Never have I ever felt like this in my entire life. The feeling of emptiness. For two weeks I've been feeling empty and useless and it was because my strength was far away. Where I was supposed to be planning for our attack, I left it to my men to plan.
I can't do this without her.
The way I'm acting isn't worthy of me, of my mafia but when my wife isn't here, it feels like everything is crumbling down. I'm so used to her and I know this marriage started all for revenge but now she's the only one that brings me comfort in my own home, in my life.
"Mi hijo, you need to sleep, look at your eyes. Bloodshot red because you've been drinking and haven't been sleeping." My eyes move to the side to see my mother standing beside me. I look away, running my hand through my hair and closing my eyes because I didn't want her to look at me like this.
"I want to be alone." The last time I said that to my mother, she slapped me across the face and told me that's not how I raised you.
"Hijo, she's going to come back soon. Why are you acting like this?"
"It's been two weeks mama. Two fucking weeks. What if she never comes back now?" I choke on my own words. What if I'm right? What if she doesn't want to come back to me ever now? I mean I did force her into this marriage.
"She's with her brothers, not in a different country. She will come back." My mother says.
"If she was, she would've come back by now." I let out a whisper, my mother touches my shoulder and makes me turn around.
"Mi hijo, Reina needs time. If she can't do this here, let her do it with her brothers. Trust your mother on this when I say she will walk through that door and will come back to you." My mother gives me some reassurance, kissing the top of my forehead.
I have never felt so vulnerable in my life. My mother is the only person who sees me through times like this. First from Elias' death to now where Reina isn't here with me. And to me the only thing that seems to solve this vulnerability is by drinking.
"She will come back right?" My words utter in a hushed way, my heart trying to fight all the demons in my head and the thoughts of her not coming back.
"She will, my boy, she will. Be patient, because this time is only going to make you two stronger."
"Okay ma."
"Now stop drinking and get some sleep. Reina wouldn't want you to be like this, so if you're not going to do it for me, at least do it for her." She runs her hand over my cheeks, kissing my forehead once again before leaving me to be alone.
For her - I have to be strong for her so when she comes back, I'm the one comforting her, not the other way round. I stare at the bottle of gin in front of me, I take a deep breath and close the lid and put it away.
After a while my mother left, my sister walks in with a tray of food. She places it aside and sits beside me on the bed. "What do you want, Lina?" I don't look at her, I speak in a harsh way and I know I shouldn't be - especially not to my sister.
"Don't put that attitude on me. I bought you food." She says.
"And I don't want to eat."
I hear her sigh, the bed rises again as she stands up. "Listen to me hermano, I don't care if you're older than me but you need to listen. You need to get your fucking act right otherwsie I'll sort it out myself!" Just like our mother she is. I look at her with amusement because I know she was right in what she was saying. "Don't smile at me like that Santi. Eat your food or I'll force you to." She glares at me then pointing at the tray of food.
"You're just like mama." I say, ignoring the food because I really don't want to eat especially when Reina is not here.
"Don't think about ignoring what I just said. You need to eat Santi." She stresses on the word 'need', looking at me with pleas to eat. "Reina wouldn't want you to not eat." She adds on and every time someone mentions her name, my heart skips a million beats.
"Well she's not here so get out Lina."
"Santi, please just eat something." She tries to force me again to eat but I know for a fact that Reina is doing the same thing and so I feel the need to do the same. For some reason it feels illegal to. "Look I'm going to go now so you can do what you want with the food. But just have something." She continues to speak, making her way out of the door.
"Lina?" I call her name out before she opens the door. My head turns to completely face her as she does the same.
"Si?"
"I will eat something, don't worry." I clear my throat, picking up the sandwich she had prepared for me.
"I'll see you later hermano."
----
It's been hours since I've been trying to go to sleep but I can't. Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is Reina. I'm so used to having her by my side when sleeping but the past two weeks have been so rough without her. I've grown on to her, despite how we came together, I'm so intoxicated in her that she's slowly becoming my addiction.
