Perrie POV
It was a fantastic, magical night. At least that's the feeling that stayed. How it started, I forgot through all the euphoria. The fact that Jade was very unwell in between, I think I blocked out through our triumph and thanks to the alcohol. And so did she.
But when we take our seats on the plane, fasten our seat belts, continue to laugh loudly and take off into the air, reality catches up with us. As if Jade would be able to think clearly again with the second we take off, I suddenly hear her gasp and I am immediately sober again.
"Pez," she just breathes, but it's loud enough to silence the rest of the plane. Everyone is staring at her, some wondering and unsuspecting, some worried. I would like to jump up immediately and rush to her, but we are still taking off and are not allowed to get up. So I just sit her, waiting and feeling absolutely helpless.
"Close your eyes and take a deep breath," I tell her desperately and I see that she follows my advice, but her face still looks pained.
"Just breathe, I'll be right with you," I'm whispering and I know very well that the silence is not good, that all eyes and ears are on us.
"What's wrong?" asks Sam quickly and I just shake my head, continuing to watch Jade's face spellbound.
"Perrie, talk to me," Sam demands now, but I can't, I can't get a sound out and I just pray that I'll finally be allowed to unbuckle my seatbelt.
"She's still having some after-effects of the pneumonia and the evening was probably a bit much for her," Leigh explains instead and I know full well that Sam isn't buying it, but for now she seems to be taking it.
And when we finally hear from the pilot that we're in the air now and can unbuckle, I jump up faster than I've ever moved before and am already kneeling in front of her when she opens her eyes.
"What do you need?", I whisper.
"I...I," she stammers, still with her face wrenched in pain. And I don't even wait for an answer, I'm already sprinting to my bag and pulling out the big medicine case I just picked up earlier. Without thinking too much, I open it to look for the pills from earlier, when I hear Jesy marvelling behind me. "Goodness me, what are you planning? What is all this?" she asks, stunned, and as quickly as I can I close the case again and pack it away after finding what I was looking for.
"Perrie?" she probes further, but I ignore her, having no idea how to explain all this. Instead I go back to Jade, press the pill into her hand, open a bottle of water and press that into her hand too. "Take these," I say urgently. And with shaky hands she follows my instruction and leans her head back wearily, whereupon I stroke her forehead, which is far too warm again.
"I'm sorry," she whispers, but I shake my head vehemently.
"No, don't be," I say quickly and she seems too tired to contradict me and closes her eyes instead. And I pray that this time she falls asleep quickly and soundly, so that she can at least get some rest. Even though she is a bit sweaty, she seems to be cold, so I put a blanket over her and hold her hand tightly until she falls asleep. And when I get up again to join the others on the couch, all pairs of eyes are glued to me and I know for sure that I won't get around it this time.
"What kinds of medication is all that?" asks Jesy again, who seems to be completely sober by now.
"Just stuff you may need," I say curtly.
"I have a teeny tiny bag of stuff you may need and you have a whole damn suitcase full of pills. What's all that stuff?!" she continues, unimpressed by my first excuse.
"Gosh, Jesy, just leave it!", I almost shout in exasperation because I really don't know how to explain all this and the chemotherapy hasn't even started yet. But, as usual, I only seem to provoke Jesy with my shouting.
"No, I won't budge, not this time. There's something really weird going on here and I want to know what the hell it is!" she replies loudly.
"Do we really have to talk about this now?!", I then ask with a sideways glance at Sam, which she unfortunately notices.
"I'm not blind, Perrie. I also know that something is very wrong here," she says too calmly for my liking and I close my eyes in defeat, inwardly desperate for any explanation. I would like so much to tell the truth, to just shout it out.
Leave her alone, she has cancer. She has goddamn cancer, that's why she's not well. She shouldn't be on a plane or on any stage for even one second. She's sick, she's terminally ill! Don't yell at her, don't be mad at her, be there for her. Help me to help her.
How nice it would be not to be alone with this terrible knowledge. But it is not my diagnosis, not my story to tell. I don't have the right to do that. And for that reason, I lose it:
"Leave me the hell alone! These are just normal pills, things you may need, nothing special! After Jade hasn't been feeling well a lot lately, we're just playing it safe!", I justify myself.
"You're lying to us," Jesy remains stubborn.
