I grinned, standing in front of the library's decorated wooden door, feeling exuberant because of two reasons. The first was that my monthly bleeding hadn't announced itself while I was supposed to start two days ago! I was convinced I was with child.
The second reason was that I was going to see Orvar today. It had been over two weeks since I last saw him at Amira's place and I could hardly wait to meet him again. But this secret meeting didn't come without a price. For the first time in my life, I had lied to my family, telling them I would spend the entire day in the library. I wasn't proud of what I'd done, but I had no other choice—not if I wanted to be with Orvar again.
Amira had been the one to come up with this sly plan...
After Beatrice was done and let out her client, she gave the orcs what they came for. It was an ointment, which had to be rubbed on the orc babies' gums for some relief.
And then I had to watch him leave again...
I didn't know why, but it somehow felt harder to say goodbye this time, and it left me with the most awful feeling inside my stomach.
When it was also time for me to go home, Amira offered to escort me to the fallen tree.
"There's something going on that you haven't told me about," she said, hooking her arm through mine as we walked through the green woods. "Isn't there?"
To explain what I felt was difficult to put into words. "Uhm..."
"Do you like him? I mean, romantically? The kind of romance we only know from fairytales. Marriage. Love."
Amira referred to the union between a man and a woman. Something that was common in the past, but now only in the cards for a few women. Noblewomen, that is, not peasants like us. And of course, love and marriage weren't supposed to involve a seven-foot-tall gray creature with pointy ears and claws and massive teeth either...
As I pondered on my answer, the only sound was the leaves that crunched underneath our feet.
"I'm not sure how to call these feelings," I finally said. "But I think it's like that. I like him."
"But he's an orc," she said, stressing the word orc.
"I know..." I answered.
"You know I don't despise the orcs like the other women in town. I don't even care that the man you like is an orc. But you said yourself that your mother is a conservative type of woman. What if she finds out you're seeing him?"
"But I'm not seeing him. I didn't know I would see him here," I answered. "I thought we might never meet again. I hoped we would, but—"
"Really?" Amira asked, looking at me. "You had no idea he would come by? You just came unannounced and he happened to do the same?"
"I didn't visit you to meet him, if that's what you are thinking. I came here for you!" I replied, rather defensively, and panicking slightly. I didn't want her to think I'd used our friendship and her home just to meet him. "I swear I didn't know he would come."
"Hey, easy, easy," Amira replied. "I believe you. To be honest, he looked pretty surprised as well."
"Well, he must have been."
"So...what now? What will you do? Do you want to see him again?" she asked, then bit on the inside of her cheek.
I looked down at my hands and fumbled with my fingers. "I do... but I cannot go to him as the mountains are way too far to walk in such a short time. And he can't come to visit me at home either."
"He could come by on the Saturdays you visit me?" Amira suggested. "My house is closer to their borders."
I desperately wanted to say yes, but I couldn't. While shaking my head, I answered, "No, I said I wanted to visit you, and I meant that."
Amira smiled, seemingly satisfied with my answer. "Why didn't you tell me?" she then asked.
"I don't know... I don't even know what I'm thinking. Everything is so screwed up. I feel like there is no good outcome in this whole situation. But I also know I feel happy around him. And I want to see him and hear his voice... and feel his touch." I sighed, feeling my heart race again.
"Hmm. Well...maybe you can see him again."
"You think so?" I asked.
"Yes. You just have to be smart, make a plan," Amira replied. She tapped her index finger against her lips. "You should find an excuse to get out of the house. A reason to leave. Do something your mother doesn't mind you doing. Something that maybe even delights her."
"Like what? Mother never lets me do anything." I sighed. "I used to be allowed to go to the library, though. My mother would even let me spend entire days over there, thinking I was educating myself with "proper" things. Then, when she found out I was reading about orcs and other—in her eyes—improper stories, she was furious, and I wasn't allowed to go there anymore. I miss it."
"Well, hello. That's perfect! Convince her you'd like to visit the library to study something that'll make her proud."
"Huh?"
"Something she finds valuable. Like...uhm... Oh!" Amira snapped her fingers. "How about the precious council? Yes! You can tell her you have a sudden desire to learn all about the council and its members!"
Amira smiled quite viciously, making me giggle. "I suppose she would want me to educate myself on that. But please, don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Smiling so evilly." I chuckled, causing Amira to laugh out loud.
"Do it," she then said while grabbing my hand. "You will be just like Silvereyes and her noble knight of the south, son of the enemy, sir Yuka."
