✎ Author's note
⟢➣ here with yet another usual head-ups!
In this chapter, the characters will experience some sort of anxious behavior (?) I don't really know how to call it, but it's the aftereffects of what happened in the last chapter. Also, at the end of his chapter, there will be a consent talk, let's call it like that. everything that will be done is gonna be fully consensual, they're just gonna have a talk about whether they should or not. I don't know if it could be upsetting, but you've been adverted just in case!
Have a safe read!
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One thing that Felix didn't like about waking up in Chan's room: it was always the Sun's fault, which had to shine right on his side of the bed, precisely on his pillow. One thing that Felix loved about waking up in Chan's room: lately, waking up there meant also waking up in Chan's arms, no matter the hour, and that was surely the best part of the whole deal. Surely enough, that morning was no different. While regaining consciousness, he felt his face hot, or at least a part of it, but also a pair of arms secured around his body. He blinked awake slowly and yawned, feeling very drowsy, the way he usually felt after a good sleep. His mind wasn't collaborating much, content with just enjoying the peace of the early morning. Early? Felix lifted up his head a bit and risked a glance at the clock. Nope, definitely not early, as the time signed was close to ten a.m.. He placed his head back on the comfortable pillow, stirring his legs slightly and trying to gain more conscience of himself. He was snuggled against Chan, who seemed to still be sleeping, or, better, Chan was snuggled against him, his face planted in the crook of Felix's neck while the latter's fingers rested in his hair. The boy's other arm had been thrown over the man's back and their legs were intertwined. To sum it up, it was a pretty comfortable position, close enough in order to be perfectly able to feel one another and safe as in no other place. Felix sighed, fully at peace, and snuggled closer to Chan, wanting to get back to his drowsy state for at least ten more minutes. A soft giggle coming from the man he was cuddling however fully jolted him awake, very much aware that he had purposely lingered in that position for a while. As Chan lifted himself up, it was Felix's turn to hide in his chest, somewhat ashamed of the whole situation.
«For how long have you been awake exactly?» he mumbled, nuzzling his face into Chan's bare torso.
Bare? Felix frowned, his hands rushing to feel the other up. He was sure Chan had put on a hoodie last night, it had been soft and warm, but clearly he had taken it off during the night in favor of sleeping naked like he always did. Well, thankfully, kinda, he wasn't fully naked, still had his shorts on, but Felix felt kinda betrayed when he felt warm skin instead of soft fabric under his fingertips.
«A while, you know I don't sleep much Lixie» Chan replied in the same way, voice deep thanks to the good sleep.
«Lixie?» the blond inquired, lifting his head up to look at the other, grinning.
The man smiled back down at him «I'm still sleepy, been drifting in and out of consciousness for the past like five hours, it's not great for your body, you know»
«Poor excuses» the boy pouted jokingly.
Chan bent down a little, leaving a peck on the other's lips «Whatever you say chick»
«I like it»
«'Course you do»
Felix stuck his tongue out «Self-centered»
«Who? Me? Oh I'll show you how self-centered I am»
Without any warning, Chan stuck his hands into Felix's sides, starting to tickle him mercilessly. Felix was too ticklish for his own good and so after just a couple of seconds he was already laughing loudly, desperately trying to get out of the man's hold.
«Channie... Channie stop it- it tickles!» he tried to say between one laugh and the other, but the other didn't listen to one bit.
The blond let out a little scream when he moved his fingers to his belly, one still on his side.
«Channie!» he exclaimed, tears threatening to fall from the corner of his eyes because of how much he was laughing.
They ended up rolling in bed, one trying to escape from the blissful torture and the other holding onto him. After what seemed like hours to Felix, the tickling stopped and he finally opened his eyes, finding Chan on top of him, his hands pinned at the sides of his head.
«Hey» he said softly, completely out of breath, pulling the other down.
«Hey yourself» Chan rejoiced, happily complying with the slow and tender kiss, morning breath to hell «Morning Lix»
«Morning Channie»
Chan laid back down, pulling Felix close to him by the waist «How are you feeling today, better?»
As the man voiced those words, all that had happened the day before came back to the blond, who, by reflex, snuggled even closer, hands running up to the other, eager for more contact, just to be sure that he wasn't dreaming and Chan was still there, that they were still ok.
«Better» he confirmed nevertheless «I'm still a lot concerned though, I don't know what to do now»
«Well, I'll tell you what we do now: eat some breakfast, yeah? I'm kinda hungry to be honest» Chan grinned, starting to lift himself up.
