After his realization of his feelings, Alpha got a text from Charlie inviting him to go to the beach. He didn't know exactly why Charlie was taking him there. Every beach was pretty much the same. How much substance could he get out of that for an essay?
But at least it wasn't a museum.
Alpha agreed anyway because he liked the beach; he grew up near one. He could already feel the salt breeze on his face and the sand between his toes. He enjoyed swimming, and he couldn't help but be excited to do it with Charlie. But most importantly, during all those sensations, he was going to admit the hardest thing he could ever say.
It was making his stomach flip thinking about it. A beach could be a perfect place to reveal his deepest thoughts.
But now Alpha was only waiting at a bus stop tapping his foot impatiently and itching for a cigarette. It was thirty minutes after they agreed on time. He has gotten no texts or calls; Alpha couldn't help being annoyed and .... scared.
The fear that Charlie wasn't going to show up crossed Alpha's mind. It could happen, he has embarrassed himself in front of him multiple times. Charlie was still a stranger and could be messing with him by falsely inviting him to something.
No.
Charlie was a sweetheart and was just being his clumsy self.
Alpha had to forcibly push those thoughts down. It wasn't natural for him to think so negatively. No matter what happened, he had to see him at least one more time. Even if that required showing up to that stupid boat tour place.
He looked down at his watch groaning, seeing that five more minutes had passed. Alpha gave in to his urges and pulled out his pack and lit a cigarette. He needed release; a man could only hold in so much.
Those inner worries finally fizzled out when he heard footsteps behind him. Alpha spun around; his heart sped up as he saw it was Charlie. He was wearing a nice white button-up, with a guitar case tied to his back. His face was twisted in worry.
"H-hey."
"You're late."
"I'm s-sorry! I'm s-so sorry! I didn't know it was going to run this late," Charlie's face turned pink as he brushed his hair away from his face.
"What made you run late?"
"A lot of t-things. Again, I'm so sorry," Charlie took in a few deep breaths before continuing. "I play in a band with my family every Wednesday at our local restaurant. We usually start much earlier but there were delays. I didn't even have enough time to change."
Alpha looked him up and down. That was right, he wasn't wearing a bathing suit. Alpha had one on, even if he was pretty sure he wasn't going to swim. He didn't even ask Charlie if he was either.
Alpha couldn't help being disappointed now. Despite it being wrong, he wanted to see Charlie in a bathing suit shirtless. He wanted to know if he looked like how he did in that dream.
"Why didn't you tell me you had something to do?" Alpha finally said in response.
"I was afraid you w-would ask to go..." Charlie's one eye trailed away. Alpha cleared his throat to avoid saying something selfish. He couldn't get upset; they were barely friends. Of course, he didn't deserve to know everything. Even if he felt like it.
"Why would that be a bad thing?" Alpha tested.
"Because it's music and t-that's embarrassing..." Charlie trailed off. He made his way to the pier. Alpha nodded his head as he followed him. So, he played music? He wondered how he sounded. Alpha adored music and concerts. He couldn't imagine him on stage being the shy and nervous man he was. It sounded cute. Man, he wished that he could have gone.
"Oh, you s-smoke?"
Alpha forgetting that it was in his hand flinched. He lowered it, to put it out but Charlie motioned him to stop.
"Spare me one?"
"Really?" Alpha didn't take him as a smoker.
"Yes. Let's just not take it to the beach..." Alpha nodded as he pulled one out, handing it to the larger man. Charlie pulled out a lighter of his own and lit it taking a drag. He walked over to a fence that was outside the entrance of the beach outlooking the sea. Alpha stood next to him.
"Horrible habit, isn't it?" Charlie turned toward him and offered him a toothy grin.
"Yes. Yes, it is," Alpha chuckled. They then both took a drag in unison. "I like music a lot. I play the violin, and piano and used to take singing lessons."
"You did?"
"Yes, my brothers and I used to sing together often. My brother Beta, even plays the guitar like you." Alpha tapped the guitar case.
"R-really?"
"I cannot lie, he is rather good. It's probably the only thing that he is good at," Alpha bragged. "I always wanted to learn the guitar, but my mom said it wouldn't be that impressive compared to the violin. I was so jealous when she let him play it."
"You can always pick it up now."
"I could. But I am a very busy man nowadays and I would have to find a teacher."
