"What are you doing here?"
Seriously?
Out of all things that you can ask...
You choose to ask the obvious.
Can't you see?
He was definitely forced by Asuka and also got dragged in the alleyway so that he wouldn't run away or ignore you anymore. Let's just say that Asuka is a chain, tied on his feet so he has no choice but to stay glued where he was standing, even if he was dying to run away.
Rindou's expression was blank. Unreadable. He always has a bored and exhausted looking face, which technically is his resting face but...
...the expression that he's showing right now...
It's obvious that he's angry.
He let out an annoyed sigh and replied, "Oh, it's a new hobby of mine. Randomly standing in empty alleyways."
He's being sarcastic. So this is how he behaves when he's angry?
"I'm not scared." you responded to his question before, when he stated about how you look like you've seen a ghost.
No.
You're lying.
You are scared. You weren't ready for this unexpected confrontation.You didn't get to gather what to say or even where to start with your words. It was so spontaneous (one of the things you hate in life) and you don't like the fact that you're unprepared to face this situation.
Imagine doing a presentation without preparing any notes for your points or not even getting to fathom of the topic that you were about to present to the whole class, that's how exactly this feels like.
That nervous feeling is the same.
Having to just say whatever came up in your head, not knowing if it's wrong or right, not knowing whatever the hell will be in people's minds when you were talking or even what their impression will be towards you. Are they laughing at you? Do they even bother to listen? Did you said something stupid?
Because that's how scary words that roll off someone's tongue can be. It's irreversible. Once you say something, it can't be taken back or be fixed, because words show how you perceive things and what you think.
Perception also will then affect your behavior.
So the cycle will just be never-ending.
Even a few words can cause destruction and war.
Because no matter how sharp or how powerful a weapon is created to cause obliteration to humankind, nothing can compare to words.
And also, with your situation with Rindou right now, it has been clear from the start that this conflict arised because of your words.
Causing a conflict sure is the easiest thing, but solving it? Sometimes some conflicts don't even get solved, because the only way to do so is to communicate. To communicate to the point an understanding can be created which is so hard to achieve.
Right.
So that's why, you are scared. What if the apology you give him will not be accepted? What if all of this will just stay the same and solve nothing? Wouldn't that just be a waste of time?
You sure do not want your apology to get rejected because there's nothing in this world that is way worse than that.
"I didn't expect you to be here." You continued.
"...Surprise? Is that what you want me to say?"
"No, Haitani-"
"I don't even want to be here." He cut you off. "But that angry-faced girl forced me to."
Angry-faced girl.
It was none other than Asuka.
So they talked?
Isn't that just impossible?
You witnessed many times how she despises Rindou and if he were a celebrity, Asuka will be that number one hater that will make a social media account dedicated to write hate speeches about him.
That's how intense her hatred is.
But why is it now....
...the total opposite of your expectations?
Did Asu forced him to come here? Why didn't she discussed with me first? And...why? Wasn't she so against me befriending Haitani?
Everything sure is not making any sense.
"Am I talking to a wall?" he said in a cold tone.
Man, he's scary when he's angry.
"Umm..." Yeah, you sure have no idea what to say, this was all too hurried fo you. Speaking of apology, what happened to the letter?
After writing it quickly with such bad handwriting that night, you just put it between the gaps of the gate, hoping that he'll notice it (since you actually didn't know that Rindou enters his hideout by climbing and sometimes he doesn't even take a glance of the gate).
Maybe he didn't notice it or he sure did and decided that it belongs into the trashcan instead.
Sure. Writing the apology was easy since you can organize your words properly and even erase whenever you feel that a sentence was unsuitable.
But with verbal communication. You have to trust your own gut (which you don't) and have to face the consequences whenever you misspoke (you already were).
I don't even know where to start...God, what am I supposed to say? Should I just go straight to the point? Should I take time first? This is so difficult.
Rindou sure is not liking your tongue-tied manner. He looks pissed off. I mean, that's exactly how anyone will behave when they're in a situation that they were dragged in halfheartedly.
"I'll give you 5 seconds."
