"these aren't the right button holes!!!"
"Layla, stop stressing, these are the ones for the general guests" Jasmin explains, she has the patience of a saint today.
The atmosphere in the bridal suite is worse than actual hell.
"These are the ones for Ben and the groomsmen, shall I take them across?"
"No, I'll do it!" I grab the tray of flowers from Jasmin who's giving me daggers for taking her way out of this room from her.
"Jack text me earlier, he's forgotten his tablets" I lie
Jasmin relents
"Didn't realise he was still on them, guess that's why he was on the tea last night?"
"Yeah, they're just because he's still getting headaches, I mean he was on blood thinners and all sorts, so you know...." He hasn't forgotten them, not as far as I'm aware but he is on them still.
"Just can we hurry up Chelsea? My day!" Layla shrills from across the room where she's getting her hair done.
I roll my eyes to Jasmin.
-
Ben's room is much more relaxed. I find them pretty much ready, they're wearing matching grey tailored three piece morning suits with gold ties, apart from Ben who has a cravat. Ben is fully ready, sitting on the bed with Madders who appears to be trying to stretch out a pair of shoes. Dele is fixing Ben's cufflinks.
I turn to see Jack whose obviously taken on the role of DJ and is fiddling with a speaker. He flashes me a killer grin. He looks amazing in his tailored trousers, crisp shirt and fitted waistcoat, his tie slung around his neck undone.
"Buttonholes" I declare, unable to take my eyes of my man. My own fiance.
"Hey Chels, how's me boy?" Ben snaps me out of my daydream.
"Er, Ive not seen him actually" Jack has moved across the room and is now fiddling with his tie in the mirror.
"Not at all? Surely Layla has seen him?"
"Sorry Ben I don't think so, is he with Carly?" Of course he's fucking with Carly. I notice Jack roll his eyes and huff, but I'm not sure it's at the Alfie situation or if his tie is causing him problems.
"He's supposed to be with us though ain't he?" Madders asks looking between me and Ben.
"Yeah in his suit, for photos" Jack adds, still pulling on his tie.
"Baby you ok?" He clearly isn't.
"Can you ask Layla to call Carly and have her bring Alf to me Chels?"
"Can't you just call Carly Ben?" We all turn to Jack as he abruptly flings the tie across the room.
"Fuckin' thing!!"
"Maaaaate?" Dele picks up the offending silk garment.
"Fuckin' can't remember how to do it can I?"
I take it from Deles hand and walk towards Jack, he looks even better close up, beard freshly trimmed, hair gelled back and he smells amazing.
I realise I look like a joke, my face has been done, but my hair is still in curlers and I'm wearing my huge oversized 'team bride' button through shirt and matching fluffy slippers.
"It's ok, let me" there's something a little sensual and intimate about standing so close to a man and doing their tie up.
"This the look ya all goin' for is it?" He reaches out to poke at the mess that is my hair"
"Yup, gorgeous hey?" I smile.
"But ya hairs already curly? Why's it in those things?"
"Rollers? Because it's the only way my hair will settle into the style Layla wants"
I see him check on Ben's proximity before he whispers into my ear "ya gonna look hotter than her anyway, wotever she does ya hair like"
-
When we start our walk down the aisle, I see his face first. As I walk slowly in time with Jasmin, to the string quartet playing 'wildest dreams' it's Jacks eyes I meet, Jacks smile I reflect back.
It feels special, poignant.
The ceremony is actually beautiful,
Of course it's been planned down to the minutest detail, but it's genuinely beautiful and I hope that we were wrong, that they are soulmates, that it is forever.
-
Jack takes the glass of champagne that's been handed to him, and swiftly passes it back to Ben's 16 year old cousin "oi, you'll get in trouble with Ben's aunt if you're not careful!" I warn him.
I notice that Ben's mum has now taken Alfie and is milling around the room introducung him to anyone he may not have met, Carly following like a bad smell.
"Is the bar open? I need a soft drink" Jack wonders next to me.
"No bar lad" an elderly relative of Ben's tells him.
"I can't be the only one not drinking? Wot they giving the kids?"
"There's squash and tea over there lad, can't miss it all the old girls have congregated around the tea pot" the man nudges me "it starts with dancing around your handbag, ends with gassing around the tea trolley"
Jack bursts into laughter, genuine, but far louder than the joke deserves.
"Oh go and get your bloody tea with the grannies!" I shake my head at him.
After chatting to Layla's family for a bit, I find Jack sitting with Sian and Chris and Ben's gran.
"Look at you lot, party animals!" I laugh as I approach them.
"Ey, don' y'know this one's the worst, granny chilly!" He reaches for the elderly lady's hand as she laughs.
"That's right! You better watch out!" She jokes.
"He's definitely pulled!" Sian adds, rubbing her belly.
I smile at Ben's gran, "oh that's fine, have him I promise you'll soon be bringing him back when you realise what a pain he is!"
I sit next to Sian "you ok?" I ask her.
"Fucking uncomfortable, but yeah, I'll survive"
-
After endless photos we finally sit down, Layla has been gracious enough to sit me next to Jack at the top table, a fact I've been reminded I should be grateful for too many times to keep track.
"Only the best man and bridesmaids should be at the top table, but as it's Jack I'll do it" she had said, yeah do it for the photos more like.