"I could teach you," Charlie suggested. Alpha smiled as his finger flicked the ashes from the stick. How could this stranger keep drawing him in so much? Guitar lessons? Alpha could see the dreams of Charlie getting close to him and positioning his hands on a guitar. "Sorry. No. That is silly, y-you are moving back soon. I forgot."
"I'm a fast learner. Maybe you can show me a few cords at the beach. Play me a few songs."
"Maybe. I don't know if I'll be a g-good teacher."
"Who knows?" Alpha paused to analyze him. No wonder Alpha was so drawn to him. Near the beach, Charlie reminded him of a pirate washed up on the shore. Along with his iconic eyepatch, his button-up was messy and his long hair was wild. How could someone stand out so much but yet fit in? Alpha adored every inch. "Do you know any sea shanties?"
"AH!" Charlie ran his finger along his patch smiling. "I do. Most of the songs I know aren't in English."
"I wouldn't mind listening to that. I love learning new languages. Do you know that I can speak a little Spanish along with knowing Japanese?" Alpha informed. To ease his nervousness, he needed to continue to be impressive. He needed to make Charlie know that he was a valuable human being. "People who know a variety of languages are very intelligent."
"Really? You are such a show-off. Haha, I know a few languages as well! Maybe I can teach a few curse words?"
"Curse words?"
"It would be funny! My papa told me besides learning to greet people and holding basic conversations it is important to learn to curse people out. Tell them to "Odjeb. That means fuck by the way."
"You're funny," Alpha chuckled.
"Huh? I'm funny?"
"You have always been funny. I like that you are being more outgoing now around me. When I first met you, you struggled to speak a sentence."
"I am a shy person b-but once I get to know someone I open up."
"I'm glad you are getting comfortable around me."
"I'm glad you are patient."
He was patient? That was an adjective that Alpha has never heard to be described for him. But he liked it. He wasn't usually patient, but he would do it for Charlie. It was worth it.
"I hope I have been patient enough to hear some songs," Alpha flicked the other man's instrument case again. "Yeah, I didn't forget about that."
"Ugh, you are stubborn! Fine! I'll play but I'm not singing."
"I could sing," Alpha smirked.
"Of course, you would suggest that. I'll think of a song we both know and I'll play when we get down there."
"Perfect."
"Whatever will help you with that essay I guess," Charlie rolled his eye. "That reminds me. Are you excited about going back?"
"Hm. Let me think a minute about that," Alpha gestured to him that he was ready to step onto the beach. He took one last drag of his cigarette before he put it out on the disposal. If someone asked Alpha that a week ago, he would have a clear answer. He did miss his home, he even missed seeing his brothers. But now he wasn't sure...
Alpha didn't have many close relationships besides his family. He had professional ones. The closest best friend he had, lived in Japan and Alpha really only liked him because he liked pushing him around. He couldn't even remember the last time they talked. Charlie was the first relationship of this kind. No matter what happened today he was going to miss him.
"Yes and no," Alpha answered. He made his way past the fence, reaching down to take off his shoes. The salty breeze from the ocean hit his nose.
"Ah, but you get to see your family again," Charlie said as he followed to take his shoes off. He kicked the sand as he stepped forth onto it. Alpha took more time to come up with an answer as they walked together towards the sea. "Maybe your girlfriend?"
Alpha stopped walking and spun around.
"Girlfriend?"
"OH, my apologies I keep assuming things about you. I thought y-you would have one," Charlie rubbed his shoulder before continuing. "I bet there are a lot of girls that like you."
The shock from the assumption melted away as Alpha became happy. If Charlie thought that, that meant he thought he was attractive. That he was a worthwhile man.
"You are right about that..." Alpha ran through his head on what to say. He could tell it wasn't the right time to talk about his feelings. "But no. I do not have a girlfriend."
"I don't blame you. I gave up on dating."
"Oh?" Alpha was hit with complicated emotions. "Why is that?"
"Last one ended badly. I don't know if y-you want to hear about that."
"I don't mind."
"Do you remember my older brother, William?"
"Oh Jesus Christ, not him again."
"Yeah well, I never told you that his wife used to be my girlfriend."
"What the fuck Charlie," It was a lot to take in. First Charlie had a girlfriend before. Could that mean he was straight? And secondly, Every time his brother was mentioned, new bullshit came up. It brought a lot of anger out of Alpha. It almost made Alpha thankful for his own brothers. They were annoying but they were nothing like this.