"Silvereyes and Yuka both died a horrible death," I answered before biting my lip. "She and her child were burned and he was hacked into twenty pieces and fed to vultures. And he wasn't even an orc."
In fact, they were killed by orcs, according to the stories. I didn't believe that, though.
"Well, obviously, you shouldn't get caught!" Amira answered, shaking my shoulder with her hand. "And Orvar is not Yuka. He is much stronger. He can protect you."
"Do you really think I can do this? Isn't it...you know...a bad thing? Isn't it betraying my family? Isn't it lying and going behind my family's back...?"
"It's not really lying if you go to the library too. Just for a minute or so." She winked.
"You are cunning."
"It's that, or never see him again. And to be honest, I'm done with all these bloody rules. Who even makes up all this stuff? Why can elites only marry men? Why can't we visit the orcs if we want to? Why do we have to hate them so much? Why can't we ever speak about them? Because I don't know about you, but I've had my fair share of fun in the mountains..." Amira was the one giggling this time. "I believe nothing they say."
"But even if I can persuade my mother, how must I inform Orvar?" I asked as we reached the fallen tree.
Amira put her foot on the log lying on the ground. "Oh, maybe I can arrange that," she said, looking at me.
"How?"
"I sometimes see an orc in the distance. I can deliver a message for Orvar."
So here I was, on a Tuesday morning, filled with both excitement and nervousness.
I took a deep breath as I grabbed the metal doorknob and opened the door. The familiar sound of the bell rang as I stepped inside, where the burning scent of homemade ink hit my nose. I had often made ink here, with soot, oil, and water.
Ms. Glover stood behind her big wooden desk like she always did. There were a few other ladies present besides her. They sat behind their tables, writing letters on blank pages, telling their stories. They were the makers of books, the conveyors of information, the creators of all those sentences and ink drawings in books that I loved to look at. We called them The Writers.
This place was filled with their work and the works of their ancestors. There were books and papers in here that were hundreds, maybe thousands of years old, all neatly placed and organized in big wooden cabinets.
"Gyda?" Ms. Glover said, smiling broadly as soon as she noticed me stepping inside. "I haven't seen you here in a long time!"
"Yeah..." I said, smiling back as I closed the door behind me. "My mother wanted me to focus on chores at home. But now I'm here to study the council and their laws. I want to be their devoted believer."
I still couldn't believe Mom had believed me when I told her about my new plan. I guess everybody could be a good liar if there was something to gain.
Ms. Glover's smile went even wider. "That's good, child! You are so smart it was a waste to only educate yourself on tales that happened in the past. There is so much to learn about the council. They are here for you and your future, you know? Speaking of the future..." She looked down and pointed at my belly.
I nodded. "Yes, I took part in the breeding moon this year."
"Finally!" she replied with enthusiasm, her old light green eyes twinkling. "I was wondering when your mother would let you go!"
I managed to squeeze out a smile. I liked Ms. Glover, for she was a sweet lady, but she was also one of the women who always talked behind my back about my childless life. She didn't do it with bad intentions, but it was still annoying.
"Well, this year was the year," I replied, taking off my shoulder bag and walking further inside.
"Are you experiencing morning sickness too? Oh, my Lorelei is puking all day long!"
Lorelei was her youngest daughter, whom I only knew by face. I'd seen her in Asclan peaks, but we hadn't spoken to each other.
"No, I feel nothing. No nausea whatsoever," I replied.
"Oh... Well, that is a little alarming..." Her face suddenly looked all serious.
"Is it?" I asked. "My oldest sister has carried many children and she wasn't sick with any of them."
Fiona had already warned me that the elders loved to interfere with every young woman carrying a child. According to her, 'it's so bloody annoying that those old hags always think they have the best advice and all the information.' It was amusing to hear Fiona swear, something she didn't do often.
"And I was sick every morning for three months with my six children. There were only two times that I didn't feel any nausea. The first time, there was no child. And the second time, it was a bad pregnancy..."
"I'm sorry about that," I replied, internally cursing the woman for making me feel unsure again.
It took ten minutes to successfully get rid of her. I told her that I needed to have privacy to study in peace and didn't want to be interrupted. Ms. Glover said she wouldn't bother me anymore, and I knew she wouldn't. She might be a busybody, but she never disturbed me when I was studying.
I locked myself up in one of the back rooms to "study" and when I could no longer hear her heels clicking in the hallway, I jumped up from my chair and threw my bag over my shoulder again, ready to meet the person I was longing for.