She was too still.
Pale and quiet as death. The subtle movements of her chest moving up and down the only sign of life.
Her striking red hair stood out against the deathly pale cheeks, fanning around her face as she rested.
It brought to mind so much that Penelope would rather not think about.
She pressed the palm of her hand against her mothers forehead, feeling the fever still ravaging her body.
Cale always looked so big and strong to Penelope. Despite her desire to protect her mother from her cruel fate, Penelope had never viewed her mother as weak.
Even seeing her carried back shamefully in Alberu's arms, she still had a strength to her that went unquestioned in Penelope's mind.
Perhaps it was the effect of a mother. Something about the way Cale held her as though she'd protect her daughter from the whole world left a shaking impact upon Penelope's heart.
Her mother was strong. Her mother was invincible. Her mother could handle anything.
It was an underlying belief she hadn't even realized had become written on her heart until it was crushed so thoroughly.
Cale shuddered in her sleep.
Penelope very much needed to not think about the parallels.
She didn't know if she could hold herself together if she allowed those thoughts in.
Penelope's tiny fists clenched on the sheets.
The thought resounded again and again in her mind.
Was this it? Was this the undefined moment in time when she would lose her mother?
Was it always supposed to happen now? Or had she hastened it along with this foolhardy trip?
A hand touched her shoulder and Penelope flinched away from it, glaring up at her father furiously.
Was he behind this?
While he had been cheerfully attempting to buy Penelope's love, was he sending assassins to attack her mother all the while? Wasn't it enough how he manipulated her?!
"Stay away from me." She hissed low, unsure how to keep herself from committing treason as the anger boiled up inside of her.
Alberu nodded in understanding, sitting back down to the chair at Cale's bedside.
Penelope hated that too.
How disgusting of him to pretend to care by remaining at her side. Couldn't he at least have the tact to leave so that Penelope didn't have to endure his presence?
Was this all a part of his persona as well? An alibi? 'The poor king cared so much for the wretched queen that he stayed at her bedside'? A way to assuage suspicions of his guilt.
Penelope hated him.
She realized that she hadn't before. Hate didn't come easy to her. She felt disdain and dislike for people like him, she felt distrust and disgust because of his future disloyalty, but she hadn't been able to summon up the feeling of hatred for the man that she had loved as a father for the past four years of her short life.
Although at the moment Penelope hated everyone.
Including herself.
It was her suggestion to leave Cale alone. Her suggestion that left Cale vulnerable to the attack. She was cheerfully allowing Alberu to spoil her in the streets of Puzzle City while Cale was fighting for her life.
The weight of responsibility made the anger even worse.
"This is your fault." Penelope accused. Her voice a vicious venom that ran along her veins and ended in her shaking hands. "Why wasn't she properly protected?"
Alberu's silence spoke volumes and Penelope turned her glare towards him. "I'll never forgive you."
Perhaps it was her imagination but she could swear something broke in Alberu's expression.
It belatedly struck her that she hadn't seen his normal sunny smile since the incident. What expression had he been wearing...? Her mind drew a blank. She hadn't looked, hadn't cared, she still didn't know, but something broke and it scared her a bit.
For all of Penelope's spiteful fury, she wasn't naturally inclined towards conflict. For the majority of her first life she'd done everything she could to avoid conflict. To escape rather than to fight.
'He deserves it.' The hatred spoke low in her heart. 'He should feel worse for what he's done. I hope he suffers.'
A gentle hand reached out for her, pulling her in for a hug.
"Munchkin."
Penelope blinked back unbidden tears, her heart suddenly alive in her chest.
Cale cuddled her close. "What are you doing up so early, munchkin?" Cale asked, her affectionate brown eyes looking a bit clouded over as she kissed Penelope on the forehead. "It's early. Go back to sleep." She pet Penelope's head, holding her close.
Penelope broke down.
Clinging to her mother with trembling hands, her voice came out in a half sob. "...mama..."
"Shhh... what is it?" Cale asked sweetly, she still looked so pale and Penelopoe could feel the fever on her. "It's okay, mama's here."
"...don't leave me."
Cale laughed, resting her forehead against Penelope's and looking into her daughter's teal eyes with determination playing in her reddish brown ones. "I would never leave you." She caressed Penelope's cheek gently and there it was, that lie of strength that Penelope's heart couldn't help but believe. "You're my everything, munchkin."
