
Mili.
San felt his heart contracting and he instinctively curled on himself but his sudden movement woke Jongho up. The younger shifted against San and tightened his hold around him, before he relaxed again. Gentle fingers started running through San's hair.
"Hey," Jongho whispered.
"Hey..."
Bad. He sounded bad. San had no idea how long he had been crying but his throat was so dry he felt like he had eaten a giant bag of salt for dinner. He didn't want to get out of Jongho's embrace, but he really needed to drink something.
"Oh, wait," Jongho said before San could even try to move.
Keeping him close to his chest, he slightly turned on the mattress and extended his arm toward the bedside table. When he turned back to San, he gently helped him sit up and handed him the glass of water he was holding.
San gulped it down in a second and sighed in satisfaction, making Jongho chuckle as he took the glass back. He discarded it on the bedside table and led them back to their previous position to cuddle.
"What happened ?" Jongho asked, softly, as if scared that San would crumble or turn into ashes if he wasn't careful. "You kept saying Wooyoung's name while crying last night so we got worried. Seonghwa went to Wooyoung's house, then he texted Joong and asked us to stay by your side and give you tons of hugs."
San couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. Of course, Seonghwa would be worried for him no matter the situation. He had probably known about Wooyoung's decision for a while, and San wouldn't be surprised if he learned the older had tried to reason with Wooyoung for the past few days.
And failed.
San's smile fell and he nuzzled against Jongho's neck, in need of his familiar warmth.
"I'll tell you something, but you have to promise you won't tell anyone," San murmured. "Not even Yeosang."
He heard the faint "oh" of surprise from Jongho, but it was expected. They didn't really have any secret - minus San hiding his relationship with Wooyoung for two months - and when they did have serious things they needed to talk about, it was only with the three of them. Yeosang, Jongho, and San. Not Yeosang and San. Not Jongho and San. They were a team, and it had always been natural for them to share everything with the two others.
Of course, Jongho would be surprised. But San was already about to spill something he shouldn't be spilling, and Yeosang was too close to Wooyoung now. San didn't want to hurt his best friend by telling him the painful truth. He couldn't. Not yet, not when everything was still so fresh and hard to swallow for San too.
"I promise," Jongho whispered, patting San's back.
So San prepared himself, inhaling deeply.
When he breathed out, his heart was already crackling.
"Wooyoung is... I don't know if I can say he broke up with me, because we weren't officially together but... He's breaking all ties with me. He forced me to leave his house. Slammed the door. Put the blinds on his windows..."
The events were still so fresh in San's mind, he could almost feel the rain flowing along his face when he had watched all blinds descending at once, or the pain throbbing in his hands when he had pounded on the door in a desperate attempt to change Wooyoung's mind.
Jongho's grip tightened around him, and San closed his eyes to stay grounded, trying to focus on his words, and not on his stomach twirling.
"I can't tell you everything. I'm already about to say something I shouldn't so the least I can do is to keep some of it to myself but... I can't keep it all. I really can't."
The pain drowned his chest, waves of dread and concerns crashing against his heart and flowing in his stomach. It seemed like his body had run out of tears and San was left with nothing but an empty heart, and an overgrowing fear.
"Wooyoung is dying," he breathed, and broke into sobs, but there were no more tears to flow. It felt weird and it fucking hurt, preventing him from breathing properly but the pain he felt outside was nothing compared to the agony screaming in his heart.
Wooyoung was dying.
Wooyoung was dying.
For the second time in a few hours, the realization was slapping him as if he had been hit by a cannonball, taking his breath away and crushing each of his limbs.
"He's s-sick," San hiccupped, and he hadn't even noticed when or how but he was now sitting, Jongho's hands firm on his shoulders. "He's sick, he's dying. He's going to die. Wooyoung is-"
"-an, San !"
Jongho's voice was so distant San barely heard it but he did, and it stopped him in his tracks.
"Breathe. You need to breathe."
San wasn't so sure what Jongho was talking about but he followed his words, because they were the only thing he could focus on. He took a shuddering breath, choked on it, panicked... But Jongho's hands were stable on his shoulders, they kept him grounded.
"In and out, take your time. In... Good, just like that... Out... Perfect, you're doing amazing Sannie. In..."
His throat hurt like hell, but Jongho's voice was soothing and soon, San felt himself breathing properly again. When the loud pounding of his heart stopped echoing in his ears and his stomach slowly unclenched, he let his head fall against Jongho's shoulder, two strong arms quickly wrapping around him.
"I heard you San. You don't have to tell me more now if you don't feel like it. Except if you want to ?"
San quickly shook his head. He was tired. He could barely open his eyes, let alone talk. He tried though.
"I want... Yeosang."
He pressed his hands on Jongho's back and gripped his shirt, silently letting him know that he needed him too. He needed them both.
"I know, I called him last night to explain the situation but he's out of town, remember ?" Jongho's hand was in his hair, gently massaging his scalp. It felt good. It felt better than anything San had felt for the past few hours. "He promised he'll be back as soon as possible tomorrow morning so if you sleep now, you might wake up in his arms. Sounds good, right ?"
