It's her own fault, really.
They sent her the reminder emails and all her friends told her that she had to hurry but, for some reason, she thought she'd be okay.
But here she is, on the first day of semester, not entirely sure where the hell she'll be living for the next year.
And maybe she should have checked her school emails or something, but she didn't really want to do that between her odd jobs here and there and her summer of road trips and couch surfing. She's still not entirely sure she's even brought her laptop back with her, but that's what her savings are for.
"Kim!" A familiar voice calls and before she can turn around, she's stumbling forward as Rosie climbs on her back over her huge backpack. She laughs in Jennie's ear and Jennie somehow manages to shrug her off and turn around to hug her. "Where the fuck have you been? We woke up in New Orleans that morning and you'd gone!"
Jennie smirks and shrugs her shoulders coyly. The morning in question was over two months ago, during the long weekend they were supposed raising hell in the Big Easy. They'd met there about a week or so after last semester finished with plans to get incredibly drunk and have careless fun. There had been about a dozen of them but, on their last morning, Jennie had found alternative plans to heading home to California.
She'd spent the next few weeks working at a bar in Key West.
"You're fucking unbelievable," Rosie states but she's grinning like she expects no less. Jennie smiles back innocently, knowing exactly what kind of shit her best friend thinks she got up to.
It's probably not the scrubbing floors and sketching pictures of boats that Jennie actually spent her time doing. Rosie probably thinks that she was sleeping in the bed of some beautiful god or goddess when really she was sleeping in a cot in the mudroom of some old lady's house. From Key West she'd followed an offer to work for a weeklong barbeque competition in Charleston. After that, she'd managed to wangle a couple of weeks work in Myrtle Beach. She'd bypassed all major cities and traversed the east coast, working here and sleeping there, to end her summer in Cape Cod before coming back to school.
"Which residence hall did you get matched to?" Rosie asks and Jennie groans, rolling her eyes and shrugging off her backpack.
She drops down onto a nearby wall. "I have no idea," she admits. "I left it to the last minute so I've got to head over to the residency director's office to find out."
Rosie gives her a knowing, disappointed look. "Jennie, we told you—"
"I know, I know," Jennie grumbles, picking up her bags again and hoisting them onto her back. "Don't bother. I fucked up and I'll figure it out."
Rosie gives her a disbelieving look. Jennie kisses her cheek before wandering away.
//
"You got everything?"
Lisa looks around the room and finds the usual three duffle bags and backpack she takes everywhere. They're sat beside her box of school books and stationery, and she gives Irene a look before the older girl snorts and rolls her eyes.
"Right, of course," she says as she slips her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. She gives Lisa the same look she always does but doesn't say anything. "Did you want me to help stay and unpack?"
Lisa shakes her head. "No, I'm good." Irene gives her another knowing look but she quickly ignores it. "Thanks for letting me crash this summer."
Irene laughs at that and pulls Lisa into an uncomfortable hug. "No problem, kid," she says to Lisa's frown. "Anytime. You know that."
Lisa nods and she's grateful. She's grateful but she'd never say it out loud. That would be weird.
"I better hit the road," Irene says when she pulls back. "You'll call?"
Lisa nods. "I'll call."
Irene gives her another shorter hug. "You better."
Lisa watches her leave, follows her all the way back to her car through the window, before she starts opening up her bags and dragging everything out. She decides on the smaller bed set-up in the corner, behind the door and closer to the window. She makes her bed and tries to ignore the hustle and screaming of friends reacquainting with each other in the hallway. It should probably worry her that she doesn't have a roommate yet but she doesn't care. She could probably live with anyone at this point.
She's almost completely unpacked and organizing her books on her shelf when she hears a ruckus outside. She hears shrill excitement and a familiar voice. It sets her on edge because please, please, please, please...
She glares up at the ceiling when a familiar figure fills her doorway.
"This is me. I—" the voice laughs and then abruptly stops. "Oh... Lisa. Hi."
Lisa looks up from her kneeled position on the floor and tries to be as polite as possible. "Hi, Jennie."
Jennie looks around them to the empty side of the room and then to the number on the door before turning her attention back to Lisa. She has that same disappointed look that Lisa witnessed during their first ever conversation almost a year ago to the day. She looks like she wants to run in the other direction. Lisa tries not to let the ache of hurt fill her gut.
"Looks like we're roomies," Jennie comments as she finally steps over the threshold. She drops her huge backpack onto the bed and sighs before looking around the room. Lisa gives her a polite smile when her eyes land back on her. "Awesome."
//
"Lisa Manobal is your roommate?" Jisoo repeats before promptly lapsing into loud belly laughs. She rolls around on her bed as Jennie and Rosie sit on the bed opposite her.
Rosie pats her knee. "We did warn you..." she starts before Jennie gives her a look. Rosie winces sympathetically. "What did the residency people say?"
Jennie huffs and falls backwards onto her bed. She lets her hands cover her forehead and shakes her head. "That I was lucky enough to get a bed at all."
