I pulled my hair into a slick bun behind me, scrutinizing it in the mirror to make sure there were no lumps or unevenness.
I brushed off the imaginary dust off my white naval dress uniform. I readjusted my hat, making it even on top of my head.
Everything had to be perfect.
Today had to be perfect.
❅
Vice Admiral opens the ceremony by saying, "Congratulations to this year's graduating class at the Navy's Fighter Weapons School. You are the future of our pilots. You are the best of the best that we have to offer to the world. Come up to the stage and receive your papers."
He steps back, and we all stand at attention. I'm in the middle of all of the pilots, Bradley is at the front, and Natasha and Jake are near the back.
Nevertheless, we file in together, and receive our certificate of graduation, just like a high school graduation. But this Top Gun graduation paper will mean more to me than that ever will.
I shake hands with my superiors, and we all find our way back to our seats.
Now for the part we've all been waiting for.
"Our top graduate for this year, Avalanche, Lieutenant Zoe Kazansky. I'd like to invite her to the podium to share a few words." Admiral Bates announces, and then leaves the stage to me.
I walked up with an air of confidence, as usual.
"I'd like to thank all of our commanding officers, maintenance and engineering teams, members of the faculty, friends and families of our graduating class for supporting us in this next step of our careers. Top Gun was a humbling experience to say the least. It was like the naval academy all over again." I got a few chuckles at that. "Getting a wink of sleep if we were lucky, learning and flying, but we wouldn't have it any other way. And our futures don't stop here, we all will separate from this place, and serve on missions, deployments, and detachments across the world. But one thing will always remain the same. This ceremony today, marks the day that we graduated the Navy's Fighter Weapons School. This is the day we became Top Gun graduates. Thank you."
There's a light round of applause as I salute my commanding officers, Admiral Bates and Vice Admiral Simpson, and then I make my way back to my seat.
The rest of the ceremony is short, but filled with congratulatory speeches for our graduating classes.
Soon enough, it's over, and I make my way to my parents.
"Dad! Mom!" I said, hugging them both.
"Zoe, I'm so proud of you." My mother said, brightly beaming at me in my crisp white uniform. "Now I have a two Top Gun graduates."
"I thought I would always be your favorite." My father jokes, his voice still raspy.
"Dad, don't talk if it hurts. I don't want to..." I can't finish my sentence.
My father and my mother give each other a knowing look.
"What?" I ask.
"Should I tell her or should you?" My mother says.
"I will. The cancer in my throat is shrinking. Since we caught it at such an early stage, the doctors think it'll be gone in less than a year if I keep doing radiation and chemotherapy."
A tear slips out of my eye, and I hug him tightly, and he does it back. I think this is one of the only long hugs we've had that wasn't when I was a little girl.
Some people gawk, they've never seen Iceman so soft, but he's only this way for his family.
I pull back, "That's amazing Dad."
I hug my mother, and whisper, "Thank you for being there for him when I couldn't."
"Of course." She says.
"I have to go say goodbye to some people." Is all I say, feeling overwhelmed by emotion.
She nods and returns to my father.
I found Phoenix, and went up to her. Saluting, I greeted, "Lieutenant Natasha Trace."
Matching my serious tone, she replies, "Lieutenant Zoey Kazansky."
We both fall into a state of laughter.
I pulled her into a hug, "Natasha, I'm going to miss you so much."
She wrapped her arms around me. "I'm going to miss you too, Zoe."
"This isn't a goodbye, it's a see you later." I promised.
"Okay, see you later, Avalanche."
"Until next time, Phoenix."
Next on the list were Payback and Fanboy.
I snuck from behind them, and then laid my arms across the backs of their necks, splitting them apart.
"Hey boys."
"Hey Avalanche." Payback says.
Fanboy replied, "Hi Avalanche."
"It was nice meeting y'all. You were good classmates and decent pilots."
"We were more than decent." Payback defends.
"I know, but I didn't want to inflate your egos any more than they already are." I joke.
My father beckoned, "Zoe! Come over here."
"One second," I told Payback and Fanboy as my father called me over. "Yeah Dad?"
My father smiled, "Zoe, this is Ron 'Slider' Kernel. He was my RIO at Top Gun." Then he cleared his throat, trying not to cough.
My heart dropped, but as soon as it did, I put on a mask. I could do this for my father. I smiled and shook his outstretched hand. "Nice to meet you, sir."
"Nice to meet you too. You know my son over there, Mike?"
"Which Mike? What's his call sign?" I asked.
"Jinx." His father said.
"Yeah I know him." I say vaguely. Jinx didn't exactly leave the greatest impression with me.
My father read my body language, and quickly changed the conversation. He pointed over to Bradley, "That's Goose's kid right there."
Slider laughs, "I guess the navy never leaves your blood... but I thought he was a little older than our kids?"
My dad opens his mouth to explain, but knowing Bradley was a private person, I interrupted, "It's complicated."
"It always is." Slider finishes. He claps my father on the back and then says, "I better go find my wife. Good to see you, Iceman. Avalanche." He tips his head in respect, and then leaves us.
"You okay Dad?" I asked, as his face dropped a little.
"I'm fine. Just seeing him brings back old memories."
"I'm sorry." I say, not really knowing how else to comfort him.
"It's fine. It's time to let go anyways."
I nodded.
Then I catch Hangman out of the corner of the eye, and I knew it was time to say goodbye to him.
"Dad, I need to say one more goodbye, and then we can head." I said, patting him on the shoulder.
"Okay, I'll go find your mother." Iceman said.
"Thanks! See you in a sec."
This was gonna hurt.
I went up to Hangman, "Bye Jake."
Hangman turned around, and flashed me a smile.
I got the balls to go on my tippy toes and I press a sweet but chaste kiss on his cheek.
Hangman looks surprised, but he pulls me into a tight and loving hug, and then he stepped back.
"Bye Zoe."
His eyes held a promise he couldn't say.
I knew my own eyes betrayed me, and sported a similar look.
A million memories flash through my head, all of our bantering, our dancing at the Hard Deck, when he drove me home when I was drunk, and then... when we first met, when I fell and he was there to catch me. I blinked hard, and then I turned around and left him behind me.
I had to hold my head high.
I couldn't look back, because if I knew if I did, I would've risked it all for him.
I think I wanted him to come after me. No, I expected it. But that was Hangman, he wasn't going to fight for something the other wasn't. He wasn't going to chase after someone. Jake Seresin was to proud to ever admit it.
Maybe we were the right person for each other, but at the wrong time.
And so we became strangers again.
❅