The rest of the morning went by in a blur. As forecasted, the weather was beautiful. That's what spring was like in Santa Cruz: finger-numbing cold in the mornings, but a gorgeous seventy degrees by noon. And at a smoothie shop, beautiful days meant busy days.
By the time Janet showed up for her shift, which signaled Collin's lunch break, his forearms ached from scooping sherbert, his voice felt sore from chatting with customers, his binder was chafing against his sweaty skin, and his ears were ringing from the constant whirl of the blenders. Well, the blenders and the music. This month's CD from corporate included UB40's Red Red Wine and Jimmy Soul's If You Wanna Be Happy, both of which were fine the first time around, but as part of a fifty-minute loop of music were borderline torture.
Collin ripped his wet and fruit-stained apron over his head and hung it on his peg, but he kept his hat on, being that his hair was in no shape to see the light of day. Then he exited to the lobby.
But before he made his escape, Tom called out, "Gonna grab a coffee?" And then he winked.
Winked!
Collin stared Tom directly in the eyes and scratched his nose slowly and deliberately with his middle finger, then walked out the door.
Stepping out into the perfect sunny afternoon, he was immediately confronted by the bench on the corner. The bench where Avery ripped his heart out and dashed his hopes for the future. He turned his head away.
Would that bench be forever ruined for him? A landmark of pain?
Shit. It was a really convenient bench to eat lunch on, so it'd be a shame if he could never bring himself to sit there ever again.
Of all places, why did Avery have to break up with him there? Taint his place of work. It was just cruel. Pathetic, really.
And were she and Gina so horny for each other that they couldn't have waited until they got to their destination to make out?
Collin swallowed down a wave of nausea and took a deep breath.
They'd known each other for so long that the betrayal made him feel sick.
He did some quick math in his head. They'd been dating for over a quarter of their lives. Most of their adolescence and all of their adult milestones had been experienced together: prom, graduation, dorm life.
They had even attended to U.C. Santa Cruz because it was the best school that they had both gotten into. At eighteen, they couldn't fathom a future without each other, but three years later, finito. And it wasn't like she didn't know he was trans when they made that decision. Collin had come out to her before high school graduation and had hinted at it long before that. If she didn't want to be with a man, she should've dumped him back then.
Bitterness filled his mouth. He needed to eat something before he puked.
Collin usually went to the nearby Sri Lankan restaurant and ordered the Tempeh La La, which, despite being vegan, was fucking delicious. It was sweet and spicy, with just the right amount of crunchiness to it. But to get to the restaurant, he'd have to walk past the spot where he saw Avery and Gina kissing, and he just wasn't up for that today.
He stood, indecisive, on the corner. Did he want a bagel? Or there was a pretty good sandwich shop a couple of blocks down. Not for the first time, he wished the pizza place across the street sold slices.
Maybe his inability to decide was a sign. He should go to the cafe across the street, like Tom had suggested, and order something from their display case. See if he could make any headway with convincing Hot Heather to go on a date with him.
His mind made up, Collin looked both ways, waited for a pickup truck to pass, and then crossed the street and entered the cafe.
The ambiance of the cafe was almost antithetical to that of the smoothie shop. Instead of large plate-glass windows and rows of fluorescent lights, the cafe had half-open blinds and a few dimmed lamps. Instead of blaring cross-generational pop music, the soundtrack of the cafe was soothing jazz. And most obviously, instead of being hit by the sharp scent of citrus, the cafe was cloaked in the heady aroma of freshly brewed coffee.
Also, unlike the smoothie shop, which got busier during the midday rush, the cafe was far less crowded now than when he had come at just past the crack of dawn.
Heather was still on her shift. She was standing with her back turned to him and restocking a large chrome-plated machine. He studied her, feeling like a wolf stalking a doe. The curve of her back, the way her apron cinched on her hip. It was all delectable.
Since that morning, she had pulled her auburn hair back into a loose ponytail. Her hair was somewhere between curly and wavy, and he admired how it maintained an enticing amount of volume even when wrangled by a hairband. Then she turned her head slightly, allowing Collin to glimpse her right ear. She had three silver hoop earrings in her lobe and a tragus piercing. The glint of metal made her seem like an even more alluring trophy.
He relished the idea of seducing her. Winning the bet. The money was of no matter to him, but it would feel sweet to rub his victory in Tom's face.
In Avery's face, too.
How would she like seeing him with another woman? Especially one so attractive?
Heather turned, caught him staring at her. And instinctively, he averted his eyes. The tips of his ears reddened.
"Good morning. What can I get you?" she asked, her tone reflexive, practiced.
"I think it's afternoon. Time flies when you're having fun." Collin flashed her his cheesiest smile, and then pointed to his hat, which was embroidered with the corporate logo. "I should know. I've been across the street since 6:30 this morning."
Her lips curved into a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. It was a shallow imitation of the radiating gleam she had shown him the first time they met. "You look familiar, but sorry, I don't remember your name."
Collin glanced down at his chest. His name tag was attached to his apron, which was hanging on a peg across the street. Good. An opportunity to correct her pronunciation. "It's Collin. And it's nice to meet you. First day here? Haven't seen you before."
"Yup, first day." She nodded, but didn't continue the banter. "What can I get you?"
Collin bit his lower lip and made a show of studying the display case. He knew he wouldn't win this bet in a day, and he tried not to feel discouraged by her initial lack of interest.
"I'll have the ham and cheese brioche and a small latte." He looked back up and met her hazel eyes with his brown ones. "Please."
When she told him the total, he took out cash from his wallet and also grabbed one of the comp cards that he always carried. He passed it to her along with a ten-dollar bill. "Hey, have a free smoothie. On me. As congratulations for finishing your first day at a new job."
"Thanks," she said, handing him his change, her smile finally reaching her eyes. But then she turned, passing his order off to another worker, a pale guy with long black hair and large expanders in his earlobes.
After Collin received his order, he tried to nod goodbye to Heather, but she had her back to him and didn't notice.
He walked out the door and into the sunshine, but instead of crossing the street, he sat at one of the patio chairs set up outside the cafe and ate his lunch alone.
Alone.
Because even if Heather might offer a bit of a distraction, it didn't change the fact that he no longer had the one person in his life who mattered the most.