"I'm not lying to anyone!", I shout, knowing full well that exactly the opposite is the case.
"And I'm not going to discuss it any further. If you want to know something, ask her directly and don't use me for information," I retort angrily.
"Fine, I'll do that," she says suddenly, standing up and already walking to Jade's place. I have never moved so quickly to stand in front of her in full protective mode.
"If you wake her, I swear I'll kill you," I say so menacingly, with such a scowl, that she actually stops and looks at me, startled.
"I mean it, Jes. Leave her alone, just drop it" I say a little more calmly.
She looks almost shaken up, as if she's looking for an answer and can't find one. And finally, to my surprise, she gives up and goes back to her seat and such a tense, uncomfortable silence follows, making me wonder if this is our new reality now.
"Whatever just went down here, Perrie, we need to talk about it...among other things," Sam speaks up again and I know immediately what she means. Sighing, I sit back down on the couch and it's not long before she takes the seat next to me and eyes me all serious. And when she doesn't come out with the words for some time, I beat her to it, "The kiss?"
"For example," she says slowly. "I'm not stupid. I have seen everything."
"Then there's really nothing to talk about," I reply, much angrier than I really want to be, which Sam doesn't deserve, but I can't control the emotion right now.
"The media is gonna go nuts, Perrie. This is serious, very serious. You guys got all the attention today with that kiss," she explains, "and I need to know if that was some kind of joke or if you guys are serious."
"A joke!?", I ask, stunned. "You mean we would make such a joke out of it? You think we're really that disrespectful to the whole LGTB community? No, it's not a fucking joke," I get upset.
"So this is real? All of it? You're a couple?" she probes.
And actually, I had firmly resolved never to talk about it again if Jade wasn't around.
"I need to know the truth, Perrie. I need to know how to handle what's coming our way," she says seriously.
"Yes, we're together," I admit then, not looking at her. "We love each other very much and we are proud of it. We didn't want to hide any longer."
"Okay," she just says, taking several deep breaths. "And why the hell don't you tell me about it?!" she wants to know.
"There are many reasons," is all I say.
"Then tell me one."
"It's a long story."
"We have time."
"I'm not telling you anything without Jade by my side and there's no way I'm going to wake her up," I say convincingly.
"Tomorrow then," Sam retorts, and I can't interpret her facial expressions, when she say:. "And I want to know everything."
Jade POV
I don't know if I ever slept so well and soundly on a flight, but when I wake up, I actually feel rested and refreshed. When I open my eyes, the first thing I see is Perrie, who has taken a seat in the chair opposite me and seems to be engrossed in a magazine. Immediately I have a smile all over my face. She is just so beautiful, so incredibly beautiful, inside and out. And she is mine, I can call her my girlfriend. And even better, the whole world knows it now. As if we were telepathically connected, she seems to quickly notice my waking up and smiles at me too.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," she says affectionately and I almost blush.
"Hey," I just whisper to her, "how long did I sleep?"
"The entire flight," she says with a laugh and I widen my eyes. I've never slept through an entire flight before, if we forget this one horror flight to LA.
"We're about to land," she continues to explain before eyeing me a little more seriously, "How are you doing?"
"Better than in a long time," I answer honestly, which only makes her smile wider.
It has become automatic by now. We put on caps and sunglasses, she helps me stand up, takes my backpack without asking, I clasp her hand and never let go of it. So we leave the plane and later the airport. In front of the doors we are greeted by screaming and cheering fans and usually they call our names or just Little Mix. But not today. Today they are almost exclusively shouting Jerrie and it's not long before Leigh-Anne and Jesy join in too. Perrie and I look at each other in love for a moment, knowing full well that this is exactly what we wanted, for this to finally happen. And, without giving it much thought, she gives me a tender kiss on the forehead in front of all the fans and all the cameras as Sam comes up behind us and orders us into the van to take us to the hotel.
"Why didn't we greet the fans?", I ask as soon as the car door is closed.
"We don't have time," Sam replies without looking up from her phone. We all look at each other sceptically before I glance at my screen, realising how late it actually is and just accept it.
Arriving at the hotel, I'm not quite as refreshed as I was right after waking up on the plane and realise that I could soon be asleep again, but I still feel surprisingly fit. So I grab Perrie by the shoulders and push her against the room door as soon as she has closed it behind her. Hungry and full of lust, I stare into her blue eyes, whereupon she examines me in surprise.