Your eyes widened out of shock.
No.
Please.
Don't count.
Stop doing that.
There's nothing in this world that you hate more than that.
I'll give you 5 seconds. Apologize to my daughter.
That old man's voice.
No.
You don't want to remember that moment either.
Especially the most dreadful part of all...
...is when he reached to number '1'.
Because after that number, you never thought that he would go that far.
Probably he's so used to doing that.
Even in his household, that's probably a normal occurrence for him to do to people that are lower than him.
That's why he's not even bother to do it to a 5-year old.
"5..."
You remained silent, not even remembering about you having to apologize to Rindou because the moment he started counting, your mind instantly remember that particular memory.
It's like the old man was counting instead to you.
"4..."
You were frozen in your spot.
Feeling the same emotion when you were in that memory.
Trembling.
Frightened.
You felt helpless during that time because no matter how hard you tried to fight back, you realized that it was no use.
That's the harsh reality that you don't want to face.
An adult guy who's 10 times taller and stronger than you while you were just a small 5 year-old girl.
We all know who will dominate the situation.
So in the end, you have no choice but to give in...
...and apologize.
"3..."
This is not the first time that this will happen.
Even Asuka knows about it.
About how you hate when people do that.
It's not the mere counting that scares you because usually during PE, the teacher will count to start the game and that doesn't scare you.
What scares you is that someone counting to you so that they can force something out of you. Specifically forcing you to talk.
And it's always 5 seconds.
Fucking hell.
You remembered when a teacher in your 2nd year asked you a question and at that moment you accidentally forgot the answer.
And he did that.
That 'I give you 5 seconds'.
With no hesitation, you started to scream and ask him to shut up. Because at that particular moment, that memory is going to run through your head like you're experiencing it once again.
That's why you'll just scream out of fear and started acting like you were having a panic attack.
You couldn't help it and it's not because you wanted attention or want anyone to symphatize what you've been through. In fact, you don't even want them to know a single thing that happened to you in your past.
You wish for it to be kept hidden and preferably to say, you wanted the past to die and wishing every day that every shit that you went through in your old home was all just a dream.
"2..."
Oh, dear god.
Please, stop. Please don't reach that number.
Rindou might always act like an idiot but he's not dumb. We all know for a fact that compared to Rindou and Ran, he's way smarter than his brother actually but he acts rashly sometimes and he could be irrational, so that's why some people might think than Ran is smarter.
Let's say that when it comes to emotional intelligence or even reading someone, Rindou is an expert in that.
Because the moment he realised that you're acting so strangely, he immediately stop counting.
It was starting to concern him. With your hand shaking, your breathing was fast and even your eyes will start wandering around as if you're about to pass out.
That's it.
He can't continue this anymore.
"Hey, are you okay?"
What?
What was that?
Why is he acting like that now all of the sudden?
Wasn't he supposed to be mad before? And say rude and sarcastic shit to you.
No, he's not supposed to act this way when you have wronged him so badly and hurt him.
He's supposed to let you be and continue on with what he did just now. He shouldn't stop doing it because you finally get what you deserve.
But no.
In the end, he showed how concerned he is.
How the hell...
...did this guy...
...entered your life all of the sudden?
"...Is it because of what I said just now?"
Your eyes widened, not giving a reply to what he said but Rindou can tell by your body language that it is.
"I-Damn it! I'm so sorry, I just meant to mess around but I didn't expect for this to happen." Rindou messed up his blonde fluffy hair and scratched it uncontrollably, showing how bad he felt.
You blinked your eyes a few times when you heard him say that.
Mess around?
What does that supposed to mean?
And finally, after him hearing that sentence, you recognize him as the dingus that you have been hanging out all this time.
The Lord Dingus, Haitani Rindou.
That's what you like to call him.
It's not just because of it being the name of his contact in your phone but it is for a fact that you will say or call him whenever he says something dumb.
And now, you just realised that he just broke off from that 'scary Rindou' act that he was trying to pull.
But why? Why does he have to act like he's angry? Wasn't he supposed to be naturally feel that way?