Rosie's brow raises at her words and Jisoo's laughter just gets louder.
"Bummer," Rosie mutters.
It doesn't make Jennie feel any better and she's glad when Rosie reaches for the emergency flask she keeps nearby at all times. It's full of vodka and Jennie grimaces happily as she takes a long chug out of it.
"Please tell me there's a party," Jennie gripes as she feels the burn the whole way down.
Both of her best friends grin. They're pretty buzzed by the time that they make it down to the school welcome bonfire later that night. Everyone is there and they all greet Jennie happily. She spends most of her time hugging everyone and asking them how their summers were and Rosie rolls her eyes when she finally takes a seat beside her on the wall.
They're only here because it's tradition. Everyone is here. Everyone always comes to the first bonfire of the semester because it's pretty much a requirement. Even Lisa is here and Jennie is pretty sure it's only because she has to be. It's not like she's talking to anyone. She's sitting on a wall on the edge of the festivities, wrapped in a huge cardigan with a book in her lap.
Jennie wishes she could be surprised but Lisa's pretty hardcore about this studying stuff. Everyone knows her mantra is that she's only here to study. She's always first to class. She's never been to a real party. She's never made her way over to one of the bigger, nearby colleges to go to the frat parties. A lot of the girls go because it's the only way to hook up with guys when you go to an all girls' college, but not Lisa. Jennie's heard rumors that Lisa's into girls but those sorts of rumors go around here about a lot of people.
Lisa has a reputation and Jennie isn't sure if she'll survive this year because of it.
"How long do we have to stay here?" Jennie grumbles as she grabs the flask from Jisoo.
Her best friends grin at her. "We've got to get to Jung Kook's by ten."
"And what time is it now?"
Jisoo takes the flask from her and chuckles. "Seven."
Jennie drains half the flask and grits her teeth.
"Fuck my life."
//
When it gets to midnight and Jennie hasn't come back to their room, Lisa begins to wonder if the sheer idea of living in the same room as her has forced Jennie to take to the streets. She knows it's silly because Jennie's things are still here and she saw her disappear through the Manobal with Rosie Park and Jisoo Lee after the bonfire.
She knows Jennie's reputation. They call her Party Girl Kim. She's a keg stand champion. Rumors follow her wherever she goes. Lisa's pretty sure that she knew everything there was to know about Jennie before that one and only time Jennie sat beside her in class.
That one time had been enough for both of them.
She doesn't know why all of this is bothering her so much.
She hates not being able to sleep.
She should be used to this by now.
She watches the numbers on her alarm clock flash until it's almost four in the morning and jumps a little when she hears a hustle behind her door.
"She's got to be asleep by now," a voice says and Lisa can just about tell that it's Jisoo. Someone shushes her quietly and Jisoo just starts giggling until something muffles it.
Lisa rolls over to face the wall and closes her eyes to stave off the hurt. She tries to ignore how she can hear Rosie asking Jennie over and over again if she's sure she doesn't want to stay in their room with them.
"I'll be okay," Jennie promises. Her voice slurs and there are a few moments of hushed whispers before it goes quiet. Lisa hears the click of their door finally opening and clenches her eyes closed when Jennie clumsily stumbles through the door. "Shit," she whispers when she steadies herself. The room instantly smells of cigarettes, alcohol and maybe of sex. "Fuck."
The door closes and Lisa's sure Jennie is trying to be quiet as she fails miserably. She stumbles around the room and Lisa hears the drop of her shoes by her desk, the slump of her jacket as it hits the floor. Jennie hums as she falls to sit on the end of her bed and Lisa listens to the sounds of drawers opening while Jennie tries to find something to sleep in.
The clothes on her body drop to the floor like her jacket and shoes. Lisa stays still as the shadows of Jennie's body flutter against the walls. Lisa bites the inside of her cheek when Jennie stumbles over one of her still unpacked bags on the floor before she hears the zipper on it open a few moments later. Jennie rifles around inside it for something until the light from their Jack and Jill bathroom floods the room. Jennie hisses in shock and closes it quickly behind her.
Lisa rolls onto her back and lets her hand rest against her forehead for a second. She has every intention of rolling back over and pretending to be asleep but she never gets to because the door opens sooner than expected. Jennie freezes when she catches sight of her.
There's a toothbrush hanging out of her mouth and some toothpaste in the corner of her lips. She looks guilty and uncomfortable and Lisa just blinks up at her because she doesn't have the energy for this.
"I didn't wake you up, did I?" Jennie whispers and her voice slurs just a little.
Lisa shakes her head and keeps staring up at her.
"You sure?" she checks.
This is probably the nicest conversation they've shared in their entire history.
Lisa nods and clears her throat softly. It's still croaky when she speaks. "Can't sleep."
Jennie moves to sit at the end of her bed again and slips her toothbrush and paste back into a wash bag resting there. She places it on top of her empty bookshelf and looks around their room. Lisa watches her carefully.
