Not smut!!! Weirdly enought fluf and angst.
jack manibald was currently filming for a vlog rn. more specifically, his summoning a mcwhopper at 3am challenge
"what's up jacknation! I am back with yet another 3 a m challenge. don't pee your pants this time!"
he started doing the ritual, speaking latin to summer the whoppa. hopefully it works this time so he doesn't have to clickbait peple.
the mc woppa started to feel it's ingrediates be created and brought together to create the perfect McWhoppa! Sensing it's bringing into the world, it was presented with a mostly bald 20 something old man. And god, was this mayo that surrounded it? How disgusting!
jack gaspeded loudly. it actually worked?!?! he gralped the mcwhopper, showing it to the camera
"look jacknation! the mcwhoppa has come to life!! now.. I must eat it. goodbye mcwhoppa, it was nice knowing you"
he brought the whopper up to his mouth, saliva falling onto it's deluctuois smooth buns. he couldn't wait to finish this samdwich!!
the McWhoppa quickly shifted it's lettuce to make makeshift hands and slapped the random balding man trying to devour it's sweet buns. In a deep, musky, clearly annoyed tone said "What the hell man?! You think you can just eats my bunions? Damn, take me out to dinner!"
jack manibald dropped the mcwhopper, terrified for his life
"y-you can talk?!?"
he sighed, maybe he shouldn't of done that
"sorry, I've always had a problem of killing people close to me. when I was five, I accidentally pushed my dad down a flight of stairs. my mom hated me ever since, I didn't understand. I was just a kid. I still feel horrible about it though. when I was 13, my mom got fed up of my sister. she cooked her alive and I had to eat her. I still can't eat steak to this day. everyone always talks about how I'm just a cishet white male and I'll never understand trauma. but that's a lie. I've been through so much, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to recover. all I wanted was a happy family, but now I'm alone. I'll never have a good family and it's all my fault. god.. what am I doing? you don't deserve this. go home, just please don't tell anyone about this"
with another sigh jack ended the recording. he'll just have to clickbait his fans agian.
the McDonald's whopper and it's perfectly sculpted buns didn't how to deal with such deep trauma. And this is why we ask before trauma dumping!! Anyways- the McWhoppa was feel to leave, and so it did.
The whopper found itself on top of a 34 story tall building, looking out trying to find it's brothers and sisters. But while distracted by an older attractive man walking across the street below the whopper, the whooper slipped and fell....to it's cheesy, delicious, death.
jack manibald was the older attractive man that was walking across the street. he saw the mcwhopper on top of the building, instantly going to tell him to not kms because he's so hot. but he was too late. he fell to his knees, screaming to the clouds. someone called the cops on him because apparently a random balled guy sobbing about a mcwhopper in the middle of the street wasn't normal
1 month later
he was standing in front of the mcwhoppers grave, holding a bouquet of french fries
"im so sorry mcwhoppa. I've come to a realization. im deeply in love with you.. if only there was a way I could see you again"
he sighs once again, then a light bulb appears on top of his head. seriously is he okay?? are we sure he doesn't have schizophrenia or something?
"I know how to see you mcwhoppa, just you wait!"
the McWhoppa was touched hearing the random bald guy confess such weird feelings for the sandwhitch. "Oh please bald man! Don't do something so outrageous to see a lil old sNwhich again!" ( ngl that's the mcwhopperz rap name ) But alas, due to the mcwhopprmer being dead jack would never hear it's soft spoken words.
jack manibald stood on top of the same roof the mcwhopper did. he was debating it. but it's too late now.. whatever. no one could save him anyways. he'd been ruined from the start. using the internet to search for the attention and validation he never got as a child. but that's changing now, when he'll see his mcwhopper. he'll be loved finally. no mistakes, a fresh slate with the love of his life.
with the fourth (maybe fifth) sigh, he jumped off. they were right. your life really does flash before your eyes before you die. but instead of seeing anything good, all he say was the pain. the pain of losing everyone and still having to act normal. it's always been an act.. hasn't it? whatever, he's seeing his mcwhopper now
• • •
he awoke with a groan, looking up. he saw the gates of heaven, quickly running through them in search of his mcwhopper. as soon as he saw him, he ran impossibly faster
"mcwhoppa! I am here! I have missed you!"