"Babe, what are you up to?" she asks laughing, by which time I'm already hastily pressing my lips to hers and don't let go. I harden my grip on her, intensify my kiss, place my hands on her hips before I slowly move them lower. And she knows exactly what I'm up to and doesn't stop me. Closely embraced, without releasing our lips from each other, we wander to the bed, onto which I push her and climb on top of her. I notice that she wants to say something, but I don't let her. Instead, I kiss her again, more passionately, more hungrily. I press my tongue into her mouth and feel hers in mine. For a few minutes we continue like this, while I alternately massage her breasts with my healthy hand, when I realise that I am running out of breath. With a heavy heart I detach myself from her, ignoring her questioning look and try to get my breathing under control.
"One second," I say, panting heavily as the air gets thinner. Perrie sits up immediately and looks at me all serious.
"Take it easy, what's wrong?", I hear her say, but I'm too preoccupied with my breathing. Fortunately, it doesn't take long for everything to return to normal and, without a comment, I press my lips to hers again, but this time she stops me.
"Hey, no wait," she says carefully. "You're still all out of breath."
"I'm fine," I reply quickly and approach her face, but she presses a hand on my shoulder and stops me again. "And I want it to stay that way," she says forcefully and I stare at her, stunned at first, before sitting up and turning away from her, mortified and extremely embarrassed.
"Baby," she says softly, resting her head on my shoulder from behind as I play sadly with my fingers on my lap. "I love you so much. But I don't want you to wear yourself out. What if you suddenly can't breathe at all while we have sex?" she continues to argue and deep down I know she's right. But admitting this to myself just hurts.
"What if it takes forever for me to get better?", I profess my concern.
"Then I'll wait forever and it'll be the best sex we've ever had," she replies without batting an eyelid.
"And if I never get better?", I ask so quietly I almost think she can't hear me.
"We won't even think about that," she says stubbornly. She presses a long kiss to my cheek before slowly turning me back to her, noticing my disappointed eyes.
"Come on, let's go take a shower. This time I'm dead tired ," she then says with a thin smile and I take her outstretched hand and let her pull me up. At least we had a shower together. Even though nothing happened, I got a good look at her perfect body and that of course improved my mood.
After a shower that lasted much longer than it ever needed to be, we lay all snuggled up in bed with the covers up to our chins while some movie playes in the background. She has her arm outstretched and I lie with my head leaning against her shoulder, pressed as close as I can get, all the while staring at her.
"What are you thinking about?" she asks me after a while.
"About how perfect you are and how perfect the Brits were," I confess with a smile, to which she gives me a kiss on the top of my head before her tone becomes a little more serious, "Sam wants to talk to us tomorrow."
"That was to be expected," I reply, more or less disinterested.
"Still, we should know what to expect," she continues, whereupon I sit up a little and look at her questioningly. In reply, she just pulls out her phone and takes a deep breath.
"Are you ready?" she asks me in response, and I know exactly what she has in mind. Without a word, I pick up my own phone and together we start searching for all the news about our kiss.
Narrator POV
The fans were right
For years, there has been a theory among Little Mix's large fanbase that Perrie and Jade were a romantic couple. And after much speculation, they both confirmed it last night at their big win at the Brit Awards. In front of cameras, they shared an intimate moment with the world and kissed, knowing the outcry it would bring. Their courage makes them true role models for the LGBTQ+ community. They have long been considered close allies, but through their apparent outing, they are now truly one of them and fans couldn't be happier and more supportive. The hashtag #jerrieisreal is trending on all social media right now. We can't wait to see what they have to say about it.
The first article Perrie comes across is short but great. Every word only makes her happier and more sure it was the right thing to do. She had never thought of it that way, but she agrees with the author. They are no longer allies, they are part of the community and by coming out they are in the front line fighting for their rights and the attention they need. And that makes Perrie very proud.