Penelope buried her face into Cale's chest and indulged in the moment.
In the lie that her mother was strong and would never leave her. Away from the horrible reality that this might be her last memory if Cale was unable to recover.
"You're such a worrywart sometimes." Cale teased affectionately, closing her eyes sleepily as she hugged her trembling daughter. Her hands thoughtlessly petting down Penelope's impossible curls. "It's okay, Penny. I'm okay."
Feverish memories were returning to Cale as she comforted her daughter. It had been hard to pin down exactly what was going on when she first woke up, all she'd seen was that Penelope was up and upset and her instincts kicked in from there.
Belatedly she recalled that the poison was still running rampant in her system. It was unfortunate that she lost consciousness before she'd been able to share what she'd learned.
Her body had just dropped bonelessly when she'd seen Alberu. It was strange, he was certainly a useless bastard who wasn't worth even one bit of trust.
But the relief she'd felt when she saw him had sapped away the very last of her strength.
She felt wretched for worrying poor Penelope but it was a relief that no harm had come to her daughter. She'd have to do something to make it up to Penelope. No child should have to worry about the mortality of their mother.
Smiling sadly, Cale opened her eyes and froze in place as she was met with surprised blue eyes.
The warmth inspired by the affection of her daughter drained away at once.
Cale felt naked.
In a way that she'd never actually felt before. Public nudity wasn't even something that brought her all that much discomfort. She was a shamelessly brazen drunkard with seemingly no limits to what she'd expose. And truly, she didn't mind any level of shameless behavior being witnessed by anyone.
Only...
This wasn't shameless or brazen or a show she was putting on.
This was private.
Exposed and vulnerable as the only side of herself that she kept for just her and her daughter was witnessed by him.
Perhaps he sensed her mounting panic. Or maybe he had pity for the pathetic state she was in. Whatever the reason, Alberu offered her an awkward smile.
It wasn't his normal smile.
It looked strange and foreign on the otherwise familiar face and for whatever reason it eased Cale's growing panic.
She was too tired and feverish to put up a facade.
A part of her couldn't help but recall his face as he fainted. He didn't look like himself then either.
Amazing. She'd been married to him for five years and it was the first time she felt like she'd seen his face.
She closed her eyes, easing back into sleep with her precious daughter hugged to her chest. Perhaps the queer sight of Alberu had been nothing but a dream. It felt like one as the haze of sleep took hold.
Alberu stared at the pair with a complicated feeling welling in his chest.
Technically speaking, the two were his wife and daughter. In the literal sense, they held the roles that normally denoted a certain level of intimacy.
And yet...
He felt like an outsider. A stranger. An interloper witnessing a private family matter.
His stomach tossed unpleasantly and he stood up, making his way to the door in order to request the attendant outside send another healer. Cale was looking better but the glazed over look in her normally sharp eyes worried him.
He stood by the door after he completed the task and looked towards the napping lumps on the bed.
He thought he'd done his best as a father. He'd always tried to be there for Penelope and he would give her the moon in the sky if that's what she wanted. He loved her unconditionally and he'd protect whatever future she wanted for herself.
He loved her. Respected her autonomy. Made time for her.
...but was he really a part of her life...?
Had 'made time for her' really been enough? He reflected that days would go by sometimes without once catching sight of his daughter. It was easy to blame that on the tension in his relationship with Cale or the neverending work of running a kingdom–it was easy to ignore his own failing.
It was no wonder Penelope had grown cold to him. Compared to her relationship to her mother, he was practically a stranger.
...her mother...
Five years together in marriage. One year of engagement. Six total years of a relationship.
And she looked like a stranger to him.
All of her normal bravado melted away like a dream and an affectionate gentility that he had never seen from her.
It was absolutely nothing like the sharp tone that Cale used with Penelope when they were in public. Nothing like the angry drunken slurring or cold disregard for the wellbeing of others.
Penelope wasn't surprised by it either.
Cale as a mother was an entirely foreign sight to Alberu and it shook him up inside.
He hadn't even figured out what to do about her sudden change in attitude towards him and she'd managed to shatter all of his preconceptions yet again with effortless ease.
How well did he know his wife?
He'd thought that he knew her better than most. Having stayed at her side for the better part of six parts and seen absolutely everything she had to offer.
Everything she offered for the world to see.