"To be fair I wasn't the best boyfriend-"
"No don't say that! That is so messed up! And they make you watch their kid?"
"I know, but y-yeah that is why I don't date anymore."
"Relationships are a lot of work."
"They are... but uh hey, can we just change t-the subject? It was years ago. I moved on. And look! There is a good sport if y-you want to sit," Alpha looked over to where Charlie was pointing. It was behind some rock. They would be secluded from everyone else. Alpha followed by his side. "It is funny Al, we are always talking about such personal things. While we still don't even know simple things about each other," Charlie took off his guitar and laid it in the sand. He lowered himself down to sit. Alpha wished that they had a towel but sat down anyway. At least he was the one who wore a bathing suit, unlike Charlie.
"Like what?"
"Um, like what is your favorite color? What is your favorite type of movie?"
"Aren't you supposed to be tutoring me for my essay Mr. Croat?"
"Hush. I w-want to know more about you."
"I'm sure we have all the time in the world for questions like that. But if you must know, my favorite color is either navy blue or a deep rich red."
"I like yellow," Charlie grinned.
"For movies, I don't know? I don't watch many movies; I mostly watch reality TV. Your favorite movie is 'Jaws' no?"
"Actually, no. It is a very good movie, but not one of my favorites. It's kind of embarrassing but my favorite types of movies are animated... Like Disney."
"For children?"
"NO! They are for everyone and they make me happy. It brings me back to when I was a kid. I hate being an adult."
"That is understandable. I haven't watched a Disney film in ages. Sometimes my brothers make me. We used to watch Barbie movies... I can't lie, I did enjoy those!"
"Really?"
"Yeah. Maybe we can watch one of those one time."
"I would love that. We must figure out how. UH, I may not have a smartphone but I do have a laptop. We have a whole list of movies to watch together now, huh? Do you want to know what my favorite fairy tale is?"
"Enlighten me?"
"'The Little Mermaid."
Of course, it was. Alpha perked up at the mention of that movie, nostalgia overflowed him. He liked that movie as well when he was a kid. He remembered admiring Prince Eric and his bravery. Alpha could not believe he was talking about fairy tales with another grown man. He didn't care right now how strange that would sound to others, it was comforting.
"I also loved that one when I was a kid."
"We really need to have a movie night now."
"Yes, we will figure it out. Hm, another question?... Let's see," Alpha pondered. "Hey, I know! What music do you like?"
"You just want me to play a song, huh?"
"Maybe," Alpha smiled.
"I like all types of music, I'm thinking that I could play a Beatles song? Do you know them?"
"Charlie! It's the Beatles! Of course, I know them."
"Ha, I didn't want to assume."
"I love the Beatles. I used to listen to them all the time with my dad. He gave me his records. What song are you going to play?" Instead of answering Charlie pulled out his guitar adjusting himself. He struck a few chords, tuning it and paying some notes that hypnotized alpha. Charlie was skilled, he played clearly, and did not miss a tune. Alpha instantly recognized the song as 'Yesterday'. A song that was one of his favorites growing up.
"Do you know it?" Charlie stopped playing to ask. Alpha only nodded, his throat felt dry, but he still was going to push himself. He was going to be a little songbird and he was going to impress. He had to.
"Ready?" Charlie started again. "Gosh, I hope we don't draw attention."
"I think we are far enough away," Alpha whispered, he hoped that no one bothered them either. As Charlie played, Alpha came in strong. Charlie's mouth turned into a larger grin hearing that he did indeed have a beautiful voice. Both of them in unison blended together to construct the classic song. Alpha felt even more drawn to the other man by the music. He leaned in close and eventually this caused his voice to trail off.
Charlie's fingers froze on the guitar strings. Both of them were silent.
"Charlie, you play amazingly," Alpha stated.
"You too... w-well I mean you sing well."
Alpha blushed biting his lip, he had to do it. He couldn't imagine any other time.
"Charlie... I must tell you something and I fear how you will react. Please just listen."
"What is Alpha?" Charlie's face fell into worry. He laid his instrument on the sand.
"I think... I think I like you. I like you the way I should like a girl. I know that sounds weird and I'm trying to push those feelings away because I don't want to lose this friendship. But I can't hold it in anymore. I can't get you off my mind." Alpha kept his eyes towards the ocean avoiding Charlie's face. He heard the man beside him let out a breath of relief.