It sounded amazing. San's hands fell from Jongho's back to the sheets as he felt himself slowly dozing off, lulled by Jongho's sweet attention.
"You too," he whispered, not sure if the words were even going out at this point. "Don't leave..."
"I won't leave, San. I'm staying here."
He didn't kiss San on the cheek or the temple like Yeosang would, but he held him tighter with his strong arms, and it felt safe. He didn't have Yeosang's reassuring smile, but he had a sweet voice, and he whispered comforting words in San's ear. It felt warm.
San didn't have Yeosang, he didn't have Wooyoung or Seonghwa. But he had Jongho, and Jongho was part of his home.
He could fall asleep there. He was home...
–––
He woke up sandwiched between Yeosang and Jongho the next day. It was warm, familiar, and it made him feel lighter for several peaceful minutes, until reality crashed back into him and he broke down in tears, waking his best friends up by accident and spending the next hours being pampered by both of them, then his roommates once Jongho had to leave for his classes.
San never said more to Jongho, and Jongho never asked, which San was grateful for. He didn't regret opening up about Wooyoung's secret, because he knew it would have eaten him alive otherwise, but he didn't want to spill more than he already did, and he wouldn't be able to hold it in any longer if Jongho asked for extra information.
For the next few days, San's friends took turns making sure he was okay, cooking him cute meals – or disastrous but filled with love in Hongjoong's case – and cuddling him on the couch each time he was there alone. It felt great. It was nice.
Yet San had never felt so empty before.
He worked on autopilot, not caring if he was doing his job properly or not, not caring if his fake smiles seemed genuine, if the page he was editing looked clean enough, if the yogurt he was eating had expired or not.
Everything felt so dull. He felt so dull. As if life had been sucked out of him and now he was walking like a zombie, not really knowing the purpose of why he woke up every morning, but doing it anyway.
As days passed and Wooyoung never came into view, San slowly gave up.
What could he do anyway ? How could he fight against magic ? How could he win against the fucking moon ? Wooyoung had made up his mind and seeing how many days had passed since their last altercation, he didn't seem willing to change his mind.
So yeah. San gave up, because he was still the coward he had always been, who closed his eyes when problems came and took the easier path to move forward.
There was no Wooyoung on the easy path.
It was the path San hated the most, the one that made him cry at night, when he was alone in his bedroom, waking up from a nightmare filled with blue lights, and Wooyoung's cries. Or when he looked down at the black tourmaline still falling against his chest, San never feeling strong enough to get rid of the necklace or even take it off.
He hated this path, but it was the only one San felt strong enough to take.
So he cut off Jongho's attempts to reason with him. He stopped listening to Yeosang promising him Wooyoung was in a similar state as him, that he should go see him, that they should talk it out. San shut all his friends off, accepted more offers from clients, helped his coffee shop's coworkers when it wasn't his shift. He drowned himself in his work to keep his mind busy, because if he had time to think, he would try to find a way to take the other path, and it terrified him.
He thought it would pass. He hoped it would pass. But San's feeling seemed to be growing stronger as he lived his days apart from Wooyoung, they seemed to explode in his chest each time something reminded him of the younger, of his smile, his big heart, his laugh, his golden skin, his silky hair, his kind words, his soothing voice... San was so in love it hurt. It really hurt.
He wanted to see him, he wanted to help. He wanted to hold him and kiss him, tell him things would be okay, promise him his undying love, and... a future.
San brushed the lone tear that had managed to escape as he took off his apron in the staff room, and slid his wallet in the pocket of his jacket.
The sky was threatening, dark clouds moving fast with the wind. It reminded San of the first time he had gone to Wooyoung's house, when he had been so lulled by his pretty eyes he had barely thought about how much he was risking by following him.
Past-San would have never thought his heart would be broken in millions of pieces four months later.
He closed the door of the coffee shop behind him, put his hood on and was about to turn when he heard someone clearing their throat on his right. They sounded familiar.
"Sannie."
San froze, and tried to keep himself from welling up again. Who would have thought hearing this voice would heal him and hurt him at the same time ? The sky broke and rain started to pour. San slowly turned around.
Seonghwa was standing there, looking just as beautiful as he always did, wearing a long coat and holding a black umbrella. He took a step forward and shielded San with it, giving him his familiar warm smile. San's heart swelled in his chest because damn, he had missed him. He had missed him so much.
"Were you going to eat ?" Seonghwa asked, and San had to blink a few times to comprehend that yes, Seonghwa was talking to him.
"Yeah. I was about to grab a sandwich or something."
"Can I join you ?"
San didn't really know himself. He wanted to see Seonghwa. He wanted to talk to Seonghwa, hang out with him like he had done in the past, with or without Wooyoung. But would it be fine ? Would it hurt even more to be with him, knowing he would never be able to see Wooyoung again ? Was San really okay with it ?
