・❥・
I know what I'm getting myself into. I do. I might struggle with my own shit, but I know that I can be there for Sawyer. I want to be there for him.
I want to be that person that he can rely on, that shoulder he can cry on. The person who would never judge him the way he would never judge me. I'm familiar with the feeling of being a burden and I don't want him to ever feel like that again. If being there for him means that he'll never feel that way, then I'll do it.
"I don't deserve you being nice to me after the way I treated you this week." He hangs his head in shame.
I walk up to him and cup his cheeks. "I forgive you, but next time just talk to me, okay? I'll understand, I promise you I will. If you need space, I'll give it to you, if you need a hug I'll give you that too, just talk to me."
He bends down to press a little kiss to my nose. "Thank you," he whispers.
"What for?"
"For hearing me out," he answers.
I laugh. "Yeah, after I shut the door in your face, made you wait outside for like three hours and then yelled at you."
He chuckles, pressing a kiss to my forehead and then my nose. "I knew it wouldn't be easy, you're so fucking stubborn. Not as stubborn as me, but still very stubborn," he teases.
I tuck my head into his chest. "I would have left you out there all night if it weren't for my mom, you know."
"Oh, I know," he says. "I was ready to camp outside of your house and throw little pebbles at your window until it annoyed you enough that you had no choice but to listen to me."
I shake my head, pinching his side. "I still wouldn't have opened the window, no matter how much it pissed me off."
"Yeah you would've," he says oh so confidently.
"No."
I feel him roll his eyes at me. "Well, we'll never find out because you already forgave me."
I don't respond. I can't win this conversation so I just tighten my hold on him and burrow my head further into his chest.
We just stand here, in the middle of my room, hugging each other with everything we have. As Sawyer holds me, I realize just how much I missed him and his hugs. When we hug, it feels like nothing can hurt me because he's there to protect me.
Our hug gets interrupted when there is a knock at my door.
"Have you guys made up already?" my mom shouts from the other side of the door.
"Yes mom. Thanks for locking us in here by the way and giving us no other choice but to talk it out." Even though I might sound annoyed, I'm actually glad that my mom forced us to talk it out. My stubborn self would have probably ignored him for five days so he could get a taste of his own medicine.
I hear the door click and then my mom pops her head into the room. "What are moms for?" she winks at us. She closes the door and then opens it a second later like she forgot to say something. "By the way, dinner's ready, so please come out and eat," she says.
Sawyer looks down at me in his hold. "I better get going," he mutters before kissing my forehead and pulling away from our hug.
"No, no, Sawyer, don't leave. Stay for dinner, Sage has made you suffer enough today," my mom pipes up, still standing in the doorway of my room. I send her a glare.
Why is she still standing there?
"No I couldn't. I don't want to intrude."
And when did he become so proper?
"Oh shut up." I roll my eyes. "You're staying," I conclude before grabbing his hand and dragging him to the dining room.
"But—"
"Hush. You're not winning this." He raises his free hand in surrender and lets me drag him.
I sit down at my assigned seat at the eight seater table and have Sawyer sit next to me.
My family usually eats the food that my grandma makes during the week, but on days that my grandma doesn't cook, my dad usually makes something for all of us. My grandma didn't make anything today which is why we're having a dinner where we all eat together.
"Papi, what did you make today?" Quinn asks from her seat across from me.
"Carne asada tacos, my love," my dad answers. "Is that okay?"
Quinn smiles. "I love those."
We all sit around the table talking until my dad comes to the table with the meat and the tortillas ready. My mom stands from her seat and brings back all of the condiments that we like to put into our tacos.
When everyone is seated, we all dig in. My mom helps Quinn make her tacos, but other than that everyone is on their own.
As I'm reaching out to grab five tortillas like I usually do, the voices of Jake and Avalon ring through my head.
You're fat.
You're ugly.
Bigger girls like you.
You always have to eat everything.
My hand freezes above the platter. I don't want to be the person they think I am. I don't want to prove them right. I don't want to be the chubby girl everyone sees me as.