Perrie Edwards and Jade Thirlwall steal the show
Last night, the annual Brit Awards took place at London's O2 Arena. Like every year, the hall was packed with the best of the best from the music industry. Alongside true greats, the country's biggest and most successful girl group also attended front and centre to join the list of winners. After a phenomenal performance that blew the roof off the O2, they achieved arguably the biggest triumph of their career to date. They became the first girl band ever in Brits history to win the best group category. And you could see Leigh-Anne Pinnock, Jesy Nelson, Perrie Edwards and Jade Thirlwall's pure joy as they accepted the award. Even the usually articulate Thirlwall was speechless. But the fans and the music world will probably not remember the award after this evening. Instead, it was the way Edwards and Thirlwall celebrated this milestone. Both women, probably overcome by euphoria, gave each other a short but explicit kiss directly on the lips, which was captured by all the cameras in the arena. And now the music world is talking about nothing else and the question arises, what is going on between the two band members? For years there have been numerous fan theories of a possible romance between the two women, which quickly fizzled out when Thirlwall started a relationship with Jed Elliot and soon after football player Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain was seen at Edward's side. But after both relationships ended abruptly, speculation is growing about the so-called ship Jerrie, which was only sealed by this kiss. Are the two actually a couple? And what do Nelson and Pinnock have to say about it?
She reads the second article, however, with mixed feelings. She knew the kiss would attract a lot of attention, that was kind of the plan. But that they would steal the show from everyone, even the band and the historic triumph was not going to happen and Perrie never thought it would. But the more she searches for articles about the best group award, the more she finds about herself and Jade. The internet is full of them. There is also already a video of them arriving at the airport here in New York, where you can hear the Jerrie chants and see their tender moment. And even though Perrie is happy about all the positive attention, she can't deny that she would like a little more recognition for the Brits per se.
Jade, meanwhile, has to admit that the positive reactions definitely outweigh the negative ones, but she has seen one odd negative, criticising article that she just can't ignore.
Scandalous: Little Mix makes fun of the entire LGBT community - Jade reads with great horror. She can't believe that some people could actually think such a thing of her.
At yesterday's Brit Awards, where the girl group won the best group category for the first time, the two members Perrie Edwards and Jade Thirlwall caused an uproar. While Leigh-Anne Pinnock and Jesy Nelson fell into their boyfriends' arms after the announcement of the win, Edwards and Thirlwall, who have both recently become single, decided to celebrate with each other by kissing in front of all the cameras. Will this silliness turn out to be a big mistake? The band has portrayed itself as allies of the LGBT community for years, even singing about the difficulties of forbidden love in one of their better-known songs. Thirlwall in particular has always acted as a driving force on this issue. But with this action, they seem to have turned the supporters against them. With no respect for the pitfalls of a same-sex relationship, they made a joke about intimacy between two women. By this kiss, they are making a mockery of everything they act to stand for....
Jade can't manage to read any further, it almost makes her sick to her stomach, it brings tears to her eyes. How many people really think like that? Does the whole world really think they were making a stupid little joke? Or how can an author be so wrong?
"The reactions are actually very positive," Perrie's voice snaps her out of her thoughts, whereupon Jade stares at her, stunned.
"You think so?" she asks sarcastically.
"Uhm yeah, everyone cheers us on for having the courage to come out," she explains, puzzled by Jade's scepticism.
"Not everyone," she explains meekly, showing her her own phone. Perrie briefly skims the open article before looking wide-eyed at Jade.
"Where did you find this? I skimmed over what felt like hundreds of headlines and saw nothing like this. It's probably just this one article," she replies, unimpressed.
"One is enough!" persists Jade. "We are not just allies, we are affected! We cannot let even one person think we are making a joke out of all this!" she says forcefully.
"And we won't!" replies Perrie quickly. "We'll sort it out, don't worry. But first we have to do something else."
"Like what?" asks Jade then cautiously.
"We're overshadowing everything right now. Hardly anyone is reporting our triumph of winning best group, they are just talking about our kiss. We didn't want to disrupt the band dynamic, but that's exactly what we're doing right now."
"I don't think it's that bad," Jade counters thoughtfully.
"Two-thirds of the news are about you and me, Jade," is all Perrie says.
"And what are we supposed to do about it?" she then asks honestly looking for a solution.
"We need to talk to the others and create some recognition for ourselves," Perrie then suggests. "And we need to do it now."
"Well, get them both over here, I can't move today," Jade then counters as she dives right into another article.
So while Perrie calls Leigh-Anne in the other room and summons them, much to the displeasure of the other two, a new headline has caught Jade's eye.
Jade Thirlwall anorexic?