Alberu answered the door calmly when the healer arrived, allowing him to make his assessment that the queen merely needed to rest more for her fever to fade before he left again and Alberu was left alone again at Cale's bedside.
Penelope had fallen asleep in her mothers arms.
They painted a lovely picture together. Anyone in the world who saw them would have seen a wholesome scene of a mother and daughter napping beside one another.
It hurt that Alberu didn't belong in that scene.
If he'd done better, as a father and as a husband, would he have a place beside them?
Alberu was used to the feeling of being an outsider inside of his own family. Perhaps that was why this situation had gotten so out of hand to begin with. It felt more natural for him to be treated like an outsider.
It wasn't that he'd never felt the warmth of family. His aunt and his mother had been affectionate and loving. And when his mother had been alive, even he'd briefly experienced what it was like to have a father who cared for him.
And then for so many years he'd been the other.
Aberrant in his very existence to such an extent that he couldn't even reveal his true face.
Alberu didn't know how badly he longed for the intimacy of being a part of that picture before now.
A sad smile tugged at his lips.
'...they look happy.'
It was painful. Not just knowing how little he fit in with them. Not just knowing that he'd probably never fit into a happy little family as a proper member. Not just to feel that he wasn't at all worthy of having such a family.
It was painful knowing that they would likely be happier without him around.
Penelope's acidic words still bit through his skin, melting the flesh leaving him raw. How much of Cale's behavior was because she simply hated him and hated life at the palace? How much of her life had been lost to meaningless alcoholism inspired by misery?
She'd been an angry drunk before he'd even met her but in his wretched misery, he couldn't help but bear the responsibility of it.
Alberu reached out and touched Cale's feverish forehead, frowning at the heat that could still be felt radiating from her. It was doubtless that her condition had improved and her fever had gone down, but he still hated seeing her like this.
"...you really never hold back." His quiet voice went unheeded by the sleeping pair but that made it easier. "I'm sorry."
She'd protected herself. Ferociously. With the same unbending will that made her such a formidable opponent in all walks of life.
But she never should have had to.
He brushed a hair from her cheek. Gently patting Penelope's head before he returned to his seat.
There was a lot to do.
He'd sent his best to investigate the situation. He'd even sent a message to his aunt in hopes that she would come for support. But there was much he ought to see to himself to ensure that the situation was dealt with appropriately, with the swift mercilessness such an incident required.
Normally with so much work ahead he'd already have left the room hours ago. He was useless here, sitting here and watching as she slept without even the ability to offer Penelope comfort.
And yet he couldn't persuade his legs to leave.
In the very pit of his stomach, he couldn't help but see her collapsing again. See Penelope covered in blood.
No.
It was best that he remained here, if for no other purpose than to offer protection.
No one would get near either of them so long as he was there.
Alberu's fists clenched in his lap he watched the gentle picture that he didn't belong in, the sifting and stirring emotions inside of him offering him absolutely no rest or respite.
It was hours before Penelope awoke again. She'd been restless the whole previous night and it had taken far more out of her then she'd imagined. Four year old bodies weren't good at handling worried all nighters.
She reached up, touching Cale's forehead and breathing out a sigh of relief at the normal temperature.
Cale stirred gently, smiling in her sleep and muttering out a sleepy "munchkin".
Penelope was dimly aware that Cale wouldn't want to show this to Alberu but she didn't care. Whatever that useless king did was none of her business. Still...
Penelope glanced at the chair where she'd left the king to his own devices, surprised to see he'd dozed off as well.
His normally effortlessly perfect face had a worried wrinkle between his eyebrows and he was bobbing gently in a way that threatened to send him toppling to the ground if he didn't wake up.
Penelope sort of wanted to see if he'd fall. Just to know how he'd react.
She wondered if she'd ever seen her father sleeping before. It was the first time to her recollection and while for her first life that wouldn't have been abnormal, she'd grown accustomed to seeing her mother asleep.
There was a strange peacefulness to the quiet room as Penelope sat up and observed her parents openly.
The uncertain future ahead still terrified her but at least her mother was doing better.
She'd live through this.
Penelope's tiny fists clenched.
She'd make sure her mother would live through this.
The dread that she might lose Cale so soon had swept the ground from beneath her, leaving her unbalanced and stumbling fearfully forward.