Apparently he was, because fifteen minutes later, they were both sitting at a table in a small restaurant, two fuming bowls of soup in front of them.
They started eating without talking for a little while and as awkward as it could have been, San only felt at peace. Seonghwa had always had a soothing aura and during San's hardest nights, he had found himself longing for the elder's nurturing presence more than Yeosang or Jongho's hugs. In the end, simply having him not too far felt like a weight had been taken off San's shoulders.
"Are you eating properly ?" was the first thing Seonghwa asked when his bowl was almost empty.
San took a tiny sip of his soup, looking away. "I'm eating now."
He almost blushed at how ridiculous he sounded. He had barely touched his bowl and he knew he looked thinner than usual. Paler too. He couldn't even remember the last time he had had a proper meal, despite his friends' constant offers to cook for him or eat out with him.
"You look like shit."
San snorted. "I feel like shit."
He ignored the way his stomach churned when Seonghwa's eyes locked with his, full of concern and way too much warmth. He busied himself with his bowl instead, trying to eat at least two full spoons one after the other.
"How is he ?" he asked, so quiet he wondered if he even wanted Seonghwa to hear.
"Just like you," Seonghwa sighed. "We had the exact same exchange yesterday, which would be both funny and weird in any other situation. Except I realized I had no idea how you were feeling because I thought telling your friends to take care of you was enough."
San frowned, looking up.
"What do you mean ?"
"I'm your friend too. I should have been here from the start, not just hiding behind texts asking other people to hug you. I guess I felt guilty because I couldn't change Wooyoung's mind."
He put his hand in the middle of the table, palm facing the ceiling.
"I'm sorry for neglecting you, San."
The tears were going up again. San hastened to put his hand in Seonghwa's, and they both squeezed at the same time, chuckling when they realized what they were doing.
They didn't let go of each other when the silence came back around the table.
"Don't give up on him," Seonghwa murmured. "I know you did, and I know you're as stubborn as him and won't listen to me, but I'll try anyway." He held San's gaze, the warmth still there, but buried under a fiery determination. "You're important to him, San. So important. I've never seen him so happy before and now it's... it's all gone."
They both looked down, the words too painful for both of them. Seonghwa was brave enough to continue : "You mean so much to him, San, and that's exactly why he pushed you away. He's terrified. He fears for what could happen to you, what you would have to go through because of him. He won't take any step toward you because he's afraid. If you don't try, if you don't fight for what you two have built together... He'll never come back."
Seonghwa's voice was so warm, so soothing, yet the words felt like ice piercing through his heart. He stared down at his bowl, taking in all that had been said, trying not to let the emotions take over him. The tears stayed in his eyes, never falling, but there. He squeezed Seonghwa's hand. Seonghwa squeezed back.
He knew he would have a lot to think about tonight.
–––
Just as he had expected, Seonghwa's words kept him up the whole night. Knowing Wooyoung wasn't okay didn't feel nice, but learning about why he hadn't reached out, realizing he still cared about San and didn't really want to push him away... It helped him hope. It made him believe in a future and for once in his entire life, San found something worth fighting for. Or rather, someone.
The next day, San found himself in a flower shop, buying a pretty bouquet of pink flowers. He crossed the city, crossed the park, crossed the forest. He silently prayed to not bump into Wooyoung, because even if he was here for him today, he didn't feel ready to face him yet.
Once in front of Wooyoung's house, San's knees trembled, his whole body shivering with apprehension. All the windows were covered by their blinds but San could feel Mili was there, alive, and that was all he needed for now.
He put the bouquet on the doorstep, along with a tiny envelope. He had spent hours thinking about the note he had slid inside, and now there was no turning back. He forced himself to not overthink and ran away before he could change his mind. His heart was screaming in fear as he ran through the forest, but it couldn't take down the smile growing on his face.
Azaleas
Passion, Love, Caring
"Take care of yourself for me."
S.
When he went back the next day, the bouquet was gone, and so was the envelope. It didn't mean much, but the thought of Wooyoung bringing the flowers home put a new smile on San's face.
He placed his new bouquet and the envelope on the doorstep just like he had done the previous day, then left as fast as he had come.
Sweet Peas
Blissful Pleasure, Gratitude, Happiness
"You make me happy."
S.
And San continued. He did the same thing the next day, and the one after, and the one after, always smiling when the previous bouquet was gone, always giggling to himself on his way home. Somehow, he felt happier just coming here, knowing he could give Wooyoung a tiny piece of something.
A tiny piece of his heart.
Pink roses
Admiration, Beauty
"You're beautiful."
S.
He always made sure to search for the flowers' meaning thoroughly beforehand, asking Mingi or the kind florist for help when he didn't trust the internet.
Cornflowers
Hope, Devotion, Remembrance
"I'll always be there for you."
S.
Sometimes, Yeosang helped him choose. Seonghwa did too, once. He had welled up watching San writing his precious words on a tiny piece of paper, and Jongho had made fun of him until Yunho had grown tired and had kicked them both out of the apartment.