"I, um, I have Rosie's flask if you think booze will help," Jennie says turning back to her suddenly, eyes bright and sincere. "Something to take the edge off?"
Lisa smiles sleepily and gratefully. "I don't really drink alcohol."
Jennie gives her a look but then nods slowly. "Of course," she says and it's not unkind. There's maybe even a tiny hint of a blush on her cheeks. "That makes sense to why you never go to parties. They must be really boring without booze."
Lisa doesn't say anything. Jennie's not wrong but she's also not right either. Lisa just never got into that. People like her grew up knowing which things to be wary of.
Jennie points a thumb back to their door. "I could go make you some tea or something."
The kindness catches Lisa completely off guard. It makes her feel weird.
The kindness makes Lisa feel weird. It catches her completely off guard. The fact that Jennie Kim just offered to make her tea doesn't feel right. She swallows carefully before responding. "I'm fine, thanks."
Jennie nods her head like that makes sense too. She watches Lisa for a few moments with slowly blinking eyes.
"I'm gonna go to sleep," she says eventually as she falls sideways onto her pillow. There's a blanket folded at the end of her bed and she pulls it up under her chin. It doesn't even really cover her body. "Night, Lisa."
Lisa watches as her eyes close and her breathing instantly evens out. Her wavy brown hair falls in her eyes and her cheeks are pale at the same time they're flushed pink from the remnants of alcohol. The room now smells less like alcohol and more like soap and mint toothpaste. Jennie's lips purse cutely in sleep and Lisa swallows, taking the sight of her in.
It takes her a long time to realize that she's staring. When she does, she jumps and rolls back over to face the wall.
She doesn't fall asleep until the sun comes up.
//
When Jennie wakes up, she's surprised to find that she's back in her dorm room. She startles away, wincing as the light through their small dorm window burns her retinas, and rolls onto her back. Her hands come up to rub at her eyes and she groans unhappily as she allows her senses to acknowledge all the aches and pains in her body.
The nausea hits her first, and then the stomachache. She presses a hand to her gut in an attempt to stifle it but it doesn't work. Her head is pounding and there's an ache in her hips and thighs that tells her she probably had a better time than she expected. Her mouth tastes like ass.
"Fuck my life," she utters and doesn't expect the low chuckle she hears from across the room.
She peels one eye open to find Lisa already up and dressed, sitting on her desk chair and organizing the pin board on the wall in front of her. She doesn't look at Jennie, doesn't even say anything, and as Jennie leans up to glance over at her, she's not even sure that little laugh was for her benefit.
"What time is it?" she grumbles.
Lisa reaches for the jar of pins beside her then glances at the watch on her left wrist. "Eleven-fifteen."
Jennie gives a low hum of disappointment and lies back down when sitting up makes her feel more nauseous. "I drank a lot," she comments. Lisa doesn't say anything. "How did I get back?"
Lisa's movements still and when Jennie glances over at her, there's a look on her face that she can't read. She almost looks disappointed. It disappears the minute Jennie sees it and Lisa weighs the small pins in her hand before shrugging.
"I don't really remember," she says with a polite smile. "I was asleep."
It surprises Jennie a little bit when she suddenly puts down the pins and gets up from the desk. There's a pair of perfectly clean Chelsea boots at the end of her bed and she pulls them on silently, fixing the bottoms of her skintight black skinny jeans once they're on her feet. She barely glances at Jennie as she pulls on her jacket and something about it feels strange. She pulls her leather satchel over her shoulder and arranges her collar as she gets to the door.
Something about it all feels... unfinished.
"I'm going to go get coffee," she comments as she turns back softly. "Do you want anything?"
Jennie narrows her brow and tugs her blanket more comfortably over her cold legs.
She thinks that Lisa looks nervous.
Despite everything telling her not to, she smiles and answers.
"Coffee would be great."
//
The campus coffee shop and bakery is empty and she gets herself a cup of coffee and drinks it at a little table in the corner before going back and getting two more. She picks up two blueberry muffins and two peach scones without thinking. She doesn't realize that she's got enough for Jennie until she's making her way back up to their room and knocking on the door because her hands are full.
She wishes she hadn't when Jennie opens the door in nothing but a fluffy white bathrobe. She's glad that Jennie's more preoccupied with the tray of coffee in her hands to notice the blush on her cheeks and slips past her to put everything on her desk. She slips off her jacket silently and tries to ignore how Jennie still hovers in the doorway.
"I didn't know how you took it so I kind of got everything," Lisa mumbles as she grabs her own cup and takes a sip. She pushes the other towards Jennie before settling down on her bed and reaching for her book. Jennie hums as she moves over to collect it.
She soon learns that Jennie takes her coffee ridiculously sweet and milky. She hums happily as she takes her first sip and then picks up the white bakery box. "What'd you get?" she asks curiously. "Did they make any peach scones today? Those things are worth getting dressed for."