Felix grabbed his arm, stopping him «Chan you know what I mean»
The man sighed and reached down to plant a kiss on the other's forehead «I know, but there's no use in lingering on what could've happened, nor on the parting ways topic, we already agreed that we won't»
«Yes, but still, what are we gonna do now? Like, on Monday... come on, you know what I mean»
«We'll keep it down, at best, I sincerely don't know what else we can do»
Felix lowered his eyes «Alright»
Chan sighed again, cupping his cheeks and turning his head up again «Lix if you wanna talk more in depth about it we can, I'm here to do so, but I don't think it's the right thing to do. Lingering on bad thoughts... listen, it's never a great thing, I've been there enough, worst period of my life»
«You're right» he agreed, eyes honest.
He let him go of his arm and the man pecked his lips one last time before stepping out of bed.
«Gonna make breakfast, stay here a bit more if you wish, alright chick? Something you'd like in particular?»
«Whatever» Felix shrugged «And Channie...» he called out, Chan humming to tell him that he was listening «Are you feeling better today?»
The man's eyes lingered on him, a smile quickly making its way onto his face «I have you right where I want, in my bed, how could I not?» and he left the room.
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Felix was still pouting, even though Chan had tried his best to make him a perfect Aussie breakfast.
«I can't believe we were having such a cute moment and you had to talk about sex, I truly can't stand you» he mumbled not for the first and certainly not for the last time.
The man resisted the urge to roll his eyes «For the hundredth time, I didn't mean it like that, I meant in my house, in my arms... with me! Come on baby, can you stop pouting at me?»
«No»
Chan sighed and bent forward, over the table, planting a peck on Felix's lips «Please believe me?»
Finally, the blond's stern expression broke out «Fine, geez, can't I play with you for a bit»
«That's awful of you»
Felix simply stuck his tongue out as Chan retreated back to his side of the table and bit down on his breakfast, seeming perfectly happy with himself. They ate in silence, the blond playfully kicking the other's legs with a cheeky grin on his lips, which earned him a scowl. Chan, despite claiming the opposite, was a good cook, at least when it came down to Aussie-like breakfast, since he had actually never properly cooked for Felix before. Not that the blond cared much, if the man didn't want to, he was fine with take-out as well, it was just a little bit more special like this, homemade things had always been a little bit more special.
Once they were done, Chan collected everything and simply put it in the sink, stating that he was too lazy to do the dishes at that moment and that he didn't want Felix to do them either. The latter, who was sitting on the recently cleaned table, feet kicking the air, didn't complain in the slightest, instead opened his arms, asking for a hug. The man gave in in the blink of an eye, playfully nipping the boy's neck for good measure. As a reply, the blond locked his legs around the other's waist, bringing him even closer and nuzzling his face into Chan's soft and curly hair.
«What do you wanna do now?» the man asked, looking up at the boy.
Felix thought about it for a bit, then something came to his mind «Can we re-watch my Kingdom episode?» he asked quietly, fingers playing with the strings of the hoodie Chan had put on.
The latter cocked an eyebrow, puzzled but willing to comply «Why?»
«Reminds me of our first date... it was good, we were happy, I want to revive that memory» the blond explained, cheeks slightly pinker than usual.
«Then we'll do that» Chan affirmed, leaving a peck on the other's forehead «Shall I make some hot choco to drink since now it's colder and we don't have Chinese food?»
«I'm down. You got whipped cream? Marshmallows?» Felix inquired, eyes sparkling.
The man sighed, secretly amused «Months ago I wouldn't even have had hot chocolate in the house, and now because of you I have all sorts of sweets, so sure thing I have them»
«The small marshmallows right, so I can dip them in the chocolate, right? And the cocoa to put on top, you also got that right? Right?» the boy went on excitedly, pushing and pulling the other's hoodie «And the chocolate cookies, cuz I refuse to only drink something for the whole morning and-»
Chan's laugh stopped him, as well as a quick peck on the lips from him «Yes, yes chick I've got everything you want, I'll get it now. And for your information, it's already eleven in the morning and we just ate breakfast»
«Don't wanna hear a single thing from you, get to work» Felix ordered, smacking lightly Chan's chest and hopping down from the table, out of his hold.