I decide on two tortillas instead of five and I fill both of them up with minimal carne asada. I also decide against putting condiments on my tacos. I squeeze a little bit of lemon on both of them and then I'm ready to eat.
I finish both of my tacos and just sit at the table watching everyone eat. I usually don't mind the rule where we all sit at the table until everyone is done, but right now, watching everyone eat as many tacos as they want is really making me feel like shit.
My mom notices me sitting with an empty plate and asks, "Sage, mija, you don't want anymore?"
I shake my head. "I'm full."
I'm still hungry.
"Are you sure? You usually eat more than two."
"Yeah Sage," Avalon adds. "Is everything okay? You usually eat like six."
"Avalon," my mom scolds.
"What? She does."
"I'm fine, really. I had a big lunch." I can feel Sawyer's stare on the side of my head, but I don't dare look at him. He'll know I'm lying.
The conversation is dropped after that. The dinner is filled with light chatter, my family getting to know Sawyer. My sisters ask him little questions here and there and my dad watches as he answers each one.
My dad isn't a man of many words but I could just tell by his subtle facial expressions that he likes Sawyer. He likes how nice he is to my sisters and he didn't mind the few jabs that Sawyer and I threw at each other.
When everyones done eating, we all pick up our dishes, place them in the dishwasher and then go our separate ways. Sawyer follows me to my room.
We stare at each other for a few seconds before we both open our mouths.
"Can you stay a little longer?"
"Can I stay a little longer?"
He pulls me into his arms. "I don't want to leave yet," he mumbles into my hair.
"So don't. Do you wanna watch a movie with me?" I smile up at him.
"Are your parents fine with that?"
"I'm sure they are." I shrug. "My mom likes you and I'm pretty sure my dad does too."
"Can you just ask them? Just to be sure."
"Seriously?" I ask incredulously.
"Please," he begs.
I roll my eyes. "Fine. I'll be right back."
I leave Sawyer in my room and then make my way to my parents room, knocking on their door before I enter.
"Come in," my mom calls out.
I open the door and find my parents cuddling on their bed watching TV.
"Can Sawyer stay and watch a movie?" I ask them.
They both look at each other before my mom turns to me and answers. "Yes, my love. Is he staying over too?"
"I'm not sure."
"Okay, well if you guys were to fall asleep during the movie, you can let him know that it's okay if he spends the night." She winks at me and I blush.
"Okay mom." I make my way out of the room but not before my mom calls out to me.
"Your sisters are here so please keep everything PG!" I feel my blush deepen.
"Mom," I shout back, which causes my parents to laugh.
I make it to my room, and lean against the door as I shut it. I look at the ground, blowing out a breath so that I can try and calm down the blush on my cheeks.
"Did they say yes?" Sawyer asks, breaking me out of my trance.
I jump, forgetting that he was in my room. "Yeah, they said yes," I answer a little breathless.
I walk over to my dresser to pick out my pajamas for the night. I decide on a big oversized shirt and some shorts. I turn to Sawyer who is spinning on my desk chair and notice that he's still in the clothes that he wore today for school.
"Do you want me to ask my dad if he has some clothes that you can borrow?" I offer. "I'm sure those jeans aren't very comfortable."
He stops spinning and answers me a few seconds later when he's regained his composure. "Nah, it's okay. I think I have some extra clothes in my car, I'll just go out and get it."
I make a face. "You just carry extra clothes in your car for fun?"
"After the gym sometimes I want to take a shower so I make sure to always carry an extra pair of clothes." I nod in understanding. "Why?"
I shrug. "Just wanted to make sure you don't leave it there for your spontaneous movie nights with people."
"What kind of people?"
I turn away from him. "Girls," I mumble.
He walks up to me and turns me back to him making sure that I'm looking into his eyes when he says, "You're the only girl I want. You're the only girl I've ever wanted." Then he leans down and kisses the corner of my mouth.
Do that again, but on my lips this time.
What?
He pulls away and looks into my eyes. I think he sees something in my eyes because he smirks and then leans down to whisper in my ear, "If you wanna kiss me, all you gotta do is push your pride aside and make the first move." He nips my ear and I suck in a breath.