he runs up with a wide grin, much like the one from that one picture of him in the car (if ykyk)
the whopper had seen it all. After it's very short time spent in life, it had never seen such a heartbreaking sight. A lonely balding man, on the brink of losing it all, only to finally tip over and spill it all out. All those years worth of pent up feelings, emotions never before expressed through this simple action. And yet, as the McWhoppa watching him fall to his demise, the sandwhitch felt a rush of guilt and excitement. Would this rando from a summoning gone wrong really go this far just to finally find love in a sandwhitch? Yes. Seeing the practically bald man rushing towards the burger made it feel all warm inside. This man was crazy, but just maybe this McWhoppa would finally find love too?
jack hugged the mcwhopper. it was slisyeninf u comfortable considering the deight hifference
"mcwhoppa I have waited to see you! I love you mcwhoppa, please accept my feelings"
he finally said it. he got to tell the mcwhopper he was in love. he never thought he'd be happy again in his life, but here he was. a simple mcwhopper making him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. he is a warm coca cola can (ew)
the mcwhopper felt a heat swarm through it's body, was it really falling for some random man? ..yes. "y-yes...jack, I accept your feelings." the mc whooper replied with a blush. "I've missed you. "
he smiled wider, getting near dream mask territory. guys jack is emo confirmed. he knew what he had to do, he got on one knee and pulled out a box. inside was a ring more beautiful than god himself (who very much so approves of this marriage)
"mcwhoppa.. will you marry me?"
the mcwhopper smiled, tears threatening it's non existent eyes. "y-yes of course jack! God I love you more than honey dipped nuggets from McDonald's!"
6 months later
jack manibald was wearing his pure white wedding dress to represent that he's a virgin or something like that I forgot tbh. he was about to walk down the aisle. he had found his dad, who forgave jack for pushing him down the stairs. he just couldn't wait. he was going to get married!! gosh, finally after all these years
the mcwhopper smiled seeing it's beautiful, curvaceous ass having fíance stand at the beginning of the aisle. The mc whoopers yummy rumbled, god it should snack on it's future husband. But anyways- back to this gay shiz, the mc whooper smiled kindly to it's future husband and adjusted it's posture, and tomato slices. Ready to forever change it's future, with this bald ass dude.
he walked up the aisle after the flower french fries were done. he stood in front of his husband, a happy smile on his face. they were going to be married! the preidy guy spoke his words yada yada
"you may now kiss the.. mcwhopper?"
and jack did. he aggressively made out with a mcwhopper in front of everyone. im sure god is traumatized (he is)
the mcwhopper blushed, it wasn't ready for the passion, granted it would have to prepare for more come later tonight. " jack, p-please keep your dirty ass mouth off mine, or at least brush your teeth like I told you this morning before kissing me!"
insert fart noise
"oops..."
his white dress now had a brown stain in the back. he got embarrassed and shit his pants!
"I-I-I-Im gonna leave and get ready for the honeymoon"
apparently in the jack x mcwhopper multiverse there is no after parties in weddings. and with that he ran off, probably to get dressed in his maid outfit
the McWhoppa couldn't lie.....it's kinda into shit play. Seeing his now husband run away in embarrassment from shitting himself, made the burger only realized how much it truly loved that stinky man. "that's my manz!" the McWhoppa muttered before chasing after it's husband, hopeing for more shit play later on.
the three people at the wedding left (god, french fries, and jacks dad). jack manibald had run off to him and mcwhoppers combined room. already getting dressed in his maid outfit in the bathroom, he was so excited to have special shit play with his mcwhopper!
the McWhoppa loved jack very much, but seeing Jack's dad made the mc whooper feel a certain kinda way...... it had to get a taste of the dad bod.
So as jack prepared for his supposed long love filled night with his husband, the burger was sat on their bed, Jack's dad right above him, both making out passionately.
jack walked out, a smile on his face. but as soon as he saw the sight in front of him.. he froze. tears threatening to spill.
"m-m-m-mcwhopper?! my own dad?!"
god, killing his dad sounded really appealing right now. maybe that's why he did it as a kid, and just blocked out the trauma. he just stood there. shocked. all that work.. for nothing. all the time he put into the wedding and making sure mcwhopper was okay.. for nothing. he felt numb. maybe he just wasnt meant for love
hi, im jack manibald. and this is the story of how I became the joker