«Fine» Chan playfully rolled his eyes «Go browse the episode, I'll be done in five»
The blond did as he had been told, joyfully skipping to the living room and dropping down on the couch. He fished the remote from behind the cushions and turned on the television, trying to remember how to get on YouTube. However, now that he was alone, Felix felt the lump slowly come back in his throat, as well as the headache and heartache. Chan was in the other room, barely a few feet apart from him, he could hear him taking out pots and mugs for the chocolate, but he wasn't in sight anymore, and apparently that was enough. Felix knew he was being dramatic, Chan was there, he would have been there for God knew how long, but the blond was still deadly scared. He hoped the man was going to come and sit on the couch soon, because even those five minutes seemed like an eternity. Was he getting some sort of separation anxiety? How toxic of him. But his mind was screaming at him to make sure that Chan was still there, to get up and run to hug him, to hold his hand, to even simply have him in his view field. He tried to focus on browsing the Kingdom episode, to brush off those intrusive thoughts, but it didn't really work. He had to lean his head back just as Chan exited the kitchen to get the sweets he stored away in order to not get tempted himself and had to get them to make eye contact to put his mind at ease. The man had to had caught on to Felix's intrusive thoughts, because he smiled in a reassuring way:
«I'm here chick, not going anywhere, I'll be there with you in a bit, choco is almost done, yeah?»
Felix nodded, gripping the blanket he had put on himself like a little kid who was being reassured after a nightmare. From the look in Chan's eyes after he bent away after leaving a kiss on his forehead, the blond knew that the men felt exactly the same and, somehow, that eased his mind even more.
As promised, a few minutes and Chan was by his side, snuggled against him under the thick and warm blanket, blowing at his mug while his eyes were fixed on the starting episode. His chocolate was plain, not even some whipped cream and just a tiny marshmallow floating in it. Felix's one instead was a concentration of sugar: a whole ton of whipped cream sprinkled with cocoa and with the smallest marshmallow buried in it and even more marshmallows under it, sinking in the chocolate. Also, other than the ones that were resting in the package that Chan had placed on the coffee table, Felix had a whole plate of chocolate chip cookies only for him resting on his laps. Moreover, Chan's arm was resting on his shoulders, his hand petting his hair absently. If that wasn't the closest to heaven, the blond didn't know what else could've been.
The episode was exactly how they both remembered it and they enjoyed reminiscing the other's reaction while cuddling each other, Chan throwing in some tickles for good measure. Halfway through it however, Felix groaned and stood up, reaching out for his phone, that the man had put under charge the evening before. It had been beeping non-stop for the past hour, signaling tons of incoming texts, but both he and Chan had ignored it in favor of focusing on each other, however Felix couldn't ignore the tenth call in five minutes. He didn't even look at the number calling as he finally accepted it.
«What?!» he started, rudely.
«Thank God I love you Lee Felix, or I would punch you the next time I see you. No, forget that, I definitely will» Jisung erupted from the other side of the line «Where the fuck have you been for the past twenty hours or so?!» he went on, clearly distressed.
«At Chan's?» Felix replied, cocking an eyebrow, unable to grasp while his best friend seemed so much on edge.
«At Chan's?!» Jisung repeated, jittery «Do you even know the shit I had to go through because your parents didn't know where you went?!»
Finally, something clicked in the blond's mind and he remembered that, after that text he had sent out to Suha the previous afternoon, he hadn't contacted anyone, not even his parents to tell them he was staying out. He facepalmed himself, took his phone away from the charging cable and sat back down next to Chan as he listened to Jisung's ranting and put it on speaker.
«Fucking hell they were nearly terrified when they called me, and so was I cuz honestly we are supposed to be at home studying for the CSATs and you had promised to call me later in the evening to explain me that math thing I constantly get wrong, but you did not. Also, you had told me that you weren't going to see Chan-hyung until the exams were over because he could've been a distraction so what the fuck were I supposed to tell your parents? That you were over at mine of course, even though you had left your backpack at home as well as your wallet and ID. Fine, we had agreed on this, but I didn't know where you were Felix and you didn't reply to a single text I sent you... care to explain, fucker?»
«Jisung» Chan stepped in before Felix could say anything «Please calm down, Felix is completely fine... well, kinda, we're in a rough situation, I understand your concern but I believe you'll understand Felix as well when you'll know everything»
«Well hello Chan-hyung, like you didn't reply to any text either»
«Sorry Jisung... you want me to tell him, Lix?»
The blond shook his head «No, I'll do it» then he took a big breath and started to explain «I'm sorry 'Sungie, I truly am, but I've gone through a lot since yesterday so please bear with me. There's no need to go around this, so I'll simply tell you: Hyunjin and Seungmin almost caught me and Chan yesterday. They were spying on me I believe, even if they passed it as a prank, probably they had become really suspicious and just did it. I should've told you, but I panicked and I honestly just forgot everything that wasn't me and Chan»
«Wait wait wait wait» Jisung interrupted him, voice suddenly anxious instead of angry «Hold your horses back, what do you mean Hyunjin and Seungmin almost caught you and Chan-hyung?»