"Alpha, I like you too," Alpha felt his whole body freeze at those words. He imagined this as a possibility but hearing it made him lost for words. He wanted to be happy but fear consumed him. Charlie continued excitedly, unaware of the other's inner conflicts. "You are extremely handsome and I admire your confidence. I am surprised that you like men and me of all people. I did see some signs, but I didn't want to assume and scare you away. I am bisexual as well."
"Bisexual...? Wait, what? I do not like men! I am straight."
"Huh? But you just said-"
"I'm just confused about you. You are very captivating!"
"But-"
"Maybe I see the long hair and just think of you as a girl. I'm trying to understand it."
"Oh... But, I am a man..." Charlie's voice cracked making Alpha feel horrible. This was his burden to bear not Charlie's. Making him feel like less of a man wasn't the way to go, Charlie had no reason to feel bad.
"I just don't know. I'm sorry that I said that, I know that you are a man, what am I saying?"
"It's ok. Maybe y-you just like me as a friend then?"
"No. Because I find you very attractive..."
"Oh..?"
"I never thought about a man in this way, Charlie you are very special. But I don't know what to do. I thought about canceling seeing you today because of this. But I'm not that type of person to just not follow through with plans. I had to go. I had to tell you this."
"How do you feel now?"
"I don't know. I thought that saying it out loud would just ease these feelings, because I thought you would be angry or disgusted, with me. But now that you said you feel similar, I don't know what to do."
"What do you want to do Alpha?" Charlie said as he played with the sand under his hands. "Because I could leave you alone if you want. I'm sure it would be easy for you to forget-"
"No!" Alpha cut him off without thinking "I could never forget you. The last thing I want right now is for you to leave me..."
Charlie's face was unreadable.
"It's ok to like men, Al."
"My dad never said that," Alpha's eyes started to sting. He closed them to stop himself from tearing up more. He wasn't someone who cried.
"Alpha no, don't cry," Charlie kneeled towards him. His voice was cracking up himself. "Can I touch y-you? Can I rub y-your back..?"
"OK..." his voice cracked. Fuck. Fuck. "I want to keep talking to you. But it feels so wrong."
"We can do that. We can keep talking to each other."
"Good. But... but I'm going to leave in a few days... I think... Charlie, I think I must do something... I have to know."
"Have to know what? What do you want Alpha?"
"I have to know if my feelings are real."
"How will you know that?"
"How would you? How did you learn to accept yourself."
"Alpha my country is much more homophobic than yours. But I was able to accept my sexuality because my papa is gay," Charlie said. "Me likeing guys was hardly a p-personal issue for me. I don't think I could give y-you good advice on how you will figure out yourself because of that. Everyone finds themselves in different ways. Alpha, please just know that caring about someone isn't wrong or dirty. Love is good, not evil."
Alpha felt more tearful at those words. They felt good. Why was Charlie so precious? He needed him, he needed him more than he needed air.
"I knew it haha. I knew something was up with your dad's situation," Alpha chuckled.
"Haha, you caught onto that?"
"Yeah... Anyway, I..." Alpha had only one thought on his mind to help figure himself out. It was a scary thought, but he knew he rather be dead than never try it out. "Charlie, Do you want... Do you want to kiss me?"
"You want to kiss?"
"I think so. Do you?"
"Very much so, but only if you want to."
Alpha hesitated. Should he? It wasn't right. He has been told multiple times over his life how much it was a bad thing for two men to be together.
But...
He wanted to know exactly how many freckles Charlie had and he bet he could find out by getting closer. Alpha had made his decision and finally shook his head yes. Charlie smiled before leaning in. Alpha closed his eyes in anticipation as he felt lips press softly against his own. After a few moments He opened his eyes slightly, his face reddening at the image of this long-haired man kissing him. He closed them again, pressing more into him. Alpha got lost in the kiss before Charlie pulled away.
"Are you still straight?" Charlie joked. All Alpha could do in response was push back into him. This caused Charlie to fall back as Alpha laid on top of him on the sand. Alpha felt Charlie move his hand to squeeze at the side of his stomach and Alpha groaned in response to the comforting feeling. He has been kissed before by random girls and a couple of girlfriends but it was never as pleasurable as this. Alpha reached up to brush away Charlie's long hair, he pulled away to look into his face counting the dots on his skin.