Dele and Sian had not made the top table cut, but then neither had their parents, to save Layla having to deal with their step parent issues, the table that should have been Layla and Ben, with me and Jack one side and two bridesmaids the other side was now me and Jack, Jack obviously next to Layla for photo preference, and Jasmin and Madders Ben's side, so Madders the best man was on the far end from me.
"I swear the photographer thinks I'm still best man" Jack whispers to me.
"Babe, shhhhh whatever, don't let her hear you" I quietly hiss back.
We both turn when we hear a bit of commotion from Ben and Layla.
"No Ben, he's fine with Carly!"
"He could sit between me and Jasmin, Jasmin don't mind, do you?"
"No, no of course not" she looks like a rabbit stuck in headlights being drawn into the heated discussion.
"No, Ben, he'll make her dress all dirty!" Our dresses are pale gold silk Grecian numbers, they were already proving to be dirt magnets.
Ben's clearly fuming.
Jack gives me a pointed look.
"His mom's gutted she don' get t'look afta him y'know" he whispers.
We eat our meal without drama, other than Layla repeatedly jabbing Jack in the ribs begging him to do the speach instead of Madders.
"Seriously Layla, I'm not tellin' ya again, I'm not doin' it! Mads has it sorted, he ain't gonna fuckin' show ya up!"
"Have you seen the speach Jack? Ben said he hasn't seen it!"
Jack drops his fork with a clang "course Ben ain't seen it!"
"Have you??"
"Yes!"
"Have YOU seen it Chelsea?" She leans across him, her tits almost grazing against his steak.
"No, I haven't, but I'm sure it's perfectly fine.....stop being so controlling!"
"It's my wedding, I'll control every damn thing!"
Jack screws his face into a 'pfft' I instinctively touch his arm, willing him to calm down.
"It's Ben's wedding too Layla!" He blinks slowly, his nostrils flare, he isn't happy, not at all.
"Are you actually having a go at me on my actual wedding day Jack?"
He looks at me, I've seen that look on his face before, normally on the pitch though.... From a safe distance...
"Jaaaaack" I soothe.
"Fuck sake you pull out of being best man, then you try to tell me how to run it anyway!"
"Layla" I see Layla's mum looking over at us, they need to stop, I look back, Ben's not in his seat, he's got up and is crouched down at the end of the table talking to Madders, completely unaware of Jack and Layla about to kick off at each other.
"Nah, nah you're a joke Layla, an absolute joke!" He gets up, the scraping of his chair causing several heads to turn towards us. Layla follows him out of the room. I glance down the table, Ben has vanished totally I shrug at Jasmin before following Layla and Jack.
As I exit the doors I bump into Sian, she looks awful.
"Babe, what's up?"
"I don't feel good Chels, I feel so uncomfortable. I think I'm going to have a lay down upstairs"
"Look Sian I'm really sorry to ask, but Jack and Layla have just had a bit of a spat, can you just check in on Jack see if he's gone to our room on your way to yours? I'll find Layla?"
"Yeah no worries, if he's there I might just collapse on your bed for a bit, your rooms closer"
"Ah darling go for it, get Jack to make you a brew, you both probably need it"
-
I can't find Layla anywhere.
It's only been fifteen minutes, but surely she won't want the speeches to run late? I double back on myself incase I've missed her and find Jasmin instead.
"What the fucks going on? Ben and James are sitting out there all alone like they are the ones that got married!"
I fill her in briefly on our way back into the main hall. Thankfully, it looks like all the guests are still enjoying their meal oblivious to the fact the top table seems to have dispersed.
We turn towards Ben and Madders, only it's not Ben.
"Mads where has Ben gone?" I exclaim, Dele is now sitting in his seat, with Chris now sitting in Jacks seat. The three of them look like they are probably having the best time of anyone to be honest.
"He went to find you lot? What's going on?"
"Jack and Layla got a bit funny with each other, I think Jack went to our room to calm down, by the way Chris, I saw Sian she's tired so she said she'd check on Jack and maybe crash in our room for a bit" he nods at me as I continue "I can't find Layla though......I've checked her room, the toilets, the garden....the other lounge.. and I didn't see Ben either on our way back"
"Did Ben take Alfie?" Jasmin asks, looking around.
"Nope, he was gonna, but Carly had already disappeared" Dele tells me, waving a glass around.
"How much have you had?" Jasmin snaps at him.
He laughs "not as much as him!" We all follow his gaze, Layla's stepdad has definitely had enough.
"Isn't he making a speech as well as her dad?" I cringe to Jasmin.
"That's Alf with them innit?" Chris points to the baby wearing a miniature version of Ben, Jack and Madders suits.
I'm confused. "So Alf's with Layla's family, and we don't know where Ben, Layla or Carly are?" I clarify.
"About the size of it I think" Dele says, slumping slightly, causing Madders to giggle loudly at him.
Someone's phone starts ringing.
"Fuck sake, please don't tell me you're as pissed as him!" I snap.
Chris is fumbling for his phone, he puts his finger in his ear to hear the caller.
"Nah I'm fine girls, honest, promise you" Madders pleads, not fooling either me or Jasmin.
I notice Chris has gone silent.
"Who was that on the phone?" I ask.
"Er, Jack, Sian's waters have broken..."