«Exactly that»
«Oh my God...» his best friend exhaled «Lix I... I'm sorry for jumping on you like that, I would have never imagined...»
«It's fine 'Sungie. Honestly, Seungmin and Hyunjin are, other than you, the friends that I trust the most here, so I should inform them of my thing with Chan, but I cannot. Heck, I don't even know if I would have told you if you hadn't found out honestly»
«Thanks»
«You're welcome. No but seriously, I really panicked right there, still scared right now, it's not... pretty»
«That I know, been there a lot of times, but probably you win over me for this one... I don't know what to say... there's something I can do? Did they see something?»
«Chan says they saw nothing and I believe him, they were truly ashamed of their actions afterwards, but that doesn't mean I'm at ease... I cannot explain, it's like I don't want Chan out of my eyesight even for a second to make sure we're still together in this, cuz God knows what could've happened if those two saw me kissing Chan in the middle of the classroom. It's tiring and scary»
Just as he confessed it, Felix became aware that Chan was still right beside him and his eyes flew to him, who was full of stupor. When he saw the blond's ashamed blush however, he smiled and took his hand, rubbing the back of it.
«I feel the same Lix» he admitted, confirming Felix's prior thoughts.
Felix gave a squeeze back, making him know that they were still in it together and went back to listen to Jisung.
«That's so... sweet. I mean, of course it's tragic, but you're good, our seungjin are still wonderfully unaware and they'll be for as long as you want them to be, I'll help you out and I mean, it's so sweet Lix, makes me remember what I told you back in September, you know that moon thing and the fact that you-» the blond was quick to turn off the speakerphone thing as soon as he understood where that was heading.
He didn't hear what Jisung said afterwards, before he could put his phone near his ear, but he knew exactly what the other had expressed.
«I do not, very much, I've already told you» he hissed, waving off Chan's puzzled expression.
«Why is your voice suddenly so close? Oh, you've put me off the speakerphone, I see, you don't want Channie-hyung to hear that you love him, poor Lix» he cooed.
«Jisung, I do not» Felix remarked, steady on his position.
«Fine, fine, I know, I'm just teasing you, your feelings are valid the way they are and I know you like him very much and that's it, I'll stop being pushy»
«Thank you»
«Anyways, something I can do?»
However, before the boy could reply, Chan suddenly snatched his phone out of his grip, bringing it close to his own ear.
«What did Felix want me not to hear from you?» he asked, narrowing his eyes.
At that, Felix literally threw himself on him, but the other was quick to dodge him and simply pressed him into a tight hug, from which the blond was unable to escape and to hear what Jisung replied. His best friend however wasn't a little snitch apparently, because Chan snorted after some seconds and just changed the topic.
«Whatever, you were asking what you can do for us... well, cover Felix, he'll stay here at least 'till Sunday evening and even after if he wants»
At those words, Felix gave up on trying to lift his head up and smashed it even deeper into Chan's chest, hoping to hide the heavy blush that they had created. He was so gone for the man that was holding him and he needed him so much at that moment that he was happy he had stated that the blond was going to stay for at least a day more.
«Thanks Jisungie, I'll treat you sushi from that place you like after your exam and I'll clear up Minho's schedule for you for a whole weekend, somehow... no, no, don't worry... yeah, whatever, Lix says bye and I as well, see you» and he finally closed the call, tossing the phone to the armchair «Well, where were we at?» he then asked, retrieving the remote and switching back to their comfortable English.
Felix pinched his own cheeks before emerging from Chan's chest «The Boyz's performance, somehow we got distracted during it even this time»
«Fate» Chan shrugged «Shall we rewind it?»
«Wait» the blond stopped him, reaching out for his phone.
For at least half an hour he almost ignored the man, laying on his belly on the couch while the other gently kissed his nape and lower back, cuddling him, too busy replying to Seungmin and Hyunjin's ashamed texts and easing his mother out through a call. When she asked to hear from Jisung, Felix was quick to say that he had gone to the bathroom and mentally noted to send her a selfie later to make her believe that he was at his best friend's place. Out of security, in fact, they had taken lots of selfies when they had studied together in the past weeks, had this time ever to come. So, when the blond put his phone back down and finally turned to Chan, he didn't get to complain as the other went on kissing him for half an hour to make up for the lost time.
In the end, when they finished their chocolates, cookies and Kingdom episode, it was around two p.m., too late to get some healthy lunch, but they were also too full to eat something else. Felix yawned and jumped up from the couch, making the blanket fall on the ground and stretching like a cat. Chan turned the television off and, with a grunt, he got up as well, folding the blanket and putting it back in its place.