Lisa looks up from her book and swallows. "There's two in there," she says. "And two blueberry muffins. Help yourself."
Jennie looks at her hesitantly. "You sure? You already got me coffee and you really didn't need to do that."
Lisa looks at her and wants to tell her that there's no way she bought all those sweets for herself and no one else is here. She wants to tell her to stop making it weird. She wants to tell her to just shut up and take the damn pastry.
Instead she says, "It's fine. Go ahead."
Jennie opens the box and takes one of the scones. She eats it quietly on her bed and doesn't say anything else. Lisa rolls onto her side once her coffee is finished and they don't speak for the next couple of hours. Jennie moves around the room, getting ready and finishing her unpacking. She doesn't say anything until the sun is sinking low in the sky and hovers at the end of Lisa's bed until she turns to look at her.
"Are you coming for dinner?" she asks. "We missed lunch."
Lisa swallows and shakes her head even though her stomach's been rumbling for ninety minutes.
"In a while," she mutters.
Jennie leaves when Rosie Park appears at their door. It's only then that Lisa eats the other scone.
//
Rosie and Jisoo are just as hungover as she is. Jisoo pretty much communicates in grunts and holds a cup of coffee to her forehead as she stares down at the plate of food in front of her. Rosie carefully sips from a bottle of ice-cold water and turns green when offered anything else.
"How did I get home last night?" Jennie finally asks them and they grimace at the way she ploughs her way through the plate of pasta in front of her.
It's Rosie that answers. "We took you home about four," she explains. "We waited until we were sure that the Robot would be asleep so that you didn't have to interact with her." At that, it's like Rosie remembers something. "Where have you been today, anyway?"
Jennie's stomach drops a little but she decides to tell the truth. "Uh, I had to finish unpacking."
Rosie fixes her with a curious look while Jisoo's moves the coffee cup away from her face to stare her down. "Was Lisa there?"
Jennie licks some sauce off her finger before shrugging at whatever thoughts her friends are currently having. She doesn't look at them. She knows that they don't really like Lisa—that they've pretty much teased Lisa since they knew of her existence—but Lisa is okay. She thinks that maybe people just don't get Lisa. She thinks that maybe Lisa doesn't want people to get her. But Jennie kind of needs to get Lisa. She needs to be able to understand certain things about her because they're stuck together for the next year.
"Yeah, she was reading," Jennie says like that's the end of the conversation.
She doesn't mention the fact that Lisa wasn't stiff and standoffish like she normally is. She doesn't tell them how Lisa didn't do anything to prove how smart or better than them she is. She doesn't tell them how Lisa brought her coffee and a peach scone.
She can't really believe it herself, so why should they?
Jennie reaches forward to grab the bread roll next to her plate and begins to butter it.
"She's okay," she comments.
Jisoo and Rosie stare at her for the whole of dinner. They stay there until it's time for closing and Jennie never spots Lisa arrive to get food.
Her friends drag her back to their room where they ply her with a shot of the brandy Jisoo stole from her grandpa's kitchen. It's gross and they give her a beer when she complains before forcing her to watch trashy TV. Jennie isn't feeling it and instead she feels a discomfort she's never experienced before. She doesn't drink most of the beer and excuses herself early.
Instead of going back to her room, she finds her keys in her back pocket and heads to her car. She takes the ten minute journey all the way to the nearest grocery store and reminds herself that she probably shouldn't be keeping a small fortune in her glove compartment when she grabs a hundred dollar bill from inside. She grabs a cart and zooms her way down the aisles, filling it with the things she might need.
She heads for the hot counter and thinks about Lisa. She wonders if she skipped dinner and picks up a plate of mac and cheese before asking for some chicken tenders too. It's the ultimate kid dinner and she feels a little embarrassed about it as she heads to go get a fuckton of ramen and cookies. She gets candy and sodas of all different kinds and makes herself feel less guilty about the sheer amount of sugar by purchasing a tea sampler and a bag of apples.
She barely has enough to pay for all the crap she's bought and she shoves it all in the trunk of her car before driving back to school. She doesn't know how she manages to carry everything up to her room. She's ready to groan when she gets inside but stops when she realizes that Lisa's asleep with her face buried into her book. She doesn't look like she's moved since Jennie left.
Jennie steps over to her bed without really thinking about what she's doing. She sits in the small space left behind Lisa's knees and rests her hand on Lisa's shoulder to shake her awake.
Lisa startles and looks terrified when her eyes open to dart around the room. She stops when she sees Jennie sitting beside her, taking a steadying breath before burying her face into her pillow.
"Did you eat?" Jennie asks.
Lisa frowns and looks at her curiously. Jennie glances over to where one and a half of the blueberry muffins still sit in the bakery box. She clicks her tongue and rolls her eyes before stepping over to the small sea of grocery bags by the door. She takes out the container of mac and cheese and chicken tenders before stepping back over to Lisa and thrusting it at her.