"I see about fifteen," Alpha breathed out. He stroked the other man's face.
"H-huh?"
"Freckles. I see fifteen, maybe more."
"O-oh I do have more ...in other places."
"I can't wait to see them," Alpha said without thinking. Dirty thoughts spread into his brain.
"We can go back to my place and I can show you," Charlie placed a kiss on the side of his mouth, making his way to Alpha's neck. So, Charlie was thinking the same. Alpha pulled himself off of Charlie making him frown. Alpha could sleep with Charlie. That would confirm even more to himself that he wanted this.
But...he couldn't. Alpha always felt nervous when it came to the topic of sex. He found it uncomfortable. Even if right now he had thoughts about Charlie, he knew he wasn't ready. He had to find a semi-romantic way to get out of this situation, so he leaned in closer. He didn't mind still being flirty. He could see Charlie's eyes dilate and close in reaction. Alpha made his way to his ear.
"I'm a virgin," he whispered. A gasp came out of Charlie. "And I'm not ready for that cherry to be popped."
"W-what?" Charlie pulled away; his expression became twisted in confusion.
"I'm a virgin and-"
"I know what you said!"
Alpha looked up at the sky. The sun was starting to come down and the colors from that was a mixture of oranges, pinks, and yellows. It was like watching a collection of souls drift across the sky.
"Are you disappointed?"
"I just didn't e-expect that!"
"Because I'm so charming?" Alpha said. "I'm sorry Charlie. I know gay people rush quickly into sex... but I'm not about that lifestyle."
"Straight people don't...?" Charlie scoffed. Alpha didn't mean to offend.
"Well, I don't know," Alpha reached up to run his hands through his hair. "I never had sex before and I am not ready for it now. And I may know now that I like you, but I still have to see if you are deserving of me. I don't even know how it works between two men."
Charlie's face started to soften.
"Al you are something..."
"You keep saying that."
"I don't know what to do with you. I have never met someone like you."
"What does that mean?"
"I thought that you were just going to be a-an awkward encounter. But when we meet up, I thought y-you were just making fun of me. Than I thought you were flirting with me, b-but yet again I still wasn't sure. I thought after that we were just friends, but now we are here. Oh my goodness, I'm going on a tangent. I'm sorry."
"Listen, I am confused too. But all I know is that I want to take time with you. I know you said something earlier about not wanting to date. That's fine, I'm not ready for that either."
Charlie glanced away.
"But you are leaving soon, right?"
"Hmph, that sounds like you want me for one thing?" That thought made Alpha's heart sting a little. Maybe Charlie did just want him for that... A hookup. Fuck that, he wasn't just a body, he had his his whole heart into this. He needed to make that clear. "Did you just want to sleep with me?"
"NO. I just-. It is fine to not have sex but what do you mean when you say 'you want to take time with me?' By just talking? Are we ever even going to see each other again? Long-distance is-"
Alpha grabbed his hand, cutting him off. "I don't want this to be the last time we see each other.
"Me n-neither," Charlie's eye glistened.
Alpha let out a sigh of relief before saying, "And I don't know what I mean when I say take our time. I'm still confused. But yes. I do know I want to keep talking to you! We will see what happens as time goes on. All I know is that I like you. I like you a lot."
Charlie covered his face with his hands. Alpha wanted to pull those hands away, but he held back just holding his breath.
"W-we can do that," Charlie finally said.
Those words made Alpha fuel light on his feet. Everything was working out. He still felt a little worried. The words from his father long ago about how it was wrong for two men to love each other rang around in his head. But something deep inside him told him this was right. He was made perfect. Why would these feelings be wrong if that was the case? Why would it be wrong if that kiss felt so good? The universe has spoken, this was a path he should travel.
Charlie could be his...
But wait...
"I'm leaving Friday... "Alpha paused. The full panic that he would probably not see Charlie for a while set in. "Do you work that day?"
"Do you need someone to drop y-you off at the airport?"
"No. I just want you to be there. To thank you for all the help."
"W-well I wasn't able to show you around too much-"
"I don't mean that Charles."
"Oh."
Alpha looked down at the sand, Charlie did help with much more than that stupid essay. Charlie helped him find a hidden part of himself. He could feel his heart in his head. This was crazy, he liked a man. And this man liked him back! His hand was taken by the other.
"I'll be there," Charlie squeezed his hand tight; Alpha did the same back.