«Tired chick? What you wanna do?» he asked, starting to clean up.
«I'm not tired» the blond denied, helping him «I should study, but I left my books at home, so I might as well use this weekend to fully relax»
Chan giggled «As you wish... I don't have enough space for you to download your games on my computer, but you can try and see if there's something you like between my PlayStation's ones»
Felix turned towards him at light speed «PlayStation? You got a PlayStation?!»
«Yeah?» the man glanced at him, confused «You never noticed?»
«Never ever» the boy admitted, eyes roaming through the living room.
«Well, I mean, I don't use it a lot, almost at all, but I can connect it for you if you wish» he shrugged.
«What are you gonna do now Channie?» the blond inquired, abruptly changing the topic.
The other blinked at him, puzzled again «Me? I think I'll work on some music, there are some tracks I need to get done... why?» he replied, putting the mugs in the sink and the cookies back in their place.
«Would you mind me staying with you?»
Chan turned towards Felix, who was playing with the hem of his hoodie, nervously fidgeting in his place. He smiled at him, reaching out to ruffle his blond hair lovingly.
«Sure, I wouldn't mind. And the PlayStation?»
«Later» the boy stated, grinning.
«Alright then, you know where my studio is»
«I think I'll go get some snacks first»
Chan cocked an eyebrow, amused «Are you ever full?»
«Nop, there's always space for food and love in here» he joked.
That earned him a chuckle and a kiss on the forehead before the man walked out of the kitchen, entering his studio. Felix didn't lose time and, in a matter of minutes, he was already opening that same door, hands full of snacks. Chan was already in full work mode, headphones over his ears and fingers flying on the keyboard, eyes pinned on the huge monitor he had on the wall, which was connected to the pc he had in front of him. The blond silently stepped towards him, not that he would have made any difference if he had stomped all the way, but he wanted to be as quiet as possible, and he placed the snacks on the table, in a corner where they wouldn't have bothered the man. The action caught Chan's attention, who shifted his eyes to Felix and made his headphones fall off his head.
«You can get a stool from the kitchen but I'm afraid it's gonna be uncomfortable on the long»
«Are you suggesting me to use you as a chair?» the blond smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.
«Why not» the man replied in the same way, patting his thighs «Cats always rest on their owners' laps, don't they?»
«I'll try and not see it in a sexual way»
«How can you»
Felix rolled his eyes, smiling, yet joyfully snuggled on Chan's lap, trying to balance his weight at best in order to not make the other uncomfortable. As a reply, Chan placed his chin on top of his head, chuckling, and got back to work.
The room was silent, albeit Felix could hear something coming from Chan's headphones every now and then. He liked it there, surrounded by music stuff and huddled in Chan's embrace, he felt at peace, at ease. Eventually, in some time, he understood the key tools of the program that the other was using, but it was really complicated nevertheless and the boy admired the men for being able to use it so skillfully and easily. Although he couldn't understand much of what he was seeing and the man wasn't giving him much attention he didn't mind staying there at all, he felt really good.
He didn't notice the hours passing, he simply focused on Chan working and on snacks, offering them to the man every so often, which ended up with a chill feeding time. Chan didn't make pauses, or at least nothing that could be considered a pause. He was fully immersed in the work, his hands stopping only when his brain was stuck as well, but those moments never lasted much, even though Felix noticed him deleting things really often, a frown on his face. The blond didn't dare to interrupt his focus with questions, even when Chan simply stared at the screen for five minutes straight before deleting a whole line of sound effects. The man didn't seem to be particularly bothered by the fact that the boy was there, even though Felix was sure that he wasn't exactly a lightweight, graving on his thighs. Every now and then, Chan would leave a peck on the boy's blond head and the latter would feel perfectly content with himself, snuggling even further in the man's chest.
Eventually, when the snacks finished and Felix started to get restless, the latter left a kiss on Chan's cheek, which earned him the other's focus.
«I have to piss so I gotta get up. I think I'm gonna play a bit then, fine to you?»
Chan pecked him on the lips «Sure chick, do whatever, I'll be here for a bit more, call me when it's time for dinner, I'll order something»
Felix smiled cheekily at him and got up, heading to the door. Before stepping out, he turned back at the man, who had gone back to his project. His shoulders were slumped, a clear sign that things weren't going the way he wanted them to go, and his head was hanging low, resting on his hands.
«Channie» the blond called, loud enough for the other to hear.
Chan turned, facing him. His eyes were red and tired, his hair curling loosely on his forehead and his whole expression conveyed only tiredness, albeit he tried to mask it with a little smile.
«Yes?»