"Dinner," she tells her. Lisa frowns and looks ready to refuse her but Jennie just drops the container on her desk and points to it. "You need to eat."
Lisa still doesn't say anything but she sits up and watches curiously as Jennie moves the grocery bags over to the deep window ledge and starts piling everything there. When Jennie turns around, Lisa's sat at the desk, looking into the container. Jennie hands her a bottle of water and a plastic knife and fork. Lisa takes them and smiles gratefully.
"You didn't have to—"
Jennie shuts her up with an eye roll and a half smirk.
"Eat, Lisa," she instructs and Lisa's sweet little half-smirk is more than enough thanks. Her happy little satisfied noises make Jennie smile and she laughs at her softly as Lisa does the cutest little wiggle in her chair. She begins to wonder if anyone has ever seen this version of Lisa and it's almost too much at once. "We need to get my fridge out of storage," she says, quickly changing the subject before she does or says something stupid. Lisa gives her a questioning hum at the comment and Jennie turns to her pointedly. "I can't live without milk."
Lisa smiles and covers her mouth.
"Do you need it for all those cookies?" she teases.
Jennie gives her a half-assed glare until Lisa's pleased smirk makes her smile instead.
"Don't hate," Jennie says. "Or I won't share."
//
Lisa wakes up early for her first Politics and Sexuality class and groans as softly as she can. There's still a small cluster of grocery bags covering their floor and she glances over at Jennie as she remembers the night before. One of Jennie's arms is thrown off the side of her bed and one of her bare legs pokes out the bottom of her blankets.
Lisa smiles at her and gathers her things to get ready for the day. She knows that Jennie doesn't have class until this afternoon. Jennie made her pin a copy of her schedule to the wall by the door so they both know when the room will be empty. Lisa's sure it's so she knows when she can bring people back, but she tries not to think about that and gathers the books she needs off her shelf instead.
She slips them into her bag and leaves silently.
She goes to class and listens as her professors tell her about what they're going to be doing this semester. She tries to hold back on her questioning because she knows that it annoys some people. She knows what people say about her. She knows the nicknames they've given her. She writes notes instead and approaches the professor after class to ask her all the things she wants to know.
She goes to the dining hall and gets herself a sandwich to take back to her dorm.
Jennie isn't there but the room has been tidied and moved around. There's a fridge in the corner and the grocery bags have been put away. The room smells vaguely of smoke and air freshener. Jennie's hung a dry erase board on the wall and on it is a note.
Lisa
Got the fridge from storage. Feel free to use or take whatever. See you after class! - Jennie
Lisa opens the fridge to find it stocked full to the brim except for the empty bottom shelf. Lisa assumes it's for her because there's some cans of soda left in a box shoved on Jennie's bookcase that easily could have fit there.
She doesn't see Jennie after class. She doesn't see her the whole evening and she goes for dinner and doesn't see her there either. She hears some girls talking about there being another frat party at one of the neighboring colleges. She assumes that's where Jennie is and goes to bed.
She's woken up at 2am by something hitting her bedroom door. She's ready to get up and open it when she hears muffled giggling. She rolls her eyes and waits for Jisoo and Rosie to start making a ruckus but instead she hears the low rumble of a male voice. It's punctuated by the unmistakable sounds of kissing and Lisa lets her stomach pull uncomfortably as she rolls onto her side and buries her face in her pillow.
"Kai, I'm drunk," Jennie slurs and Lisa squeezes her eyes closed to try and ignore it. "Kai... Kai... I'm drunk and you shouldn't be here and I really, really shouldn't have let..." Two giggles. "Well, you know..."
Lisa hears a thud against the door again and she winces a little when Jennie lets out a soft, airy moan.
"Fuck, I'm so drunk..." Jennie sighs and then, almost as if she's just realized the truth in her words, a hand rattles the door handle. "No, get out of here," Jennie instructs. "My roommate will be asleep. So nope."
Lisa becomes breathless with relief. The guy laughs and there's another of Jennie's thick giggles before the door opens and a body slips inside. Jennie stops somewhere behind her and Lisa tries to keep her breathing steady as Jennie loiters by her bed.
"Lisa?" she whispers.
Lisa keeps her eyes closed and doesn't say anything.
Jennie falls into bed twenty minutes later and her breathing evens out quickly.
Lisa barely sleeps.
//
Jennie wakes up most mornings to an empty dorm room and usually comes back to a sleeping roommate. She hasn't actually spoken to Lisa in weeks other than passing random messages via the dry erase board when something comes up.
She feels like Lisa's avoiding her but she also feels like Lisa is being the same person she knew last year. She's driven and obsessed with schoolwork. She doesn't care about much else and it makes Jennie feel strange that she's living with a person like that. She doesn't know what to think about her.