Deep pink roses
Thankfulness, Appreciation, Gratitude
"Thank you."
S.
On Thursday morning, San's heart missed three beats and flipped twice in his chest.
There was a bouquet on Wooyoung's doorstep, and it wasn't the one San had put there the day before. He crouched down to inspect it, noticing the purple envelope slid between the white flowers. It was slightly damp, which had to be expected as the rain hadn't stopped ever since San had woken up.
He opened the envelope and almost burst into tears at the sheer sight of Wooyoung's writing, in emerald ink.
White peonies
Bashfulness, Shame
"I'm sorry."
W.
The tears fell anyway. San couldn't tell if they were out of joy or sadness, but his heart ached and he chuckled to himself, holding the piece of paper against his chest. He wasn't sure what Wooyoung meant exactly, what was the extent of his words, but right this moment, San didn't care. After almost a month of silence, and without counting the day San had been kicked out, this was the first time Wooyoung ever talked to him.
He still cared. He hadn't completely pushed San away.
Rubbing his cheeks to stop the tears, San stood up with a smile. He took the bouquet of peonies and replaced it with the roses he had brought with him, sniffling as he looked at the envelope he had put under it, to shield it from the rain. He had been hesitant with his choice of flowers and the words he had written today, but now he was certain nothing could have been better.
After one last glance at the blinds, San turned around and walked back under the rain.
Pink and white roses
"I love you still and always."
S.
The next morning, San found himself stuck to bed after a difficult night. He had felt weird for hours, no matter the position or the clothes he had been wearing on and off. He had glanced at the – almost – full moon shining brightly from his window and had eventually closed the blinds, which hadn't changed much, but at least it had stopped him from overthinking.
He woke up with a fever though, and found himself unable to search for his next flowers and words, way too tired. He had called his work to apologize for not being able to come today, but promised himself he would go to the flower shop in the afternoon.
His plans were crushed as soon as Seonghwa burst into his room sometime before noon, a small bouquet of flowers and an envelope in hand.
"You are not moving from your bed today, Yunho told me you've been whining all night. Jeez, you're burning."
He left San's room and came back a few seconds later with a towel soaked with cold water, which he placed on San's forehead. It felt way too good for San to keep complaining and he relaxed against his mattress, closing his eyes.
"What flowers...?" he asked, feeling himself slowly drifting off.
Seonghwa had a hand in his hair, softly massaging his head.
"Yellow roses."
"Is he friend-zoning me ?"
The elder chuckled and the hand disappeared from San's hair, making him pout and open his eyes. Seonghwa had walked to San's desk where he had put the bouquet and envelope, now in his hand. He held them out to San.
"It's not any yellow roses, and I really don't think you're being friend-zoned."
He placed a soft kiss on top of San's head and ruffled his hair, before walking to the door.
"I'll leave you alone for a little while, I need to run some errands. Take your meds after lunch. Mingi should come home soon, right ?"
A slight nod. San was too busy burying his face in the four flowers composing the bouquet to properly wave him off. He heard Seonghwa chuckling again, then the door closing behind him.
Once certain he was alone, San set the flowers on his sheets and opened the envelope, stomach bubbling in anticipation.
His smile grew as he read the words, then read it again, and again, and again, until he was giggling and hiding his face in one of his plushies, too excited and happy to stay in place. Mingi came in at some point, asking if he was okay, which San answered with a lazy smile and dazed eyes. His friend forced him to go to sleep and San obeyed, partly because he was too happy to really think, and because his fever was playing with him again.
This time, there were no screams, no blue light and no creepy moon when he closed his eyes. This time, San's dreams were filled with yellow flowers, pretty smiles, and Wooyoung's giggles.
Marechal Niel roses
"Yours ; Heart and Soul."
W.
–––
His fever went down in the afternoon, and San felt so much better he insisted on joining Hongjoong, Yunho and Mingi on the couch for a movie night – or a break in the middle of work, according to Hongjoong. It was a simple but nice moment, and San was more than happy to cuddle Yunho the whole time, but he didn't pay much attention to the movie. Planning on the flowers he would give to Wooyoung the next day was more important.
He still hadn't made up his mind once he climbed back into his bed two hours later, but he guessed he could just sleep on it and go to the flower shop first thing in the morning if he still hadn't made a decision. Seeing flowers in real life helped him choose sometimes.
Satisfied by this conclusion, San wrapped himself in the warmth of his blanket and closed his eyes.
He woke up a few hours later, drenched in sweat and heart beating so fast he struggled to catch his breath for a couple of seconds.
He sat up on his bed, gasping when every inch of his body screamed in pain. His skin burnt, his blood was boiling, and as much as he hated the thought, San could tell the pain was the exact same he had gone through a month ago, when he had given Jongho and Yeosang the fright of their life.
He needed to see it, just to be sure.
The moon.
He got out of bed, putting his entire weight on his wobbly legs and crossing his room. He had closed the blinds the night before and wasn't planning on opening them anytime soon. As weird or stupid as it could sound, he didn't want the moonlight anywhere near his bedroom.
