"Get out of my way you fag!" Someone said as they pushed me so hard I hit the lockers next to me. That was most likely going to bruise.
"James are you OK?" Jake asked as he took my arm and looked at it. He was one of my best friends and was always there for me when I needed him. He was taller than I was and had the most beautiful skater hair. It was the kind of skater hair that curled at the ends. He wasn't built but he definitely did have enough muscle (especially on his stomach) to stick up for me.
"Yeah I'm OK. It's just the normal I get pushed into lockers teachers pretend like they don't see anything. Yeah high school is definitely the best time of my life."
"Rob don't touch my friend again you douche!"
"Awe are you two in love? Are you going to get married on the beach during the sunset?" Rob asked mockingly? I could tell Jake was getting angry. He had his hands in fists and was ready to jump at the guy.
"No, but what would you do if we were? Would you ever do anything to back up your words to someone who could actually do something?" Rob wasn't that strong of a guy. He did football which is why he was always so good at shoving me into lockers. He's had some practice, but Jake could definitely fight him.
Rob walked up to Jake and got really close to his face. "I dare you to take a swing at me." I knew that Jake wouldn't do it because if he did he'd be the one to get in trouble.
"You know who would be blamed for causing it if I did that. So how about you grow some balls and do if yourself?"
"What is going on here?" asked Mr.Axle. He was one of the only teachers in this hell hole that would stick up for me. I really liked him.
"Nothing Jake and I were just getting to class." I said so that nobody would get in trouble.
"Alright I'll see you in a few minutes for class." Mr.Axle said to me. "Clear the halls make a path let's go get moving!" Mr.Axle said.
"Let's just go to third period so we aren't late." I took Jakes arm so that he would stop staring at Rob and start walking. He was steaming so I knew not to talk to him but I also didn't need to him to be late to class and get detention.
"Whatever." We started walking to English. I liked English. We did creative writing all the time and my English teacher Mr.Axle was the best. He actually cared about most of his students.
"Hey James."
"Hey Mr.Axle What are we working on today?" Mr.Axle was a normal sized guy and was in his early forties. He also had a beard which made him seem as if he was trying to be from the Romeo and Juliet days. His voice was really low and deep and he was really funny. He told us stories all the time about when he visited other countries.
"We're going to be reading some more writing from authors the same age as you." He always had the best ideas in English class. He wasn't one of those teachers that picked the books you would be reading and made you read them, even if they were the most boring books in the entire world. He gave us decisions, and let us vote for what book we all wanted to read.
"That sounds pretty fun." I was some sort of writer I guess. I used to write quotes all the time and I still do sometimes. I always post what I'm feeling on social media sites and usually I get a lot of praise for them.
I went through English and I read some pretty cool memoirs by other people who were being bullied. I commented on a lot of them and told the people that wrote them that they could get through it and it gets better. I was hoping that some of them would email me and maybe I could make some new friends.
I made new friends over the internet all the time. I would help people with stuff they were going through and try to make them feel better. I prevented some people from committing suicide which made me feel like I was making a difference in some peoples lives.
The bell rung right when I was starting to enjoy myself. The worst period of all was next. Lunch, the period I dreaded. None of my friends were in my period they were all in the period before this. I had lunch the worst period because I took a lot of advanced classes. Since I was in those classes and there were only certain periods that they were taught my entire schedule had to be configured around them. I hoped that after high school taking the advanced classes would all be worth it.
I got my lunch and sat down. Sometimes I wonder if the people that served the food would even eat it. I always sat by myself because everybody in the school hated me for being gay. It's so stupid that people are so judgmental. Everyone says being yourself is great and you should never hide who you truly are, but sometimes you don't become happy from doing it. It dosen't always have a positive outcome.
For lunch today were tacos. I loved tacos; they were probably one of my favorite foods. The school gave us meat and cheese. There wasn't even lettuce or salsa or anything. But a taco is a taco right? Even if the meat your eating probably isn't even meat, the cheese tastes horrible, and the taco shell disenegrates in your hand, it's still a taco.
After I was done eating I started reading. I was in my world reading Perks of Being a Wallflower. It was one of my all time favorite books. I had read it at least four times already. I was always so warped into it like it was another world and I was experiencing everything that the characters experienced, and felt everything they felt. I felt as if everything that happened was happening right in front of me. "OW! Who just threw that?" I yelled after a piece of an orange hit my back. What did that orange ever do to them anyways?
"Go find somebody who actually cares about you and your gayness!" someone from the popular table said.
Did he really just say gayness? Somebody needs to go and reevaluate their life. Honestly I always thought that guy was gay. That just made me know that he was.
I looked over there to figure out who might've thrown the orange at me, then I saw one of the hottest guys in school, Ryan. Ryan was probably the most absolutely perfect guys I had ever seen. He had defined cheek bones, and a perfect white smile. He played football and baseball and did track so he had nice abs, a nice butt, and amazing legs and arms, and he also wasn't a douche to me like everyone else. Ryan looked at me and I saw his gorgeous blue eyes (did I mention his eyes are gorgeous?).
