Susannah's death hit like a million bricks.
We all knew it was coming, of course.
Since summer, I had gone up to Boston about as many times as I could handle. Near the end, it got harder and harder to see her. Mom started spending almost all her time there, but my visits became less and less frequent. I still saw her once a month though.
It had been just a week since the last visit when it happened.
I swore I could hear my heart break in two and plop to the ground.
*****
Conrad was right. He had said this would happen that evening in the kitchen, the day after the 4th. He had said he would fuck it up. He had.
Okay, so of course it wasn't that simple. At first, things seemed good between him and Belly. Great, even. They even went to Cousins for a night, in December. But as Susannah's health started getting worse, he got more and more closed off.
So he had a good reason, obviously. I just wished he would talk to Belly, not me. I hated getting stuck in the middle.
I was somewhat on his side, because I understood what he was going through. Susannah's cancer had hit all of us really hard. On top of that, they were doing long distance because Conrad was either at college or in Boston. The relationship was difficult, and the timing was off.
But when he dumped Belly on the day of her prom, I was pissed.
She had really been looking forward to the whole day. Why wouldn't she? It was her prom. But she really had to work to convince him to come. When he did come, he forgot her corsage, barely danced with her, and then broke it off. Ugh.
I didn't call him after. He needed to clean up his act. He didn't call me either. I really, really did hate getting stuck in the middle, and I had to make a choice. So I choose my sister. Just like I would every single time.
The next time I saw him was at Susannah's funeral.
It was a weird day. My mind went blank every time I thought about it. I don't remember what I did at all, other than just staring off in the distance. I actually don't think I did anything at all that day. Didn't talk to anyone but mom, didn't eat anything, didn't cry. I felt numb. It was too real for me.
Belly, however, was on the other end of the spectrum. She picked a fight with Conrad over the girl he had brought to the funeral. She told him she hated him, and that she never wanted to see him again, which was pretty brutal. I knew she regretted it though.
They hadn't talked since. I hadn't talked to him either, bar a few happy birthday messages.
*****
My first birthday without Susannah. She wasn't usually a big presence on my birthday, not like she was for Belly's, but it still weighed on my mind.
My birthday was in March- so it was always spring. The Fishers would always call and send gifts. I would cut my cake and have lunch with my family. In the evening, my friends and I usually partied.
This year round, I didn't really feel like a huge party. So I just invited Katie and Dean, my best friends, for lunch with my family. Shayla and Ketanji said they might drop by, which I was looking forward to. Steven won't be there though, because he was at college.
It was shaping up to be a great day so far. Mom seemed actually happy, which was rare since Susannah had passed. She had sort of withdrawn into herself. I found myself taking care of a lot of things around the house.
The door bell rang. I opened the door to see that it was Shayla and Ketanji. I grinned and hugged them. I was about to pull them inside when I saw him. Patiently waiting for us to get over our initial excitement.
Jeremiah.
We were sort of in a weird place. Well, weird for me. Belly had picked Conrad, but when they broke up, she had blocked out Jeremiah too. That had to hurt, I imagined. We talked over the phone quite often, but we always skirted around the heavy topics. I was just glad to talk to him, honestly. I hadn't told him how I felt about him. The timing wasn't right. And even if there was a slight possibility that he felt the same way- which was unlikely because I was sure he was still hung up over Belly- everything was too up in the air for us to work out.
He looked pretty much the same in a lot of ways, but in other ways, I could see how the past year had changed him. Had aged him. Talking over the phone, everything took more effort, his jokes, his smiles. Nothing was easy anymore.
I was over the moon to see him though. I grinned wide.
His apprehension suddenly melted away as he hugged me tight. "Good to see you Mads," he grinned. "Happy Birthday."
"Thanks," I said. "Umm what are you doing here?"
"Steven told me that Shayla and Ketanji were coming here today. So I cut school and tagged along," he said. "You know, for Laurel," he added.
I smiled, "Well she's waiting for you."
He started walking into the house. Shayla and Ketanji grinned at me behind his back, wearing suggestive looks. I blushed.
"Laurel!" he yelled, holding his arms open for her.
I couldn't stop smiling. I couldn't believe he was here. The butterflies in my stomach wouldn't let up. I felt happier than I had in a long time.
After I cut the cake and we all had lunch, we all gathered in the family room for presents.
We were almost at the end of it when Jeremiah asked, "Did Conrad send anything?"
"He sent a text. Which honestly is a gift in itself, seeing as its so rare," I said. "At least I know he hasn't forgotten me."
He smiled wryly. "Well, you're gonna love mine."
He handed me a small box, wrapped carefully in blue paper.
It revealed a most familiar set of earrings.
The first piece of jewelry I had ever owned. It was gone.
I couldn't believe I had lost an earring out of my favourite pair.
I could just imagine what my mom would say when she would find out. How mad she would get at my irresponsibility.
"We'll look for it," Jeremiah said.
"I lost it on the beach!" I exclaimed. "It could be anywhere."
"We have to try," he said, "C'mon." I smiled gratefully as he pulled me and Conrad to the beach.
Jeremiah's excitement and optimism were contagious. We looked everywhere. But of course, it was nowhere to be found.
I had built up my expectations. I was hopeful, but now I could feel it leave my body and frustration take its place. I deflated and plopped into the sand.
"Let it go, Jere," I said. He didn't reply.
I looked up at them. They looked horrified. I frowned, confused.
Jeremiah kneeled down in front of me. He placed his hands on both sides of my face and wiped my tears with his thumbs. I didn't even know I was crying. That's why they looked horrified.
He looked deep into my eyes. "Please don't cry," he whispered. I felt like I was going to faint.
Losing the earring was so worth it.
"I know they're a little different," he said. "But when I saw them, I just thought of yours. I still feel kinda bad that we never found them."
I reached out to hug him. "I love them," I said. "Thank you."
He grinned.
*****
I was glad senior year was over. It was my least favourite year of high school so far. I hated the stress of finals, and college applications and graduation. I hated yearbooks. I hated how everybody tried to make every moment 'unforgettable'. I hated how they made fake promises to each other. I hated the finality of it all. Sure, I would miss the familiarity of high school. And I would miss my friends. But I was ready for something new, something different.
But I would keep going to high school forever if it meant never facing the fact that we weren't going to Cousins this summer.
Obviously, that was impossible.
It had only been a week and I missed everything. Steven wouldn't back home for another two days. But I had called him and Jeremiah so many times in the past week, that I wouldn't blame him if he didn't come home at all.
What I would give to be back at that house. But it would be too painful. Everything would just remind me of Susannah.
Three days later, my phone rang in the middle of the night. It was Jeremiah. I smiled.
"Thought you swore me off after the last time I called," I said into the phone.
"Conrad's missing."
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A/n
Just a little filler chapter to bring you guys up to speed.
Also here's the earrings Jeremiah gave her. Guess what, they're blue :)
If you guys like what's happening so far, please comment and vote.