Once outside, he grabbed on to the walls to cross the hallway, giving up on trying to make a beeline to the window of the living room. He could barely walk a step without hissing in pain, and after one meter, he wondered if he wouldn't be better off going back to bed.
"Sannie ?"
San startled and the sudden movement made his body sting, as if a giant hornet had decided to sting him on each of his limbs at once. He tried his best to hide his pain and turned to the source of the voice with a fake smile.
"Joong ? You guys are still working ?"
"Yeah, sorry. Did we make too much noise ?"
San shook his head, ignoring the ache exploding in his neck and spreading into his back.
"No, it's all good. I just needed some water."
Lies. His throat felt like sand but his saliva was like lava sliding down his insides each time he swallowed. He didn't even want to think about what a glass of water would do.
"Are you ok ?"
No.
"Yeah, just sleepy. I'll just. Go."
He gestured awkwardly to the kitchen and eventually made the beeline he had had in mind at first, except he never made it to the kitchen. Because once he reached the living room, the moonlight slapped him in the face and, blinded by a flash of blue light, San tumbled to the floor with a scream.
Hongjoong was by his side in an instant, cupping his face and looking at him with wide eyes.
"San, Sannie ! What's wrong, are you hurt ?"
Don't touch me.... Burn.... It burns !
San wanted to yell at him, push his hands away but everything hurt and he could barely think. More hands ended up on his body, tearing his skin apart, setting him on fire.
"It burns !" he screamed through the tears he hadn't even noticed had started flowing. The hands left at once, allowing him to open his eyes for a split second and catch a glimpse of Mingi and Yunho looking at him with matching concerned expressions.
"Sannie, can you tell us where it hurts ?"
Mingi's voice was shaking, and San wanted nothing but to sit up and hug him, but he couldn't even move his finger without feeling like he would turn into ashes. He whimpered pitifully instead, unable to tell even to himself where it hurt.
"I'm calling an ambulance."
"No !" San wailed, heart beating way too fast as he heard Hongjoong standing up. "No ambulance... No hospital... I just- I need Wooyoung."
"Sannie, you can't stay h-"
"What the hell," Mingi's voice cut Hongjoong in the middle of his sentence, and he rushed to crouch by San's side again.
"What, what's wrong ?"
"He's- he's glowing blue !"
San couldn't open his eyes anymore but he felt his shirt being lifted up, then three gasps filled the sudden silence.
"What on earth..." Yunho whispered, and San sobbed harder because he had never heard so much concern in Yunho's voice, and it scared him.
He knew what was happening. He had known for a while, but he had been terrified to accept the truth and now it was there, proving him he had been right and should have talked about it sooner and-
"Wooyoung," San sobbed. "I need to see Wooyoung. H-he'll know what to do."
"San-"
"Let's go," Hongjoong interjected.
San could almost feel the confusion from Mingi and Yunho, but they seemed to trust Hongjoong enough because in a second, scorching hands were back on his body to help him sit up. The sudden position change meant the moonlight could reach him again, and he screeched when he felt it on his face, and all along his arm.
"What-"
"M-moon..." San wept, trying to hide to no avail.
"The... moon ? What about the mo- oh, the moonlight ! The moonlight is hurting him !"
"Shit, close the blinds !"
He heard steps rushing to the windows, the blinds descending, the light being switched on. More steps running to the bedroom. Then someone was forcing him in what could only be his favorite fluffy hoodie, making his body scream in pain. Maybe San screamed in pain, too.
"Sorry kitten," Hongjoong whispered. "If the moonlight is hurting you, you need to be covered when we go outside."
He felt the hood on his head, then two strong arms picking him up.
"Let's go."
–
"I have no idea where he lives," Yunho admitted, closing the door of his car now that San was lying on the back seats, head on Mingi's lap.
"I do, but you'll have to guide me in the forest Sannie," Hongjoong answered from the passenger seat. "I never went."
"The forest ?"
"Go to the park entrance, we'll park there."
Yunho didn't ask any more questions and started the car.
San couldn't tell if the pain had lessened or was so extreme his body had grown numb, but he could feel himself drifting off every few seconds, his head rolling to the side but always caught by Mingi, keeping it upward.
"Sannie baby, you have to stay with us, okay ? Hold on, just a little bit longer."
He nodded, or he tried to, but as minutes passed and the sound of the engine lulled him to sleep, staying awake was getting harder and harder.
"Just a bit longer," Mingi repeated, voice so strained San wondered if he was crying. "We're almost there..."
And sure enough, the car stopped, and a cacophony of doors opening and closing at once vibrated in San's ears.
"I'll carry him," he heard Yunho say from outside, and then the pain was back, throbbing in each of his limbs as Yunho slid an arm under his knees, the other in his back.
"Hurt..." he cried, hiding his face in Yunho's chest.
"I know kitten, but it'll be over soon, okay ? We're bringing you to your Wooyoung."
Wooyoung.