With her it's like I'm my old self. The self I was when Elias was around. I may have been young at that time, but having my brother brought out the best of me, he showed me that life didn't always have to revolve around the mafia, he taught me from a young age everything that I needed to know about the life I was growing up in.
And now with Reina beside me, she's bringing the best side of me once again which I only thought my brother could do. Everytime she smiles at me, I give a piece of my heart to her, everytime she laughs, I laugh with her. The pain she feels is like a pain to me. I was supposed to hate her, making her life a living hell but it's like I'm forbidden to now.
It's like I'm supposed to love her.
How can I hate her now? She's slowly revealing her past to me, we're finding out new things about her uncle and the Koreans that her own family has nothing to do with any of it.
I don't even know what time it is, I'm sitting outside on the balcony in the light breeze, a cig in my hand and puffing away. And I wonder if she is awake too, if she's thinking about me like the way I am about her. But I want her to be thinking about me, I want her to only think about me so she doesn't have any of those nightmares or so she doesn't think about her uncle.
Just remember I'm all yours Santi.
Her words stick in my head, well it has been ever since she left and it's made me realise that my feeling of void and hate is now filled with love and comfort. I love her.
"You know they say if you can't go to sleep it means someone is missing you."
I must be hearing things because that voice sounded exactly like Reina. I slowly turn my head to the open door, the smoke of my cigarette being blown away, my lips twitch to see her standing in my presence.
She came back.
"Well was that someone you?" My voice was rough due to the lack of sleep, I watch her walk over to me with a smile on her face. She takes the cigarette out of my hands and crushes it away onto the floor. Her legs straddle me and her arms snake around my neck, making our bodies touch against each other.
"Smoking is bad for you," Her words slip out like an angel speaking and she says my hands rest on either side of her waist, "You're not allowed to smoke in my presence now, especially when I've heard you haven't been eating and sleeping."
"Mm- but you haven't answered my question." I whisper close to her lips and she quietly chuckles and shakes her head. "I want you to say it aloud, hermosa." I pull her close so that our lips were an inch away from each other.
"I missed you. Did you miss me?" Her cheeks change to a rosy colour instantly but her lips lift into a playful grin. I feel her fingers play with the back of my hair making my heart pulse fast because I missed her more than I could have ever imagined.
"Si, I missed you so fucking much. So much that-" No time wasted, her lips crash onto mine. A hefty groan leaves my mouth, right into hers, as she also does the same. Her hips lift up, rolling forward to me. I take hold of them and hold her in place as I take dominance of our kiss. We were so desperate for one another, our tongues fight, our bodies collide and my heart, well it settles from the await of her coming back.
"Don't stop kissing me." She says in a breathy demand and I find myself chuckling at her. She's so irresistible right now, the temptation of making her feel good all night was already making me so hard, the taste of her cherry lips gives reassurance that she's not leaving again and that I'm at peace.
"We should go inside." I mumble, slowly parting from her lips. Her lips stay still on mine and she smiles timidly against my lips. My thumbs start to make circles on her hips and place a small kiss on the corner of her lip, "I need you beside me, all night."
"Someone's needy." She mutters and pulls away so that I could get a clear view of her.
"For you, yes. All the fucking time. Besides, aren't you the needy one when you just crashed your lips onto mine?" I smirk, teasing her with tracing my fingers along her wet lips.
"You kissed me back though." I could feel the vibration of her voice against my fingers, before I knew it she takes them away from her lips and gets up from my lap. I lean back, hoping she wouldn't see the mess she created in my pants. My legs spread as I watch her go back inside. Her seductiveness draws so much attention to me, a grin lays on my lips as I know what she's trying to do. "Are you coming or what?" Her body was screaming for me to touch her, from the way she was leaning against the door to the way she walked back inside.
Fuck sleep because I'm not going to let any of us sleep for the rest of the night.
A/N:
Don't worry, you'll get what you want in the next chapter 😏
Have a good day/night <3