"Mads," Steven said, softly, placing his hand over my closed fist.
Belly walked in then. Jeremiah wasn't with her. Good. I'll handle one at a time.
"How could you," I sneered at her.
"Wha-" she began
I breathed in to keep calm. Just like my mother had yesterday. "How could you kiss Jeremiah?"
She glanced at Conrad and then back at me.
"I like him," she said.
"No, you fucking don't," I said, my volume rising. "You picked Conrad. Why do you keep switching?"
"I'm no-"
"Yeah, you are. Oh, Conrad didn't smile at me today, lemme go kiss Jeremiah to forget about it. Oh, Conrad asked me about my day? Who's Jeremiah?" I mimicked her.
"Shut up," she said angrily. "That's not true."
"Uh yeah, it is. Wake up Isabel. Maybe think about somebody other than yourself for a change," I said.
"If I'm so selfish, why do you care? This is my problem."
"This affects more than just you Belly," Steven cut in. "Every time you pick one over the other, you break hearts- it gets ugly. You're our family Belly, we'll always choose you, even if we lose them in the process. But if you drive them apart," he hesitated. "That's not okay," he finished.
"You'll always choose me?" she scoffed. "Madi didn't even want me staying here."
"Gee, I wonder why," I sneered.
"Why?" Mom asked, coming into the room. Shit.
I was too far in to back down now. "She keeps making things awkward. And I'm tired of babysitting her all the time."
"I don't ask you to-"
"Well, I have to anyway. You keep fucking things up otherwise. I mean look just now- you've gone and kissed Jeremiah."
Jeremiah walked in as though summoned.
She looked at him and scoffed, "Just admit it. The real reason you're so upset is because you want me to be with Conrad," she said to me.
"I couldn't care less who you actually date. I'm just saying stop jumping around."
"Okay, then I'll date Jeremiah." she said. Shit.
"That's not what I meant."
"Oh, you didn't? You're so obvious Madi. You just wanna take away my choice based on some childhood fantasy."
"I'm not taking away your choice, I'm just helping you make the right one."
"I don't need your help,"
"Yeah, you do. You always need my help. Seriously, I leave you alone for two seconds, you do stuff like telling people's girlfriends that they cheated, or telling someone you hate them at their mom's funeral."
The room was so silent, it hurt my ears. Belly looked like she'd just been slapped.
"If you're so burdened by me, just leave," she said.
"I wish I could," I said.
"Madi!" Mom said.
I whirled around, properly pissed now. "What, you're no different! Ever since Susannah died, you've done nothing mom. For us, I mean. You've just been closed up in your study all day, expecting me to feed you, to ask if you're okay. What about me, Mom? Or what about Steven? He's been away from home all year. Do you even care anymore?"
My eyes widened as I took in what I had just said. I never yelled at my mom. I closed and opened my mouth to say something, anything, that would fix this. Nothing came out.
I ran.
*****
Jeremiah knelt in the sand beside me. I turned away. He was the last person I wanted to see.
"Mads," he said. I shook my head.
"Madi," he tried again. I turned to get up and leave. He grabbed my hand, making me look at him.
"Please," he said. "Please talk to me. You're my best friend. What is going on? You never yell at your mom."
I sat back down. "She needed to be called out," I said. "She's been so absent. I've been doing it on my own for too long. After the divorce, at least Steven was around." I still felt ashamed though. Maybe there was another way to say it that didn't involve yelling.
"You'll never hear me say this again about Laurel," he said. "But I agree. I've been talking to you over the phone all year long. She's put too much pressure on you."
"How did you know? I never said anything."
"I don't need you to say it for me to know. Just like I know there's something else bugging you since last summer. And it isn't just the moms. What gives?"
I smiled, "Shouldn't you know that too?"
He looked me, "I have a fair idea. But I need to hear you say it."
I looked at him and then back out at the water. It was now or never.
"I love my sister. And I would never, never do anything to sabotage her happiness. But-," I sighed. "I've waited too long for her to decide. I'm done waiting now," I tell him.
He nodded.
"I- I like you, Jeremiah. I've liked you since we were kids and surfing on our little boards. I liked you when we did karaoke together for the first time. I've liked you on every muffin run, at every volleyball game. I don't remember a time when I didn't like you."
He blinked, "Oh."
My heart clenched. "Were you expecting something different?"
"I thought you liked Conrad," he said.
"What?"