In her previous life she'd been alone. She knew perfectly well she could survive alone even without her mother. Even without a single person in the whole world who loved her.
And yet she couldn't fathom how she'd be able to return to that way of life now.
Carefully, so as not to disturb the two sleeping adults, Penelope crawled out of bed to get herself a cup of water. She made it about three steps before she stumbled as her unsteady feet tangled up beneath her.
She clenched her eyes shut, expecting to have a loud appointment with the floor below.
A gentle hand caught her and for just a moment, she expected to see her mother when she opened her eyes.
She didn't recognize the woman in front of her who carefully kneeled down before her, checking her for injuries and smiling at her sweetly.
She was dressed like an attendant but there was something strangely familiar about her that Penelope couldn't quite place.
"Are you alright, princess?" She asked and her voice was soothing. It wasn't the obnoxious higher pitch that most adults utilized when talking down to her as a child. It was smooth yet kind. Penelope instinctively liked it.
She nodded mutely.
The woman smiled and again there was something just a bit familiar about it but Penelope couldn't place where. She flicked her gaze towards the sleeping pair with a chuckle. "What am I going to do with him..." There was unmistakable affection in her voice and Penelope's calm immediately melted into suspicion. The woman appeared young, was attractive, dressed like an attendant, and showed an unusual familiarity towards her father.
'Is he already unfaithful?' She thought with a scowl.
The woman turned back to her and her laugh was warm as she saw Penelope's expression. "Oh my, you look just like him when you frown like that."
That only made her scowl deepen as her unforgiving feelings built up.
Luckily, Alberu awoke at the noise and blinked owlishly at what he saw. "Tasha...?" He asked, gathering himself and standing up. "I didn't think you'd be able to come until tomorrow."
She approached the king without any of the appropriate decorum, patting him gently on the shoulder before pulling him into a hug. "Of course I'd come as soon as possible. Is she okay? Are you?"
The relief that peeled away the tension coiled around Alberu was unmistakable. "I'll be alright. I'll explain..."
The two adults paused in their progression to the hall, the tiny child glaring up at them and blocking their path with the ferocity of her glare. Perhaps it was the height of all of the emotions or maybe it was the tiny body and brain that wasn't used to undergoing this much stress, but Penelope had just about hit her limit.
"Mama is like that you're leaving with her?!" She asked scathingly, the implication clear in her words as she viewed the pair with clear disgust. "Don't you know any shame?"
The aunt and nephew blinked down at the child as comprehension dawned.
Tasha laughed, kneeling down in front of her with an apologetic smile. "Ah, I'm sorry princess. I didn't properly introduce myself." She held out a hand for Penelope. "I'm your great aunt Tasha. The last time I met you, you were just a baby."
Penelope's anger dissipated, replaced instead by confused embarrassment. She wasn't normally the sort to make assumptions or at very least not the sort to act upon them without evidence but she'd been so upset and she'd never seen her father look so genuinely relaxed around another person.
In the pool of embarrassment she realized she'd been jealous.
Not just angry for her mother but childishly upset the way an actual child might vye for the attention of a parent.
It was mortifying in retrospect.
She looked down to her feet, her cheeks red hot with shame. She couldn't quite find her words.
Tasha's gentle hand reached out and patted her head sweetly. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart. It's my fault. It's wonderful that you're holding my foolish nephew accountable and protecting your mother. That's something to be proud of, princess."
The words probably would have been more comforting if she were an actual child. But as an adult wearing a child's body, she couldn't help but feel just a bit patronized.
"I'm sorry."
She looked up, not expecting that apology from the king. He was also kneeling in front of her and his face was a complicated mess of emotion that she couldn't decipher. He reached out and gently held her hand, she didn't pull away this time.
It would feel cheap if he explained himself or made an excuse but he just apologized and somehow it eased the rampant emotions inside of her. She nodded morosely in acceptance.
"I'm going to be speaking with your aunt in the hall for a bit." He explained and she still hated him but she couldn't quite summon the emotion right now. "I'll be back soon."
She nodded and looked down.
She had to swallow the childish plea for him not to leave and she couldn't understand where it came from.
She wanted him to go. She hated him. She hated that he was just there all the time when she was full of nothing but spite for him.
She shook away his hand, running back towards her mother and forgetting entirely about her quest for water.
She didn't quite understand her feelings about her father yet and that was yet another thing to hate about him.