The tears fell harder at the mention of his name. Not because it hurt, but because San realized this was what Wooyoung had been living almost all his life, every month, for years. He cried because he could feel his own life getting torn out of him, and it was just one night...
Wooyoung couldn't possibly have much time left. Not if it hurt that much every month... Not with such intense pain...
Wooyoung really was dying.
"Sannie, can you open your eyes for me ?" Hongjoong asked in the softest murmur San had ever heard. "We need to know where to go now."
No, San couldn't open his eyes, but he could still use his voice. For now.
"Cross the park... After the swings and the giant mushroom, there'll be a path leading to the forest." He stopped to breathe, then winced, whined. Gripped Yunho's shirt with too much force. Then he continued : "It'll stop at some point but- but just continue to walk forward, then there will be a barrier and-"
San stopped in his tracks, realizing.
"The key..."
"I took it !" Mingi's voice came from behind. "I took it from your desk right before we left, I figured it was Wooyoung's and we might need it."
San would kiss him if he wasn't fucking dying.
He heard Hongjoong thanking him and they started walking, fast, then faster, probably because San had started whimpering again. At least it kept him awake.
They seemed to reach the barrier and San heard the jingling of keys, a lock, then the gate opening.
"Okay Sannie, we reached the gate. Can you tell me where we should go now ?" Hongjoong asked.
San needed his eyes to guide them. He took a shuddering breath and gripped Yunho's shirt a bit tighter, then slowly, he dared turn his head away from his friend's chest. He had barely opened his eyes when the light of the moon hit his face, and San howled.
The pain was excruciating. As if something was trying to rip his skin off his body, but ten times worse. He couldn't bear Yunho's touch any longer and squirmed, screamed, struggled in his embrace. He could hear his friends panicking around him, settling him on the ground, asking him questions he couldn't focus on.
Then he heard him. He heard him louder than any other voice, any other sound of the forest, any other scream coming from his own throat.
"What's going on."
Wooyoung.
"Wooyoung..." San croaked, feeling his body going limp, as if it knew it could finally stop fighting.
"He said you would know what to do..." Yunho murmured, then sniffled, and Hongjoong sniffled too, and now San could hear Mingi sobbing next to him... "Please, tell me you know what to do..."
An agonizing silence followed Yunho's words.
Then San heard the sound of leaves and twigs cracking under feet. Someone approaching. Two hands cupped his face and for once, it didn't burn. It was appeasing. Healing, almost.
"No..." Wooyoung whispered above him, so close San could feel his breath tickling his face. "No, no, no..."
He felt something wet dripping on his cheek, then again, and again, until he realized Wooyoung was crying, his tears blending with San's.
"Wooyoung you have these... These blue lights too..." Mingi murmured. "What's going on ? Why are you both glowing, what's happening ?"
"You have to leave," Wooyoung said, voice wobbly and sad, so sad... "I promise I'll take care of him but... but you have to leave, please..."
The following silence was strained, but San knew his friend would be hesitant. After all, they didn't know Wooyoung was a witch. They couldn't know why San had asked to be brought here, yet Hongjoong had trusted him. He needed them to trust Wooyoung too.
"Please, listen to him," San breathed, trying to open his eyes but giving up fast enough. "I'll be okay. I'll text you tomorrow."
No answer. Just Mingi's sobs.
"Please, trust me. Trust us. I'll be fine."
His voice cracked, and Hongjoong sniffled. Eventually, the elder sighed.
"We'll call first thing in the morning," he said, and from the dissipating sound of his voice, San could guess he was turning around to leave.
"What ? No, we can't- we can't just-"
But the words failed Mingi as he sobbed and soon, his voice became more distant too, until the gate grated and closed, then San was left with Wooyoung crying above him.
"Woo..."
"I'm so sorry, all of this is my fault," Wooyoung sobbed, the sound so painful San almost preferred being slapped by the moon instead. He tried to cup Wooyoung's face but his hands barely moved from the ground, and when his lips parted to talk, Wooyoung was already standing up.
San heard the zip of a bag, then some ruffling, and Wooyoung walking a bit further away. Something being poured on the ground...
Salt.
Wooyoung was tracing a circle around San.
The candles followed, Wooyoung sniffling and choking on sobs as he worked, then he was crouching by San's side again. He gently led San's head to his lap, and brushed his fingers along his soaked cheek.
"Sannie, I need you to take this off," Wooyoung said softly, pulling on the hem of San's hoodie.
"It'll hurt..."
"I know baby..." Wooyoung leaned down and pressed a kiss on his forehead. "It'll hurt like hell, but you'll feel better after. She needs to see you to accept my words."
She.
The moon...
"I need to take mine off too but I can't do it for too long, so I need you to be fast. Can you do that for me Sannie ?"
Wooyoung was going to be hurt too...
San nodded faster than he thought would be possible in his state. He didn't want Wooyoung to be hurt. He didn't want Wooyoung to suffer with him.