He pulls away and I know my reaction satisfied him because that cocky smirk stays on his lips. I'm not letting him go that easy though. I grab a fistful of his shirt and use it to pull him down to my level. This time I'm the one whispering in his ear.
"I could say the same about you. I'm right here Sawyer, I promise I'll kiss you back if you do." I press a kiss to his jaw and I feel it tense under my lips.
He meets my eyes. "I don't make the first move."
"Neither do I."
"Then I guess we'll have to wait and see who loses control first." He shrugs and removes my grip from his shirt.
I step away from him and cross my arms over my chest. "I don't lose."
"I don't either."
"Oh, but you will," I assure. "You'll see."
"I don't think so." He walks up to me, leans down close enough to where I can feel his breath on my lips, giving me the impression that he's gonna kiss me, but then he doesn't. He presses a hot kiss on my neck instead, sidestepping me after to go get his clothes.
"Dammit," I curse because not only did that neck kiss give me butterflies, but he also walked out before I could get the last word in.
Cocky bitch.
Wait, aren't I a cocky bitch too?
I shrug because honestly, that's not important. What's important is that I was so bold with Sawyer like a second ago. I literally tugged him down to my level which honestly felt very empowering and I kissed his freaking jaw!
Who the hell am I?
A bad bitch, that's what I am.
As I celebrate my boldness a minute ago, I decide to quickly get dressed before Sawyer gets back. I just finished slipping my shorts on when I hear a knock on the door.
"Come in," I command.
Sawyer walks into the room with a bag in hand that I assume holds his extra pair of clothes.
"Can you tell me where the bathroom is so I can change?"
"Yeah, you make a right then two lefts then another right, keep going straight and it's the first door on the left," I instruct.
He blinks once, then twice at me. "I think I just had a stroke. Can you repeat that again, maybe a little slower this time?"
I laugh. "Those aren't the right directions, I was just messing with you." He flips me off. "Go straight towards the hallway and it's the first door on the right."
As Sawyer goes to get dressed I get my bed ready. I pull the comforter back and pull my blankets out from my closet. It's fall now so even though my parents don't have the air conditioning on at night, it still gets a little cold in the house. I take some of the unwanted throw pillows and place them on my desk so that we have more space on the bed.
By the time Sawyer is back in the room, I'm already in bed on the wall side with my blanket draped over my legs and the TV remote in my hand.
Sawyer places his things on my desk chair and then climbs into the bed with me.
I turn to him. "What do you wanna watch?"
"I'm not really sure, any ideas?"
"I have some ideas, but they're all romance movies."
He shrugs. "I'm down for anything to be honest."
"Really?" I ask, my voice full of hope.
He smiles. "Yeah."
I decide on one of my favorite rom-coms ever: She's The Man. I picked it for two reasons.
Reason #1: I love the part where Channing Tatum shoves a tampon up his nose to stop his nosebleed.
Reason #2: Channing Tatum looks so fucking fine.
I play the movie and cuddle up with my favorite stuffed elephant Dodger. When I was little I really loved the Los Angeles Dodgers so I named my stuffy after them.
We're five minutes into the movie when I feel Sawyer slip his arms under me and scoop me up until I'm right up on him. I'm about to push myself off of him, but he grabs one of my legs and drapes it across his body. One of his hands rests on my lower back and the other is rubbing up and down the leg that is draped on him.
"Is this okay?" he asks softly.
"Are you sure I'm not hurting you," I ask, my voice hesitant. I always get so embarrassed having to ask that but I don't want Sawyer to feel like he has to have me on him or something. I know I'm not light.
"You're not hurting me."
"Are you sure?" I double check.
"I'm positive." He kisses my forehead. "Now watch the movie."
I risk another glance at him just to make sure that there isn't any discomfort or pain showing on his face. When I can make sure that he's okay, I turn to the movie and pull Dodger close to me.
・❥・
・❥・
I'm laying here, rubbing Sage's smooth thigh and I realize how at peace I feel with her. She makes me feel things that no one ever has and I don't ever want to lose this feeling. I want to bottle up the butterflies I feel when I'm around her and save them for times when I feel lonely or sad because I know they'd make all the pain go away.