«I can't understand shit of what you're doing, honestly, but whatever it is, you'll make it, you'll do great, I believe in you cuz I know you're the best out there» Felix smiled, in the way he knew could light up the world.
At that, a little bit of weariness and dejection faded away visibly from Chan's being and the blond smiled even wider, happy that he had been able to help him even in the slightest.
«I'm not the best at all» Chan denied, but his smile held more life as he said it and a dimple appeared in the corner of his mouth.
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The peck on the temple would have scared Felix to death and beyond if he hadn't been so focused on the game. But he was, so that contact didn't even make him flinch, his eyes remaining pinned on the television's screen on which his character was fighting, commanded by the joystick he had in his hands. However, he was forced to tear his attention away from it when the loud sounds of the battle coming from the headphones he had on were replaced by a sudden silence, which took him aback for a couple of seconds.
«I remember telling you to tell me when it would have been time for dinner» Chan sighed from behind him, taking the headphones away «We're such a couple»
Felix turned at him, glaring, while his character died «Come on it can't be that late, can it?» he scoffed.
«Lix is nine p.m.» the man replied, cocking an eyebrow.
The blond furrowed his brows as well, eyeing the clock that clearly signed something like ten past nine in the evening.
«Well...» the boy started, turning back towards the television, puffing his cheeks «I was going to call you soon»
Chan giggled loudly, kissing his head «Sure you were chick... I've learned my lesson, you are exactly like me when I work on music when you game, better not do the two things at the same time again»
Felix scoffed again, yet with a smile, and placed the joystick back in its original place, turning off the gaming console «Well then, what shall we eat?»
«I don't know, any preferences? If not, I tried this pizza place like last weekend and it was amazing»
«Pizza it is!» the blond agreed, clapping his hands.
They ordered quickly, the hungriness starting to get to them. They hadn't done much really throughout the whole day and they had snacked a lot, but somehow their stomachs were still grumbling. While they waited, Felix didn't miss to cling again onto Chan, the latter more than happy to let him, as apparently the few hours he had spent away from the man, gaming, had made his uneasiness come back. They didn't say it out loud, but they were both starting to get antsy by the whole deal: the day after would have been Sunday and then Monday, meaning that school would have started again and Felix would have had to inevitably get home, breaking the whole settlement. It would have been fine on the regular, but since CSATs were in the way they weren't going to be able to see each other until the exams were going to be over, by the end of November, and that was terrifying to their current clingy and anxious selves. It was terrifying knowing that they would have had to keep it down for at least a month, no time together, no cuddles, probably even no kissing, while everything they wanted at that moment was just to lay in the other's arms, to be sure they were still there, still together
As Chan's doorbell rang, they managed to brush off those intrusive thoughts, Chan untangling himself from Felix's embrace under the blanket and going to retrieve their dinner after leaving a kiss on the blond's forehead. For now, they were still near each other, together, the future was another deal, another day. They ate pizza on the couch, a stupid tv show playing on the television as background noise, playing with a deck of old UNO cards Chan had retrieved from God knew where. Safe to say, Felix lost basically every round and he suspected that the few times he won were just thanks to Chan's kindness of heart, but, since the man denied it strongly, he just went on giggling and cursing every time he had to draw a card, Chan promptly ruffling his head with a laugh.
It was around eleven in the evening when Felix called himself out after Chan's umpteenth "Uno!", not even finishing the game and directly throwing his remaining five cards on the coffee table while Chan laughed his lungs out, rolling on the couch. After that, they collected the cards and the pizza's boxes as well as the cans of coke, proceeding to settle everything back in its place, and then took a quick and refreshing shower each, fast enough to get into each other's arms soon.
The calm of that hug under the warm blankets however didn't last long, because apparently Felix had other plans instead of sleeping. At first, Chan accepted the kiss and even its developing, but he was quick to break it and sit up when the blond got on top of him with a light grind to let him know what his intentions were. The boy frowned at the man's action, puzzled and unable to understand why he had suddenly interrupted the kiss, while the latter stared at the other's eyes, a hand on his freckled cheek.
«Channie...?» the blond asked, unsure.
«Lix, what in the world...» Chan started, still holding up the eye contact.
At that, Felix went bright red and fidgeted on his spot, suddenly self-conscious. He had never had to explain himself on sex, had never had to ask for it, to tell that he wanted to do it because he was good at reading the room, he knew when the right time was. Now, he couldn't read the room that well, it was almost like the man was... refusing it, refusing him. But that couldn't have been, could it?
«I mean I thought we could, you know...» he paused, breaking the eye contact «Have sex» he then blurted out, eyes going up again «What's the problem with it now?» he challenged, the atmosphere making him itchy.