Is he trying to say that the anger he was displaying before was just fake?
Automatically, you exhaled a breath, like you were in relief. I mean, of course you will. Well, it's not because that Rindou was showing signs that he forgave you, that's not the case.
It's just the fact that he stopped counting and that dreadful memory that was rewinding in your head was slowly drifting away.
That's very nice of him.
Because your teacher before that did the same thing to you, he didn't even bother about your state and in fact, he even invalidated your emotions. Saying that you're overreacting and he never even apologizes.
There goes again with teachers saying that students these days are mentally weak and some can't even face big challenges in life. You know, those type of teachers that tend to compare their generation with yours, saying that they have it harder and yet they're so proud they can endure all of that with no complaining.
It truly is stupid to compare generations because these short-minded teachers don't realise that the world will evolve inevitably, so it's better to stop saying that your generation have it better and live an easy life.
It will never be like that. Because in the end, every generation has their own struggle and adversities they have to face.
But whatever, what matters is that asshole of a teacher got kicked out from your school.
And it's all thanks to you.
Well, you see, whenever this happens, you wouldn't act normally you always do right away. That's not how it works.
There's going to be an aftermath after the incident.
Out of your will, your knees started to get weak and you were about to fell to the floor.
But that didn't happen.
Because Rindou caught you and held both of your shoulders.
"Hey, hey, hey! Are you okay? Please don't faint here."
Your eyes that were roaming around elsewhere finally met his.
His eyes.
Seeing them up close felt like a different experience. It's not just because of the beautiful purple color that was coincidentally reminded you of amethyst stones. What mesmerized you the most of how soft and comforting they look behind his golden glasses.
This could be a rare occurence for you.
You tend to avoid getting comforted and choose to endure any shit alone, because you thought you were better off that way and move on by it in the meantime.
But at this very moment, you realized that it is these little things as in getting comforting words from someone sure sparks a wholesome feeling in you.
It felt nice and you might as well say how addicting it can feel.
No wonder many people out there crave for such affection and take so many measures just so they can receive it.
"Haitani..." You said weakly.
Rindou didn't respond to your words but his eyes were telling you to continue on.
"Remember about you mentioning eating ramen at a nearby convenience store?"
Rindou blinked a few times, trying to remember when he said that and as he finally reached a memory inside his head, his eyes lit up all of a sudden. Probably the thought of you remembering what he said a long time ago made him happy.
He then nodded slowly.
"Let's go and talk there."
"Yeah, yeah sure. It's better for you to sit down anyways."
_____________
It was just silent between the two of you.
The convenience store sure was empty when you two entered it. It's like the store knew that you two honestly needed a moment alone together. Like it was welcoming you two.
After waiting for Rindou to cook the ramen for you two (he insisted to do it for you because he said he has his own specific recipe to make it even more good), he finally arrived at your seat with two boiling hot ramen in both of his hands. If you were to touch the ramen cup without thinking twice, you were sure to get a two degree burn because smokes are coming out from the cup, as warning sign of how hot the ramen is.
You can already smell it from afar and just by smelling it, you can already tell how good it will taste.
Rindou put both of the cup noodles gently onto the table and pushed yours towards your direction.
"Be careful, it's still hot." He settled himself in front of you and dig in his food instantly.
You didn't mirror his action, as the cheese ramen in front of you didn't bring much appetite to you.
Maybe it's because of the incident earlier or you're still in a state of confusion on why Rindou had already forgiven you when you didn't even apologize to him yet.
So no.
Eating ramen is not appropriate to do be done at this moment.
So you went on to do the very first thing that you always wanted to do since two days ago.
Which is...
"I'm sorry, Haitani." You looked at him that was busy slurping his ramen noodles and struggled a little to also have his eyes on you.
"It was very selfish of me to lash out and accuse you of getting involved with what happened to my mother. I should have known better because I've been friends with you for the past two weeks but still, I choose to become a hypocrite and doubt you. Whatever the hell happened to me was not a free ticket for me to hurt your feelings. Guess I've been acting with my emotions more than using my logical thinking...And also, about me asking you the reason on why you want to be friends with me...I wouldn't ask again until youre ready to tell me. Its also awful of me to force you to give an answer..."