I'm not sure how long we've been watching the movie, all I know is that I've been staring at Sage most of the time. She just looks so pretty when she smiles at a part that makes her happy or giggles at a part that makes her laugh. I could stare at her forever and never get tired.
"Sawyer." Sage taps my chest. "My favorite part is coming up right now. Look."
A scene of Channing Tatum shoving a tampon into his nose appears on the screen and Sage bursts into laughter. As I watch her, I start to laugh a little too, 'cause her laugh is just contagious, it's one of my favorite things about her.
She looks up at me with a smile. "It was really funny, right?"
"Yes, baby, it was." She smiles up at me and presses a quick kiss to my cheek before she turns back to the movie.
The rest of the movie is just filled with Sage's giggles until she starts to doze off towards the end of the movie. I gently pluck the remote out of her grasp and turn off the TV. As I'm getting us situated for bed, two little girls walk into the room.
"Hi Sawyer," Lilian greets. "Is Sage awake?"
"She just fell asleep a little while ago. Why? Is everything okay?" I ask her, my voice starting to grow worried.
"Yeah, it's just she always tucks us into bed when mami and papi are asleep."
"Oh okay. Well I'm awake, I can tuck you guys in if you want?" I offer.
"Are you sure?" Quinn asks. She's just like her sister.
"I'm positive, c'mon." I carefully lift Sage off of me and then follow the little girls to their room.
They each grab one of my hands as they lead me to their room. When we reach the room, I tuck Quinn in first since her bed is closest to the door. I drape her blanket over her so that it covers her whole body. As I'm walking away to go tuck Lilian in, she reaches out and grabs my hand, effectively stopping me.
"Is it okay if you kiss my cheek?" she mumbles shyly. "Sage always does that when she tucks me in."
I smile at her, she's just the cutest thing ever. "Of course I can." I bend down and place a small kiss on her cheek and as I'm pulling away she places a little kiss on my cheek too.
"It will help you go to sleep." She's so cute.
I walk over to Lilian to do the same thing. When she's fully covered by her blanket, she speaks up.
"Are you and Sage better now?"
I nod in confirmation. "We are. It took a little while but she forgave me."
A satisfied expression appears on her face. "Good."
I bend down, signaling that I'm gonna kiss her cheek and she catches on, turning her head. When I'm done she does the same as Quinn and kisses my cheek too.
I stand to leave but Lilian's voice stops me.
"Sawyer?"
"Yes?"
"Take care of Sage, please. She puts a lot of pressure on herself to be perfect for us and sometimes it gets too much, so just take care of her. She deserves to have someone love her."
"How old are you Lilian?" I'm genuinely curious, this girl seems too smart for her own good.
"I'm ten."
"You're very smart and observant for your age."
She grins. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." I'm walking away but she calls out to me again.
"Promise me, Sawyer," she insists.
"I promise."
I make it back to Sage's room and crawl back into bed with her. I gently remove Dodger from her grasp and then wrap her arms around me because the stupid elephant was making me jealous the whole movie. I place her leg over my body like it was during the movie and continue to rub my hand up and down her leg.
For some reason it brings me comfort.
When I can guarantee that we're both comfortable, I begin to drift off, but not before wishing her good night.
"Good night, baby. Sweet dreams." I place a small little peck on her lips and then let sleep take over.
I guess I was the first to lose control after all.
Word Count: 3384
author's note:
HOLA! I have been working hard on this chapter so that I could give you guys an earlier update and it payed off because I finished it before the week mark! I think I like how the chapter came out, especially the end with Sage's sisters. I love them so much, they're so cute.
Sage and Sawyer are finally okay now so hopefully we can get them together soon. I have some scenes planned for them and I'm going to attempt to write some smut, so we'll see how it goes *smirking face emoji*
Also, just a reminder that if you guys don't have anything nice to say, please don't say it. I work hard on my book so please just be mindful of that.
Be sure to let me know your thoughts on the book and characters :)
I love you and I am proud of you. I hope that you have a beautiful day <3
elisa <3