The last, and only time, he had had to explain himself had been before their big argument and the boy surely didn't want to revive it. Chan sighed and then, like it was effortless, he lifted the blond from his lap, making him sit next to him. Felix's hands retreated from the other's chest like that contact burnt, all of a sudden.
«Chick I...» the man started «I get it, ok? I really do, but I don't think it's the right time now»
«What do you mean?» the boy's eyes widened, fear making its way into his mind.
Chan noticed it in his eyes in split a second and was quick to take Felix's hands into his and kiss his forehead for good measure.
«No chick, don't be afraid, it's not like I don't want to have sex with you like ever, just not now... I mean, even now I want to, but I don't think it's right, just that»
Felix tilted his head, eyebrows furrowed in a pitiful way «Why?»
«Cuz...» the other passed a hand through his own hair, frustrated «Alright, so... I get it, ok, I get that you feel the need to be as close as possible, I feel like that as well, but I honestly don't think the right way to seek that closeness is having sex»
The blond's expression broke into a soft smile «Chan, I'm not a horny teenager anymore, I know what my needs are and when to seek fulfillment for my desires. I'm twenty, I know how to discern my feelings and what I want to do with my body, I'm not a kid who has to be taken care of»
«I know, Felix, but right now our emotions are all messed up and I don't want you to do something you could regret»
«Chan when did I ever regret having sex with you?» he was starting to sound annoyed.
The man pecked him on the lips, to calm him down a bit «Never, but I think it's safe to say that I've lived more than you, experienced more than you and know the world better than you, which doesn't mean much, but what I'm trying to say is that even I can't fully discern my emotion in complex situations, so I don't want you to push yourself into something you don't fully know if you want or not»
«Alright, whatever, I can't fully unpack this neediness I feel towards you and I know it's not a sexual desire, but I do know my body well and you know that for me-»
«Sex isn't a big deal because you've had a lot and it's just something ordinary? Yes, I know, but we are different than whatever you've had before, I know that as well. Feelings matter, even if consciously you can't understand them»
«I know. I like you and I don't want to part from you, these are my feelings now. And I have this raging anxiety that wraps me every time I lose contact with you, even for a moment and I know that's not healthy as well. I want to be with you, but not because the toxic part of my brain tells me to. I need to know that you're here, that you'll be here, I need to feel you... I need you»
«I feel the same, exactly the same, that's why I'm preventing us from having sex. What if we're just doing it because we're scared to part ways? That's not healthy»
«It's not» the blond agreed.
The man sighed, aware that Felix knew that there was some more and that he wanted to hear it «But at the same time, I need you as well. I don't know, I feel like it could fix things, but I worry about you»
«Chan» the boy called him, steady.
«Yes?»
«Do you not feel like having sex at the moment?»
«Felix what did I just tell you? You, as well as me I won't deny it, are confused about what we want»
«Just reply»
«Fine, I...» he threw his hands into the air, not knowing what to say «I feel like having it, how could I not when it's with you, but I worry about you, your well-being»
«Let me take care of my well-being, I'm not a kid. Are you sure? 'Cause as much as you don't want to invalidate my feelings, I don't want to invalidate yours as well»
«I am»
«Then, please, would you mind resuming?»
Chan stared right into Felix's eyes, which were fierce, ready, sure. He didn't feel like saying no again, not when he wanted it as well. If the blond was sure as he was, then he had no right to deny it to him.
«I... I just want us to be sure this is what we really want»
«I am sure, are you?»
«I am»
«Then let me»
So, Chan shifted his hands on Felix's waist and let him resume the kiss, bringing him down. Soon, their clothes were somewhere at the bottom of the bed and Felix was panting softly as Chan stroked him lightly, taking his time. With a tacit agreement they decided to go easy on the other, no rush and no too rough actions, there would have been time for that, but not that night, not that time, when they just wanted to keep the other close and to make sure they would have been there for how much they wanted. Soft moans traveled around the room while ten little fingers tenderly swept on Chan's tensed back, pressing and releasing along with the strokes. Felix would have liked to give the other the same pleasure he was receiving, but the kisses on his neck and the fingers on his nipple put his mind into such a hazy state that he couldn't do more than softly panting out Chan's name over and over again. Chan brought him on edge at a measured pace, so that the boy couldn't tell how much that sweet torture had lasted, but eventually he let him go, focusing on another part of him. The blond moaned out the other's name as he felt his tongue inside him, eating him up with passion yet tenderness. His pleas earnt him nothing aside from the pace increment, that only brought more pleasure. In the end, finally, he was able to get some words out of his mouth:
«Fuck me until I can't tell where I finish and where you start» he demanded, out of breath, gripping the man by his cheeks.