It wasn't too long ago that Jade Thirlwall, member of the successful girband Little Mix, shocked everyone with a revelation about her past. The popstar apparently suffered from anorexia for many years of her youth, which almost took her life. Fans now suspect that their idol may have relapsed. After many headlines about strange hospital stays and absences from band duties, Thirlwall seemed weaker than ever at last night's Brit Awards, where the band won the best group category. Even though all four band members were beautiful and well styled to catch everyone's eye, a closer look revealed Thirlwall's rather pale, chipped skin, which is rather uncharacteristic for the woman with Arabic roots. And there was also a definite, rather alarming weight loss. She appeared, on closer observation, to be quiet still and frail throughout the evening, until the band put on their spectacular performance, and none of this was in evidence. But when they accepted the award later in the evening, she seemed unable to continue in the middle of her acceptance speech and shoved the microphone into the hand of bandmate Jesy Nelson before clinging weakly to Perrie Edwards.
What's going on with Jade Thirlwall? Has she really fallen off the wagon? Has she relapsed?
"It was bound to be written sooner or later," Perrie says after a while, having read along surreptitiously.
"Great," Jade replies, just shaking her head.
"It's not going to get any less," the blonde then predicts. "The worse you get, the stronger the rumours will get. It's only natural that they're going to focus on your past."
"That doesn't really help me," Jade says without looking at her.
"I know, but it's the truth. I mean...we could tell Sam tomorrow, despite all your backtalk, so she can handle such speculations," Perrie then suggests, earning a scowl.
"You know how I feel about that," is all Jade says.
"But...", Perrie wants to continue, but Jade remains stubborn. "No."
"But Leigh and Jes? Surely they deserve to know about it...", Perrie keeps trying, but there is no talking sense into Jade.
"Perrie, I said no."
"But..."
"Stop it now," Jade says forcefully as suddenly the door opens and they both fall silent.
"Why the hell do we have to barge into your room in the middle of the night? We should ALL be asleep!", Jesy expresses her displeasure.
Without hesitating, Perrie gets straight to the point: "We've been reading the latest news about us and we've noticed that Jade's and my kiss gets most of the attention. And we want to change that."
"And how?" asks Leigh wearily.
"We already have some pictures from yesterday, don't we? Let's all post something to the Brits and express our joy at winning. That way everyone knows how important it is to us," Jade then suggests and everyone just nods wearily.
Leigh and Jesy place themselves on the second big bed in the room and pick out their phones while Perrie puts an arm around Jade and they both do the same.
Jesy posts a single picture: the snapshot as the four of them fell into each other's arms, expressing their pure joy and euphoria better than anything else. The same picture that was posted on the official account.
Winning best group together with my sisters will forever be the best moment of my life
Leigh-Anne posts a picture spread with four pictures. One on the red carpet, one of her and Andre, one standing on stage accepting the award and the same as Jesy.
We will always be together, forever and always. Unbelievable. Best group. With the best people in the world. What an honour to be part of something so great. So much love for my sisters. We did that.
Perrie posts everything from her gallery in one post. Pictures from the red carpet, of her alone, of her at the table, of the performance, of them on stage. Every single moment.
We just won best group. We made history. Wow. Speechless. So honoured and uplifted. Love us.
Jade, meanwhile, as you know her, is not satisfied with one simple post. She's doing three at once.
First, a photo spread of her styling: Getting ready for the Brits, always a pleasure to be styled by our amazing team. She tags everyone involved.
Then a photo spread of her performing: Blowing away the O2 ... as we should
And lastly the most important post, a picture of all four at the speech and the same picture Jesy and Leigh already used:
I'm still at a loss for words. I don't know how to express my gratitude. We never thought it would be possible to win this incredible award. We never thought we would make history. I have never felt so honoured and blessed. We will never forget that moment. It really was the highlight of our career and I know there are many more to come. This is just the beginning.
So much love for our team and my girls. Every day with you is a great one. I love you guys.
After publishing all their posts, hoping to really draw the full attention to this historic moment, Jesy and Leigh decide they are too tired to go back to their room and just stay in bed. It's not long before the lights are out and Jesy makes it clear : "And no naughtiness under the covers, ladies", which makes everyone laugh out loud while Jade snuggles up to Perrie's chest and tries to fall asleep.