Finally.
God, it felt so relieving to let that all out.
But you don't know if it was enough words or not. Because it felt so short and sounded like you wanted to apologize because you're obligated to and not because you sincerely wanted to.
Whatever. Probably you're just overthinking. It sure is not something common for you to apologize to someone. In fact, this might be your third or fourth time giving someone a sincere apology.
Before this, you will just cut ties with anyone that you wronged and didn't bother to apologize because in your head, you manipulated and twisted the story to convince yourself that it's not your fault and if that person didn't want to apologize first, then it's better for them to just get lost from your life.
But you don't want to have that habit anymore.
In fact, you don't see the good thing about it at all.
If you never dare to admit your mistakes and confront people, when will you get to improve and be a better person?
You did say and realise that youre not a good person. You know damn well how much of a shitty person you are.
So, do you want to remain like that forever?
All this time, you might have misunderstood what being strong is about.
Being egotistical, rude to others or even having a questionable anger issues doesn't make you a strong person, if you were being honest. You realised that you were acting that way after all this time is so you that you can conceal your weaknesses to others.
But in the end, all of that was just making you weaker. And the more you hold on to those negative traits, worse things can happen as you struggle to hide your weaknesses day by day.
And you can get to the point that those traits were instill in you, as in it will be permanently part of you.
Thats how it lead to you hurting Rindou anyways.
You just couldn't control yourself and you were so used to it that you contemplate about the fact that it was okay or not in the first place.
This is not what your late grandmother meant.
You weren't being strong all this time.
You were just being horrible.
And you do want to put an end to it.
"It's fine, (Last Name)." He replied as if you didn't need to apologize at all. It was making you puzzled indeed.
If he can forgave you this easily, why did he let you and Asuka wait in front of his hideout for hours?
Was it because he needed time to cool down his anger?
Is he the type to turn into someone forgiving in three days? Is that how he is? Isn't that just nonsense?
Because if he planned to accept your apology in an instant, you don't even have to feel so overwhelmed these past few days.
Unless...there's something that made him that way.
"Eat your ramen. It's going to grow cold if you leave it be." He tapped your ramen cup with his chopstick, to make his statement clearer to you.
He's acting like mom, for the love of God.
When you heard him say that, you took the chopsticks that was arranged beside your ramen cup and was ready to dig in. The chopsticks were still in a packaging and the two chopsticks were still glued together. As you took them out of the plastic and broke th chopstick into two, the sound of it breaking was simultaneuos with a realisation that was hitting your mind.
Your stop your movements instantly.
God.
Why didn't you think of that?
That was the most important thing and if this encounter between you and him didn't happen, that thing was your last chance to get him to accept your apology.
Guess staying in front of his hideout all night wasn't a waste of time after all.
"The letter." You muttered and you fixed your eyes on him that was halfway finishing his ramen. "You read it?"
Rindou took one swallow of the ramen that was full in his mouth and said, "Took you long enough to realize."
Is that an insult?
"I thought you didn't want to read it." You replied.
"I wanted to but someone dared enough to hide it away from me."
"Someone?"
"Yeah...Sometimes that person thinks that I'm still a child and can't think on my own. He still thinks that I'm still his helpless little-" Rindou cleared his throat out of the blue, realising that he might have talked too much. "I think it's better for you to not know."
It's definitely his brother. You guessed it right away. When he said 'child' just now, it was obvious that his older brother will be the only one that sees him that way. Because he is younger and from what you learn from your friends that have older siblings, they said it's usually a common thing for elder siblings to have a protective nature with their younger ones that will sometimes lead to controlling and infantilizing behavior.
But it's not 100% their fault, sometimes even parents expected high from them to be a good resemblance to their younger siblings and even there are ones that were labelled as second parents.