When he heard a zip and Wooyoung wincing, San eventually managed to open his eyes. The full moon was shining brightly in the cloudless sky but Wooyoung was shielding him from her light. His eyes were glistening with tears, a grimace of pain on his face. He was taking off his hooded jacket and San couldn't stop himself from gasping at the sight.
It started from his fingers and slid along his wrists, his arms, sprawling to his neck, his jaw and soon, every part of his upper body was illuminated by a blue light, weird patterns that looked much like veins painting his skin.
His body trembled and his eyes squeezed shut, and San realized he was trying to not show how much he was suffering.
"Baby, you have to take this off, please..." His voice was completely broken, holding so much pain San didn't even think before he took his hoodie off.
He would never have been ready for the pain that hit him. In just a second, he felt his head exploding, his skin bursting into flames, his breath sticking in his throat, making his lungs burn.
He screamed.
He couldn't survive this. There was no way he could.
He felt Wooyoung's tears falling faster on his face, then two hands pressing on his chest. He struggled, slammed the ground with his fist, yelled, but Wooyoung's hold was firm and San wasn't strong enough.
He heard him recite things he couldn't understand, his voice wobbly, breaking into sobs every few seconds.
San opened his eyes wide when he heard a loud detonation and felt a sudden coldness running through his body, making the pain disappear for a bit. A bright purple light surrounded them but it didn't last and soon, the moonlight was back above them and so was the ache.
It didn't hurt as much as before, but it was still too intense for San's body.
"I'm sorry... I'm not strong enough..." Wooyoung sobbed, moving his hands from San's chest to his cheeks, cupping his face and brushing the tears away. "I used too much strength on myself already. I didn't know... I couldn't... I'm so sorry."
San wanted to tell him it was okay, it wasn't his fault, he had done his best. He didn't want to see Wooyoung cry. He wanted to see his dazzling smile again, to hear his adorable laugh and tell him how much he loved him.
But he never managed to let a word out, because his body eventually gave up, and San passed out in Wooyoung's arms.
–––
The next time San opened his eyes, he was lying in a familiar bed, wrapped in a soft blanket and surrounded by a warmth he wouldn't find anywhere else.
He was home.
A blue sky welcomed him through the window above his head, and for a moment, San could almost believe the event of the previous night had never happened. That was, until he tried to move and felt his whole body complaining.
He whined, catching the attention of the person lying by his side.
"You're awake," Wooyoung murmured, turning around on the bed to face San. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.
He looked exhausted. His cheeks had lost their color, his eyes had lost their sparks. San wanted nothing but to move forward and wrap him in his arms, shower him with kisses, attention and love, but they hadn't talked, and San wasn't sure he wanted them to.
"How are you feeling ?" Wooyoung asked after a few minutes of silence.
"Terrible."
Wooyoung chuckled, and San's heart twisted in pain.
"Does it feel like this all the time ? The next morning I mean."
Wooyoung's smile fell. He slightly shook his head.
"No, not all the time. It depends, but it's pretty random. Sometimes I have to stay in bed for days because my body is too weak to even move. Sometimes, I wake up just like any normal day. I usually can feel how hard a night will hit or not, a few days prior to the full moon."
"Out of ten, how bad was this one ?"
Wooyoung hesitated for a bit. He looked away, biting his lip.
"A five."
"A five," San repeated, stunned.
A fucking five. San had thought he would die lying in the middle of the forest and the intensity of the moon was a five.
"How many times did you suffer through a ten ?" he asked in a whisper.
Wooyoung shook his head.
"Too many times."
With a long sigh, he leaned on his arms and sat up. He pushed the blanket away and lifted his shirt, revealing the marks San had noticed a few times while admiring Wooyoung's naked body, and last night, when they were shining blue. This time, they weren't fading, or glowing blue. They were red and swollen. They looked painful.
"Could you check if you have them too, please ?"
San hated how polite and careful Wooyoung sounded, but he guessed he would be too, given the circumstances. It seemed like neither of them really knew how to behave yet.
He mirrored Wooyoung's position on the bed, sitting up with his legs crossed, ignoring the throbbing pain coming from his skin when he moved. He lifted his shirt and looked down, but his skin was unscathed, no trace of any weird light on his waist.
Wooyoung sighed in relief.
"That's good. You had them too last night, the blue veins, so I'm glad they didn't stay."
San simply nodded, not really knowing what to say in response. Wooyoung stayed quiet too.
Everything felt weird. The awkward silence, the careful conversation. The evidence that San was cursed, too.
"I'm sorry," Wooyoung said, hesitantly breaking their silence. He lowered his head, gaze settling on his feet. "I don't understand how it happened, I didn't even know humans could be cursed but I have been careful just in case... I made sure to always keep you away during a full moon, I only did my rituals on the other side of the forest so why... Why..."
He hid his face in his hands, shaking his head.
It was difficult. Not only because San hated seeing Wooyoung in any kind of pain, but because he knew the truth. He knew how it had happened, he knew when. He had kept it locked in a hidden part of his mind, even to himself, ever since Wooyoung's explanation about how the curse worked and how it had reached him.