"You guys always had something special. You had music. Both of you were pretty MIA last summer. I thought maybe you were being MIA together? Plus, mom told me she caught you guys kissing."
"Oh my god that's not-" I started, with wide eyes.
"I know," he cut in. "Conrad told me. But I thought it was the beginning of something. But then he went and dated Belly anyway. I thought that's why you were off."
I shook my head.
He laughed dryly. "I wish I knew," he shook his head. "I wish you'd told me."
He continued, "We kissed once; do you remember?"
My eyes widened. "What?"
"Yeah, I figured you wouldn't, we were pretty drunk. We were playing 60 seconds in heaven. But then later I heard you telling Shayla that-"
"It was no big deal and didn't matter at all," I suddenly remembered. Oh my God. I facepalmed, "That was a lie, Jeremiah. If you waited around, you would've heard her call my bluff."
He laughed again. "I wish I'd known. Wouldn't have wasted all this time, you know. Wouldn't have had my heart broken over and over again."
I turned to look at him so quickly, my neck hurt. "What?" I whispered.
"I've liked you since forever, Madi," he admitted.
I took it in. "What about Belly?" I asked.
He sighed. "You remember when Mom was talking about different kinds of love?"
I nodded. Wait. "You weren't there for that," I said.
He smiled, "Remember when I dragged you both to swim later? Yeah, I'd come earlier, but heard Mom talk."
I rolled my eyes.
He pressed on, "I think I got it mixed up. I love Belly, but not quite in that way. Not like Conrad loves her. Definitely not like she loves Conrad. And Conrad definitely likes you, but maybe not as much as he likes Belly," he said slowly. "I'd never seen her romantically before last summer. But when it became clear that we were never gonna happen, I went for her. I thought it would make it hurt less. And that when she inevitably chose Conrad, it wouldn't hurt as much. 'Cause she wasn't you."
"It's problematic, I know," he continued. "But it's not like she was being fair with me. When I saw you in March though, there was no denying it. I like you, Madi."
I felt myself tearing up. "Why'd you kiss her today?
"I didn't. She kissed me. Conrad interrupted before I could do or say anything. I didn't want to kiss her. Not like I've wanted to kiss you." I raised my eyebrows.
"I won't be someone you settle for just because you can't have her," I said.
"You're not," he said. "Someone I'm settling for. She might've been. But Maddison, you're it."
He turned to face me. Smiling slightly, he placed his hands on both sides of my face and wiped my tears with his thumbs. He leaned close and looked deep into my eyes. "Please don't cry," he whispered.
My heart was pounding.
I'm not sure who made the first move.
But soon enough, we were kissing.
It was deep, and meaningful. A kiss that said all the things left unsaid.
He pulled away and rested his forehead on mine. "Date me," he said, panting slightly. "I want it all. I want it with you."
The butterflies in my stomach went crazy. I smiled, but I'm sure it was more of a giggle. I don't giggle. I kissed him again to cover it up.
Kissing him was my new favourite thing, for sure.
*****
"Fucking finally!" Steven yelled, as Jeremiah and I walked in with clasped hands.
Everyone stared at him.
"What? I couldn't have been the only one who knew both sides," he said.
I narrowed my eyes, "Wait, you knew?" He grinned. I rolled my eyes.
"I'm happy for you," Mom said. She looked me, "I'm sorry. I really am. You're right, I've been so consumed by my own grief, I haven't reached out to you. I'm just—off balance. Ever since she died, I can't seem to find my equilibrium."
I nodded, "It's ok, Mom. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have yelled."
She smiled and hugged me. Over her shoulder, I reached out a hand for Belly. She smiled and joined in.
That was it, we didn't need words. When she smiled, I knew we were okay.
*****
It was the last day of summer.
I'd woken up before Jeremiah for a change. He was still sleeping, his hair falling on his face and a hand draped across my stomach. His breath was tickling my neck.
I tucked a bit of hair behind his ears.
This summer had been better than most others. Dating Jeremiah was exhilarating. It was deeply satisfying, in a way that left no space for doubt or mistrust. I loved him, he loved me.
I knew that it would be a little different as we stepped out of our little beach house bubble. We were starting college in the fall, but we would both be in Boston. College life would bring complications, I knew. But I had waited my whole life for this.
I loved him, he loved me. That would never change.
____________________________________________________________________________
A/n
That was it. I hope you enjoyed it!!