So yeah, then your assumption could be true. That the person that was in the hideout and ignored you and Asuka was Ran all along...You knew it. You trusted your guts from the very start. Rindou wouldn't have let you two wait outside all alone in the dark and dangerous place, at least he would bring you two somewhere safer to talk.
Then, why didn't he just go on with that? Why did he let you two be?
"I wasn't at the hideout that night...Sorry, that person said that you two deserve to wait all night long after what you two-Wait, technically is just you but Miyamura got dragged into it because she decided to accompany you. If I were there, I at least wouldn't let you two wait and it's up to me if I want to forgive you or not. It's not that person's choice to decide for me though. That's what my point is."
Rindou answered just like he had read your mind and you thought that he was finished about this person but he still mentioned them again.
It's obvious that it's his brother that was the one that led to this misunderstanding. So your assumption of him ignoring you was wrong all along.
It was interesting to know that he might have not forgiven you that night instantly but still, he wasn't that cruel enough to let you wait in front of the hideout at an hour that was sure was dangerous for girls to be out.
Just like the cheese ramen in front of you right now, he literally bullied (you prefer to call it that) the worker there to buy the ingredients for him since he add on black pepper and also onion flakes in the ramen he just cooked.
Maybe Rindou has always been like that.
He's neither good nor bad.
He's just him.
Guess he doesn't need to be labeled as someone that is an angel but what matters right now is that you can trust him and he's not a vile person to the point he'll commit homicide or something.
Right?
"Maybe that person is right." You said and you sure didn't get mad at Ran for doing that to you and it's normal for him to just be protective of his brother. You don't blame him a bit. And if he didn't do that, maybe that letter that you wrote wouldn't even exist in the first place.
If Rindou was present in the hideout that night, he might just have asked you to leave and you two didn't even get the chance to reconcile properly.
So there's no use to start pointing fingers and blaming on people. Things happen and thank goodness, a good outcome has happened.
"No, why are you on my brother's si-Shit!"
"I knew it." You said cheekily. Well, guess this guy sure is bad at hiding names when he's talking shit of someone. Maybe he has a reason why of hiding the fact that it was his brother. He was probably doing a preventative measure so that he wouldn't get killed (not literally this time).
"No, you don't! Pretend that you didn't hear anything!" Rindou was begging you to just ignore what he said, in order for his safety to be retained.
You only let out a small laugh, realising how he's such an idiot that he doesn't even need to try. In fact, he even slipped out unintentionally and he might as well had proven himself how bad he is at lying.
Yet, you have no idea if that's a good thing or something else.
Well, now you two are on good terms...guess it will be the right time for you to ask him a few questions that seem to be needing a clearer explanation and define the things that you're dying to know.
"By the way...can I ask you a few questions?" You gazed at him lifting his cup noodle like he was taking a shot from liquor. He sure is hungry to the point he wouldn't let a single drop of it to waste. As he finally finished his ramen, he slammed the cup onto the table and let out a satisfied breath.
"You already did."
Oh, dear god, please lend me your strength of patience so I will not hit this guy out of this convenience store.
You rolled your eyes subtly and gave in, "I want to ask a few questions."
"Sure...but with one condition..." He gestured the number one with his right hand and using the same finger, he pointed it to somewhere below you.
As you followed his pointer finger, your scrunched up eyebrows before relaxed instantly.
Right.
You didn't even touch your ramen and Rindou had finished his to the point it was spotless like a plate that was cleaned with dish soap.
On top of that, this is the second time he's asking you to eat...Is it something often that he'll do whenever he's eating with a friend (pretty sure he said he didn't have any)? Well, what you're trying to articulate is that...is it like a normal occasion for him to nag and asking someone that he's eating with to dig in as soon as possible?
Probably he had to act like a mom to his older brother. Because come to look at it, when your first encounter with Ran, you can already see on his face that he's going to commit arson instead of cooking if he were to dare enough to step into the kitchen and practically that guy looks like he's malnourished and oversleeps.
That's quite rare to happen. It's usually the older sibling that needs to attain those skills first and teach their younger siblings but it's the other way around (nice of you to think that Rindou teaches Ran in the first place, that guy can't teach anyone because in the end, he becomes angry and finishes it all by himself).