School is just as stressful and annoying as last year and Jennie hates that she's falling back into old habits. She hates that she follows Rosie and Jisoo to parties at Jung Kook's frat house and always ends up sleeping with Kai. She promised herself she wouldn't do that anymore but somehow she keeps getting stupidly drunk and doing it anyway. She hates that she keeps doing it sober too, especially when he looks at her like she's more than what she is. She doesn't want to be his girlfriend. Not after last year.
Letting him into her dorm room is probably a big mistake but that's what she does one Thursday morning in late September. Lisa's class doesn't finish until three and she probably won't come back anyway. Jennie doesn't have class until one but when Kai calls her at ten and asks her to let him in, she does it without thinking.
"You have to go," she tells him at 12:15. "I have class and my roommate will be back soon."
He's still naked in her bed and she shoves him out onto the cold floor ten minutes later when he doesn't get up. He's pulling on his clothes and Jennie's still laid naked on her front with a blanket thrown over her bottom half when the door opens.
Lisa freezes when she sees Kai. Jennie just feels her entire body burn with embarrassment and panic. Her face falls and she buries it in her pillow as Kai finishes pulling on his sweater and finds his shoes. He squeezes her shoulder and utters a whispered goodbye before the door clicks open and closed. When Jennie looks up, Lisa's still by the door.
It makes Jennie feel guiltier than she possibly should. "Sorry," she whispers, picking at a loose thread of her pillow. "I didn't think—"
Lisa jolts at the words and shakes her head, rushing to busy herself around the room.
"It's fine," she cuts through Jennie's words. She throws her bag onto her bed and takes off her jacket. She throws books onto her bed and uselessly picks up others from the shelf but never actually does anything with them. "It's my fault. My class was cancelled and I thought that you'd be at yours by now. You usually go for lunch first, so..."
She trails off and shakes her head and the whole thing makes Jennie feel weird.
She frowns when Lisa suddenly picks up her bag and jacket and heads towards the door. "I'll go," she mumbles. "I've gotta go..."
She leaves without another word and Jennie feels like her insides are squeezing and burning at the same time. She watches with red cheeks and a softened expression at the spot Lisa had occupied. She feels bad and she doesn't understand why. She doesn't understand the thick, churning sensation in her stomach. It's guilt, she knows, but she can't handle its strength and furiousness.
When she goes to the frat house later that evening, she pushes Kai away when he sidles up to her and tries to kiss her neck. He looks at her in confusion but she just shakes her head and tells him it's not happening. He looks pissed and she's pretty sure she sees him wander off to find another girl to pin against a wall. Instead of caring, Jennie drinks a ridiculous amount and then goes home by herself without telling anyone.
Lisa is asleep when she gets back and Jennie's drunk and confused by that. Lisa's wearing a soft white t-shirt with a stain on the shoulder as she lies cuddled on her front. Her fist is tucked under her chin and Jennie catches sight of the tattoo on her arm. It surprises her every time she sees it and the urge to trace her fingers over the pattern makes her feel dizzier than the alcohol.
She's still staring at Lisa an hour later when Lisa stirs and turns over. Green eyes flutter open and then widen when they find Jennie sitting on the end of her bed staring into space.
"I'm really drunk," Jennie whispers.
Lisa leans up on her elbows and frowns gently. She still doesn't say anything.
Jennie swallows thickly. She thinks she might puke soon.
"I'm sorry about Kai," she says because that's all she's wanted to say all day. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
Lisa shakes her head. "It's fine."
Jennie closes her eyes to stop the room from spinning. "It's not, though," she mumbles. "It's not fine. I made you uncomfortable and this is your room, too. It's not fair—It's not fair... I don't..."
When she opens her eyes, Lisa's standing in front of her, looking worried. She wears blue plaid pajama pants and a pair of big, turtle shell glasses that make her eyes look bigger and more beautiful than usual. Jennie gets stuck for a second and doesn't know what's happening when Lisa stares at her.
"Jennie, you're drunk," she whispers. "You should go to sleep."
Jennie purses her lip and swallows against her dry throat. "I probably won't remember this conversation in the morning," she tells her, ignoring her words. "I drank tequila. Tequila makes me forget."
Lisa softens and nods. "That's okay."
Her sincerity is ruined when Jennie darts up and heads towards the bathroom. Lisa moves out the way and lets her by, watching her carefully as she opens the door and hovers by the sink.
"I'm gonna puke," she mumbles and proves that seconds later when she darts over to the toilet bowl. She heaves the liquid contents of her stomach into it and shudders when she feels cold fingers tugging the hair from her face. Lisa piles all of her hair onto her head before snagging the tie from around Jennie's wrist and fixing it in place. She continues to sweep wispy strands of it from Jennie's cheeks and squeezes her shoulder as Jennie groans pathetically.
She disappears for a second and returns with a cold bottle of water. She presses it against the back of Jennie's neck and Jennie hums in appreciation before gathering the energy to lean back and take a sip of it.
"Whole thing," Lisa mumbles. Jennie looks at her and does as she's told. "Better?"