But San couldn't hide any longer, and he didn't have the excuse of not being able to see Wooyoung anymore. Wooyoung was there in front of him, and San owed him the truth.
"I need to tell you something." He gulped when Wooyoung didn't say anything, but the way his shoulders tensed pushed San to continue. "Remember that night you forgot your phone ? When we talked for the first time ?"
"Of course I do," came Wooyoung's answer, muffled by his hands.
San took a deep breath, swallowed the anxiousness crawling in his throat. He set his gaze on Wooyoung to keep himself from running away.
"I followed you. I wanted to give the phone back but you were fast and when I saw you jumping over the fence and disappearing into the forest, I found it weird and... I don't know, I couldn't stop myself and I followed you. I saw you forming the circle, lighting the candles, saw you screaming under the moon. I didn't see the blue lights on your body but I was a bit too stunned at the time. I did see a flash of blue, but the next instant I was propelled a few meters away and blinded by a purple light... It felt warm... and weird. Now I know why..."
His chest hurt by how fast his heart was thumping against it, but he stayed still, set on staying there until he could see Wooyoung's face again.
"I'm sorry I hid the truth. I was embarrassed and with time I just... forgot it ever happened, because it wasn't that big of a deal in the end. I'm sorry, Wooyoung."
He wanted to say more, to give a better apology, but no words seemed enough to convey his feelings. When Wooyoung's hands fell from his face, and his eyes brimmed with tears met his, San felt like the whole world was collapsing around him.
"So it is my fault..." Wooyoung whispered, broken.
"No, of course not Wooyoung. It's me, I shouldn't have-"
"It's my fault !" Wooyoung cut in, the tears falling when Mili slightly shuddered. "You would have been fine even with the curse there, it would've fallen asleep and never woken up but... But I fell in love with you San. I sealed your curse."
Any words San had prepared to say next died in his throat. San's eyes opened wide, a sudden warmth exploding in his chest. He knew Wooyoung loved him. He had known for a while, but there was a tiny part of him that wasn't sure, and now he was actually hearing it from him...
"Wooyoung. Wooyoung, look at me," he whispered, finally allowing himself to touch the younger. He cupped his face and forced him to look up. Wooyoung's eyes timidly met his, and San smiled. "I fell in love too. I love you. It's not your fault."
"Y-you..." It was Wooyoung's turn to look at him with wide eyes. He stuttered for a few seconds until reality seemed to crash back onto him and he shook his head. "But you're cursed, San. If I didn't enter your life you wouldn't-"
"I'd rather be cursed and die in a few months than live many years without loving you."
Wooyoung clasped his lips shut. Then opened his mouth to talk. Then closed it. A light flush climbed to his cheeks and he chuckled, but it could have been a sob too, San wasn't sure.
"You're stupid," Wooyoung said, pushing San's hands away from his face so he could hide against his chest, wrapping his arms around San's waist.
"I'm in love," San corrected with a smile. He reciprocated Wooyoung's embrace, carding a hand through his hair. He sighed, finally feeling like himself again. Finally home. "We'll find something, okay ?" he whispered against Wooyoung's head. "Let me stay. Please, let me love you."
Wooyoung nodded against his chest and held San tighter, and this was all San needed to know he would never let Wooyoung go ever again.
Their peace didn't last long though. A long hug and a few kisses later, the sound of people talking outside made them look at each other in confusion, and the next second, the door was bursting open on a very concerned Seonghwa. His gaze softened as soon as he saw San and Wooyoung on the bed though, and he offered them a sheepish smile.
"What can't you understand in 'we'll call first thing in the morning' ? Can't you answer your damn phone ?" Hongjoong shouted, holding his phone up as he entered the house.
"San !"
More people came in and Mingi immediately rushed to the bed and would have clearly tackled San if it wasn't for Wooyoung sliding between them to prevent a painful collision.
"Slow down, he's still convalescent."
"Same goes for this one," Seonghwa added, pointing toward Wooyoung with an eyebrow raised as he looked at Yeosang.
San giggled when he noticed his best friend pouting, clearly stopped on his way to hug Wooyoung to death.
Way more calmly than they would on any other day, San's - and Wooyoung's - friends settled on the bed, bringing the two recovering boys into hugs, and warm embraces.
San tried to smile as bright as usual, letting his back fall against Yunho's chest as he held Jongho's hand.
"I love your house," Mingi said happily, Wooyoung on his lap.
Mili purred, and they all jumped in surprise - minus San, Wooyoung and Seonghwa of course, and Jongho because apparently nothing on this earth could startle him.
"She loves you too," Wooyoung laughed, placing his head on Mingi's shoulder.
"Wait, what the fuck ?"
Wooyoung's smile slowly faded. He met Seonghwa's eyes, then San's.
They knew what they had to do now. They couldn't hide, not from their friends.
With a sigh, Wooyoung left Mingi's lap to sit in the middle of the bed instead, facing everyone.
"I think I owe you guys a giant explanation."