You took a spoonful of your ramen and savor the taste that was dancing in your tongue.
Good lord it was delicious.
How the hell Rindou learn to cook so good? Did he taught himself? A self-taught cook? That's fucking amazing indeed.
"So...?"
"It's good!" You complimented his cooking while your mouth was still filled up with ramen.
"I know that but what I meant is the questions you want to ask."
He's still conceited as ever!
"Wait." You gestured a wait sign and swallowed all the ramen that you chewed.
"How do you know my dad? Like you two talked before? It sounds like he has known you for a long time."
Rindou paused for a while, before answering that question, it seems that he was super ready to answer any of your questions but now...it seems like there's a heavy burden for him to answer that.
Is it too long of a story? Or is it just complicated?
You have no idea.
But his expression say something else. There was a smile on his face and it doesn't seem like it's something difficult for him to talk.
It's probably just hilarious to talk about it...maybe? That's what you assume for now.
"You see...if you're shock about it, so am I actually. I have no damn clue that guy is your dad."
That guy?
"2 years ago probably, there was this guy asking me for directions to the nearest train station...I don't know why he asked me out of all people and then...he asked my name...so I told him and in an instant, he went all excited and then he said..." He cleared his throat, preparing to imitate your dad's voice, "Rindou?! Are you Kaizen's son?"
How the hell he nailed that voice?!
"And then at first, I was confused for a while and wondered... who in the world is Kaizen...so I was about to say that he's probably got the wrong person and then I realised...my late dad's name is Kaizen. I know it's kinda horrible to not remember your own dad's name but even if I say to your dad that I don't know anyone name Kaizen, I'm still stating the truth. I don't even know him and I will never feel that longing feeling for him unlike my brother, because I created no...conscious bond with him? Is that even a fucking word? Whatever, but my point is that he died when I was like 2 years-old...you know that feeling that you realize you exist in this world when you're 4 or 5? Because everything before that is blurry and it seems the world was fast forward. Yeah...I probably think that's why I don't feel anything or a sense of longing for my late dad. Because I just can't remember what shit I did when I was 2"
He paused for a moment as he was so lost in his story before and he gaze on you, your expression was empty like you were emotionless or something. He may think that he had talked too much and as much how introverted Rindou is, he actually loves storytelling. You can go ask his underlings and most of them will say that Rindou has lots of story to tell but not many people are willing to listen.
"Sorry...I realised I shouldn't say that but anyways, to make the long story short, after your dad realised that I'm his best friend's son, he quickly treated me lunch and told everything about my dad and him during their childhood together. It was so nice to get to know more about my dad because after all this time, I never knew that I needed to. And then uh..."
He cleared his throat and he was hesitant to say what happened next.
"Well, I guess you don't need to know what happen after that. And after a few weeks after our first meeting, we bumped into each other near the supermarket and he treated me lunch again. And you see...he...uh...keep on repeating the same story again and I'm sorry to say this but... your dad is such a chatterbox so I really have no idea how the hell he can speak for 3 hours non-stop."
You snorted when you hear the word 'chatterbox' coming from his mouth. Well, it's the truth, comparing to you and your mom, your dad sure is the one that talks a lot whenever you all are in the car and dining in together. He always have something to say dear god and sometimes when your mother is not in the mood with his shenanigans, she instantly asks him to be quiet and of course, he is known to be an obedient husband so he shut his mouth quickly.
"So after that, whenever I'm about to bump into him or if I ever see him from afar..." Rindou leaned into you a little and covered his mouth with one of his hands, as if he was about to get caught with your father, and then he whispered, "Please don't tell your dad."
You chuckled and nodded to his statement, so amused of how hilarious this story of his is getting. He leaned back again and went back to his original posture before.
"I avoid him...like I will literally run away as if he was a ghost or something. So...yeah, technically all my attempts to run away from him was successful and I only met with him like twice. And then when I was on my way to your house to send back your mother's handbag...The biggest relevation happen. That talkative Oji-san that I've been avoiding all these years was... your dad."