Wait did Ryan just look at me? Did we just have eye contact for more than one second? My heart was beating uncontrollably fast. He was probably looking at how much of a nerd I was and then I calmed down. I didn't really have anything to be happy for anyways. Right? He was probably looking at how I'm weak and don't stand up for myself. But honestly I would stand up for myself if I knew it would be me fighting one guy, not me fighting all of the popular people. Because honestly I wasn't as weak as I looked. I had pretty nice abs and my arms may have looked scrawny but I went to the gym.
Then I was brought back to reality with a huge taco labelled 'James face express' on it. I dodged it then ran out of the lunch room feeling like a complete loser. This happens on a daily basis. It was one of the most horrible feelings in the world. People tell me they know how I feel but I know that they don't. Nobody that I talk to has to go through the things I went through.
There weren't many other gay guys in the school. I knew there were some people but they had never come out or anything. I guess that I was the only idiot who had thought that coming out would present other people in doing the same thing. But I had only come out in the beginning of the school year. The school year was now halfway over so I guess I still had to have hope.
I went through the rest of the day just feeling worn out. I didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. "Are you ready to go?" Jake asked from behind me nearly giving me have a heart attack. He would always do that and I would always get scared.
"Yeah let's go. Can we stop at Starbucks first? I need to get myself a soothing vanilla coffee."
Jake smirked "Yeah sure you damn coffee addict."
"I'm not an addict. I just love how it tastes and makes me feel warm inside. It makes me feel like I'm loved by something."
"Which means that you're addicted?"
"Yeah yeah yeah whatever you say. Let's just get me a coffee and head on to my house." We drove to Starbucks I got my coffee and I was in heaven. It tasted so amazing, coffee just makes me so happy. We got to my house and we just started talking about the most random things and played some music.
"So you got any crushes James?" Zoey asked out of complete randomness.
"Maybe... Why do you care?"
"I think I have the right to know who my best friend has a crush on." Zoey said as she put her hand on her heart like I had just injured her. She was so over dramatic it was horrible. Wasn't I supposed to be the dramatic one considering I was the one who was gay?
"Well I saw Ron today I guess he's pretty cute. Then there's a plus... He's gay too! "
"Oooooooo so you have a crush on Ron? Maybe we should make that little idea of yours a reality. We know that he's gay obviously. So why not try it?"
"Maybe because we don't have any of the same interests, he's nothing like me, and I'm me. Why would anybody like me?"
"Why would somebody like you? Maybe because you're one of the most real people in the school. You're really fit, smart, your taste in music is great. You are really really funny, and your laugh is one of the cutest things in the world. That's why somebody would like you!" Jake said.
I was so happy that I had Jake. No he wasn't gay but he was really the best friend ever. He always knew the right thing to say and exactly how to say it. "Jake you don't know how much that even means to me." I don't know why but I felt like I wanted to cry. I went over to the bay window in my room and looked out of it. It was so beautiful outside. I had an amazing view from my house because I lived on the top of a huge hill that over looked the town. I could see the valley and the river. It was just so picturesque and astounding.
"Wait its dark outside already?" Jake asked.
"Yeah its been dark for a while."
"My mom is going to kill me. I'll see you guys tomorrow. It was fun hanging out with you guys as usual. Don't get into trouble while I'm gone." He winked his amazing wink that was pretty much perfect and ran downstairs and left.
I honestly did not want Jake to leave at all. I have to admit that if Jake was gay I would definitely date him. He was one of the best guys I had ever come to know.
Right now Zoey was grounded. If her parents caught her over my house they would probably kill her. They hated me so much. They were homophobes and didn't want Zoey to ever be around me because they thought she would be poisoned by me which made absolutely no sense. Last time I checked humans weren't poisonous animals. Maybe the scientists had finally decided to study Zoeys parents.
I wished that Zoey could've come over without sneaking around. Her parents really never cared when she was out at her friends. She got caught being at my house because her ex-boyfriend was my neighbor. They had a horrible break up. Zoey caught Brad with another girl doing it. She went off on him while he was in bed with this girl. There was a lot of crying involved in the break up and there was also a lot of ice cream. The ice cream part was a plus but the crying wasn't. But there was nothing The Breakfast Club and Grease couldn't fix. I told her she definitely did the right thing even though she missed him a lot. It was kind of normal to miss someone, especially when you were with them for six months.
Once Brad realized that Zoeys parents were homophobes he used it to his advantage. I don't understand why he was trying to get back at her. He cheated on her, she would have never cheated on him. She should be the one trying to cause him trouble. So as soon as he saw her come over my house he told her parents. That was exactly how she ended up grounded.
Zoey decided it was time for her to go home. It was pretty late and now that Jake had left the conversations weren't as fun. When she left I got really bored and then I looked up Ryan on Facebook and Instagram just because I had nothing else to do. I was so tired but why not look at a hot guy I could never have? Sounded like a lot of fun. I was reading a post under one of his shirtless pictures and it said 'Be who you are even if someone tells you otherwise. I wish it was as easy as it sounded. So honestly I have to say that'
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