She nods and drinks more, relishing the cold liquid as it quenches the thirst she hadn't even realized. "Sorry."
Lisa pushes more hair from her face. "It's okay," she whispers. "We should get you to bed, though."
Jennie nods and stumbles back into their room. She starts undressing right there and Lisa just follows her as she strips out of her jeans and collapses onto her bed. She offers her the blankets and Jennie takes them happily.
"Wake me up if you feel sick again," Lisa says as she sets the bottle of water at her bedside.
Jennie nods. "I'm okay," she breathes and it's the last thing she does before she falls asleep.
When she wakes up, there's a fresh bottle of water on her nightstand and some painkillers beside it.
She doesn't remember what happened but she doesn't want to think about it.
//
She doesn't know why she decides to go back to their dorm room in the middle of the day for the first time in weeks. She just does it automatically without thinking about it. Her feet move across campus and she lets them instead of forcing them to the library like normal.
She knows that Jennie's going to be there because she doesn't have classes on Friday afternoons. Lisa knows that Rosie and Jisoo do. She knows that Jennie usually catches up on reading and writing papers instead. Her side of the room is usually a mess of books and stuff when Lisa gets back from the library and Jennie's already left for the night.
Today, however, Jennie is curled up in a ball facing the wall and Lisa winces a little when she accidentally closes the door too loudly and makes her jump.
"Sorry," she mumbles when Jennie turns over to look at her. She looks surprised and frowns and Lisa ignores it like it's nothing. "How are you feeling?"
Jennie groans and rolls over to bury her face in her covers. Despite the fact that Jennie looks pale and sickly, Lisa notices that she managed to change her sheets. The dirty ones tumble out over the top of her laundry hamper.
"Whatever I drunkenly did last night," Jennie grumbles. "I can only apologize. I'm a dick when I'm drunk."
Lisa laughs at that and kicks off her boots before setting them at the end of her bed. "They don't call you Party Girl Kim for nothing."
"Ugh," Jennie grunts and rolls over to give Lisa an unimpressed glance. "That's a fucking stupid nickname. Especially when I'm the one who's usually cutting everyone else off. Jisoo says I'm the 'mom-friend'."
Lisa smiles. "That's cute."
"It's what happens when your mom is a doctor," Jennie grumbles and rolls back into the pillows. "Also, if you were the person who left the water and painkillers for me... thank you but they're not working."
Lisa stands up and heads over to the fridge. "You need caffeine and grease."
"I thought you didn't drink," Jennie gives her a smirk like she's caught her and Lisa immediately rolls her eyes before throwing her a diet coke.
"You're not the only mom-friend here, Kim," she teases. "But regardless of that fact, just because I don't drink now doesn't mean I haven't had my fair share of hangovers in the past."
Jennie looks at her dubiously. "Really?"
Lisa laughs. "No, not really. I've had like one and that was enough for me. Shall we order pizza?"
Jennie looks at her with such appreciation that it makes Lisa giggle nervously. She shrugs and Jennie forces herself onto her side to stare at her.
"If you carry on like this," she tells her. "You might just end up the best roommate I've ever had."
Lisa rolls her eyes and reaches for her laptop. She searches through pizza menus as Jennie yells out odd requests from across the room. She convinces her to take advantage of the buy four get one free offer and has never rolled her eyes so much as Jennie flails around searching for her phone to invite Rosie and Jisoo over.
They arrive after the pizza does and Jisoo looks at Lisa in confusion.
"I didn't think you'd eat pizza," she comments. "I had you down as more of a salad and soups kinda gal."
Lisa fixes her with the same stern stare she reserves for everyone else. She's about to speak when Jennie snorts and throws a pillow at the pair of them.
"Lisa is a junk food junkie," she tells them happily. "Don't be fooled."
Jisoo looks impressed and Rosie looks confused. Lisa eats more than her fair share of pizza and is pretty much a spare part to the conversation going on around her. She catches Jennie's gaze when Jisoo mentions how someone called Sehun mentioned that Kai was sleeping with someone, that they both dodged a bullet by turning him down, but doesn't say anything off of Jennie's panicked look.
She grabs a book instead and observes the scene from afar. There are still two and a half pizzas stacked atop each other on their window ledge and Lisa isn't surprised when Rosie asks Jennie if she wants to go to a party. Jennie nods and goes to the bathroom to change out of her pajamas while Rosie and Jisoo head out to go find another of their friends.
"I'll be quiet," Jennie says when she comes out of the bathroom. "When I come back."
Lisa smiles at her. "It's fine. It's Friday night. I get it."
Jennie pauses and smiles gratefully. She looks like she wants to say something but shakes her head instead and reaches for the leather jacket that hangs on her desk chair.
"Have a good night," Jennie says as she reaches for the door handle.
Lisa nods and doesn't plan to say anything but she still calls out Jennie's name to stop her from leaving. Jennie looks back at her in quiet confusion.