You let out a boisterous laugh. This was so entertaining that you never knew that your dad is capable of making a teenage guy around your age run away from him (it's funnier because the reason is not because your dad is intimidating but it's just your dad talks too much that it drains other people's energy).
"Your dad talks too much and all I have to do was listen...but yet I feel like my energy is getting sucked out too you know." He continued talking, not knowing if you're listening to his words since you're busy laughing at his misery (which was caused by your dad).
"My dad loves talking with boys my age, I guess. Since they can resonate about his youth and manhood journey." You smiled as you say that as your head reminisces of how your dad sure gets excited to talk to your boy classmates when it's report card day.
Your not saying that your dad doesn't love you, he really does but you were sure that he always longed to also have a son and have a little buddy to play catch with or a even a reliable partner to fix anything in the house, be it the electricity or the pipes because you know for sure how many times you angered him for fucking up everytime he asked for your help.
"Fair enough." He replied.
Just as you two fall into silence all of the sudden, you initiate a conversation again. "I understand your point, Haitani."
Rindou kept quiet and was confused as his 'angry' eyebrows furrowed intensely.
"You saying about your dad. I understand what you're trying to imply...that you don't miss him at first. I think I felt the same way about my late grandfather. He died even way before I was born. Probably when my mom is in middle school, he already passed away. I believe sometimes it become that way...that you don't miss someone that you don't even get to know or should I say even more precisely, someone you don't know. Someone you know nothing about. But as I ask more to my grandmother about him, I realised how amazing he is and I wondered...what will he be like when he's with me. Will he be a typical quiet grumpy grandpa or will he just be a talkative funny grandpa? I will have no idea...and there'll be million possibilities of how he will be. I guess...I'll never get to know."
Rindou only stay silent, listening to your words before. This was a very nice deep conversation that usually he only does it with Ran. Although he tend to disagree with Ran a lot (he's just being bratty) , sometimes that guy gives good advice and he does take them as grain of salt. But you know...it's his brother, so he has the egotistical sibling side of his so he acts like he doesn't want to listen when in reality he does, he just hate showing it.
"By the way...what did you felt after my dad tell you those stories?"
His neutral expression before turn into discomfiture as you asked the question.
Is it...too hard for him to answer?
You hate when this type of thing happen...like you finally realising that the question you ask might have crossed the line. Sometimes people's curiosity can overstep certain boundaries.
Just as you were about to ask him to forget your question, he abruptly sighed from defeat, it was as if he was having a little war inside of him and he finally admitted defeat.
"I cried."
You blinked your eyes a few times as he said that...bravely. You truly were in disbelief.
He.....cried?
"I fucking cried in front of your dad...that's why I avoid him at all cost because I'm so embarrassed until now. About your dad being a chatterbox was not even much a big of deal...In fact, I don't mind actually. It's just...you know...it's always been a thing where they keep on saying that in order to be a real man, you shouldn't cry. Not just in front of everyone...in fact, we can't cry at all, to show how much of a tough man we are."
Toxic masculinity.
It's always been there in our society.
It's not just men that will be affected, in fact it automatically cause harm to other genders too. Those aggressive, insensitive and controlling attitudes were all rooted from that mentality. And you must say, you totally disagree about men shouldn't cry in order to prove their worth.
It doesn't fucking matter.
Crying is not being feminine or clearly, femininity does not equal to weak. Just because femininity is more to a peaceful and are more towards empathy, it doesn't mean that feminine people can be trampled on easily.
Masculinity itself was never a wrong thing either. Although some will try to debate on which one is better, you believe that it's wrong to do that. Because in reality, humans have both traits and it depends on which one is more in you. But now, you were sure against the toxic part of it and probably had made many of our people to misunderstand what masculinity truly is.
Crying....is just being a human being. It's an emotion that humans were ought to feel and it's okay to cry your heart out like you have lost your fucking mind.
Because crying is the only freedom that we can attain after going through so much pain. A pain that was chaining and caging us all this time were all set free by our tears.
But then...