«That's the thing I want the most now, you as close as possible» Chan replied, getting up from him.
A thought crossed Felix's mind all of a sudden «Are we gonna do it without...» he inquired, clearing up his mind from the arousal fog yet not bothering to finish the sentence.
«No, not tonight... another day, chick» the other stated, pecking his lips for then stretching out an arm, a thing that the blond had actually thought he wouldn't have seen that night.
«Don't call me that when we're doing the nasty, is weird» he protested instead, though as a whisper.
«Don't call it "doing the nasty", it's stupid» Chan retorted, shifting his focus back on him.
Still, with a copious amount of lube and skilled fingers, he prepped the boy quickly, careful on not edging him too much. He knew the blond did like that, at times, but not that day. Albeit his throat being already slightly sore and his mind clouded, Felix was quick at stealing the condom's package from Chan's fingers once he was done inside him, a giggle on his lips. He hadn't forgotten the look on the man's face the last time he had ripped open the package without Chan asking him to do so and he was determined to see it again, so he brought the plastic into his mouth, gripping it with his teeth. The other threw him a warning look, but the blond didn't stop, instead made sure to be the most tempting as possible, even while unwrapping the condom with his small fingers.
«My plan wasn't really fucking you senseless, but you're not helping» Chan informed him as Felix's hands worked around his dick to cover it.
«That sounds like a you problem» Felix countered, not even lifting his eyes from the other's crotch.
The man sighed «My baby needy kitty, what would I do without your crazy sex-freak side»
«You'd be horny all the time... no wait, you are anyways... you'd be unsatisfied all the time, then»
«I was managing just fine before you» he informed the boy.
«After though...» the blond lifted his eyebrows, smirking, for then throwing in a wink as well.
«At this rate is there ever going to be an after...» Chan muttered to himself while pushing Felix down, who, despite the low tone, heard him just fine and blushed hard.
He decided however to not comment on it, the man's words being already enough without adding his questions or wonders, but he did say something:
«Ride you?» he asked, pouting with stray puppy eyes.
«Ride me?» Chan repeated, dumbfounded «Why should I let you?»
«Cuz I asked nicely?»
The man falsely thought about it for a couple of seconds «It seems like a fair argumentation...» he admitted, lifting himself up from Felix's body after having left a peck on the tip of his nose.
With joyful giggles, the blond took advantage of the situation and switched the tables, ending up sitting on top of Chan's stomach, hands on his ribcage and the man's dick brushing on his asscheeks. With the help of Chan's hands, he lifted himself up, just to gently fall down precisely where he wanted. As Chan had worked him open so well, the man's dick went in with little to no resistance, reaching almost immediately one of the deepest spots. That was the thing Felix liked the most about riding Chan: sure, he would have felt the same with some rough sex, but letting gravity do all the work was as pleasing as merciless thrusts. Like that, it was easier for him to forget where exactly he ended. The blond let out a strangled moan as he took the other in completely, secretly proud of himself for having managed to do it at the first thrust. As they made eye contact, Chan didn't lose more time, lifting Felix up by pure force until only the tip of his dick was into the other, for then letting him fall down again, rougher that time. The blond had to bite down on his lip in order to contain the scream that threatened to leave his mouth just because of that one thrust. The man however didn't slow down, didn't break the eye contact, didn't let him get a hold of himself in order to contain the most sinful sounds. He lifted him up and let him down, Felix's legs trying to keep up with the pace but ending up failing miserably as Chan filled him entirely, reaching his sweet spot with every thrust and bringing the climax close. And yet, he still granted also the boy's wishes, easily getting him to the point where he really didn't process anything but their bodies mixing together and the closeness of their souls. Many unspoken feelings got silently revealed that night in the chaos of limbs, broken moans and soft pants, in that act that was so rough and filling yet tender.
In the end, as they came, they could finally feel what they had tried to convince themselves for the whole day: they were there, together, as close as possible, for then and for as long as they would have wanted.
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✎ Author's note
⟢➣ Hi hiii!
Hope you enjoyed the chapter, it came out quite long!
Have you guys seen the 5star trailer? When I say that I fell off my chair, I'm not joking. I'm kinda sick of seeing Chan's eyes every time I scroll through the tl lmaoo he's so stunning istg, I can't wait :D
See you, have a great day <3333
p.s: I've uploaded some sketches about TET and the fanart at the beginning of the chapter on my Twitter ;D you can find the link to my profile in my bio and the link to the fanarts on my conversations 🫶🏻