Lisa shrugs. "Be safe."
Jennie's face softens as she nods but Lisa still ends up holding back her hair six hours later when she comes back alone and without her jacket. She stinks of rum and sex and Lisa tries not to think about that as Jennie rolls around on the bathroom floor trying to pull off her shoes.
"I'm such a mess," she whispers when Lisa's encouraging her to change out of her puke-stained blouse. She's already shimmied out of her jeans and Lisa urges her hands to the buttons of her blouse when Jennie just lies there uselessly. "I'm such a fucking mess."
Lisa's brain runs through a thousand different scenarios and thoughts before she grits her jaw and shakes her head. Jennie looks up at her sleepily and Lisa gives a look before reaching for her buttons.
"You're gonna make your sheets gross," she says in explanation. "You only changed them today."
Jennie nods and Lisa sighs in relief when she moves her hands aside to let Lisa remove the shirt from her body. There are bruises all over her skin and Lisa tries to ignore them and the perfect curves of her body as she finds her a long t-shirt and some warm socks.
She's about to head back to bed when Jennie reaches for her hand and stops her.
"You're so nice to me when you don't have to be," Jennie mumbles and her thumb strokes over Lisa's pulse like she's checking it before her eyes flutter closed.
Lisa pushes her wavy brown hair from her face and sighs.
//
Her mother calls her one night in mid-October and Jennie breathes out unsteadily because it's almost one in the morning.
But then, that's her mother really... never taking anything other than her own thoughts and feelings into consideration when making a decision. It never used to be this way and Jennie hates how everything's turned out. She hates that she never came home one day in June and her mother is only just calling her now in October.
"Mom. Time difference," is the first thing she says when she answers the phone, turning to her side and talking quietly so she doesn't wake Lisa.
Her mom chuckles softly and it drives Jennie crazy. "ER night shift," she says like that's perfect explanation. "How are you?"
"Fine."
"Jennie," her mother warns.
Jennie scoffs. "I was asleep, Mom. What do you expect? I have class in the morning."
The line muffles and Jennie guesses her mom is going somewhere more private where she can better effectively tear her down. It's an old routine, one that's been going on for years now.
"Jennie, I expect you to talk to me when I call you," her mother says and it's like she's in her own little world, her own little bubble, where nothing other than her life and the hospital exists. "I'm your mom. I pay for your education. I expect to know how you're doing. Even if I don't understand why you want to do an Art History degree, I expect to know how you are."
"But you can't do that in the middle of the day?"
"Jennie."
"Fine. Whatever," Jennie breathes out. "What do you wanna know?"
Her mother hums in annoyance. "How are your classes?"
Jennie shakes her head. "They're fine. Amazing. Professors are great. I'm getting good grades. Next?"
"Do you have a roommate this year or did they give you a single?"
Jennie shakes her head and rolls her eyes. It's times like this when she wishes her mom was still a normal mother but she isn't. If her mom were a normal mother, she'd be able to tell her that her roommate is great. She's wonderful, but she's not what Jennie expected. Her roommate blows hot and cold. She's stern but she's also soft. Her roommate can't stand to be near her so much that she spends ninety percent of her time in the library. Her roommate looks at her sometimes and Jennie is never sure if they're going to kill or kiss each other. Her roommate is the most confusing person she's ever met but all Jennie wants to do is figure her out.
If her mom were still a normal, caring mom, she'd be able to talk to her about all these things she doesn't understand. Her mom would be able to help her.
Except her mom can't even help herself.
"There's no singles available until we're juniors," she says instead. "I'm in a double. I have a roommate and her name is Lisa. She's... she's really nice. Smart."
Her mother doesn't say anything in response to that and Jennie breathes unsteadily down the phone, trying not to get angry or upset.
"Do you have enough money?" her mom asks after a while and Jennie shakes her head to force away the feelings she can't ever seem to stop.
This is why they haven't spoke since June.
"Yeah, mom," she grits out. "I've got more than enough money."
Her mother doesn't notice the hurt or the anger in her voice, doesn't notice the thick ache of tears that soak her words. Instead she makes a disinterested noise and leaves the line silent with all the things they never say anymore. The line is quiet for a long time until Jennie hears the sounds of the hospital intercom.
"Gotta go," her mom says. "Bye, hon."
The line clicks off before Jennie can respond. It forces the tears up her throat and she buries her head in her pillow to stave them off. Jennie wants to do something drastic like throw her phone across the room or punch a wall. She bites the fabric of her pillow before screaming loudly into it instead. It's wet with tears when she pulls back, aching and gasping and she punches the spot before turning over to return her phone to her nightstand.
Green eyes stare quietly over at her from across the room, polite and understanding. Lisa's fist is propped under her chin and she watches Jennie carefully before speaking.
"Are you okay?"
Jennie nods and angrily wipes the tears from her cheeks.
"I'm fine," she whispers and turns away from her quickly.
She doesn't need her pity.