You say all of that about its okay to cry in front of others...yet, you will never have the courage to do that. Even when Rindou said the word 'embarrassed', you understood that feeling.
Because when he says that, there was one particular reason...because he doesn't want to be seen as someone weak.
You don't want that too.
It was such a complicated feeling and you were sure going back to that toxic masculinity mentality that you were so against of.
But oh well...
Lying is also being human.
"Don't be embarrassed about it, Haitani. It's not wrong to cry in front of others. I bet my dad didn't laugh at you, right?... He's not that type of person."
God, I'm such a hypocrite.
"Yeah, he didn't but still...I got embarrassed. But you know what? Fuck it. Fuck all the societal norms for making me feel this way. It's so irritating that the things we're against somehow unconsciously influence us because generally people agree on it and you just somehow choose the route to fit in instead of standing out."
You let out a chuckle and opposed to what he say, "Haitani....you're not fitting in at all. You know how you're standing out the most in Roppongi, right?"
"Yeah but you get what I meant."
"Of course, I do. You're the only dingus here."
Rindou laughed as he heard that familiar word again.
Dingus.
That word sure wasn't as insulting as idiot or dumbass but it's more polite in a way.
He can't say that you're polite enough to filter your words or something because he knows for sure how satanic you are but in a way, that word sure is not commonly used by others. He doesn't want to be full of himself but somehow, he wants that word to only specially used to him only by you and no one else.
You know, like he wants to gatekeep that word so bad.
He wanted to ask if you usually used the word with anyone that you think is saying something dumb but you see...Rindou cringes and get embarrassed so easily and he doesn't want you to get the wrong idea (he knows that you wouldn't) , well in the end, if he does try to ask, he's going to regret it.
So he didn't ask...after contemplating for a long time.
As you were halfway finishing your ramen, you started to ask another question.
"Since when you and Asu talked?"
Rindou who was zoning out for a while, moved his eyes to you and grinned.
He shrugged as a response.
"Go ask Miyamura yourself."
God, it feels so weird hearing him calling her that.
Yes, to be honest, it feels weird to even imagine that the both of them sitting on a table together and talking casually since you know how Asuka loathes Rindou. How can there be peace between them in the first place?
It seems so impossible.
Because you witness many times of how Asuka was about to start a new war whenever you were talking about Rindou before.
She even try to pepper spray him.
So of course...you were so curious.
So curious about how did those two end up being...friends?
Is that the precise word to use?
Or did they made a deal or something?
God.
Then, there must be one thing...
That you know for sure.
Something big has happened which has caused Asuka to beso moved and realize that Rindou is not a bad person.
You were only left to wonder...
What truly happen between them.
A/N: OMFG it's been a long time since I've updated!! How you guys doing? 💁🏻♀️ Well for me, I'm surprisingly doing so great at my new uni since I get to take Journalism course and it sure sounds like a dream come true. But you know, sometimes happiness don't last forever and there were parts of the journey that I'm not having it but still, since I get to follow my passion, I really do feel sincerely happy. And anyways, I wanted to be honest that I actually didn't updated for a long time because I...kinda felt insecure and I just felt like I have to get every chap of this fic perfect and all that. And also kept validating my works through comments and votes and if I don't get many, that just means my writing is shit. But then I try remind myself again, that I start writing because I like it and I write this Rindou fic because I love him. So I don't want to give a fuck anymore and just continue in doing what I love. So I'm not joking, I approximated that this fic going to be 100 chapters and I'm telling you, plot twists are going to be...intense af I guess. Cuz you guys can't even hold in your shock about Rindou and y/n's dad being childhood friends 💀😭😭I'm lowkey kinda worried how y'all react to the other plot twists that are going to be way worse LMFAOOOO. Anyways, thank you for reading this chap, have a nice day or night! Never settle less for love and if the person you're dating is not like Rindou or better...just break up with them 🙄🙄 (joking (maybe (no I'm seriously joking (or am I 🤨?)) And btw, none of the fluffy cute things that I write ever happened to me lol, I'VE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND BEFORE 💀💀💀💀